Angel From My Nightmare

For the next few days Jack finds himself going to the cemetery every say to visit Alex the boy always seems to be there and Jack doesn’t ask. It was nice to have someone to talk to who actually understood what he was going through; there was just something about talking to Alex that made Jack feel safe.
“How old are you?” Jack asked on about the third day. They’d been sitting my Jack’s mum’s grave, sometimes they sat my Jack’s mum’s and sometimes Alex’s.
“I’m 21”
“You’re younger than me, I’m 22”
“I don’t like being 21...” Alex admitted.
“Why not? 21 is the age of drinking and parties”
“Bad memories”
“Oh” Alex wasn’t paying attention he was looking at something in the distance, Jack wanted to give him a hug he looked so sad but he’d learnt from past experience that Alex didn’t like anyone touching him. He’d even refused to wear Jack’s hoodie even when it was obvious he was freezing his ass off.
“What do you do?” Jack asked as a way of changing the subject. “You know in the way of school, job?”
“Ohh I used to... I don’t really do anything”
“You don’t do anything?” Jack questioned. Alex just shrugged.
“What about you?” Alex asked.
“I work in a bar”
“Must be nice”
“It’s not bad, you should come sometime”
“Jack I can’t...” everyday Jack had asked Alex to met him outside of the cemetery but every time Alex had said he can’t, in a voice that almost broke Jack’s heart. It was like he was stuck there, to that damn grave unable to leave.
“One day, one day I’ll get you out of here” Alex gave him a weak smile but he didn’t look convinced.

On the fifth day Jack had to go back to work, he’d said to Alex that he couldn’t stay as long and Alex looked so heartbroken and Jack wanted to straight away take it back and say he’d stay. Jack had never put a label on his sexuality, he liked who he liked and there was just something, something about Alex that even through his strangeness made Jack feel like he’d never felt before.
On his way to work, a bar across down called The Rockwell Jack couldn’t help thinking of him. Alex obviously didn’t have any other friends and spent his days hanging about in that cemetery. The boy didn’t leave his mind until he’d reached work, entering through the back door and heading straight to staff room.
“Oh Jack, I wasn’t expecting you back so soon” his boss Matt said as Jack signed into his shift.
“I said I’d be back on Thursday and here I am” Jack said as enthusiastically as he could muster.
“Well it’s good to have you back dude, but if anything gets too much just let me know okay?” Matt said, patting him firmly on the shoulder, Jack just nodded.
“Hey Jacky! How’ve you been?” before Jack could answer he was pulled in a hug.
“Hi Lisa, I’ve been okay” he said hugging her back. Jack had known Lisa for a long time, they’d dated back in high school and had stayed good friends ever since.
“We weren’t expecting you back, are you sure you’re good for this?” she asked.
“Yeah I’ll be fine” Jack wasn’t sure whether it was a lie or not. He didn’t really want to work but his rent was due soon and he couldn’t go his parents house, he just couldn’t.
“If there’s anything you need just ask okay?” He nodded, why do people keep asking him this?
Jack opened his locker to change into his work uniform, seeing it lying there he couldn’t help but think that the last time he wore it his mum was still alive and now she’s not. She tried to push the thought away, he couldn’t keep thinking like that.

The first hour or so behind the bar wasn’t too bad, yeah he’d gotten a few orders mixed up but that was nothing new.
“Hey Jack, do you want a break?” Lisa called to him over the noise of the music.
“Okay” he nodded. He went outside to get some fresh air, sometimes the smell of stale beer and cocktails can be a bit too much.
“Ah Jack, I wondered where you went” Matt said, coming out to join him.
“Just wanted some fresh air” he muttered.
“No problem, if you want to go home feel free”
“No Matt I’m fine” Jack insisted.
“If you’re sure”
“I said I’m fine, just leave me alone” Jack stormed back inside, he hadn’t meant to snap but he was fed up of being asked if he was okay, he was breathing that was okay enough right?
The rest of the night just kept pushing Jack further and further, people complaining that he was getting orders wrong or wasn’t keeping up, Lisa kept asking if he needed help and he could only say ‘no’ nicely so many times, he wished he was back in the cemetery with Alex.
“Two Mojitos please” asked a girl with bright pink hair and dark red lips.
“Sure” Jack nodded, he’d done this 1000 times before, it was actually one of his specialities. Grinding up the mint leaves with the sugar before adding the lime juice and rum. Some bartenders could do all sorts of fancy tricks getting bottles Jack could toss a bottle or two but nothing fancy but tonight he’d only tried to get the bottle down from the shelf they’re stored on when disaster struck. The bottle of rum in his hand seemed to slip through his fingers and smashed on the floor, glass and alcohol covering everything.
“Fuck... Oh fuck” he stared at the mess at his feet, the customer was looking at him expectantly and he just stood there.
“Jack... Jack what’s happened? Oh...” said Lisa seeing the mess at Jack’s feet.
“Go get yourself cleaned up, I’ll sort it out” she said.
“Lis I can...”
“Go, it’s okay” he didn’t even try to argue and just left to clean himself up. Out of the half darkness of the bar he noticed he was bleeding, a piece of glass had obviously caught his hand and blood was dripping down his fingers.
Having wrapped his hand in a few pieces of toilet paper he went to go back to bar to help Lisa but Matt caught him.
“Dude, why don’t you go home? We can manage here just fine”
“I’m fine! Will everyone stop treating me like a child?” Jack snapped.
“Jack, I am your boss and I’m telling you to go home! Look we’ll talk about this tomorrow, but right now I think it’s best if you go home and maybe get that looked at” he said, nodding towards Jack’s still bleeding hand. Jack signed but nodded.
“There’s a good boy” Matt patted his shoulder and walked away. Jack didn’t even bother changing, his uniform was covered in rum anyway so he just took his car keys and left without a word to anyone.
It was just after 1am when Jack left the bar but nearing 2am by the time he’d left the hospital, turned out he needed two stitches in his hand. He was driving home with every intention of going to bed and forgetting that today had even happened when he drove past the cemetery. Surely Alex wouldn’t be there then, in the early hours of the morning but sure enough Jack found himself pulling into the car park. The gates were closed and the security guard had long gone home. If there was a security guard there had to be alarms right? Jack stood there wondering if he could just jump the gate, was he really that desperate to see Alex? Was he really going to risk getting himself in trouble just on the off chance of seeing him? Standing back looking up at gates, everyone had been treating him like a piece of glass that was about to shatter, he just needed someone who understood, someone who could make him smile and that was Alex.
Going for it Jack started to claim the gate, nothing happened. No alarms went off and no lights came on, he dropped in the cemetery in the pitch black with nothing but an “Oh shit” as he hit the ground.
“Alex” he called, not afraid to raise his voice, there was no one around to hear him expect the dead. He stumbled through the grave yard wishing he’d remembered to grab a flash light.
“Alex” he called again, turning the corner to the grave Alex was always sat at. Even in the darkness Jack could make out the faint outline of a person, a person sitting on the grave like he hadn’t moved all day.
“Alex” Jack called again and this time the boy looked up.
“Jack... What are you doing here?” he asked.
“I... I needed to see you”
“What... What happened to you?” Alex asked, seeing the bandage on Jack’s hand.
“I dropped a bottle at work, look Alex I just really needed someone and I didn’t know who else to go to” the horrible night he’d had hitting him, tears appearing in Jack’s eyes. Then Alex did something neither of them expected, he picked himself off the ground and walked over to Jack. He wrapped his arms around Jack’s skinny waist and let the taller boy collapse into him, as he started to cry on his shoulder. It was the first time Jack had ever touched Alex, the feeling of actually holding him in his arms in was nice... His hand touched Alex’s bear skin on his back where his jacket had ridden up, he was ice cold.
“Are you okay?” Alex asked after a few minutes.
“It was just a really bad day” Jack explained how everyone had been treating him at work, Alex sat and listened, offering his comfort when Jack seemed on the edge of tears again.
“I know it’s hard but you’re gonna be okay” Alex whispered as Jack say there which his head on the other boy’s shoulder. They stayed like that, just sat watching the sun come up, as Jack’s eyes grew tired bed was beginning to sound pretty good.
“I think I’m going to go, can I give you a lift anywhere?” Jack asked.
“Nope I’m good”
“Do you ever leave?” Jack asked.
“Not tonight”
“Thank you, for being there”
“My pleasure” Jack wrapped his arms around Alex again, looking over his shoulder Jack could see something he’d never seen before. What was written on the grave Alex always sat by.
Alexander William Gaskarth
14 December 1987 – 16th June 2009
Our loving son, taken from us too young.
We’ll miss you Alex.