If You Tell Me to Stay, I Will Stay Right Through

I huffed and puffed as I half carried Zacky to Matt’s truck. Brian laughed hysterically as he stuck his head out of the front window. So far, I had managed to half carry Matt, Jimmy, and Johnny. Brian, who could somewhat walk, stumbled his way to the truck and refused to help me with the rest of them because he thought it was hilarious to watch me struggle.

“Nagalyyy!! That’s what youuu g-get fur laughing at m-my name!” he exclaimed before going into a fit of laughter.

My back would never be the same. Ever. Those guy towered over me so carrying them had been almost impossible.

I groaned as I climbed into the driver’s seat. The night had been eventful and I was glad it was over.

These guys didn’t play when it came to drinking.

By the end of the night, they were slurring and stumbling and close to passing out.

“Nagg! I’m sleepy,” mumbled Brian.

“Please wait until I get you home Brian, I can’t carry you too,” I mumbled back.

“You’re mean!”

“Shut up.”

“No, you shut up! Stupid Nagalyy,” He slurred.

I chuckled. First stop was Brian, and the rest of them except Matt were getting off too.

“Okay Brian, we’re here,” I announced.

He drunkenly opened his door and stumbled out.

“I think I can walk on my own Natty,” I heard someone mumble in the back seat.

“Thank goodness,” I sighed as I looked back to find Zacky a little more sober.

He gave me a lazy thumbs up and proceeded to get out of the truck.

I still had Jimmy and Johnny.

“Don’t worry about them, I’ll do it,” Zacky offered.

“You sure?”

“Yep, nothing new, nothing new,” he sighed grabbing Johnny by the shirt and dragging him out. Then lazily grabbed Jimmy by the arm and pulled him out. “Bye Nat, good luck with the hulk.” He waved and started dragging Johnny to Brian’s front door.

I looked back at Matt who gave me a lazy grin, I rolled my eyes and tried to hide my grin as I pulled out of the driveway and headed to Matt’s.

Matt had been touchy feely all night and I had no idea what to make of it. He wasn’t even divorced yet AND he was my boss.

I climbed out of the truck and opened the back door.

“Come on Matt,” I said pulling his muscular arm.

“Yes Officer, you gonna arrest me? Don’t forget to handcuff me,” his voice rasped against my ear.

I shivered, “Can you stop that?” I mumbled.

“Stop what? I like you,” he stated.

“No you don’t.”

“I do, ask Jimmy. Jimmy knows all,” He slurred.

“Yeah, tell me when you’re sober and maybe I’ll believe you.”

He leaned on me as he wrapped his arm around my neck. We stumbled up the stairs to his room.

As we reached his bed he plopped down bringing me down with him. I hurriedly tried to get out of his grasp but he snaked his arms around my waist, my back against his chest.

“You’re so beautiful Natalie,” he whispered softly into my ear. My stomach fluttered. He needed to stop doing this to me.

“Go to sleep okay? We’ll talk tomorrow,” I said as I stood up. He nodded and shortly after, started snoring.

I sighed deeply, what did all of this mean?

I made my way to my room, as soon as my head touched my pillow I fell into a deep sleep.

The next morning, I awoke to the smell of coffee. I inhaled deeply and rubbed my eyes.

“I figured you could use some coffee,” his deep raspy voice made me stop mid-stretch. I opened my eyes and there he was sitting at the edge of my bed.

I mumbled a thank you as I tried to sit up but then groaned when I felt how sore my back was.

“What’s wrong?” he quickly asked.

“Do you even remember anything from last night?” I raised my eyebrows as I waited for an answer.

“Um, yeah…I mean, I remember everything after dropping the guys off,” he said quietly, a light flush filled his cheeks.

“I see. Well then, uhh I guess I’ll tell you. You guys were beyond wasted at the bar. I had to pretty much carry you all one by one to your truck. Well, except Brian,” I rolled my eyes, “He could walk but refused to help me with you guys because he thought it was funny.”

Matt groaned and ran his hand through his hair. “I’m so sorry Natalie, you have no idea how sorry I am. God, I have so much to make up to you, the whole Val thing, dealing with us at the bar, and then…well you know…me being totally inappropriate with you when we got home. I’m sorry about that. I know you must think I’m a fucking douche because I’m still married and what not. I don’t regret it though, just to make that clear. I don’t regret the things I said to you. I meant them. I don’t know how you feel about that and it’s probably better if you don’t tell me…yet.”

I nodded. I wasn’t planning on telling him anyway. I was fucking flattered that he meant everything he said, but he also pretty much just said there was nothing that could be done about it and it was better to leave things unsaid….for now.

“I still want us to spend the day together if that’s okay with you?” he asked giving me a hopeful glance.

“I actually have a choice?”

“Only this time, because I’m trying to make things up to you. Don’t get used to it though,” he winked.

I smiled before taking a sip of my coffee, which was heaven in my mouth. “Wow, this is good.”

“Yeah? Good, I’m glad you like it. Let me take a look at that gash,” he said leaning in to examine my cheek. I leaned my head to give him a better view. He scrunched his face, “Damn, it still looks pretty bad.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I said with a smile.

“You should smile more often, it suits you,” he said giving me one of those stares that make me want to stick my head into the ground.

I shrugged and looked down.

“When you said that you’ve had worse,” he began and pointed at my cut, “what exactly did you mean by that?”

I cleared my throat, “I’ve been shot before.”

His eyes widened, “Are you serious?”

I nodded my head and looked up at him. His jaw tensed slightly and his eyes narrowed. “You nod your head like it’s no big deal,” he pointed out.

“I mean, I knew what I was signing up for,” I said hesitantly, he suddenly looked angry.

“Well it is a big deal Natalie,” he scolded. “Your life could’ve been lost.”

“But it wasn’t,” I smiled reassuringly. He shook his head in disbelief.

“Why are you so quiet?” he questioned again.

“I’ve always been this way. I’ve never quite fit in anywhere. I’m more of an outside observer,” I explained. I went through it in my head, those weren’t exactly my words…they were Chief’s. But I remember thinking that he had described me better than anyone else.

“You fit in with us though. If you haven’t noticed, everyone likes you. You remind me of Zack. Never quite fit in anywhere, people always talked shit about how he was never going to make it, and then the name Zacky Vengeance was born, a fuck you to all of those who didn’t believe in him,” he said grabbing my hand.

Wow, so that’s how Zacky chose his name. I had respect for the guy, but now the respect I had for him was overwhelming. That’s how life should be lived, believing in yourself. God knows that’s how I got where I am today.

“That’s amazing,” I whispered more to myself than to him.

“That doesn’t mean you can like him more though,” he grinned and squeezed my hand. “All five of us pretty much have the same story. Jimmy, he might be crazy, but he’s extraordinarily crazy. It’s like five puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly, as cheesy as that sounds.”

“No, I get it. I admire the friendship and loyalty you guys have towards each other.”

He smiled softly, “Be yourself with us, we will never judge you.” He stood up letting my hand drop, “I’ll let you get ready, cause I’m not going out in public with you when your hair is looking like THAT.”

My hands immediately shot up to try to flatten it, he laughed loudly and shut the door behind him.

I hurried and took a quick shower then blow dried my hair. I fixed the ends into loose curls and then applied my makeup.

I decided to wear a white tank with a sheer teal and white chevron tank over it and white shorts.
After applying lotion and perfume I headed downstairs.

He was leaning on the counter reading the newspaper and looked up when he heard me walk in.

“You look nice,” He examined me shamelessly.

“Thanks,” I smiled.

He was wearing a plain black tee, with his signature aviators and hat, along with some pants. His colorful arms stood out against the black tee, making his muscles pop out. He was just too gorgeous.

“Bring a light sweater, the ocean breeze gets a little cool,” He said smiling back. “I’ll wait for you in the truck.”

I hurried back upstairs for a light sweater, stopping to examine myself once more in the mirror before heading downstairs to his truck.

“We ready?” he asked as I climbed in.

I nodded as I slipped my seat belt on. Suddenly the thought that it would just be us two hanging out today sent my stomach into a frenzy.

“Alright, we’re here. Let’s get us some ice cream first and then we’ll head down to the pier,” he gently put his hand on my waist as if guiding me. That spot felt tingly, I held back the urge to shudder. I seriously needed to put my emotions in check.

He had parked the truck on a street filled with ice cream shops and surf shops and all sorts of souvenir shops. I glanced down the street and smiled as I noticed the street ended at the beach, the ocean glimmered in the sunlight and I could hear the waves crashing in the distance.

“I want strawberry,” I announced as we reached an ice cream shop.

He raised his eyebrows, “You’re favorite?”

I nodded happily. Ice cream was my weakness. He smiled gently before ordering it for me and then one for himself, also strawberry.

I looked at him curiously, “It’s my favorite too,” he grinned.

The lady handed us our ice cream, “Yummm,” I murmured.

He laughed, “That good huh?”

He once again put his hand lightly on my waist and pushed me out of the shop. We walked silently towards the ocean, which was coming more and more into view.

“This has gotta be the best ice cream I’ve ever had,” I broke the silence looking up at him.

“Then we’ll have to come here more often,” he grinned looking straight ahead.

I noticed some pretty blonde girls stopping to admire him and whispering amongst themselves, looking at me like I was the ugliest thing they had ever seen. I looked down, feeling extremely self-conscious.

He must have noticed because he tightened his grip around my waist and planted a kiss on my forehead. “That’ll show them,” he murmured into my hair, “You’re way prettier.”

My heart thumped wildly. Why did he have this huge effect on me? Surely I would die from a heart attack one of these days.

We continued walking until we reached the pier, the ocean breeze was indeed a little cool as he had warned. The huge waves crashed below the wooden floor boards we were walking on, being here felt surreal.

He motioned for us to sit down on a bench. I nodded and took a seat, “Do you come here a lot?” I asked him curiously.

“Mmm nah, been here a couple of times with the guys but now that Brian has that beach house we rarely come out here,” he said scooting closer to me and resting his arm behind me. People watchers probably assumed we were a couple. “How are you liking it here so far? Way different from Texas right?”

“I love California and I miss Texas a little, just not the hot weather,” I said as I watched the waves roll in.

I saw him nod from the corner of my eye. We were quiet for a couple of minutes before he randomly asked, “I’m confusing you aren’t I?”

“What do you mean?”

“I know I keep dropping these hints here and there, and honestly most of the time I don’t mean to. It just happens because I’m attracted to you, second nature I guess?” He furrowed his eyebrows together as if he was trying to put it together in his head.

“So your smooth moves are second nature?”

He laughed and shook his head, “No, wanting to be with you is.”

I quickly looked away from him, not knowing what to say.

“Well….I don’t know what to say, you told me not to tell you,” I reminded him.

“I know, and it’s just better that way for now,” He nodded.

“Are you excited about your show coming up?” I asked changing the subject.

“Yes, very. I can’t fucking wait,” he said grinning. “We’re supposed to head out on tour soon, just don’t know exactly when.”

That meant I wouldn’t be seeing him for a while. A strange feeling washed over me. Like I was going to miss him or something, it was unexplainable. I didn’t want him to go, which was stupid.

“How long will you be gone?”

“Not sure yet, maybe a month. It’s not a long tour,” he said pulling me closer. Was this normal? He was my boss and here we were practically cuddling on the pier. “You might have to come with me.”

Wait, what? I couldn’t do that.

“I have school remember?”

He nodded, “So?”

“Soooo I can’t go?” I wasn’t about to skip a month of school, “Why would I need to go anyway?” I wondered out loud.

“Well, I don’t know….we need a bus keeper?” He obviously had just made that up.

I rolled my eyes, “I can’t go.”

“We can make it happen,” he said as if it wasn’t a big deal.

I shook my head. There was no way.

“So what’s your favorite color?” he asked. Random question.

I laughed, “Purple, yours?”

“Red and black,” he said smiling. Of course. He began asking me my likes and dislikes.

“Come on,” he said standing up.

“We’re leaving?”

“We’re gonna walk down the beach, there’s this cool spot Jimmy found once,” He said pointing off in the distance.

I nodded and followed him as he headed back down.

We walked some ways down the beach, and I started seeing less and less people.

He climbed onto a huge rock and reached back to pull me up.

I huffed and puffed as I tried to follow him until finally we reached an extremely secluded area that held small tide pools.

I was in love. It was so beautiful, I gasped loudly.

He looked at me with a pleased smile. “You like it?”

“It’s amazing!” I gushed. The pristine ocean looked beautiful, but the tide pools were what caught my eye. They were like small oceans that held different marine life. Absolutely amazing.

He looked over my shoulder at the tide pool I was examining.

“Look!” I exclaimed pointing at some colorful plants. I turned to see if he was looking and that’s when
I noticed how unbelievably close he was to me. I suddenly felt the warmness of his chest pressed against my back. His face right next to mine.

I immediately tried to look away but he grabbed my face, “Face me,” he murmured softly. I slowly and hesitantly turned to face him, placing myself at the edge of the tide pool. He situated himself between my legs.

“Matt, we shouldn’t-“ I began saying.

“Embrace it, don’t fight it right now,” he interrupted leaning in closer and closer. “Natalie,” he breathed out. “I’ve been wanting to do this since the day I laid my eyes on you.” And with that he leaned and kissed me.

First with a small peck before fully leaning in and parting our lips to kiss. His lips felt amazing against mine. They felt…right. My heart soared as I reached to wrap my arms around his neck.

When we finally pulled apart, he gazed at my face longingly. “You’re so beautiful,” he said softly, his hand caressing my cheek.

He suddenly stood and pulled me up with him. He put his hands on my waist and pulled me towards his chest and then wrapped his arms around me, burying his face into my hair.

I hugged back, fully intending to “embrace it” like he asked, even if it was just for that moment.