The One That Got Away

The smell of coffee is always intriguing. Either I want to touch it but I can't because of my ulcer, but I really wonder how would that liquid feels in my throat. I want to taste the bitterness of the coffee, just to find out will it be as bitter as my life. Weird.

"Would you like to order something, miss?", a waitress came to my table and gave me the menu.

"Yes, jasmine tea would do, please", I didn't take the menu. I knew what I wanted.

"Is that all?", she wrote her note.

"That's all for now, I guess", I smiled. She went back to the kitchen.

It's 3:30 pm, this is where I supposed to meet him. But there was no sign of him yet. I started to check my phone to see if there was any message or call from him that I missed.

"Sorry I'm late", he sat in front of me, that's his way to say hi.

"Nah, it's okay", I grinned.

"Would you like to order something?", the waitress came back to our table.

"Black coffee, please", he said. The waitress went back again.

"So how is life?", I asked. He lit up a cigarette.

"Well, so far so good. Getting busy on my new office. You know, taking care of business as usual", he blew the smoke.

I stopped when my tea and his latte came. We sipped on our drinks.

"It was a surprise you know, to see you in town", I told him, while holding my tea cup, it feels warm.

"haha.. well, I have to be back here. I just went there to study", he said.

"I see..", then there's silence.

"How was your life anyway?", he asked.

"Well, things have been good, some worst. You know, life, always have ups and downs, you can never stay in a state for so long", I played my finger on the tip of the tea cup. Another awkward silence came in.

"You know, it's been awhile since we talked. Actually I was surprised that day when you called me", I prepared my courage.

"I just happened to be so happy to see one of my friends again, it's been awhile", he leaned back to the back of the chair. Seemed so relax.

"Yeah hahahaa.. just.. wondered, why did you do that anyway? I mean.. You obviously showed me no intentions on talking to me anymore since, that day", I stopped awhile.

"Ah.. you know, we were young back then", he grinned.

"Hahaha... Yeah.. so...", I laughed in nervous.

"You know...", He stopped.

"What's that?", I drank my tea.

"Never mind", he said.

Should I ask what is it? Or should I just tell him why I needed to see him today? I sighed.

There's not much left to talk about. This is so awkward. Totally awkward. I thought we could talked again just like we used to back then, before it happened.

"I'm sorry I have to go", I told him and I called the waitress to take our bill. After we paid, he and I said goodbye and parted our ways.

Waiting for the taxi, I stood there in front of the busy road. Thinking about just what happened and why I didn't have the courage to tell him.

In the taxi, I held my phone, gathered all of my courage and started texting him an e-mail.

"I'm so sorry, I should have told you why I wanted to meet you today. It's been hanging on my mind for awhile. You know I had had dreams about you back then, but after awhile it stopped. After the day we met accidentally, I dreamed about you again. and last night it happened again. I just wanted to asked you why did it happen. Was it something you wanted to say to me or was it actually something hung on my mind. I'm sorry I rejected your feelings back then, I had been living on regret after. Then you went away to continue your study abroad, I didn't realise that. But after we met that day and I had these weird dreams I realised that there's something I missing in my heart. I didn't know why I feel this way. I think I have this some kind of regret of loosing you, there was something precious between us and I obviously let it go. I'm sorry, but I guess you will always be the one that got away", I sent it. My hand trembled, I didn't know what to think , what to feel, it's just my heart beat faster way than before.

After awhile, an e-mail came in. It's from him.

"I missed you and could not stop thinking about you since then. Even girls came and go in my life, I still have this hole in my heart. I'm sorry I didn't have the courage to tell this today. I wish I had, I wish I could hold your hand and say this to you. I have been waiting for you all along this time, I didn't know why I did that. That's all I wanted to do, that's what I felt even I could not control it. I'm sorry I pushed you away, if only I had had not done that..."

I froze. God, why does it have to be this way.. Why now? A text message came in.

"Hope you live a happy life. Take care", he sent that. Only that.

"You too, be happy with your wife and kids. Take care", I replied.
That tea.. I must have forgotten to put sugar in it.. Bitterness in my tongue is hurting me.