Folie à Deux

I stood in my art studio putting the finishing touches on my new canvas. It was a portrait of my son, Sammy; he had been playing in the mud, the sun was beaming down and the sky was the perfect shade of blue. I painted it with watercolors, something I only dabbled in, finally tackling a full canvas. His smile was bright and wide; I tried to match the photo I had taken as closely as I could, but I could never be satisfied with a final result. It had taken me well over a month to complete, I was just not happy with it.

"That's nice, mommy."

I turned around, looking back at her, "Yeah? It's not finished."

Johanna tossed her messy, golden brown curls over her shoulder, getting a good look at my painting. I smiled and put the brush down and went for my Nikon on my desk. Jojo sucked her teeth at me.

"Moooommy!" She whined.

"Just one, Jojo," I pleaded, "this is for me."

"Promise?" She placed her fists on her hips.

I chuckled and held up my pinkie, "Promise. I won't even show Sabrina."

Jojo dropped her fists and smiled again, "A'kay."

I turned my camera on and directed her to stand how she was when she came in. Jojo turned around, left the room and came back, causing me to laugh. I snapped a few shots, making note to print and frame them in my office. Her blue eyes seemed to glow; the nostalgia was almost too much.

I set my camera down after, "Is Sammy up?"

She shook her head, tossing her hair back again, "Not-uh. He's unda the bed ag'n."

I frowned deeply, "Really? Again?"

Jojo hummed, leading the way out; we trekked out of my studio, heading down the hall leading to their bedrooms. Jojo led the way into his bedroom, pointing to his black framed twin bed, and just like she had said, my 2-year-old was under his bed, his feet sticking out, one sock missing.

"Sam?" I called to him as went towards his bed. "Sam, wakey-wakey."

He groaned softly, then let out a whine "Noooo."

Jojo and I laughed softly; I knelt beside his feet and gave the bare foot a tickle. Sammy laughed softly, wiggling his legs, "Stoooop!"

I told him I wouldn't until he came out. Sammy is hard to coax out of the places he likes to hide. He likes lying under things; tables, chairs, and beds, favorably my bed. He's an adventurer that reminded me so much of a character from a Disney movie

"C'mon, Sam," I murmured, "I'll make pancakes."

Sammy stopped wiggling and then pushed his way out, "Wit' boo berries?"

I smiled at his little toddler talk, "Yep, with boo berries. Lots."

Sammy stood, shaking his curly matted hair out, black ringlets filled his head. He looked so much like me, like my dad...but you could see his father in him. Looking at Sammy, less of the time, made my stomach clench tightly. Sometimes my heart would break for my baby boy, because he didn't have his father, even though his father is still alive. I was just too much of a coward to tell him; he broke my heart, and it's still crushed inside my chest; beating away like nothing had ever happened.

I'm not sure if I should've told Pete. I didn't want to ruin his relationship with Ashlee. When I found out I was pregnant there were rumors going around that they were engage. I did not want to come in and wreck that; plus, I couldn't make him feel the way I did, he said so himself, we would've been picked apart. He and Ashlee are always picked apart in the magazines, online and on TV.

So, I kept my pregnancy a secret, even lying to Rae about it. I told everyone that it was a miracle after some random one night stand in the city. No one suspected that the baby was Pete's, only my mom and dad knew, and they agreed that I should tell Pete when the time was right. I don't know when that is. My dilemmas only got thicker when my parents were killed in a plane crash flying from Italy to New York.

I was totally lost, with two kids, feeling completely broken and raw. I held the tears in, nearly every single day, and Forced myself to get up everyday, change diapers, sooth sore gums and tummy aches. I didn't work, my parents' life insurance helped that, and besides, I could barely work as it was. I got a lot of help from John's parents; they even accepted Sammy like he was their blood. They treat my son as they treat Jojo; they're equal and they are loved.

"Love yoooou, mommy" I heard Sammy say.

I smiled at him, pulling him into my lap; "I love you more, Sam-Bam."