Live every second

Bill's POV

I went back for more clothes this morning. I didn't want to stay in my dirty ones another second. I knew it would cause Tom a lot of pain, but I had a lot to think about. I didn't really know if Tom loved me. There were so many signs that he didn't, but just as many saying he did.

“Saki, can we go out for coffee? I need to think a minute.” I asked Saki. He nodded and began to walk towards the parked car. He opened the door for me, but I took it from him. “Your my body guard, but my chauffeur.” We both laughed, and got into the other side of the car. I drove us to my favorite coffee house in Vienna.

We ordered our coffees, and sat at a small table in the way back. “Do you plan on going back?” Saki asked me.

“Of course! Don't be silly! I just need..... space right now. I need to think.” I answered vaguely.

“And how long do you intend to stay out here?” He asked.

“As long as it takes.” I sighed. He let me think, and escape into my own little world. I thought about my mom, my brother, and how we used to be as well as how we are now, what it would be like if Tom and I tried to go back to bring just brothers, and even the pain I was putting him through right now. I didn't know what to make of my thoughts, and I knew I had to talk to someone. Allie.

I had to be quiet about it, but I had to talk to her. I called her from my cell, because I didn't want to waste more change on the pay phones.

“Allie?” I asked, before she had a chance to say anything.

“Yeah! Whats up hun?” She said, knowing I didn't want anyone to know it was me.

“I need to talk.”

“Then shoot!”

“Its about Tom. You think you can handle it?”

“I may be a girl, but I'm not as normal as you seem to think I am.” She laughed.

“Okay,” I told Allie all about my confusion, and asked her what she thinks I should do.

“Talk to him. He'll understand! Hes known you since, well forever, so I'm sure he will listen.” I sighed, knowing that was the advice she was about to give me. “Don't you sigh at me young man. And remember, I'm always here if you need me. Five, or five thousand feet apart.”

I couldn't help but smile. “You do remember that I'm older then you right?” I laughed.

“I just wanted to make you smile.” She giggled.

“Thanks Allie, I really needed that.”

“Come back when your ready, but make sure it isn't to long from now. 'Cause I really miss you!”

“Bye Allie”

“Bye Bill. You do know how much Tom is tearing himself up over this right?” She whispered suddenly.

I didn't say anything for a second. “Yeah, I know. Tell him I'm sorry, but I really need to do this. He doesn't know that this hurts me too.” I sighed.

“I know this is hard for you, but don't let it eat you up. You need to be able to think this out without getting irrational.” She explained to me.

“I....I gotta go Allie. Thanks for this.” I smiled.

“No problem. See you when you get back.” She hung up. I sighed, and saw one of the paparazzi guys see me. I whispered this to Saki, who immediately stood up, and walked me to the car. He drove this time.

Tom's POV

We were still on the bus. Jost, our had told us we didn't have the money for hotel rooms tonight. I had slept basically the whole day in my bunk. I wanted to numb the pain as much as I could, sleep through it so my brain wouldn't register the sharp pain in my chest. It was about ten at night when I woke up the second time. I ate some bread, and sat in front of the TV for a while. We only got some bad English soap operas, some reality TV, court TV, and a cooking channel. I watched the coking channel, hoping something would stick in my mind next time I tried to cook for Bill.....if that ever happened again.

'Shut up Tom. He'll be just fine.' I told myself, only half believing it. I heard the phone ring, but I expected someone else to pick it up. None of the other band members knew I was awake, as they were all in the small dining room.

When no one picked it up, I did on the last ring. “Hello?” I said into the cold phone.

“Mr. Kaulitz?”

“Yes, thats me.”

“Good. We here at EMTV haven't seen Bill in some time. Where is he?”

“I...”I couldn't say I didn't know, because then it would get out that me and Bill had been fighting. “How about I set up a press conference. Tomorrow, noon, the hotel conference room at the Vienna Square Hotel. The whole band will be there. Okay? Tell everyone.” I hung up, and walked into the dinning room, not even bothering to announce my presence.

“We have a press conference tomorrow at noon in the Vienna Square Hotel conference room. We have to explain Bill's absence from the band.” I stared blankly into the wall, and everyone stared at me. No questions were asked, everyone just nodded their heads. “What will we tell them?” I asked.

“I.....I don't know.” Allie said blankly.

“W-what if we tell them hes sick?” Georg offered.

“That could work. But what's he sick with?”

“Laryngitis?” Gustav said.

“Perfect. We just have to let Bill know.” I said quietly.

“Tom, come with me.” Allie stood up from her seat, and slipped on her shoes. I walked out behind her, into the bunks. “Put some clothes on.” She demanded. I did what I was told, and put on some clean clothes from my bag. Allie grabbed my wrist, and pulled me to the door. I pushed my feet in my shoes, and walked out of the door after her.

“Why'd you bring me out here?” I asked. “You could have talked to me in there.” There was a tiny bit of annoyance in my tone.

“Bill's not planning on coming back any time soon. He said he needs time to think, that he needs to be rational. I know I haven't seen Bill through one of these before, but I do remember a couple years ago. Remember when you told the whole world he had food poisoning? When he was out for two weeks? Just about all of the fans figured out that Bill had run away. Even me, Tom. It takes Bill a long time to think.” She said, almost in tears.

“What does that have to do with me? Theres nothing I can do to bring him home!” I laughed in aggravation.

“Yes you do! Unfortunately, I have to say this. You're the one that made him leave, and only you have the power to bring him back. You have to show him you miss him, and that you really do love him. Its the only way he'll come back. And you know it.” What she had said was true. It was my fault he was gone, and realizing that made the sharp pain even more intense.

“How am I supposed to do that?” I said, on the verge of crying from the pain.

“I don't know. How about the same way he shows that he loves you?” She

“He....he writes songs about us.” I said, the reality suddenly hitting me. “I have to write him a song.” I whispered to myself.

“And please, do it quickly. We all miss him.” She pleaded. I nodded, and turned back for the bus. Allie grabbed my arm right before I took a step.

“Behave yourself, because this is your last chance with him.” She warned.

“This has all made me realize how much I can't be away from Bill. I mean, last time I knew he was safe, I knew where he was. But this time, he could be anywhere, he could be doing anything, and I wouldn't know.” I frowned. She closed her eyes and nodded.

“He'll be back. Don't worry.” Allie said, still slightly crying. We walked back onto the bus, and went to sleep. It was getting late, and we had to sit in front of a bunch of people tomorrow, answering questions that were being shouted at us.