Never Saw It Coming

It’s summer of August, in Essex, England. Since summer means no school, you'd expect most teens to be hanging out with friends, on vacation, or anything other than what I'm up to right now. Lying in bed in my same as always band poster covered room, listening to Green Day playing loudly out of my phone speaker; how productive.

As I'm staring at the beige colored ceiling, thinking of all the things I could be doing this summer, I overhear my parents talking discreetly from downstairs.

Typically, I wouldn’t bother to care about the things they’re discussing. But seeing as I was exceptionally jaded this afternoon, I started to listen in on the conversation, noting that it sounds serious. I'm only able to catch some bits and pieces of it before the talking from below is over. I'm left pondering to myself.

Before long, I hear the sound of my moms light footsteps coming up the stairs. Sitting up from my position on the bed, I grab my phone and lower the volume, assuming she would come into my room. My assumption is proven correct just as the door opened, revealing Isobel standing there with dull brown eyes and a forced smile on her lips. Just by looking at her, I could sense that something was undeniably wrong.

She remains standing there for a while, looking as if she was contemplating something. I wanted to know why she was acting strangely, so I patted a spot on my bed, indicating that I want her to sit down. Isobel made her way to the edge of the bed, proceeding to situate herself. I have a strange feeling in my gut telling me that what she's about to say was going to be bad.

“What’s the matter?” I asked her with a look of confusion.

Isobel sighed.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you this...” she paused, looking hesitant. Her gaze reflecting downwards at her hands.

Temptation was building inside me, not knowing what she was about to tell me.

“You’re moving to Baltimore, Maryland,” she stated, looking up at me with a blank stare.

My expression was evident. I’m shocked, to say the least. Surely I had heard her wrong.

“What do you mean, I’m moving to Baltimore?!” I questioned with eyes wide.

I’m not going anywhere by myself at fourteen years old.

“Why aren’t you coming with me?” I inquired, voice cracking. I’m trying hard not to break into sobs.

Abandonment is one of many words that's able to describe my emotions.

“Peter and I can’t afford to have you around anymore,” Isobel muttered with little remorse and a straight face.

I was studying her facial expressions, hoping she was joking, even though I am well aware that her emotionless face is a good indication. I can't bring myself to believe it.

“You’ll be staying with my brother, Dan,” she dictated, without doubt.

I was never informed that I had an uncle named Dan..? Why was my own mother about to make me live with someone I have never met? Numerous questions remain unanswered.

All of this was becoming too much for me. My bedroom walls feel like they're pushing in on me. Slowly suffocating me. I didn't notice that I was now trembling, feeling nauseous. It was a panic attack. I hurriedly tore myself from the bed I was previously sitting on. As soon as my feet hit the floor, I began sprinting out the door, not looking back at Isobel. I stumbled down the stairs, trying not to fall down the stairs.

Reaching the end of the carpeted stairway, I go towards the direction of the shoe closet and slip on my black converse. Standing back up, I grab my Blink 182 pullover from the coat rack and pull it over my head. I ignore my dad’s shouts asking me where I’m headed. I run out of the house, not stopping until I was close enough to the park.

My heart rate is gradually going back to normal. Yet, I suddenly feel rather lightheaded. My eyes go all fuzzy, but I can still make out the park from where I’m walking. Despite my blurry mind, I still make an effort to keep going, but my legs aren’t able to keep me up for much longer. As a result, causing me to stumble clumsily and collapse against the cold pavement. Dizzy headed, I begin to loose consciousness.