The Untitled Diary of a Girl Named Bones

The last bell of the day rang, and as the mad rush of students plowed their way down the hall and out the doors. I, of course, took my time getting to my locker and conversing with friends.

I mean seriously. Who wants to take the bus?

I had spent most of the day avoiding Ryan at any and all costs. It wasn’t easy, considering he sits next to me in one of my classes.

After gathering my necessary crap for the weekend, which was actually nothing because I had no homework, I slammed my maroon locker door only to be assaulted from behind by an extremely excited Christine.

She was paler than usual (which is really an accomplishment for her because she’s naturally the palest person I know) and looked like she was having a difficult time breathing.

Slowly, I put a hand on her shaking shoulder, “Christine. Please, speak.”

She gulped, then smiled like a nutter. “Bill’s here to pick us up to take us to your house.”

This confused me. But it explains the paleness.

“Why is he here to pick us up? I mean, he’s just gonna end up leaving once he drops us off.”

She made a face. Poking me in the stomach she said, “And that is where you are mistaken.”

I waited for her to elaborate, but she just stared back at me, her eyes glazing over.

I cleared my throat.

“Huh, wha?” she shook her head.

I raised my eyebrows, hoping that she would understand the gesture as ‘continue’.

“Oh right,” she sneezed, “Well, he’s gonna help you get ready!”

I cracked a smile. “You’re kidding.”

“No, I’m not. He’s amazing at this”, I opened my mouth, “and no! He’s not gay!”, she shouted exasperatedly.

“Whoa, dude. Where’s the party?” And Erin arrives.

I droned, “Bill’s picking us up to take us to my house, so I can get ready.”

“Frickin’ sweet!” Erin grabbed my hand to drag me out the school doors.

“Guys! I don’t need three people to dress me!”

I received looks from both of my comrades in idiocy.

“Yes, you do.”

I grunted in disapproval, even though they may be right.

Walking out of the school, and into the expansive parking lot, I was pretty much blinded by the sun.

I buried my face in Erin’s shoulder. “Turn the sun off!”, I whined.

She giggled and patted my head.

When I picked my head up, I saw that I was being steered towards a nice black car, with Bill leaning on the hood. Christine’s grip on my arm tightened. When I turned to tease her and her claw-like hold on me, she smacked the back of my head.

Groaning, I rubbed my abused and battered skull. There were people milling about on the grass outside the school, but it was fairly vacant. No surprise there considering it was a Friday.

Getting closer, I realized that the people milling around were actually a small mob of girls who were obviously harassing Bill.

“Poor boy”, I muttered under my breath as a rather skanky blonde, who I recognized as one of the right-hand whores under Julie.

She flounced up to him, and gave that constipated –flirty look. We were out of the line of vision of Bill, but we could easily hear what was being said.

“Hey, sweetheart, I’m Renee. What’re you doing here?” I snorted at her attempt to flirt. She seriously sounded like a hooker.

He looked very uncomfortable. Like he had a wedgie in gym class, and there would be nothing he could do about it until afterward. He smiled, and hid it nicely.

“I’m waiting for someone”, he said, his thick accent showing through.

I swear that Renee’s eyes nearly fell out of her face.

“Oh, you have the cutest accent!” she gushed. “Where are you from?” She batted her overly long, fake eyelashes.

“Zimbabwe”, he answered, doing an amazing job of holding in his laughter.

Renee flipped her hair. “Isn’t that in Asia? You don’t look Asian,” she looked confused.

Bill smiled and I burst out laughing so hard that I literally fell to the ground. I curled into a fetal position to stop my violent laughter. Christine looked like she couldn’t decide if she wanted to kill the girl or laugh hysterically. “Yes, Asia.”
Christine pulled me, who was still laughing, to my feet and tugged me towards Bill’s car.

Once we were about six feet away from him and Renee, he took two big steps forward, wrapped Christine in his arms, and leaned down to kiss her full on the lips.

I think that Erin, Renee and I all dislocated our jaws at that. Renee recovered though, and harrumphed. “So that’s who you were waiting for”, and walked away briskly to her people.

Pulling away, Bill smiled and Christine looked completely dumbfounded.

“You know, Zimbabwe is in Africa”, she said quietly.

He chuckled, and kissed her on the forehead, “I know.”

“Well that was completely unexpected”, Erin muttered.

Shaking my head, I said, “Let’s just get to my house so I can get ready.”

Bill opened the passenger door for Christine, seeing as she hadn’t quite regained the ability to function yet.

I allowed Erin and I to slide into the backseat of Bill’s car.

The first few minutes of driving were silent.

Then I realized something. Why does Bill have a car? I mean, there’s not really a chance that he could have had his own car shipped over from Germany.

Looking back in the rearview mirror, and practically reading my mind, he said, “It’s not my car. It’s a rental. So be nice to it.”

Bill then grabbed Christine’s hand and held it between the two front leather seats.

Her face flushed again, and then turned pink.

I giggled. They were way too cute.

Soon enough, Bill was pulling into my driveway. Erin jumped out first, before Bill even had the chance to shut the engine off.

She sprinted across the lawn, and up the porch stairs. Then, there was a loud ‘thud’ produced when she ran headlong into the door. She literally bounced off of it, and landed on her butt.

“Erin, there’s a door there”, Christine said, walking over Erin and pushed the door open. Bill followed her in, and I stepped over Erin who was still laying on the concrete, groaning.

The instant I came into the entryway of my home, I was attacked by my drool-y, and slobbery dog. I patted him on the head, and turned to my idiotic friends.

“We better get this circus on the road.”

Erin finally came in, shutting the door behind her.

“Yeah, this could take a while.”

I glared at her.

“I was only kidding!”, she defended.

“Kind of.”, she muttered under her breath.