To My Loyalty You Reside

I live in Hell, my loyalty's fickle, my attention short. My life may be lies to you but can you impress me and show me that this is all lies or will you die trying? I can promise, if you don't attempt even an incompetent try at such a fun game, you will only win death, which I myself will only laugh at, but...If you win my attention, you will gain my life and loyalty which I can promise and swear that it will cause drastic changes in your inefficient life. Your life will go all so much smoother than even your feeble mind can imagine. So I will ask again, can you impress me, prove me wrong and win your greatest glory, my soon-to-be Master?