To My Loyalty You Reside

I walked about the shadows, though I'm still not sure how I'm aware that it is the shadows, but I've accepted a lot of thins that I can't explain right now. This is only one example. I've also noticed that the way I think, process and act have become different as well. I seem to be losing my "present day" way of talking and took up almost an ancient dialect. Earlier, I found myself face-to-face with one of my pursuers, and found that I had won the battle. Thought I wish I could remember how I had won the battle. All I remember clearly is the hot, thick breath of the beast running down my back. I had turned to feel its cold nose against mine. I listened for a moment, only a moment, to growl deep in its stomach. I had cracks and pieces of my memory coming back to me, but not enough to make any decisions if it truly happened or not. After feeling the wet nose, after hearing the growl that resembled thunder, I remember nothing. When my senses had returned to me, I found a thick glob of liquid on my clothes, skin and hair. I could, and can, only speculate that it's blood. I had no other thought of what the liquid could be. After I confirmed no breath coming from the monster, I continued to push forward in this hell hole. I felt no presence near me, so I took a break, easing my way past the cameras, though I am still completely unaware of how I know where they are and how to avoid them.

Sliding down the wall silently, I listened for any movement at all. I found none. Feeling safe for the small moment I had to myself, I checked what weapons I had on me. I found none of my chemicals I had stolen earlier, but all of my weapons. I slid my finger tenderly, almost non-existently above the blades. I found only one with the same smears of liquid on the blade as were on my clothes and other parts of my body. Oddly enough, I found myself calm with this. Normally, I hate the feeling of blood, before this place, I couldn't stand the sight of blood, real or fake. Before this place, I was gentle, never had an evil thought outside my so-called "family". I never dealt with my problems with violence, in fact I never dealt with them at all. Problems only arose at home, never anywhere else. I had no problem avoiding problems, skirmishes, blood baths outside my home. But here, is this maze, I had become a murderer of a life that I had no idea existed. Now, sitting in a hallway, blindfolded, holding a blade covered in blood, I found myself okay with many things that would have, before this place, left me with night terrors. Is this place turning me into a murder? Was I enjoying this hunt as much as the doctor cat that brought me here? If so, there is nothing I can do now but force my way forward and fight to survive. I was now a killer, I would have to accept the inevitable and move on. I never myself to move on from an situation before. I always believed it was studio magic, just acting on a stage before real people. Now I understand why in movies no one can understand why they can just move on from a tragedy. It happens, out of one's control, and you must adapt to move on with yourself or your true self will be left behind. Putting the blade back into its holster, I stood, listening again for any movement. I heard a rumbling behind me, much louder than any crack of thunder. The sound was so strong I could have sworn it had a physical weight to it. I tried to find the source of the sound, but found it coming from all around me at once. I calmed my heart, waiting for the move. Who ever was controlling this sound would surely for a move son. All I had to do was wait for moment of impact. When that happens I will be able to tel who or what is attacking me. I waited, in the thunderous sound, waiting for the move but nothing was happening but the overwhelming sound. Was I too quick to judge? Am I beginning to become paranoid? Am I imagining the sound?

Then, amongst the sound, I heard chanting. It sounded like a male voice, not too deep, and yet not too young. How old was this child? And what language is he chanting? I tried to tune into the boy's voice but found it replaced by the thunderous sounds. Where had he gone? Was he ever there at all? As I forced my ears to pull out his voice, I was suddenly hit with a force so strong, I was sure I had passed out. Coughing, gagging, trying to force air through my throat was the most painful thing I have endured so far. I willed my limbs to pull myself into a crawling position. I could hear the boy chanting once more. Was he causing these things to happen to me? I willed my limbs to move my heavy body out of danger. As I crawled along the destroyed wasteland that was once a hallway, I found myself turned around. The door that was supposed to be in front of me by only a few steps was now behind me. Now, I lay at the boy's feet as his chanting rang loud and true in my ears. The thunderous noise seemed to swirl around us both, as though we had entered the eye of hurricane. His chanting was of a different language. I forced my ears to translate his words but nothing was coming to me. His voice suddenly stopped, the thunderous cacophony had silented, and everything seemed frozen in time. I couldn't even hear my own breathing. Was I breathing at all? I waited for some kind of noise, something to fall, something to break but nothing was moving. Without any warning, my senses all seemed to dull just as my blindfold was ripped from my eyes. The last thing I felt were my eyes opening to nothing but darkness. Was this boy taunting me now? What will he do to me now? I tried to feel his movements, but I couldn't even feel my hands. Nothing in my system seemed to be operating. Everything was silent, everything was darkness, everything was numb. There was nothing to be seen, nothing to be heard and nothing to be felt, until that boy's chanting forced its way into my brain. I heard him clearly, as though his voice were the only one to exist.

"What are you doing stupid?" came a female voice above the boy's chanting. She laughed at me. I could hear her laugh echo in an unknown space. "Are you giving up again? That's so typical of you. You never try at anything, you just fail and fall apart. You're worthless." she cackled at me so loudly I thought my ears would split. I looked about uselessly, knowing I wouldn't find her. My eyesight is gone, so I would never find her. Suddenly, I appeared before myself. This version of me, however, was glowing an ominous purple. Her eyes were more wild than a predator about to do the final kill. They were the cold color a dying moon. Her skin was so pale, I thought she were a ghost! She cackled at me again, her voice much raspier than mine, but also much more crazed than mine. Her wild eyes stared down at me as though I were a defeated toy that she had to put out of its misery. I glared up at her with as much animosity as I could manage toward myself. I looked her over slowly to see that she bore the same clothes as myself. I forced my eyes onto hers again to discover them laughing at me as well. I sharped my glare to her, but that only seemed to entertain her more. "Oh please! That look couldn't scare a child! You expect yourself to be so bad and accomplished but you're worthless! Just like them! They're your parents after all!" she taunted as my locked away memories play around us is broken barriers. The memories seemed to be playing in shards of glass and in fast forward. The noise, voices, screams were all echoing without rhythm and creating emotions I long locked away to fight their way to the surface. I cupped my shaking hands around my ears, hoping to block out the painful memories. The girl continued to laugh at me as I crumbled beneath my personal pain. I closed my eyes shut so tight I was sure they would never open again. I tried to tune out the emotions, the memories, but nothing was leaving. Everything seemed to be getting louder and louder. The emotions wouldn't leave, I couldn't will anything to stop. The girl continued to taunt me, degrade me, the memories continued break me. I had no will to fight anymore. I couldn't even stand. I can't even breath. Suddenly silence broke out as one memory stood prominent. My most painful memory in my forgotten list.

There was one person who never degraded me, never talked bad about me, instead he did the opposite of everyone. This person took care of me as though my life were actually important. This person treated me as though I was a needed thing in his life. I always wanted to call this man my brother, but I never got the chance. It all ended so fast, but no fast enough. I remember everything of that day. I watched the memory play out so slowly. It seemed to trudge on forever. The blood seemed so real, I could feel it on my skin. My screaming in my memory was mirrored by me watching the memory. I watched this man die before my eyes another multiple times. My wounds felt just as deep as the day he left me all alone. I felt my strength leave me once more. I listened to my begging from the memory to make him stay, but he was already gone. I listened closely as my memory begged the man to stay, to not leave me alone, to let me go back to that house. I felt hot tears flow down my face as the wounds were ripped open again. The pain was so fresh, I almost lost my will to live again. The memory started over, I screamed for it stop, covering my ears to try and stop the sound. I listened to the gun shots, the car breaks squealing, the screaming, the blood splattering. The memory started over again and again. It was as though I were in my own personal Hell. I couldn't escape no matter how many times it played. My strength of will was no gone, I had nothing left to live for. Then a voice broke out from the memory.

"Hahu....kini....promise me that you'll...forever be strong....You're stronger..t-than you believe...." The man laughed as blood feel from body onto myself, and the ground where he lay. "You have to unders-stand why I s-saved you...You're special...You are not...w-who you think y-you are...You're so much m-more..." he coughed up blood as my memory begged him not to leave. His smile faded, the life in his bright gold eyes faded, his soul left me alone again. The memory seemed to stand still as I looked at the man who saved me so long ago, lying dead in my memory's arms. My eyes widened as I noticed he had fangs, almost like the feline doctor. His gold eyes seemed so comforting to me so long ago, but the feline doctor's are so disturbing. Did he predict that the doctor would come for, or was he protecting me from something more?

"What are you doing?" came my evil half's voice once more, prominent in my vision again. I watched her with a new found flame of strength. I stood on my feet, glaring her down into submission. "Wait. Wait! He told me you wouldn't be able to fight me! What the hell are you?!" she squealed in terror as I forced myself in her face. Her face twisted into unsightly fear. I felt a warm glow surround me as sparks began at my feet. I saw glimpses of myself in her wide eyes. I was surrounded in a flaming aura. It wasn't hurting me, but instead, it was making me stronger. She screamed as she was pushed out of my was and disappeared. I had no use for those weak feelings any longer. I had no time for this boy's tantrums! I slammed my hands upward. I snatched hold of one of his arms and his chanting stopped. I used the moment I had gained to glare into this boy's eyes. His eyes showed the same fear as my evil half's as he looked down upon me. In his eyes, I saw my reflection. I saw my glowering, crimson, flame like aura dance about me. My aura framed me like a flame that had sparked to life by my ambition. This boy seemed almost surprised at my new power, but before I could interrogate him on his actions, my consciousness faded to nothing.

"You have little to no excitement, are you aware of this?" the boy's voice came clearly into my mind. I struggled with great effort to open my eyes, only to force them shut against the bright lights. I heard him chuckle at me as I winced in pain. I attempted to open my eyes once more as they slowly adjusted to luminous glow. Soon, I had adjusted to the setting and saw him kneeling near me, a crooked smile on his face. His eyes glowered down at me, almost mocking me as I lay before him. I tried to move my limbs but they refused to obey. A single glance told me why. I was pinned down, quite literately, by stakes made of a material I wasn't aware of. They were covered in my blood as they were punctured through my hands, up my arms, in my ankles and up my legs. My torso and hips were left in agonizing pain from the stillness my body was enduring. The numb pain from the stakes couldn't compare to the numbness of my body lying still. I returned my gaze to the boy, but he had vanished. I felt nothing. No fear, no anger, no surprise. Nothing. I felt absolutely nothing but the numbness from the stakes and my tense muscles. My eyes traveled on their own throughout the room. I found that he had returned me to the science room. I had no feelings about this either. Had my emotions died, is that why I feel nothing? I listened to my heartbeat as a thought dawned on me that I should have realized earlier. I had my eyesight returned to me, though I'm not sure exactly how. I listened to the stillness of the room. It seemed almost unnerving, but to me I had no feeling toward it. This room was just simply quiet. Just a fact I did not change. I waited silently to see if the boy would return, and he never did. I blinked a few more times to see if I could find anything new, and found nothing. I wonder what caused the boy to hunt me then leave me like unwanted prey.