A Ninja and an Assassin Walk Into a Bar

“What the Hell did you do?!”
I’m yelling at him again. It seems I’m always yelling at him. The first time we ever met that’s all I did. Yell at him.
“I didn’t…I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.” He never yells back, tries to argue or make excuses. He just swallows his pride, or what’s left of it, and apologizes. If I were to blame him for cancer and death I think he would just apologize for it.
There was a time when he would challenge me. Now he carries himself like a wounded animal, as if he is guilty of something…other than loving me. It’s maddening!
“One of these days I won’t come to your rescue. I’ll just leave you to burn.” I lie. I’m honor bound to protect him.
“I’m surprised you held out this long.” He’s smirking, as if that was meant to be a joke. Something’s never change. Just like the first day we met…

18 Months Ago
My father had dispatched me to intercept this man. He didn’t tell me much about him. All I knew is that he would be about five foot eleven, dirty blondish, brown wavy hair and there would be a lot of people trying to kill him. It didn’t take me long to find him. My father had trained me to soak in my surroundings within blinks of an eye and process all the information.
He was jumping across roof tops in the downtown district, bullets whizzing by him. His hood flew off on a jump and I read the look on his face. He looked like he was having the time of his life. I won’t lie, I was a little envious. He was running out of roofs to jump onto, so he fiercely scaled down a fire escape. That’s when everything went south, no pun intended.
One advantage the streets held for him over the roofs was the foot traffic. He was quick and used to weaving in between people. But his pursuers used his advantage against him. He leapt over a car’s hood to get across the street. Obviously he didn’t have time to wait for the walk signal. But the men pursuing him shot out the wheels of the car he leapt over.
On the turn of a dime he spun around and rushed back towards the car. The car had driven out of control into a bus stop. The driver would survive. But he still ran towards him, pulling him out of the car and bracing him up against the car to check his vitals. If he had any sense he would have kept running.
The driver pulled a gun on him and buried the muzzle into his chin. It was a setup, cleverly done for their target. But that’s where I came in. I buried a shuriken into his gunman’s gun hand and swooped down to pull him out of the fray.
He didn’t even question my presence which drove me crazy. How did he know I could be trusted? How did he know I didn’t represent another party interested in his demise?
We made it back to the compound with no further problems. When he understood we had reached our destination he smiled and said, “Thanks. So do I tip you or something?”
I stared at him in silence, dumbfounded by his insolence. I love my ninja garb. He couldn’t see any part of my face. I could see him clearly though, searching for some type of indication of what he was thinking or feeling.
“Oh I know. I read this on a fortune cookie once. I’ll share it with you.”
I shoved my forearm into his chest, pinning him against the wall. “You are the most…most incredulous ignoramus that I have ever had the discontentment to meet!” I use superfluous words when I’m angry. And I don’t know why but he was making me angry.
“You think I’m unbelievable? Why thank you.” His tone had the sounded genuine. Like he said, unbelievable. “So you want to hear the fortune cookie saying?”
Just then my father appeared. “You can go now Snapdragon. Thank you for retrieving him.”
I silently bowed trying not to laugh at the stranger’s shriek of surprise when he realized that my father was there. I made a pretense of walking away but stayed within air shot to hear the discussion.
The man smoothened out his hoodie and coughed once or twice as his body was readjusting to the normal intake of air again.
“Please excuse her behavior, Dipper. She can be…oh what’s the word, a ‘hot head’ at times.”
“She’s not wrong you know. I am an idiot.” He said in a serious tone. I was beginning to wonder if he was capable of seriousness.
“Only when you can’t help it.” My father turned his face from him to hide a smile.
“Yeah well of late it seems that’s all I’m capable of. What am I doing here anyway Master Midnight Kiwi?”
“From what I hear, you’ve gotten yourself into a bit of… a pickle? That’s the right expression, is it not?”
“Yeah it is, though I’m not sure you fully understand what that means. Because if you did, near you and your home is the last place you’d want me. I’m as deadly as the plague right now.”
“As I recall, there was a time when you had the opportunity to leave me to the hands of fate. Did you turn your back on me?”
“Hey listen, you don’t owe me anything. Honest. I did what I did for me. I’ve got too many sins to atone for.”
“One good deed deserves another, no?”
The man named Dipper smiled again. He had a nice smile. “Hey you must have gotten the same fortune cookie I did.”
“For generations my family has inscribed words of wisdom to accompany the cookies of fortune.”
“Really? That’s so…”
“No!” My father mumbled our word for idiot under his breath but Dipper caught it. I found myself having to stifle another laugh.
“Oh cool. Is that like my nickname or Japanese name or something like that?”
My father’s smile grew bigger. “Sure. Baka shall be what we call you from now on.”
“Sweet!” He was smiling again. “Listen, I appreciate all you’ve done for me today and I promise I will find some way to repay you. And I hate to be a poor guess and not stay for dinner but…”
My father let out a scoff, more out of annoyance than humor. “Do you have any idea the shear level of danger you’re in?”
“I’ve got a pretty good idea.”
“You will stay here, within the confines of my compound. The Trust won’t lift a finger to harm you once they find out you are under my protection.”
“Whoa whoa whoa, hold on there Kiwi, I don’t know what you think, Hell I don’t even know what to think right now.”
“It’s settled then. Snapdragon will show you to your quarters.”
“Absolutely not! Do you have any idea how bad of a decision this is?!”
“You have interrupted my activities enough for today. If you wish, we can discuss this matter further during dinner. Till then.” He glanced up at me from the roof I was spying on. I hate it how I can never be sneaky around him. I jumped down from the roof and landed next to Dipper.
“What the Hell?!” When I landed next to him out of nowhere, giving him quite the shock, he screamed again. “What the Hell!!” I stuttered step towards him, like I was going to strike him and he jumped back, throwing his arms up defensively. As I turned around to lead him to his room I heard him mutter under his breath “I hate ninja.”

Now
It’s been a long day. Lots of fighting, plenty of killing. I require some meditation to cool down less I further vent my anger on him. I turn and advance to my room but he calls out to me. There is something in his tone of voice now, something that impels me to heed.
“Snapdragon. I really am sorry. Not just for messing up today, or the hundreds of other times before, or the countless times to come. Well I am sorry for all of that, but that’s not all. I sorry for the nightmare I’ve turned your life into since I entered it. I’m sorry you’re stuck with me.”
He’s genuine in his apology. He really does care. It can be his greatest flaw at times and yet his most endearing quality at others. He’s got a big heart. I’m not quite sure what to say in response, or how I should even feel about what he said. He’s right. He’s caused a lot of pain since the day we met. And yet I can’t hate him for it. Even now, he looks so pitiful, standing their looking sorry for me, holding the shredded pieces of his hoodie. The hoodie I purposely cut in half. Maybe that’s all we are for one another, we are each other’s comeuppance, the punishment we deserve and nothing more. How can anyone possibly love their reprimand?