Sequel: Conquer Me. ›
Underestimate Me
But What If I Fall?
She looked at her hands. The callouses on them revealed her skills with the bow; the blood that had dried between her fingers revealed the girl who once walked this same Earth was gone. She was gone and she was not coming back. Her hands were still shaking while Emma slept on a little bed made next to her. She had asked Meredith if she could be alone with the girl. She reminded Josselyn so much of Rebecca and she did not want the girl to be alone tonight. She didn’t want to be alone either. She could not share her bed with Meredith right now. The knife in her hand, the one that she had wielded as well, was still etched in her mind. Every time she closed her eyes she saw it. She saw Maa dominating Meredith’s soul as she pushed that knife to a cheek she once had caressed.
Turning in her bed was not making it any better. She was still sick to her stomach and the blood on her hands did no good. She inspected it. Dark red dried blood between her fingers, right where she had held the bow. Was it her own? Was it her dying sisters? Was it his?
Josselyn shifted her head and watched over the girl sleeping. The events of the dark night had not taken her rest away from her. Josselyn smiled slightly, this girl still maintained her innocence. She was still able to sleep through the night. Something Josselyn was so envious of. She could not remember a night slept well. She could not remember a night without waking up in sweat, feeling the cold soothing fingers of Meredith against her shoulder. They would pull her back down and to bed again. They would wipe away the sweat on her brow. Her words relieving her of the demons that haunted the night. But Meredith was not here. That Meredith had been overpowered by revenge and cruelty. She had served Maa as Josselyn had countless times before. Killing for the ones you held close to your heart, doing what it takes to bring justice. Though was this justice? If this was her revenge, than why did it taste bitter instead of sweet? Where was the syrupy taste on her lips? The one she received after avenging her sisters these countless times before. Her own reprisal should taste like honey on her tongue. Where was her sweetness?
Josselyn got up, softly moving not to wake Emma. She granted the young girl her unbothered sleep. She slipped into a delicate dressing gown, pulling it across her body so it would not display her scars. The only visible ones were on her face. The one crossing her brow to her cheekbone would play up during humid autumn days and redden on warm ones. On her thigh she strapped one of her knifes. She never left her tent without any form of protection.
Crossing the enclosure the soft morning air played with her loose dark hair. She knew what she needed and she knew where to go.
“Can I join?” the voice of Meredith cut through the air behind her. She was sitting next to the pole Josselyn had so carefully avoided. She had not set eyes on the person that was bound there. She had passed it without glancing at it, for she knew she could not bear it right now. She was afraid the storm inside of her would rip her apart. It was racing through her veins and the fire that was destroying her sense needed to be put out. Her second in command was crouched next to a sleeping Rowen, keeping watch. His head had bobbed forward and his chin was on his chest.
“I need to clear my head, please let me do this on my own sister.” She kept the response formal for she knew Rowen was not sleeping. His breath had quickened up after the words Meredith spoke. He had heard her steps passing him, the way her body had tensed as she was forced to look upon him; his body had tensed as she spoke. He was awake, feigning to be asleep.
“It’s not safe to go alone Josselyn,” Meredith said. She was right. She had not strapped her knife for no reason. The sheer fabric covering her forms did not protect her for anything; even rain would drench her to the bone. She gestured her sister closer and away from Rowen. When they were standing close she hugged her second in command and whispered in her ear: “Trust me like you have trusted me before, but do not trust that man against that pole to be asleep,” They parted to arm’s length again as Meredith grabbed Josselyn at her shoulder.
“I would trust you even if you would guide me towards an abyss, you know I’ll follow you into wretchedness, it is the likes of him I do not trust.” She said as she pointed to Rowen who had stopped his pretend sleep. He lifted his head and his eyes struck hers. Josselyn was forced to switch her attention to Meredith; she could not maintain meeting his gaze. The storm was blowing up again, twisting and writhing to get out of her. Suddenly the gown she had donned seemed too sheer. Where Meredith’s stares made her feel comfortable in her skin, his only made her want to crawl out of sight. It was as if he was looking through her. As if she could not hide.
“Let me go,” She said quickly and pleading as she squeezed Meredith’s hands before turning on her heels and speeding towards the coverage of the vegetation. Her body squeezed through the plants, making more sounds than necessary, but she was fleeing not ranging this time. Faintly behind her she heard the impact of what she guessed to be Meredith’s boot and Rowen’s stomach.
“Don’t you know it’s impolite to stare,” The words leaving Meredith’s mouth only trailed so far. Josselyn was running from it all. She needed to be cleansed. She needed that blood from her hands. She needed to quench that fire inside.
The rushing of water was a welcome sound to Josselyn's ears; she had not noticed that she had started to run. Her legs had taken her away without her mind giving the order. Pulling away some branches she entered her sanctuary. Above her a great waterfall towered, the water falling towards the rocks with a deafening sound. This was the place she could not hear her own thoughts. The gown around her fell to the ground and she stepped out of it. This was the place she was truly naked. This was where she bared her soul and told herself the truth. No one was here. No one but her.
Her toe touched the water underneath the waterfall, its dark rocks had brought her to the edge of the waterfall and she was ready to submit herself to the cold elucidation. Stepping beneath the falling and crashing tears she closed her eyes. The cold was overmastering the heat inside of her and her storm was gently setting down.
She cocked her head back to the top of the cliff, looking at the rocks that raked over the edge. The sharp brim that seemed to cut the air around it. She could feel her feet standing there again.
The wind was pushing her. It was swirling around her, chilling her to the bone. Her nakedness was hard to cover and blood was still trickling down her body. The drop was immense. The drop was lethal. Her feet shuffled towards the edge, she felt how her toes tested every piece of rock they connected. She was done. She was so done. Her body was rejecting all movement towards the edge, but her broken mind was stronger. She could not do this. She wanted it to be over. She wanted the pain to be gone. She just wanted to be numb. The wind whispered to her, it encircled her body and Josselyn heard the voice for the first time.
“Jump,” it insisted.
“Jump” it whistled again.
Her feet kept moving reluctantly closer to the edge of the dark rocks. Around her the water was streaming with a destructive speed. The sound was overwhelming and drowned out her own thoughts.
“But what if I fall?” She whispered back at the air. The air gently pushed against her, towards the edge. “But what if you fly,” the voice whistled. That was when she felt the ground disappear beneath her feet. She had stepped over the edge. She was so done.
Maa had won.
Turning in her bed was not making it any better. She was still sick to her stomach and the blood on her hands did no good. She inspected it. Dark red dried blood between her fingers, right where she had held the bow. Was it her own? Was it her dying sisters? Was it his?
Josselyn shifted her head and watched over the girl sleeping. The events of the dark night had not taken her rest away from her. Josselyn smiled slightly, this girl still maintained her innocence. She was still able to sleep through the night. Something Josselyn was so envious of. She could not remember a night slept well. She could not remember a night without waking up in sweat, feeling the cold soothing fingers of Meredith against her shoulder. They would pull her back down and to bed again. They would wipe away the sweat on her brow. Her words relieving her of the demons that haunted the night. But Meredith was not here. That Meredith had been overpowered by revenge and cruelty. She had served Maa as Josselyn had countless times before. Killing for the ones you held close to your heart, doing what it takes to bring justice. Though was this justice? If this was her revenge, than why did it taste bitter instead of sweet? Where was the syrupy taste on her lips? The one she received after avenging her sisters these countless times before. Her own reprisal should taste like honey on her tongue. Where was her sweetness?
Josselyn got up, softly moving not to wake Emma. She granted the young girl her unbothered sleep. She slipped into a delicate dressing gown, pulling it across her body so it would not display her scars. The only visible ones were on her face. The one crossing her brow to her cheekbone would play up during humid autumn days and redden on warm ones. On her thigh she strapped one of her knifes. She never left her tent without any form of protection.
Crossing the enclosure the soft morning air played with her loose dark hair. She knew what she needed and she knew where to go.
“Can I join?” the voice of Meredith cut through the air behind her. She was sitting next to the pole Josselyn had so carefully avoided. She had not set eyes on the person that was bound there. She had passed it without glancing at it, for she knew she could not bear it right now. She was afraid the storm inside of her would rip her apart. It was racing through her veins and the fire that was destroying her sense needed to be put out. Her second in command was crouched next to a sleeping Rowen, keeping watch. His head had bobbed forward and his chin was on his chest.
“I need to clear my head, please let me do this on my own sister.” She kept the response formal for she knew Rowen was not sleeping. His breath had quickened up after the words Meredith spoke. He had heard her steps passing him, the way her body had tensed as she was forced to look upon him; his body had tensed as she spoke. He was awake, feigning to be asleep.
“It’s not safe to go alone Josselyn,” Meredith said. She was right. She had not strapped her knife for no reason. The sheer fabric covering her forms did not protect her for anything; even rain would drench her to the bone. She gestured her sister closer and away from Rowen. When they were standing close she hugged her second in command and whispered in her ear: “Trust me like you have trusted me before, but do not trust that man against that pole to be asleep,” They parted to arm’s length again as Meredith grabbed Josselyn at her shoulder.
“I would trust you even if you would guide me towards an abyss, you know I’ll follow you into wretchedness, it is the likes of him I do not trust.” She said as she pointed to Rowen who had stopped his pretend sleep. He lifted his head and his eyes struck hers. Josselyn was forced to switch her attention to Meredith; she could not maintain meeting his gaze. The storm was blowing up again, twisting and writhing to get out of her. Suddenly the gown she had donned seemed too sheer. Where Meredith’s stares made her feel comfortable in her skin, his only made her want to crawl out of sight. It was as if he was looking through her. As if she could not hide.
“Let me go,” She said quickly and pleading as she squeezed Meredith’s hands before turning on her heels and speeding towards the coverage of the vegetation. Her body squeezed through the plants, making more sounds than necessary, but she was fleeing not ranging this time. Faintly behind her she heard the impact of what she guessed to be Meredith’s boot and Rowen’s stomach.
“Don’t you know it’s impolite to stare,” The words leaving Meredith’s mouth only trailed so far. Josselyn was running from it all. She needed to be cleansed. She needed that blood from her hands. She needed to quench that fire inside.
The rushing of water was a welcome sound to Josselyn's ears; she had not noticed that she had started to run. Her legs had taken her away without her mind giving the order. Pulling away some branches she entered her sanctuary. Above her a great waterfall towered, the water falling towards the rocks with a deafening sound. This was the place she could not hear her own thoughts. The gown around her fell to the ground and she stepped out of it. This was the place she was truly naked. This was where she bared her soul and told herself the truth. No one was here. No one but her.
Her toe touched the water underneath the waterfall, its dark rocks had brought her to the edge of the waterfall and she was ready to submit herself to the cold elucidation. Stepping beneath the falling and crashing tears she closed her eyes. The cold was overmastering the heat inside of her and her storm was gently setting down.
She cocked her head back to the top of the cliff, looking at the rocks that raked over the edge. The sharp brim that seemed to cut the air around it. She could feel her feet standing there again.
The wind was pushing her. It was swirling around her, chilling her to the bone. Her nakedness was hard to cover and blood was still trickling down her body. The drop was immense. The drop was lethal. Her feet shuffled towards the edge, she felt how her toes tested every piece of rock they connected. She was done. She was so done. Her body was rejecting all movement towards the edge, but her broken mind was stronger. She could not do this. She wanted it to be over. She wanted the pain to be gone. She just wanted to be numb. The wind whispered to her, it encircled her body and Josselyn heard the voice for the first time.
“Jump,” it insisted.
“Jump” it whistled again.
Her feet kept moving reluctantly closer to the edge of the dark rocks. Around her the water was streaming with a destructive speed. The sound was overwhelming and drowned out her own thoughts.
“But what if I fall?” She whispered back at the air. The air gently pushed against her, towards the edge. “But what if you fly,” the voice whistled. That was when she felt the ground disappear beneath her feet. She had stepped over the edge. She was so done.
Maa had won.
♠ ♠ ♠
But what if you fly?
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