Underestimate Me

Rowen’s eyes lingered on the place before him where she stood only moments ago. Questions raided his mind, most about her. However, he overheard her whisper. She called those men his brothers, but they were far from it. Rowen did not hold those men in as high an esteem as Josselyn held the women that kept her company. He did worry though, that Merek had been sent with this party. His little brother was not prepared for a hunt such as this, nor was he prepared to handle Meredith’s blade. Josselyn already had one son of Elrik; if she got both of them would she kill the youngest?

He shook his head slightly. No matter what Rowen thought of Josselyn’s new demeanor, he knew deep down she could not kill someone who was kind to Rebecca. Did she remember Rebecca, her blood sister, or had she simply let go of the past to adopt all these women as her family? He decided at that moment if he thought he was wronged in the way that Josselyn believed herself wronged he would forget the past, but he would never forget his brother. No one could ever mean as much to him as Merek, except the woman who would rather kill him.

“You are too deep within your own thoughts,” Evelyn whispered. The sound of her voice startled Rowen. His gaze met hers, and he could almost see the weight on his mind in her eyes.

He did not speak for a long moment because his head went from Merek to Josselyn. Why did she care if he was wounded? She did not inspect his shoulder when he arrived; she had Laila do that. Did he mean so much to her family that she finally warned against that evil bird? Its cold eyes bore into Rowen just as Josselyn’s did every time she bothered to glance his way.

“What is happening?” Rowen wanted to run his hand through his sweat riddled hair, to rub his sore neck, but his hands compliance was impossible. He sank to his knees, tired of standing, tired of existing.

“We are going to prepare to move. Sister Josselyn has found evidence of your soldiers.” Evelyn watched him with concern. She sat in front of him so she could watch his eyes. His face suddenly felt swollen like the night his mother died and he cried himself to sleep next to Merek’s cradle.

“You know, that is not what I meant.” His voice was losing strength. What was happening to him? Was he sick? He felt healthy. It was just so damn hot.

“What are you asking me?” Evelyn’s eyes bore into his as if she was trying to read his thoughts. Her hands twitched with the need to reach out, but ever since Josselyn sent that knife just passed his head Rowen refused to let anyone touch him unless it was for medical purposes.

“Why does she think I betrayed her? How could she believe I had anything to do with having her banished? What happened to her?” The questions poured out of his lips, but none of them compared to the thought of her fingers so close to his skin. He wanted her to touch him whether it was because of a scratch or not; he wanted to feel her hands on his body again. He tried to push the memories away; he tried to tamp down the longing for her. Pushing the emotions away only made them stronger.

“I told you, Rowen. I’ve only heard rumors. A man left her in his bed. When she awoke, there were soldiers surrounding her, pulling her from his sheets. She ended up in the dark woods somehow where Meredith found her.” Evelyn frowned while trying to give him all the information she had on the matter. “I swear by Maa, that is all I know.”

“It was not me!” Rowen stated. He itched to cover his face with his hands, but the more he moved his wrists the tighter the rope got. “I did not leave her there to be arrested; I came back with her favorite foods only to find my judge and jury.” Evelyn opened her mouth to speak, but thought better of it. Her concern deepened as she watched his struggle.

Rowen turned his eyes on the place where she stood on her toes to get a better look at the scratch. He wondered if she remembered standing that same way when she told him she needed him. How was he supposed to resist her? Why would he ever hurt her? Maybe he did turn her in two years ago? Someone could have seen her come into his room, and she never left his bed that night.

He growled at his own thoughts. Anger filled him at the idea of his having anything to do with Josselyn’s pain. But she caused him pain too. She said no all those years. It was hard enough to become her friend, her confidant, only to have her tell him that she wanted nothing more from him. Rowen might have been happy being just her friend for a while, but his longing grew into something more. He wanted to be hers, and she wanted to follow his father’s rules until they did not give her what she wanted.

Rowen pushed himself back into a standing position. He turned away from the dirt where she stood. His eyes locked with the stupid falcon’s. The decision made itself in his mind while his skin boiled. He would prove his innocence whether she would have him now or not. Rowen was not cruel, and she accused him of the cruelest crimes.

“You should calm down.” Evelyn hissed, but he could not. He wriggled against the binds on his wrists until he felt blood trickle down his fingertips.

“If you don’t calm down I will have to force you to sit. They will make me tie your ankles together too!” Evelyn pleaded with him now. Rowen pulled his neck as far away from the pole as he could rubbing the manacle against his stinging raw skin. The more pain he felt the better his mind felt.

“I am not going to be chained here forever,” he hissed causing Evelyn’s eyes to widen. Instead of stepping away from him like he wanted her to do, she moved around him until she was able to kick the back of his knees out from under him. She bound his ankles together as tight as she could get them.

“Stop it!” She gritted her teeth as she came to face him again. Her nose almost touched his as she spoke. “You are not acting like the man you claim to be. If you really are different, Rowen, start acting like it!”

The force of her words knocked him back on his knees. He was acting like a mad man, a monster. He was acting like his father.

Rowen looked into Evelyn’s eyes and nodded. “I apologize,” he whispered, “my anger will not forsake me again. I hope.”

“I hope, too,” Evelyn sighed as she stood. Her eyes trained on the tent Rowen thought Josselyn to be in. “I hope, too.”