Underestimate Me

Rowen did not flinch from her closeness, he longed for it since he saw her on the battle field, but he did flinch at her words. The one they butchered… His breathing grew heavier, though he couldn’t tell if it was from the weight of her words, or the weight of Aldith’s chains. He saw her eyes harden with accusation, with hatred. Rowen wanted Josselyn to feel the pain she was causing him, but he never wanted her to feel any physical pain at all.

“The half that was once kind and compassionate. The half that cared more about her family than the Gods.” Rowen tried his best not to clench his jaw. “You will never be as good as that woman who sat beside our siblings and stopped their crying over whatever evil my father pressed upon my brother.”

Merek sat beneath a tree just beyond Rowen’s training classes. Sometimes Rowen would see his younger brother and skip his training to cheer him up, but today Rowen didn’t notice Mere. He was working too hard with his teacher to notice the misery in Merek’s eyes today. Rebecca, who was just passing by, stopped. She hugged Rowen’s dear little brother and cried with him for a moment, before Josselyn leaned down and whispered one of her famous stories to make them laugh. Rowen didn’t notice until the event was finished.

“Is that what you told those monsters?” Her jaw tightened before she hissed. “Did they discuss the monstrosities they inflicted on me, telling tales during ale and bread? For they told me all the ways you showed them to hurt me.”

The world fell apart around him. Every nerve in his body shook. He would never…to this day he never talked about that night. It was sacred. It was theirs.

Rowen leaned back in his chair. The overwhelming need to be as far away from her accusations as possible filled his bones, but he couldn’t seem to escape her. The farther he leaned back the farther forward she came. His eyes wanted to be anywhere but locked onto hers, yet he couldn’t remove them. “I-I never…”

She fell back in her chair pushing her long locks away from the back of her ear, the first place he kissed that wasn’t her cheek or her lips, fiery skin was raised where a lock of hair should fall. It still looked raw even though it must’ve happened…

Bile rose in Rowen’s throat. He wanted to be anywhere else. He wanted the name of the man that did that to her. He wanted justice. Her hair fell as her eyes locked onto him again, and he could see clearly. The pain, the devastation, all the emotions he felt filled her blue irises.

“There was never a moment…” he leaned forward again with the force of his words. His voice was lower and steadier than it had ever been. “...spoken of you in any manner that suggested you were anything less than a proper lady. I told no one of that night.” Josselyn’s eyes somehow hardened further. If eyes could be stone, then hers would be boulders crushing him under their weight. “That was ours, and if you thought for one moment that it wasn’t…” He turned his eyes to the floor, but Aldith forced them up again. “Why did you come to me?”

Rowen watched Josselyn open her mouth before she simply closed it again. Some of the stone had been chipped from her irises, but they were still accusing him of so much. He pushed himself against the back of his chair, preparing himself for the barrage of insults sure to be thrown, but she said nothing for a moment. She just took a deep breath.

“Tell me,” Josselyn whispered. “Who is coming for you?”

Weight settled in his chest. He didn’t know if he’d be able to breathe again. She could ask all she wanted, but he knew nothing of his father’s plans. He had his orders and that was all.

“I don’t know.”

Josselyn sucked in another deep breath. “Tell me something.”

Rowen stole a glance at Aldith who refused to meet his gaze before he boldly stated, “In your mind, it will be just another lie. So tell me, what lie would like to hear this time?” The chain holding his neck tugged so tightly, he choked.

“You spoke of my blood sister,” Josselyn answered. Her eyes didn’t quite meet his as she spoke of her old life. “

“Her engagement was announced two weeks before I ventured into the forest.” Rowen choked the words out. His eyes didn’t want to take in Josselyn’s face. He knew the look that was going to cover her features. Hardened or not it would be the same.

“To who?” Her eyes studied his face. They did the same thing so many times before. Studying to see when he put on his façade to protect himself. This time he had nothing to protect himself from, but he had everything to protect her from.

“No…” He shook his head the best he could. “I’m not telling you.”

Her jaw tightened. “You are lying!” She growled.

“I wish I were,” he whispered.

“Tell me!” She searched my face. “Tell me and I will stop this interrogation.”

Rowen paused and took in her words. No more senseless questions. Maybe he could actually let his brain rest. He desperately needed a break from his thoughts, from the visions Josselyn left him with. Rowen mocked Josselyn’s expression. Searching her features for some resemblance of the truth, would she really let him rest if he told her?

“You don’t want to hear this, Joss,” he spoke in a voice that only true leaders would assume when their people should fear the answers to the questions they sought.

“Tell me!” She rose to her feet. He heard Aldith’s knife slip out of its holster. Her eyes were trained on her leader. He wondered who she would attack if Josselyn did decide to hurt him. Rowen took a deep breath, letting it out through parted lips until their was nothing left. Her eyes begged him, and his heart couldn't resist giving her what she wanted any longer.

“He gave her to Hadrian. The council said Hadrian was to marry within the year, and who better to bestow the honor of the betrothal on than the sister of the girl who maimed his reputation.” He repeated the council’s words automatically.

“You lie!” She cried.

“I swear it.” Rowen stated. She turned away from him without another word. Rowen saw the look in her eyes before she did. He knew she would think it just another story, just another lie to hurt her.