Sequel: Conquer Me. ›
Underestimate Me
Our Demons Will Destroy Us All
Everything in the camp buzzed with anticipation and fear. All Rowen could see was Kolby’s face as he fell to his knees before Josselyn shoved the arrow deeper. Kolby would have never hurt any of these women, not unprovoked. He was dead because of Rowen, and there were more people that would die next. He saw his younger brother’s face in the flames that licked at Kolby’s graying skin.
The youngest of the knights had something to prove to his superiors the day he saw ten year old Rowen sitting alone on the practice field. It was his second week of training, and he hadn’t yet figured out Uwen’s schedule. The man never did anything on time. Kolby didn’t bother to go to Rowen; he was fifteen and he had more important things to do with his own friends than waiting beside some little kid.
Rowen picked up his wooden sword. Splinters wiggled into his hands but he worked harder. The bruise on his ribs made him want to please rather than disappoint again. He wasn’t paying attention. The young knight made his way forward, whistling. He shoved Rowen down on his stupid wooden sword, that could never really protect him. At least it couldn’t in Rowen’s mind. Kolby ran to the boy, lifted his silly wooden sword and gave it back to him. “You will regret that, Mason.” Rowen turned his dark eyes on the older boy who was protecting him. His eyes glistened with gratitude before he nodded at the man clad in iron.
“Who is going to make me regret it,” Mason laughed just before Kolby punched him in the nose. Blood dripped from his chin as he stared open mouth at the dangerous green eyed boy.
“I am…”
“How could she?” He hissed under his breath as the thought of her dirt and blood riddled fingers touched his friend, his hero. She killed him in cold blood. She shed a tear and a bit of hair for a man she didn’t bother to look at before she killed him. “Monster!”
“That tastes of bitterness, Rowen.” Hazel eyes met Rowen’s pits of darkness. He recognized her. She was one of the few women who didn’t look upon him with curiosity. She watched him almost knowingly as he damned the woman he once felt so much love for.
“If she killed someone like that man you are burning now, I assure you she will slaughter all that is holy to me.” Rowen’s words were as harsh as he felt. “She will take the only person in the world that matters more to me than my life. How am I supposed to cope with that?”
She shrugged. “I have a theory about you, Son of Elrik.”
“Who are you?” His words were steady, though his muscles began to tense and shake.
“I am the woman whose arrow ran true enough to strike you.” She smiled.
“Why do you speak to me now then?” Rowen turned his head back toward the fire. The blaze swallowed Kolby’s body, but his hair still hung loosely over the edge of the boards. It would be alight in moments. The acrid smell of burning skin made his stomach contents churn. He could feel the broth Laila forced him to eat stir in an unwelcomed way.
“Because you could use some wisdom. Mind you, I did not say friend, I said wisdom.” She blocked Rowen’s view of the fire before she bent down so they were eyelevel. “You need to understand.”
“Understand what? That I’m trapped by yet another tyrant? That I had one lapse in judgment that landed me in this moment? That there is something wrong with the fact that Kolby is dead and I am alive?”
“None of that is important.” The corners of her mouth turned down. Disappointment raged in her eyes. “You need to understand that there is more evil in this world than you know.”
Rowen scoffed and rolled his eyes as exaggerated laughter fell from his lips like rancid poison. “I have seen evil. It was only a moment ago.”
“Living is easy with eyes closed. And I have a feeling you walked though most of your life blind to all the suffering. Josselyn sees it all, she does not run, she protects.” Her eyes pleaded with him to understand but he could not. How could he understand a woman who always said no to him before she showed up at his door begging for his help, taking advantage of his feelings, before blaming him for a sin that he would have died before committing?
“Do you know what it’s like to beg your father to beat you instead of your weaker sibling? Have you ever been picked on because of who your father is? Because your brother’s birth killed your mother?” Rowen watched her face harden. “I don’t want your pity; I do not care what you think of my words. Lies or not, I have seen my fair share of evil.”
Rowen averted his eyes. Looking as high above her head as he possibly could. The memories tried to come, but he fought. He did not want to remember Elrik’s face when he snapped Merek’s arm or when he bruised Rowen so badly he could not lay down for a month. Yes, these women have seen horrors, unimaginable horrors, but so had he. Those horrors were his family, and no matter what these women said or did, Rowen could not forgive the way Josselyn handled her fears.
“Why do you care so much?” He asked as the woman stood up.
“I don’t believe there is any good left in the world.” She warmed her hands against the edge of the fire closest to them. “How can there be?”
“And yet you try to defend the good in your beloved leader?” Rowen nearly laughed, but he couldn’t. He found himself defending his father, and his father was the definition of evil.
“I will defend her until the day I am no more,” she turned back toward Rowen. “Sister Josselyn gave me a home when I was broken. She gave me a purpose, a life, and I owe it to her.”
Rowen took a sharp breath. Her words hit him like Meredith’s boot. He shook his head, still fighting against the memories of Merek. If he thought of his brother now he would have visions of arrows going through his chest. Rowen could not handle that.
“Shocked?” She arched a brow and played with a dried leaf she found on the ground.
“No,” He tried not to look into her eyes, but they were almost the same deep green as Kolby’s in the flickering light of the blazing fire. His body was long gone and the women brought buckets of water to put out the flames. “I am trying to fight my demons, and I am afraid I might be losing.”
“Thea!” Someone yelled from behind Rowen. The woman’s eyes snapped to attention as she stood.
“I have to finish my chores, Son of Elrik. Good Luck with your demons.” Thea nodded at the ned of her words before her boot silently moved away from him.
“Maybe I should pray to you now, Kolby,” Rowen whispered. “You were always the best of men, the best of people.”
He could feel the womens’ eyes on him as he watched the fire dwindle beneath the weight of the water. They didn’t matter. This place didn’t matter. He didn’t matter. Our demons will destroy us all.
The youngest of the knights had something to prove to his superiors the day he saw ten year old Rowen sitting alone on the practice field. It was his second week of training, and he hadn’t yet figured out Uwen’s schedule. The man never did anything on time. Kolby didn’t bother to go to Rowen; he was fifteen and he had more important things to do with his own friends than waiting beside some little kid.
Rowen picked up his wooden sword. Splinters wiggled into his hands but he worked harder. The bruise on his ribs made him want to please rather than disappoint again. He wasn’t paying attention. The young knight made his way forward, whistling. He shoved Rowen down on his stupid wooden sword, that could never really protect him. At least it couldn’t in Rowen’s mind. Kolby ran to the boy, lifted his silly wooden sword and gave it back to him. “You will regret that, Mason.” Rowen turned his dark eyes on the older boy who was protecting him. His eyes glistened with gratitude before he nodded at the man clad in iron.
“Who is going to make me regret it,” Mason laughed just before Kolby punched him in the nose. Blood dripped from his chin as he stared open mouth at the dangerous green eyed boy.
“I am…”
“How could she?” He hissed under his breath as the thought of her dirt and blood riddled fingers touched his friend, his hero. She killed him in cold blood. She shed a tear and a bit of hair for a man she didn’t bother to look at before she killed him. “Monster!”
“That tastes of bitterness, Rowen.” Hazel eyes met Rowen’s pits of darkness. He recognized her. She was one of the few women who didn’t look upon him with curiosity. She watched him almost knowingly as he damned the woman he once felt so much love for.
“If she killed someone like that man you are burning now, I assure you she will slaughter all that is holy to me.” Rowen’s words were as harsh as he felt. “She will take the only person in the world that matters more to me than my life. How am I supposed to cope with that?”
She shrugged. “I have a theory about you, Son of Elrik.”
“Who are you?” His words were steady, though his muscles began to tense and shake.
“I am the woman whose arrow ran true enough to strike you.” She smiled.
“Why do you speak to me now then?” Rowen turned his head back toward the fire. The blaze swallowed Kolby’s body, but his hair still hung loosely over the edge of the boards. It would be alight in moments. The acrid smell of burning skin made his stomach contents churn. He could feel the broth Laila forced him to eat stir in an unwelcomed way.
“Because you could use some wisdom. Mind you, I did not say friend, I said wisdom.” She blocked Rowen’s view of the fire before she bent down so they were eyelevel. “You need to understand.”
“Understand what? That I’m trapped by yet another tyrant? That I had one lapse in judgment that landed me in this moment? That there is something wrong with the fact that Kolby is dead and I am alive?”
“None of that is important.” The corners of her mouth turned down. Disappointment raged in her eyes. “You need to understand that there is more evil in this world than you know.”
Rowen scoffed and rolled his eyes as exaggerated laughter fell from his lips like rancid poison. “I have seen evil. It was only a moment ago.”
“Living is easy with eyes closed. And I have a feeling you walked though most of your life blind to all the suffering. Josselyn sees it all, she does not run, she protects.” Her eyes pleaded with him to understand but he could not. How could he understand a woman who always said no to him before she showed up at his door begging for his help, taking advantage of his feelings, before blaming him for a sin that he would have died before committing?
“Do you know what it’s like to beg your father to beat you instead of your weaker sibling? Have you ever been picked on because of who your father is? Because your brother’s birth killed your mother?” Rowen watched her face harden. “I don’t want your pity; I do not care what you think of my words. Lies or not, I have seen my fair share of evil.”
Rowen averted his eyes. Looking as high above her head as he possibly could. The memories tried to come, but he fought. He did not want to remember Elrik’s face when he snapped Merek’s arm or when he bruised Rowen so badly he could not lay down for a month. Yes, these women have seen horrors, unimaginable horrors, but so had he. Those horrors were his family, and no matter what these women said or did, Rowen could not forgive the way Josselyn handled her fears.
“Why do you care so much?” He asked as the woman stood up.
“I don’t believe there is any good left in the world.” She warmed her hands against the edge of the fire closest to them. “How can there be?”
“And yet you try to defend the good in your beloved leader?” Rowen nearly laughed, but he couldn’t. He found himself defending his father, and his father was the definition of evil.
“I will defend her until the day I am no more,” she turned back toward Rowen. “Sister Josselyn gave me a home when I was broken. She gave me a purpose, a life, and I owe it to her.”
Rowen took a sharp breath. Her words hit him like Meredith’s boot. He shook his head, still fighting against the memories of Merek. If he thought of his brother now he would have visions of arrows going through his chest. Rowen could not handle that.
“Shocked?” She arched a brow and played with a dried leaf she found on the ground.
“No,” He tried not to look into her eyes, but they were almost the same deep green as Kolby’s in the flickering light of the blazing fire. His body was long gone and the women brought buckets of water to put out the flames. “I am trying to fight my demons, and I am afraid I might be losing.”
“Thea!” Someone yelled from behind Rowen. The woman’s eyes snapped to attention as she stood.
“I have to finish my chores, Son of Elrik. Good Luck with your demons.” Thea nodded at the ned of her words before her boot silently moved away from him.
“Maybe I should pray to you now, Kolby,” Rowen whispered. “You were always the best of men, the best of people.”
He could feel the womens’ eyes on him as he watched the fire dwindle beneath the weight of the water. They didn’t matter. This place didn’t matter. He didn’t matter. Our demons will destroy us all.
