Underestimate Me

She could not catch any sleep. Her legs were sore and her upper arm was aching from the contact with a sharp blade. Meredith had bandaged her arm after cleaning the wound with clean spring water and placing some healing herbs in the wound itself. The day had passed quickly. They had buried the dead in shallow graves, hoping Maa would turn them into the wood spirits and have them watch over their sisters from now on. The fallen men were disposed of too. Josselyn knew that Balon’s sons would be given to the flame so they had build a pile and burned them all. These men might have done wrong in this life, Joss hoped they would be better in another. She had respected their God and their religion as she hoped one day they would respect hers. As she was standing before the immense blaze of licking red tongues she had taken her knife and reduced her long hair by an inch. The lost pieces of hair had been caught by the wind and blew right into the hungry flames. A few tears dropped in her veil and after that she had pushed on.

It had been past midday that they’d arrive back at camp. The heat had been smothering and clouds were forming above them. Elrik’s son had been bound to a pole in the middle of camp and a great storm was announced by pressing air and heated arguments.

She had retreated to her tent and not shown her face again that day. Now, the rain was falling down heavily as a summers storm finally passed the woods. The thunder and lightning enlighten their camp and filled it with its monstrous sounds. The storm had come up just as suddenly as Maa had not given her any warning of who’d she encounter that morning. The signs of both storm and the ill omen had been there, but their arrival had shocked her nonetheless. Josselyn felt as if that storm raising hell outside, was just as much wreaking havoc inside of her. She had reduced her futile attempts for sleep to pacing up and down her tent. This night she had requested to be alone. No sisters were with her and her mind had free play. Usually she asked her sisters to sleep with her. Having peaceful bodies around her helped her with fighting the haunting dreams. When they laid next to her, sometimes softly stroking her hair, she could finally find the tranquility to drift off in the darkness of night. Not tonight though. She had sent everyone off, scared of what her actions and words would reveal.

Her sisterhood was not one to ask questions. Each woman here had a past and each woman had her skeletons. They were all haunted by harm done to them, or done to others. Some shared, some did not. When joining the sisterhood one promised that from that day forward, they would become anew. Maa would have them reborn as vessels for the greater good, fighting for their freedom and that of all women. Even though some of her sisters held on to their previous Gods, Maa was a goddess praised by all. A Goddess with strange ways and little compassion, but one that was true. One that did not grant Josselyn piece of mind, kept her pacing up and down her tent.

Heavy droplets were falling down on the tent-cloth and the repetitive sound that had soothed her so many times, was now hounding her up and down her chamber. Her mind was racing along with the thunder, a ravenous storm of memories haunting her.

Of course Rowen was still alive. She had dreamed of killing him a thousand times. She had kept him alive in her prayers, just to have a chance on her revenge. In her dreams she would slowly push her sword through his chest. He would look her in the eye, fearful and alone. She would feel as the point surpassed his ribs and pricked his heart. Its worthless beating would resonate through the blade and she would feel free. Sometimes he did not have a heart at all, she would pass through his ribcage and he would just smirk at her. He would look at her with that devilish smile he possessed. In those dreams she would yank out her sword and behead him in one swift move, waking with a scream and waking her sisters at that.

She had been helped through the night multiple times. They all had soothed each other, being there when the hauntings struck and the past crept up on them in the dark hours of night. She could almost feel Meredith’s lank and cool fingers stroke her hair and her voice soothing her ears. Tangled together in a bed with all her sisters, she was not one anymore. She was not Josselyn, not alone and separate. She was together, they were no individuals anymore but a greater being. Nights like that, before sleep, Josselyn would know; this was what Maa intended. This was what she was saved to protect.

She could not hold it any longer. Avoiding the memories in her head was driving her crazy and she needed to do something. Her next steps were to be very carefully placed. As many of her sisters had not disclosed on their past, Josselyn had been the first to be privy. Her scars had told the story for her, they had spoken the words she had not been able to speak. In front of her sisters she was a determined speaker. She would know what to say and to whom. Words about her past and her abandonment did not pass her lips as easily.

“You vile she-devil!” She was yanked by her hair, through the village. Desperately she grabbed his arm, trying to stop him from ripping her skull off. The excruciating pain bolted through her and her body writhed to get loose. He had grabbed her from her bed and she was now dragged across the village square, mud covering some of her naked body. Screams escape her mouth and tore up the silence on this cold morning. The world went black after that.

She was panting. The memory had taken her by surprise. She had left that tent and traveled back. She had felt the mud against her naked body again, painting it grey with every pull across the dirty ground. She’d felt the way her hair was yanked out of her skull and the way the gravel on the ground had scraped across her bare flesh. And she remembered thinking; where is Rowen, please Rowen come get me!

Anger traveled from her heart to her limbs. Hatred spread through her body and she felt like killing. Although she needed to think, meticulously plan out her next actions, her clouded mind could not get it together. Flashes of the past kept forcing themselves on her and she had no escape. Meredith was not beside her, whispering; it will all be fine. Telling her that she was safe now. Her cool fingers were not caressing her softly, trying to avert her mind. Meredith was with him. Standing guard in the pouring rain.

As few knew of her past, Meredith knew most. She knew the bare minimum Josselyn was prepared to share. She knew she was banished and she could tell from her scarred body that they did not just let her run. They had carved fear in her before setting her free. She had been released only to die in a forest unwelcome of newcomers. Her freedom had been granted, but she had been driven to death. If not by the harsh nature around her, than the torture they had put her through would have caused her to end it herself. She was still there though. She survived for one purpose and one purpose only. To let the judgment of Maa fall upon them. Today she spared Rowen. He might be suffering, but his life was still granted. Josselyn knew he was worth more to her alive than dead. If she killed Elrik’s eldest son, total war would be upon them. A war that did not grant them the larger number or the element of surprise. It would be a war that would destroy every single one of them. Having Rowen there, alive and well, would be the only thing keeping Elrik from marching on them.

She veiled and hooded herself before stepping out in the pouring rain. Meredith had made shelter by covering herself with the skin of a bear. Rowen was still on his knees, sloughed down in the dirt, appearing to be asleep. His torso was softly rising and falling underneath his breath and his clothes where still stained by dark red blood.

His rest will be short and his wake unpleasant.

A few determined struts brought her next to Meredith, placing her hand on her sisters shoulder and she turned at the touch. Meredith’s cold eyes found hers and they connected for that brief moment. They exchanged more words in silence than they ever did while speaking.

“Get him up,” Josselyn said as the voice of a leader once again left her lips. “I have some questions for this golden boy.” Meredith didn’t need to think even a split second longer before pulling Rowen up by his injured shoulder. A grunt submerged with the thunder that followed the lightning. His face tightened and pain was read upon it.

Beneath her veil the corners of her mouth curled up, but she couldn’t decide if it was either a smile or a grimace.