Faithfulness at Its Finest

*Alan's POV*

Another day in the therapy office. I had sat in this chair three times a week, every week, for the last two years. The depressing beige walls and sweet smell of vanilla was more than familiar to me. It disgusted me all this place held was bad memories and awful stories. But I couldn't do anything to get out of here so next two hours of hell here I come.

Across from me was a girl about 15 whose arms were scattered with scars and face looked as if it had lost all color. Two chairs away from me was a boy who looked sickly thin and jumped at every sound. The sight of them would shock most people but not me I've seen dozens of kids just like them in this office along with myself. All of this was nothing new. I was here because my mother caught be trying to down a bottle of pills in the bathroom two years ago. She decided to actually care about me for 5 minutes and after I was in the bathroom for too long she just thought it was ok to walk the fuck in.

It had been a hard day for me that day some kids at my school had jumped me and told me I should die along with getting some hateful anons on tumblr. I was done with life and I would've been dead now if my mom hadn't walked in. That bitch. I insisted I didn't need therapy endless times because I didn't, what was a therapist gonna do for me. Tell me everything is ok and feed me some sappy unrealistic bullshit. Nothing has changed since that day two years ago I still am unsatisfied with life and myself no one can change that or help that. I'm just another hopeless teenager, another suicide case, another troubled soul, another fucked up kid nothing more. But since my mom believes this will "help" me I sit here just as miserable as ever.

I fiddled with a stupid game on my phone while awaiting my name to be called by Ms. Ricker she had been my therapist since I started here. She was a short mousy woman with then brown hair obviously dyed. She had grey eyes and dressed like she was from the 50's. She was In her late 40's and widowed by her husband that got in a car crash 5 years back. She was sweet and all, but still my nightmare no kid liked their therapist.

After about 15 minutes I heard the familiar voice call my name. I groaned and arose from my seat shuffling to the door of Ms. Ricker's office.

"Hello Alan, how are you today" she asked me the same question she had for the last two years as she closed the door.

"Shitty as usual how are you Tabitha" I grumbled as I plopped down onto the black leather couch.

Her face quickly shifted to disappointment. "I'm grand thank you for asking. Why do you feel shitty today Alan?" She pulled out her little purple notebook and prepared herself to take notes on everything that was about to be said.

"Well yesterday I relapsed" she quickly scribbled down in her notebook before responding.

"Why did you relapse?"

"Well um...." I quickly searched for an excuse not wanting to tell her about my boyfriend Brendon yet. We had been together for 9 months now. And he's the reason I've been relapsing a lot lately. I loved him with all my heart and he loved me just as much he told me that all the time, but sometimes he got a little rough. He wasn't beating me but sometimes he would leave a few bruises or a couple scratches. Nothing major. He was only rough when he got drunk which wasn't as often now that we were together. But when he was drunk it was better to avoid him at all costs.
.
"I had a rough day at work my boss was being a total ass again" she looked as though she didn't believe me but why would she, I knew I was a terrible liar.

"What did your boss do"

"He um... He was just being hard on us because...uh... the inspector is coming tomorrow for the uh bi-annual check." Inspector! What was I thinking I work at Spencer's what is the inspector going to check? Is he going to make sure our sex toys are up to par? Or check to see if our lingerie is sexy enough? Really Alan that was your best lie.

"Did anything else happen that triggered you since our last meeting?"

I thought for a second "Ummmm....Oh my dad called me a faggot and told me kill myself again when I visited him on Tuesday"

Yep that's right ladies and gentlemen I too not only have the perfect life but also the perfect parents. My mom is a fashion designer and is gone 10 months out of the year doing fashion shows around the world and designing new clothes. And when she's home she spends her time working on a new book or attending lavish parties, While my dad is a "recovering" drug addict that works for the Jack In The Box down the street. My parents are the absolute best....not.

I live with my aunt Casey who is is a 6th grade English teacher. She's nice and all but she doesn't understand much about me and is beyond oblivious. I moved in with her when I was nine right after my parents got divorced Casey offered to take care of me knowing my dad was a total deadbeat and understanding that my mom had to be gone almost all the time due to work. I know I've been a burden on her but she tries to give me the best life possible which I'm thankful for, but I know it's not realistic.

"Why did he do that"

"I don't know maybe because I am a faggot. and I deserve to die"

"Alan!" She looked at me with shock like she hadn't heard me say this all before. "You are not a faggot you just prefer men over women and you certainly do not deserve to die."

"Well why not" I could feel tears threatening to escape my eyes now. I hated it . Whenever I got the slightest bit frustrated or felt the slightest bit of negative emotion I would cry it was annoying.

"Because you have never done anything in you're life that qualifies you to even be told or say such a preposterous thing. No one deserve to die we all deserve a chance to live our lives to the fullest extent"

She continued on but I zoned out after that I've heard this all before but I never believed it she was just lying to me to make me feel better. I knew I didn't deserve to live I've attempted suicide a grand total of 5 times and have been in and out of mental hospitals and rehab for two years. It all became a regular routine for me. I was doomed to this shitty life everything about it was horrible except Brendon.

Brendon was my escape, my knight in shining armor, the reason I have even a mere shred of hope left in me. We met last year when he started working at Spencer's. I immediately started crushing on him he was 6 foot 1 with brown hair and gorgeous green eyes. He is toned but not overly muscly and has the smile that would make angles faint. He was the sweetest person I ever met in my life for our first date he took me to the fair and won me a giant stuffed cat. My absolute favorite animal. Not much later we started dating secretly of course neither of us we're out of the closet yet and we wanted to keep it like that for awhile. And well now were here.

My best friend Aaron was the only person who knew about Brendon and noticed a couple of my bruises before. I told him they were from my dad, or from me fainting in the shower, or running into the table in my hall. I knew he didn't buy it because I'm a terrible liar but he didn't push me to tell which I appreciated. I knew it was only a short time before he found out the truth about Brendon, if he didn't already know so I have to make the best of what I have with Brendon before everything officially blows up.

"Alan..... Alan..ALAN"

I quickly snapped out my trance. "What"

"Are you ok you seemed to be in another world there for a second"

"Yea, yea I'm sorry I was just thinking"

She closed up her notebook and stood up, "Well it looks like that's the end of today's session, as always it was a pleasure having you Alan"

I stood up to hug her as I always had, "Pleasure seeing you too Tabitha" I said robotically before heading out the door where Casey was waiting for me.

She thanked Ms. Ricker before we headed to the car. "So how did it go" she asked curiously as we hoped into her black Lexus.

"Same as always, she asked me questions I answered, and she wrote down my answers" I answered in a sassy teenager way.

"Oh, well I was-"

I popped in my headphones and turned on Adam's Song before she could try to talk to me more, I pushed replay, and laid my head against the head rest. I closed my eyes trying to escape the world and reality for just a few minutes.

We pulled into the driveway of a small looking house that was in reality massive inside about 15 minutes later and I quickly rushed up to my room. I locked the door and grabbed my computer quickly logging into it and pulling up tumblr. Another thing I used as an escape, I checked my messages seeing I had a new one when Brendon called.

"Hey babe" I said almost smiling.

"Hey kitten I was wondering if you were busy" I could hear the smirk in his voice.

"I just got back from therapy but I'm not planning in doing anything, why"

"Fabulous I'll be there in 20"

"Ok come up the balcony because Casey is here"

"Dammit ok I'll be there I'm 23 then"

I giggled slightly "Alright bye I love you"

"I love you too kitten see you soon"

I returned to my message from the mysterious anon. It read "Hey I just wanted to say that you're really cute." My cheeks flooded with emotion I could feel myself blushing extremely hard. It wasn't everyday that someone complimented me. How do I ever respond to this I've never had anyone say this to me well besides Brendon but I just replied to him with smiles and kisses.

I finally replied with "thanks you're very sweet I bet your cute too" ok I know that sounds girly but hey I gayer than gay what do you expect. Afterwards I mindlessly scrolled through my dash liking this and reblogging that, but all I could think about was that sweet anon. My stomach slightly fluttered at the thought but I tried to ignore it. Not even 5 minutes later another message appeared.

"Oh I may be cute but I certainly have nothing on you" this time I almost died. Who says this kind of stuff like especially to me I'm nothing special by any means why is this person being so nice?

I tried to compose myself before answering. "I may be cute but you shouldn't put yourself down I guarantee your much cuter than you think" does this count is flirting? Is this bad? I know I have a boyfriend but it shouldn't matter that I'm talking to a sweet anon right?

"Oh no trust me you are about 1000x cuter than me" that's it this is the end of Alan Anthony Ashby. Death by sweet anon.

"You're gonna kill me with cuteness I swear" I was now smiling from ear to ear I haven't felt this happy in years.

Another message came but before I could answer it I heard a knock at my window. I looked over realizing Brendon got here early.Shit I totally forgot he was coming, whoops. I quickly fixed my hair and frolicked over to open the window.

"Hey babe" Brendon said with a smile plastered on his face before crawling through my window

"Hi"

He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me softly before hopping into my bed. " So i thought we could watch the breakfast club and cuddle what do you think"

I climbed up next to him "I think it sounds perfect" I quickly kissed him before standing up again. "I'm gonna go grab us some sweat pants from the dryer I'll be right back but while I'm gone will you put on the movie on my laptop"

"I'll miss you dearly my love but I shall do as a you ask" he said dramatically. I rolled my eyes playfully he was such a nerd. I trotted downstairs to the laundry room grabbed my two pairs of sweat pants and semi-ran back up the stairs to my room.

"Do you want the black ones or the gray ones" I asked while closing my door. He didn't respond. I looked up at Brendon seeing him staring stone faced at my lap top screen. I slowly walked over to him. "Is something wrong babe will it not load or?"

"Alan what the fuck is this" I could hear the anger laced in his voice as he turned the computer screen around exposing my messages back and forth with the anon.
I immediately froze. Oh no what do I say to make this not sound bad. I searched my thoughts trying to find a reasonable explanation. "I um got home and saw I had a message and that is what it was and um I responded" I was shaking I was praying that he wouldn't hurt me but I knew that was almost inevitable. I prepared myself for the worst.

He got up from the bed and stood in front of me. "You think that's acceptable to be flirting with someone else you little slut" he said venomously before he slapped me across the face. I felt tears well up in my eyes and my hand flew to the spot he hit me trying to soothe it.

"I-I'm sorry" I croaked out.

"Sorry, YOURE FUCKING SORRY THATS ALL YOU CAN SAY" his eyes were boring into me and I couldn't speak I was so terrified.

"SPEAK SLUT OR ARE YOU SO SORRY YOU CANT SPEAK" He began yelling even louder and getting closer and closer to me. My heart was beating out if my chest and I could feel a panic attack coming on.

"I-I-I"

"YOU WHAT"

"I-" Why couldn't I say anything come on Alan grow some balls and speak up.

He scoffed "That's what I thought you're nothing but a worthless whore" he spit on me and kicked my side before climbing out my window and descending down my balcony leaving me a crying mess on the floor. This wasn't the worst he's done to me but it was up there with the worsts the only other time he hit me worse was when he saw some guy talking to me at a party he was drunk then, but I deserved it I shouldn't of been talking to other guys. I knew he got jealous easily and I shouldn't have pushed it. And I knew I deserved this now I shouldn't have been talking to that anon I should've just deleted the message. What's wrong with you Alan you can't do anything right. Now your boyfriend hates you again great fucking job.

After almost a half an hour of laying on the floor crying and insulting myself, I pulled myself up onto my bed collapsing and curling into the fetal position my eyes were swollen and I could barely breath but I knew this was only the beginning of what was to come. Tonight was guaranteed to be a long night.