Lazy Bones
1/1
"Brian, it's only in your head. They can't hurt you. I won't let them."
Brian didn't have the guts to admit that he'd stopped taking his medication. It made him tired. It made him confused. It made him stop questioning things. He'd stopped writing. Stopped discussing. Stopped living.
He figured he'd made the right choice to stop taking them as he found himself arguing with those he loved, and writing his most private of thoughts down for the first time in a long time. He'd started living again. Started feeling. Started crying in the shower. Started losing faith. Started to implode. Started heading down a familiar path of self-loathing and destruction.
He looked up at the all too familiar face Stefan would unintentionally pull when he knew someone was omitting a certain truth from him, and for all it was worth Brian may as well have flat out told him he'd stopped taking his meds. But Brian took relief in that Stefan was far too polite to ask him anything that personal outright. He'd wait until Brian confessed, or maybe until he caught him pouring his prescription pills down the hotel bathroom sink. Luckily, they didn't have to share the one room anymore. Brian could be alone after the terror was over with for another night and wrap himself up in the duvet, staring out at all the cars that passed on the streets down below and wondering where each one was headed. Surely, better places than the hotel he was stuck at that night.
"You don't know what it's like, Stefan. You don't understand!" Brian pushed him as hard as he could but it only resulted in Stefan rocking gently back onto the heels of his shoes. He'd wanted to hit him harder than that, to show him how much it hurt to feel so distanced from one of the only people that was capable of having an understanding of exactly how he worked. But he'd been too busy. Too careless. Too imperceptive. In the corner of his eye, Brian could see Steve, probably silently judging him and wondering how he got himself involved in such a mess.
"Don't you think I don't know what you're thinking!" Brian yelled, pointing a finger at Steve as he held his hands up in defense. "I've heard you talking about me, you know. I know what you've been saying!"
"I just want you to get some help, Brian. Maybe some medication. Maybe you should make more time to meditate. Just... anything that would help, you know?"
That look of doubt crossed Stefan's face once more, but he didn't say anything. He was the only one that knew Brian had gone back on medication, and he would never betray Brian's trust by announcing it to the world.
Brian couldn't deal with it anymore. He finished the rest of his energy drink in one big gulp, wiped his mouth on his arm, then stormed off down the hall to find his guitar technician.
"How long until we're on?" Steve asked, somewhat anxious over what was about to happen on stage.
"Not long enough."
Stefan could only watch in horror as Brian broke down on stage, a moment that had been a while coming. The short break before the encore hadn't calmed Brian down as he'd hoped. He wanted to run up and embrace him in his arms as his visible shaking touched the deepest of his memories, going back to when he'd find him on his doorstep at 3am with half a bottle of wine in one hand and tears in his eyes. His sobbing was distressing to listen to as it played back through the speakers at him, and reminded him of all the times Brian had soaked his shirt right through as he clung to him for support.
"L-Look me in the eye, s-s-say that again."
Brian couldn't finish the song. Stefan froze as he saw him fling the mic stand from its standing position and kick a water bottle on his march off the stage. He was silently begging people not to boo him off as the music stopped abruptly. They didn't understand.
Stefan hadn't meant to, but he flinched as Brian handed him his cup of tea when his bandage lightly grazed the side of his finger. This was the worst state he'd ever seen Brian in, he realised, and it made it hard to look at him without tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. He'd narrowly avoided losing one of his closest friends, and not because he'd decided he still wanted to be alive. Stefan was scared for him. Stefan was terrified.
He watched as Brian took a seat opposite him and at how his eyes never left his cup. He could see the shimmer of sadness in them, and was waiting for it to cascade down his cheeks.
"Are you okay?" Brian let out a tiny breath as he nodded, the tears finally spilling as his face contorted into one of suffering and pain. "Do you want a tissue?" Stefan stretched across the coffee table to hand him the box but he wouldn't let go of his mug to take it.
"I'm sorry about the band." Brian's voice had been so small, so delicate... so shamed. It broke Stefan's heart to think that this was what Brian thought he cared about. It didn't take him long to find a place nestled up to Brian's side with his arms around him as he shivered and sniffled into his chest, just like he used to. He stroked his hair out of his face as it caught and tangled in his tears, and wiped the smudged makeup from his cheeks once he'd stopped crying. Stefan could see then just how exhausted Brian was. His eyes were washed out and grey, and his skin a much paler complexion than usual. He was blinking slowly as one might if they were finding sleep, and Stefan didn't mind as Brian laid his head back down on his chest and curled up a little closer to his side. He could hear his breathing change as he fell asleep, and his fingertips tentatively reached for Brian's arm before it fell off the side of the couch. He didn't flinch that time.
As he held his arm, examining the bandages, he hoped that Brian would be okay. He tried not to imagine what had happened and couldn't imagine why. Brian was such a wonderful creature and he simply couldn't understand how anyone - even himself - could lay harm to such a person. He promised he'd be there for him from then on as he watched him sleep, stroking his arm over the bandages as if it would somehow heal faster that way.
Brian could feel Stefan's gentle touch in his sleep, protecting him from further harm and healing him from the inside out. Just as he used to. Just as he needed him to. Just in time, if only a little too late.
Brian didn't have the guts to admit that he'd stopped taking his medication. It made him tired. It made him confused. It made him stop questioning things. He'd stopped writing. Stopped discussing. Stopped living.
He figured he'd made the right choice to stop taking them as he found himself arguing with those he loved, and writing his most private of thoughts down for the first time in a long time. He'd started living again. Started feeling. Started crying in the shower. Started losing faith. Started to implode. Started heading down a familiar path of self-loathing and destruction.
He looked up at the all too familiar face Stefan would unintentionally pull when he knew someone was omitting a certain truth from him, and for all it was worth Brian may as well have flat out told him he'd stopped taking his meds. But Brian took relief in that Stefan was far too polite to ask him anything that personal outright. He'd wait until Brian confessed, or maybe until he caught him pouring his prescription pills down the hotel bathroom sink. Luckily, they didn't have to share the one room anymore. Brian could be alone after the terror was over with for another night and wrap himself up in the duvet, staring out at all the cars that passed on the streets down below and wondering where each one was headed. Surely, better places than the hotel he was stuck at that night.
"You don't know what it's like, Stefan. You don't understand!" Brian pushed him as hard as he could but it only resulted in Stefan rocking gently back onto the heels of his shoes. He'd wanted to hit him harder than that, to show him how much it hurt to feel so distanced from one of the only people that was capable of having an understanding of exactly how he worked. But he'd been too busy. Too careless. Too imperceptive. In the corner of his eye, Brian could see Steve, probably silently judging him and wondering how he got himself involved in such a mess.
"Don't you think I don't know what you're thinking!" Brian yelled, pointing a finger at Steve as he held his hands up in defense. "I've heard you talking about me, you know. I know what you've been saying!"
"I just want you to get some help, Brian. Maybe some medication. Maybe you should make more time to meditate. Just... anything that would help, you know?"
That look of doubt crossed Stefan's face once more, but he didn't say anything. He was the only one that knew Brian had gone back on medication, and he would never betray Brian's trust by announcing it to the world.
Brian couldn't deal with it anymore. He finished the rest of his energy drink in one big gulp, wiped his mouth on his arm, then stormed off down the hall to find his guitar technician.
"How long until we're on?" Steve asked, somewhat anxious over what was about to happen on stage.
"Not long enough."
Stefan could only watch in horror as Brian broke down on stage, a moment that had been a while coming. The short break before the encore hadn't calmed Brian down as he'd hoped. He wanted to run up and embrace him in his arms as his visible shaking touched the deepest of his memories, going back to when he'd find him on his doorstep at 3am with half a bottle of wine in one hand and tears in his eyes. His sobbing was distressing to listen to as it played back through the speakers at him, and reminded him of all the times Brian had soaked his shirt right through as he clung to him for support.
"L-Look me in the eye, s-s-say that again."
Brian couldn't finish the song. Stefan froze as he saw him fling the mic stand from its standing position and kick a water bottle on his march off the stage. He was silently begging people not to boo him off as the music stopped abruptly. They didn't understand.
Stefan hadn't meant to, but he flinched as Brian handed him his cup of tea when his bandage lightly grazed the side of his finger. This was the worst state he'd ever seen Brian in, he realised, and it made it hard to look at him without tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. He'd narrowly avoided losing one of his closest friends, and not because he'd decided he still wanted to be alive. Stefan was scared for him. Stefan was terrified.
He watched as Brian took a seat opposite him and at how his eyes never left his cup. He could see the shimmer of sadness in them, and was waiting for it to cascade down his cheeks.
"Are you okay?" Brian let out a tiny breath as he nodded, the tears finally spilling as his face contorted into one of suffering and pain. "Do you want a tissue?" Stefan stretched across the coffee table to hand him the box but he wouldn't let go of his mug to take it.
"I'm sorry about the band." Brian's voice had been so small, so delicate... so shamed. It broke Stefan's heart to think that this was what Brian thought he cared about. It didn't take him long to find a place nestled up to Brian's side with his arms around him as he shivered and sniffled into his chest, just like he used to. He stroked his hair out of his face as it caught and tangled in his tears, and wiped the smudged makeup from his cheeks once he'd stopped crying. Stefan could see then just how exhausted Brian was. His eyes were washed out and grey, and his skin a much paler complexion than usual. He was blinking slowly as one might if they were finding sleep, and Stefan didn't mind as Brian laid his head back down on his chest and curled up a little closer to his side. He could hear his breathing change as he fell asleep, and his fingertips tentatively reached for Brian's arm before it fell off the side of the couch. He didn't flinch that time.
As he held his arm, examining the bandages, he hoped that Brian would be okay. He tried not to imagine what had happened and couldn't imagine why. Brian was such a wonderful creature and he simply couldn't understand how anyone - even himself - could lay harm to such a person. He promised he'd be there for him from then on as he watched him sleep, stroking his arm over the bandages as if it would somehow heal faster that way.
Brian could feel Stefan's gentle touch in his sleep, protecting him from further harm and healing him from the inside out. Just as he used to. Just as he needed him to. Just in time, if only a little too late.
♠ ♠ ♠
Con-crit welcome :)