Deeply Bound

I find myself at home alone again for the evening. Josh is working late which is no surprise so I have time to let loose and unwind so to relax I decide that working on my writing is a good way to get my mind off of other things like this thing growing inside me.

I send Devon a quick message, “Hey made it home how’s your work going?”

He usually takes a few moments since he has things on the go so I just leave the window open. Our conversation time seems to be scheduled. He makes time during his work hours to chat with me so that his spouse Sara doesn’t catch him and it’s actually to my own benefit because when Josh is here he doesn’t suspect. Earlier on when this became more than just a friends situation I think for the both of us we were on the path to getting caught. Devon saw that and pretty well made the decision to schedule our time better. It sucked in the beginning because I craved him but over time I adjusted and I think that the relationship, well this weird relationship is stronger today because of it.
Devon is starting to do really well now with his career. He has landed this amazing high paying technical job working for one of the most elite high tech companies in the world. Devon’s new book, the one that when we first started talking he asked me to read a sample, it is now published. I am actually a little jealous to say that he made the best sellers list this past week so now our scheduled talks have been dwindling a bit as he is being pulled in every direction with people wanting a piece of him.

I have mixed feelings about all of it; let me explain because I feel horrible with how this is coming across. I am over the top happy for him, you wish for your friends and family to do well and achieve all of their dreams. When I said the word jealous earlier, I mean more on the level of hoping that my own books are discovered. I know that it takes time and to put it simply is my time has not arrived yet.

Where the mixed feelings come into play is I miss him. I miss the company that he provides me during the day and the fact that I know that I have a true friend on the other side of my text there to support me, love me and just simply have to talk to about anything. With him, anything goes and it is nice. That is the only thing but you know what, deep down I knew that this day would come. Devon is one outgoing, confidant and determined man. There was no doubt that he was going to achieve success and you know what, if our relationship takes a bit of a back seat I just have to swallow it and support him when he needs it.

My love for him is my entire heart and with the gift that he has given me comes a love that I have never experienced. My heart craves for him but because of the entire situation that we are in I think that the time away from Devon is a good thing because it’s allowing me to refocus on my pregnancy, and this life that I am trying to maintain with Josh.

I look back at the chat window that I had opened to talk to Devon. Ten minutes have lapsed but there it is I received a message from Devon, “Hey, it’s going, really busy as usual and the media, I have no idea how they were able to get all my contact information but my phone has been ringing nonstop and my cell phone too. I have had to put it on silent because it’s getting out of hand.”

I answer, “That’s fame for you, wow I still can’t believe that its happening, let me rephrase that. I knew it would happen for you I just didn’t expect it to take off so quickly.”

“Yah tell me about it!”

“So have you accepted any interviews or anything like that?”

“Next week I have a couple of interviews with some major magazines and a radio show in New York City; all accommodations are paid which is awesome!”

“That is too cool. Well I am so incredibly happy for you. I admit that I miss our chat time but you know what, seeing all this happen to you is just amazing and I am living vicariously thru you.”
“Ah Jordan, thank you, it means a lot that I have your support. Please I want you to know before it becomes even more intense with interviews, traveling and promoting this book. If I am unable to talk to you, know that it is not me giving you the cold shoulder or anything. You mean the world to me and I want you to know that if you send a message, maybe I won’t answer immediately but I will always answer.”

“Smiling big, thanks Devon you are such a sweetheart. Well this Canadian girl is cheering for you!”
He changes subjects, “How are you?”

“I’m good, just taking it easy at home and working on my own best seller.” I send him a wink face with the sentence.

“Have you been tossing your cookies?”

“No actually I seem to be passed the morning sickness which is great. The food is actually staying down. I tell yah this little thing inside me was giving me a run for my money.”

“Oh that’s good to hear that you and baby are getting along.” He adds a smiley face to the message. Well Jordan I hate to be the one to call it but this day has just been nuts and I am actually falling behind with my work, I have to get back to it. Ping me later if you need to talk.”

I am sad but I knew that this was going to be a short conversation. I send a final message, “Bye, love you and giving you a butt squeeze for good luck.”

“Hey no squeezing my butt, love you too!”

With that, he is gone offline and I need to let him get back to his work. I open up my documents and get cracking on my own future best seller and just thinking it all thru I need to wish big like he did. I mean truth be told in my own personal life all of my wishes have come true up to this point. The universe has granted my wishes of publishing my own book, it has given me the love that I longed for, maybe in not the most ideal ways but Devon came into my life when I needed him the most and to top it off I am now with child and it’s probably his.

Okay Jordan wish! Well first things first, I wish for a healthy, happy baby, I wish for my Devon and Josh to remain separate. I wish for myself to see success just like Devon is starting to see and with that I can have enough to provide for my family and Josh would not feel obligated to work all the time.

There we go I sent it out into the universe!