I'm Alive and on Fire

"i didn't promise you shit."

Josh thinks this is maybe the sketchiest place they've stayed in so far in their entire touring life, which is saying something, considering they've literally slept in abandoned buildings. The motel has literally only two cars in the parking lot aside from their van and their trailer, and Josh assumes one of them belongs to whoever is working the front desk. But the sign by the road said their TVs have free HBO and Dan is really into some new vampire show called True Blood so he talked Rob into picking this place. So Josh is dragging his bag up a set of very wobbly stairs to their rooms.

“Right, first room is me and Matt,” Rob says, as he's handing out keys, “second is Max and Chris, and you two get the single.” He holds the last key out at Josh and Dan.

“The single?” Josh asks. “How come we get stuck with the single?”

“You're the youngest so you get last dibs and Dan is the only one I trust to keep you in line,” Rob says. Dan takes the key.

“You have an awful lot of faith in me,” Dan says.

“Probably too much,” Rob sighs. “We need to leave by noon so set your alarms if you have to. Don't make me break in.”

“Of course not,” Max says. “Don't worry mate. I'll set my phone alarm.”

“I'm always worried,” Rob says. “Go on then. It's nearly time for that shit vampire soap opera and I don't feel like dealing with listening to Dan whinge about missing any of it in the van tomorrow.”

The room is literally the smallest hotel room Josh has ever seen in his life. There's a queen sized bed and barely enough floor space to walk on either side or between the end of the bed and the television bolted to the wall. The bathroom is equally tiny with one of those stall showers and a toilet so close to the door that it can't even open properly without hitting the tank.

“I hate Rob sometimes,” Josh says.

“I call the side by the heater,” Dan says, tossing his bag onto his claimed side of the bed. Josh drops his bag between the wall and his side of the bed, sitting down. Dan grabs for the remote and turns the television on, immediately searching for HBO.

“I guess I have no choice than to watch the vampire show with you then,” Josh says, laying down. He stretches out a bit, making himself comfortable.

“You say that as if True Blood isn't a fantastic show,” Dan says. He lays next to Josh. “Don't worry. I'll explain what's going on if you get lost, but it's only the end of the first season, so there's not a whole lot to catch up on.”

“Alright,” Josh sighs.

Dan explains that the show is set in a universe where vampires are real and coexist with humans. The main character, Sookie, is clairvoyant, and there's some sort of weird love triangle going on with her and two vampires called Bill and Eric. Bill is the Southern gentleman type and Eric was apparently a viking. Josh nods his way through Dan's recap and Dan is just wrapping up when the whole “viewer discretion is advised” screen comes up.

“There's a fair bit of blood and guts,” Dan says. “Just a heads up.”

“Lovely,” Josh says.

Josh is sort of able to follow the plot of the episode, if only because he gives Dan this look whenever he doesn't get something. Dan will elaborate as simply as possible so as not to talk over any dialogue. Apparently there's a serial killer in the little fictional bayou town. And Sookie's grandmother was one of the killer's victims.

Josh thinks he gets the gist of the show when suddenly, Eric and Sookie are very naked and Eric is on top of her on the living room floor, and Josh raises an eyebrow. His dick is hard instantly – like, literally instantly, because a van full of men isn't exactly the best place to jerk off and the closest thing he's been to porn in the last two weeks is peeking at the newest issue of Front magazine they're in with Vikki Blows on the cover. Also, he's eighteen, and Anna Paquin's boobs, but also Alexander Skarsgard's butt, and Josh must look as overwhelmed as he feels because Dan snorts out a laugh.

“You alright mate?” Dan asks.

“You said there'd be blood and guts but you completely failed to mention the extremely graphic vampire on human sex,” Josh says, shifting a bit as Eric fucks Sookie from behind.

“It's HBO,” Dan says, as if it's obvious.

“Well,” Josh says.

“What, does your mum not let you watch HBO at home?” Dan asks.

“Fuck off,” Josh mumbles, trying to subtly adjust his erection, but as it would turn out there is literally no subtle way to adjust one's erection.

“Christ,” Dan says. “Alexander Skarsgard gave you a boner. I forget that you're a teenager sometimes.”

“My jeans are just tight,” Josh says. “And Anna Paquin is onscreen as well, fuck you very much.”

And weirdly enough, Dan's hand shifts down to his belt buckle a little.

“This scene is actually...” Dan starts to say, and Sookie is riding Eric and her tits aren't even being strategically covered up by her hair or Eric's arm or anything like that. They're just there.

The scene seems to last forever, and so does Josh's boner. Josh is just staring at the television, his hands resting on his belly, too close to his cock but also way too far away. He's so sucked into the scene that he sort of forgets about Dan next to him until he hears the metal click of a belt buckle.

“Josh?” Dan asks.

Josh looks over. Dan is like, halfway done unbuckling his jeans, and Josh swallows dryly.

“Yeah?” Josh asks.

“You can...” Dan pauses. “I mean, if you want, it's cool. Like. I know the van isn't exactly ideal and you probably wanted to tonight in your own bed but-”

“I'm not gonna jerk off right in front of you with you watching,” Josh says.

“Well, I could,” Dan starts to say, and Josh looks down at Dan's hands. Josh's dick twitches in his pants a bit as if to remind him that it's still there.

“Are we doing this?” Josh asks.

“If you want,” Dan says, and Josh does. He doesn't say anything, just carefully slides a hand down to rest over the crotch of his too-tight jeans. Ah. Better. He looks back at the television and they're not fucking anymore, but Sookie and Eric are naked in bed together, and Josh is able to distract himself from Dan's hands as they undo his jeans and one slides into his underwear. Josh isn't looking, but he's definitely aware, even though his eyes are on Alexander Skarsgard's back muscles.

Josh swears he's never been in a more strange situation.

He can see Dan's hand moving in his jeans, just slowly, just starting. Josh sort of squeezes himself a bit. Fuck. How do you even jack off in front of somebody? Josh is at least 108% sure he probably makes the most embarrassing noises and faces of all time when he cums. Dan sits up and Josh very deliberately does not look as he pulls his shirt off and drops it on top of his bag.

The scene changes so Josh looks down at himself. He wonders if Dan thinks his dick looks big. Which is when he hears more belt buckle clicking and the bed shifts and Dan is actually taking off his pants. Josh makes an aggressive effort not to look at Dan's dick, because that's weird, but he totally looks, and when he does Dan's hand is mostly covering it because he's sort of lazily working himself. God fucking dammit, not only has Josh embarrassed himself again but nothing good has come out of it.

“Are you gonna get your dick out or just lay there with your hand on it?” Dan asks, as if he's not literally jerking off right next to him.

“I will,” Josh says quickly, making absolutely no effort to do so. He sort of pushes his shirt up a bit instead, but just a bit, because he doesn't really want to take it off. Maybe a little reluctantly, he unbuttons his jeans, unzips them, and starts wiggling them down. This is a very slow process. They're his tightest pair, and while they make his ass look fantastic, they're not exactly the easiest to remove.

Dan stifles a laugh because Josh only has them about halfway down his bum and they're sort of tugging his underwear down with them.

“Fuck you, s'not funny,” Josh mumbles, resigning to stand up to take them off. He faces away from Dan.

“It's absolutely hilarious,” Dan says, and Josh manages to wrestle them off, his underwear coming down with them. He peeks over his shoulder and Dan is watching him.

“What,” Josh says.

“Nothing,” Dan says. “Lay down.”

Josh lays down.

The scene is completely different now, so Josh has only himself to pay attention to. Well, he could look at Dan, but he's already decided that would be weird, and he's not going to jerk off watching his best friend jerk off. Josh just looks down at his cock, and it's resting against his stomach. He carefully runs his palm over it, just to take the edge off.

“Do you have lube?” Dan asks. Josh looks at him.

“Why would I have lube?” Josh asks.

“Dunno,” Dan says, spitting in his hand. “It'd just make our lives easier.”

Which is when Josh has his first opportunity to actually see Dan's cock in its full glory. Josh thinks the phrase “full glory” is extremely appropriate because, Jesus Christ, it's literally perfect. The right length, the right thickness, the right curve. A miracle of nature. Penis nature.

“Nice,” Josh says to Dan's dick.

“Thanks?” Dan asks. “Yours is alright too.”

“Alright?” Josh asks.

“I mean, it suits you,” Dan says. “Like. It's proportionate.”

“I don't know if that's a compliment,” Josh asks, looking down at his cock, which he likes to think is slightly above average. It's leaking at the head as if to tell him to stop making small talk about penises and to fucking wank already.

Josh takes a very deep breath and exhales for what feels like an hour. He thumbs up the bit of precum there and uses it as lube and grabs himself by the base, starting up. Relief. He sighs, closes his eyes, and then hears a very soft moan. Which he's heard before, on the van, when he thought everyone was asleep except him and whoever was driving. Turns out that's not Dan's sleepy noise, it's his wanking noise.

Josh opens his eyes and looks over at Dan. Dan is looking at him. Josh bites his lips together. This is definitely not as weird as he thought it would be. It's actually kind of hot.

“Can I,” Dan says, and Josh nods.

Dan shifts over closer, so their thighs touch, and Dan grabs at Josh's shirt. Josh sort of considers telling Dan not to do that, but well, his shirt is already mostly off, so he doesn't get a choice. Dan rests back into the bed and they're all pressed up together. Josh looks over Dan's body – he honestly can't help it. It's not that he hasn't seen Dan in his boxers before, but he hasn't seen Dan naked and hard and he's covered in a thin layer of sweat from the heater or being turned on and Josh sighs.

“You're so hot,” Josh says. Dan laughs once.

“So are you,” he says, his voice a little softer and lower. Which is hot. Josh leans into Dan's shoulder and grabs himself by the base, quickly working himself up.

“Fuck,” Josh whispers. He's leaked more precum and his grip is slick now, his eyes down at Dan's, watching how big his hand looks compared to Josh's own. Josh wonders what they feel like. He moans softly, turning his face into Dan's arm.

“Good?” Dan asks under his breath. Josh just nods, kissing at Dan's arm as he wanks himself off, sort of forgetting that he's trying to look or sound good. He keeps making these soft little moaning noises, and Dan's noises are more like groans, but quiet. “Fuck,” Dan says.

“Close,” Josh gasps, and the bed shifts under him as Dan adjusts his grip.

“Same,” Dan says. “Fuck. Josh. Fuck.” Josh inhales sharply, his mouth hung open but holding his breath, not making a sound as he watches Dan's hand still and his cock jerk as he cums all over his hand, just a quiet moan. Josh pushes his face into Dan's shoulder and finally moans, cumming across his own stomach and his hand, his free hand grabbing at Dan's side.

“Oh god,” Josh pants. He shoves his fingers into his mouth, sucking, and Dan scoffs above him.

“Gross,” Dan says.

“Fuck you,” Josh says around his cummed on fingers.

“You gonna clean me up too then?” Dan asks, his voice raw, and Josh looks up at him, eyes wide.

“You want me to?” Josh asks softly.

“Yeah,” Dan says.

Josh sits up a bit and takes Dan's hand, sucking each finger into his mouth and giving it a thorough cleaning before moving on to the next. Once his hand is clean Josh gives him two big licks across his hip where he'd dripped, purring into the skin.

“Fuck,” Dan says. “I want you to suck me off.”

“Now?” Josh asks, looking at him.

“Not right now, idiot,” Dan says. “I just came.”

“I'll suck your cock in the morning,” Josh mumbles, crawling back up. “M'tired now.”

“Shit,” Dan says at the television. Josh looks up and the credits are rolling. “We missed the whole end of the episode.”

“You can watch it online or something at the next venue with wifi,” Josh says.

“Fine,” Dan sighs. “I'm not gonna forget that you promised me a blowjob.”

“I didn't promise you shit,” Josh murmurs, snuggling into his pillow. Dan sighs, rests a hand on Josh's hip as he shuts the television off and pulls the covers over them.