Complex
three
I saw him.
His arm wrapped around a thin brunette, head leaning on her shoulder as she pointed to something in a window. He didn't see me. I was invisible to him when he's with her. I wanted to hit him, punch him, get my anger out. She would think I was a crazy person. I could hear her arguments in my head, "no, my Isaac wouldn't do anything like that, he isn't like that." My hand gripped the alcohol bottle, it would've been a stupid idea anyway.
I heard the front door open, a part of me thought it would be him. That he was having an affair with her. That I was in her position. It was unlikely that would ever happen. The bottle touched my lips as a figure stood in my doorway. I drank the rest of it, the person standing with their arms crossed. Once I was finished, I let the bottle roll out of my hands, joining the several others scattered around me. "Found Dad's stash, did you?" The voice of my sister asked, as she walked into the room.
I chuckled, sitting up, shaking my head. "I drank his stash, Keira," I told her, slurring my words. She knelt down by me, brushing some hair from my face. "What's wrong with me, Keira?" I questioned, sighing as my head hit the wall behind me. I pictured the scene again, the happiness, the love. My hands covered my face as I tried to lose the image.
My sister placed a hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me, I guess? "Boy trouble, huh?" She asked, laughing slightly. I nodded, taking a deep breath, trying to not cry over him - again. I do it too much recently. "What sort of boy trouble?"
I looked at her, moving my hands from my face. "The sort when he's in a relationship," I sighed, bringing my knees up to my chest. "The sort where I want to punch him in the face," I told her, fumbling with my fingers. It was awkward, I didn't want to tell anyone, not even my sister. But I felt like I needed to, I couldn't keep this a secret. It was too painful, to feel like this, for him to come over and kiss me and act like we're in a relationship and then go home and actually be married to someone else. It was too cruel of him. I hate him but I don't. I should hate him. I'm just someone he can have to take advantage of, I guess. But, I allowed it. I'm to blame for where I am now. For how I feel now.
My sister wouldn't understand. She would think I was a whore. She would tell me to tell the truth, to be the bigger person. I couldn't, it was too much. But seeing him today was too much. "There's plenty of other fish in the sea, Stasia, maybe find one that isn't with someone. Or, just wait until his window of availability opens." She said, smiling. I shook my head, looking around the room. There were traces of him everywhere, where ever I looked; I saw him. I grabbed the nearest bottle, clutching it in my hand. I felt tears in my eyes as I fought to hold them back.
I held the bottle up, feeling tears roll down my cheeks. My sister was telling me to put it down, that I'll take an eye out with it. I shook my head as I tried to regain control of my breathing. "There's only him," I almost shouted as I brought the bottle down on the ground. The glass shattered around my hand, on my hand. I saw blood trickle from where the broken shards of glass had pierce the skin. I pulled my hand away, the blood dripping onto my clothes. My sister helped me stand up.
It seemed rushed, she seemed in a rush. She was telling me that she was taking me to the hospital, that I was stupid. She should have stopped me then. I was being dragged from the house and to the car. It was dark, I didn't realize how fast the time went. My hand was wrapped in a towel that Keira had placed ever so carefully. I didn't know why she was worrying so much, I was fine.
His arm wrapped around a thin brunette, head leaning on her shoulder as she pointed to something in a window. He didn't see me. I was invisible to him when he's with her. I wanted to hit him, punch him, get my anger out. She would think I was a crazy person. I could hear her arguments in my head, "no, my Isaac wouldn't do anything like that, he isn't like that." My hand gripped the alcohol bottle, it would've been a stupid idea anyway.
I heard the front door open, a part of me thought it would be him. That he was having an affair with her. That I was in her position. It was unlikely that would ever happen. The bottle touched my lips as a figure stood in my doorway. I drank the rest of it, the person standing with their arms crossed. Once I was finished, I let the bottle roll out of my hands, joining the several others scattered around me. "Found Dad's stash, did you?" The voice of my sister asked, as she walked into the room.
I chuckled, sitting up, shaking my head. "I drank his stash, Keira," I told her, slurring my words. She knelt down by me, brushing some hair from my face. "What's wrong with me, Keira?" I questioned, sighing as my head hit the wall behind me. I pictured the scene again, the happiness, the love. My hands covered my face as I tried to lose the image.
My sister placed a hand on my shoulder, trying to comfort me, I guess? "Boy trouble, huh?" She asked, laughing slightly. I nodded, taking a deep breath, trying to not cry over him - again. I do it too much recently. "What sort of boy trouble?"
I looked at her, moving my hands from my face. "The sort when he's in a relationship," I sighed, bringing my knees up to my chest. "The sort where I want to punch him in the face," I told her, fumbling with my fingers. It was awkward, I didn't want to tell anyone, not even my sister. But I felt like I needed to, I couldn't keep this a secret. It was too painful, to feel like this, for him to come over and kiss me and act like we're in a relationship and then go home and actually be married to someone else. It was too cruel of him. I hate him but I don't. I should hate him. I'm just someone he can have to take advantage of, I guess. But, I allowed it. I'm to blame for where I am now. For how I feel now.
My sister wouldn't understand. She would think I was a whore. She would tell me to tell the truth, to be the bigger person. I couldn't, it was too much. But seeing him today was too much. "There's plenty of other fish in the sea, Stasia, maybe find one that isn't with someone. Or, just wait until his window of availability opens." She said, smiling. I shook my head, looking around the room. There were traces of him everywhere, where ever I looked; I saw him. I grabbed the nearest bottle, clutching it in my hand. I felt tears in my eyes as I fought to hold them back.
I held the bottle up, feeling tears roll down my cheeks. My sister was telling me to put it down, that I'll take an eye out with it. I shook my head as I tried to regain control of my breathing. "There's only him," I almost shouted as I brought the bottle down on the ground. The glass shattered around my hand, on my hand. I saw blood trickle from where the broken shards of glass had pierce the skin. I pulled my hand away, the blood dripping onto my clothes. My sister helped me stand up.
It seemed rushed, she seemed in a rush. She was telling me that she was taking me to the hospital, that I was stupid. She should have stopped me then. I was being dragged from the house and to the car. It was dark, I didn't realize how fast the time went. My hand was wrapped in a towel that Keira had placed ever so carefully. I didn't know why she was worrying so much, I was fine.
♠ ♠ ♠
okay.