Till the End of the Line

Sarah's head was spinning, her heart still beating furiously. She hardly noticed what was happening around her, she hardly even knew where she was. She sat with her arms on her knees, supporting her head in her hands, breathing heavily with her eyes closed. James would glance occasionally at her from the corner of his eye, but he never made any attempt to speak. What seemed like an eternity later, Sarah had calmed down somewhat and now sat leaning back into her seat, her eyes on the roof of the car and her hands dropped limply in her lap. Once she noticed they were no longer moving, she glanced around to discover that they were surrounded by trees.
"Is this it?" she asked, frowning slightly.
"No," James answered as he switched off the engine and turned in his seat to look at her, "we're not there yet, but we need to talk." He looked at her, his gaze fixed steadily on her, his expression inscrutable. "What happened?"
Sarah closed her eyes again, screwing her face up and tilting her head back against the seat. She had spent the entire way trying to forget all about what had happened in the shop and now everything was coming back with such intense speed that it felt as if she had just run out of the shop and stepped into the truck.
"I was paying for the food…" she began slowly, trying to keep her voice steady, "and the man at the till started asking me all these questions…"
As she spoke she began to tremble, the fear and disorientation she had felt at the time rushing over her while she recounted the events to James. She tried to stay in control of herself, but when she reached the part where she pulled out the gun she broke down, tears burning in her eyes as she sobbed: "And I… I shot him…" she gasped, seeing once more in her mind's eye the bullet piercing the man, a bloody stain spreading on his shirt. "I shot him…" she kept repeating, covering her face with her hands and rocking back and forth in her seat. It seemed so unreal, but she had really done it. She felt sick, violated, as if a part of who she was had been torn away the moment she had pulled the trigger.

She felt James prying her fingers away from her face, "Calm down," she heard him say. She leaned back, trying to force herself to stop shaking, tears still leaking from her eyes even though she kept pressing them shut.
"Did you hit him?" he asked, but she didn't reply. "Sarah," her eyes opened almost automatically as he turned her face to his, "did you hit him?"
She nodded.
"Where?" James pressed on, "Where did you hit him?" Despite the tone of urgency, his voice was soft, soothing, as was his hand that still touched her cheek. Sarah felt herself calming down a little more.
"Just… below his shoulder, I think…"
"Not in his heart?"
"N-No, it was more near his collarbone."
"So you didn't kill him?"
Sarah stared at him and slowly shook her head. With a small sigh, James sat back again, retrieving his comforting hand to run it through his hair instead, staring out of the window, apparently deep in thought.
"S-Should I have…?" Sarah asked hesitantly after a moment. As if shaken from a trance, James jerked his head around to look at her again, frowning.
"What?"
"Should I have killed him?"
"What?" he looked a little taken aback, "No! Well, maybe…" Now it was Sarah's turn to frown. "I mean… it would have been more useful if you had," he amended, "because it would've taken a little longer before all his Hydra buddies knew we are in the area. Now he's had time to alert them…" seeing Sarah's look of horror, he quickly stretched out his metal hand to her shoulder and added: "Of course you shouldn't have to kill anyone," his gaze dropped to his hand, which he removed almost instantly, "especially not for me. That'd be… even more unfair to you…" he cleared his throat, still looking away. It seemed as if he was checking himself. After a short pause, he looked up at her again, "But being on Hydra's wanted list makes it kind of necessary to kill sometimes, because they'd kill both of us if they get the chance," he took another short pause. "It's seems more likely, though, that they'd try to kill you rather than me, seeing as they probably want me to fight for their team again…" his voice tailed off, and he looked down for a moment before glancing back up at Sarah. "What I'm trying to say," he continued, a little more confidently, "is if we ever to run into any more Hydra supporters, your own safety needs to be your number one priority. Kill them before they kill you, because they will. And if you don't kill them, at least incapacitate them long enough for you to get away. Which you did, and that was a good call."
"It wasn't really my call, though," Sarah said, her eyes falling on the gun lying on the floor between her feet, "I had no idea what I was doing, I never held a gun before. I don't even know how I managed to hit him at all…"
"Well, we can do something about that," James said off-handedly, as he leaned back into his seat and gazed at the surrounding trees through the windshield, "I can teach you, then you'll be able to protect yourself. Just in case."

They ate some sandwiches while waiting for the sun to set. James had explained that he parked the truck close to the edge of the forest, which would make it easy for him to get them back to the highway without having to turn on the headlights. He'd turn them on again once they were safely back on the road to Asheville.
Sarah watched James from the window as he paced around in circles a short distance away from the truck. She thought about what he had said; that Hydra would probably kill her rather than him. Of course, she knew that, now that Hydra's people knew where and with whom he'd been staying, she was on their radar too. And she knew that there would be danger along the way, she had known that from the beginning. But so far, the possibility of being killed, or actually having to wound or kill someone else, had not been this palpable. So far, it had just been a word without any influence on her, more of a theoretical concept to muse about rather than something that really happened in the world. But when James had been talking about it, she had noticed that every time he said 'kill', the little hairs on the back of her neck would stand on end.
But, even though she wasn't looking forward to having to handle a gun again, she was happy that he wanted to teach her how to shoot. At least then she wouldn't be completely useless anymore, which she felt she was ever since they had escaped from her apartment. She'd felt it less when they were at Olivia's, but even then she had started to notice how different her life was compared to James', and how the only way she had been able to help him was by giving him shelter. Now that they were on the road, more liable to be found by Hydra, she realised that she was nothing but dead weight to him. If she hadn't been with him he'd probably be halfway to South America or something…
She glanced over at him again, watching him eat his sandwich with a thoughtful frown on his face.

There had been more than enough opportunities for her to let him go, and she'd probably be a lot safer if she had, but the thought of not being with him anymore had always made her choose to stay with him. Now that she thought about it, he had had more than enough opportunities to leave her as well, and she knew he had considered it, but here they were: on the run together. She wondered if it was because he felt guilty or responsible for her being dragged into his mess by trying to help him. Or because he, like her, simply couldn't bear the idea of having to be separated from each other…
A sudden noise shook her out of her reverie. Looking around, she saw James had opened the door on his side to get back behind the wheel.