On the Line

I, Niall, take you, Lillian…
I was hot like fire when I closed the front door behind us. I had been cool, calm, and collected in the car ride back, but the second I shut the front door, I lit up. I was electricity, I was lightening, I was a firework.
…to be my lawfully wedded wife. I vow to love you, and care for you, for as long as we both shall live…
She leaned up against the doorframe and gave me a small smile, taking a deep breath. She didn’t flinch as I leaned in close, ghosting my lips against hers, my fingers trailing the expanse of her neck. “This was where we had our first kiss,” she whispered, her lip trembling.
The brave girl in the car was gone. The girl who had leaned over the console at every red light and twisted my head toward her, the girl who licked into my mouth and left an array of dizzying kisses to my lips as her fingers tugged at the button of my jeans.
…I take you with all your faults and your strengths as I offer myself to you with my faults and strengths…
I pushed her jacket off her shoulders and let it fall to the ground at her feet. Her breath hitched as I brought my hands to her hips. I looked at her then, her flushed cheeks, bright eyes. She bit her bottom lip and blinked slowly. My knees buckled and I laughed, closing my eyes. “God, I can’t wait to touch you.”
…I will help you when you need help, and I will turn to you when I need help…
“Can you help me?” I asked, gesturing to the buttons of my shirt. She took a deep breath and brought her trembling hands to my chest. She fumbled around and struggled, but managed to get my shirt opened up. She gripped the fabric in her hands and looked up at me, like she was asking for permission, before she pushed the fabric back. I let it slip from my shoulders and we both watched as it met with her jacket on the floor. She looked up, eyes scanning across the expanse of my chest. She brought her fingers to my skin, skimming across my ribs. I shivered, and she giggled, placing wide palms to my waist to drag me in closer, rising up on her tiptoes to kiss me.
..I choose you as the person with whom I will spend my life…
“Let’s go to bed, okay?” I mumbled against her lips. She pulled back slowly, slowly opening her eyes and she agreed, letting me take her hand to lead her down the hallway. I paused at the doorway, turning back to her to make sure she was okay. She gave me a smile, so I pulled her across the threshold and we stood side by side at the foot of the bed.
I, Lillian, take you, Niall…
I pulled her hair over her left shoulder. “We don’t have to do this right now,” I said, reminding her. “We can wait for later, or tomorrow, or-“
“I want to,” she interrupted, a smile stretching across her lips. “Now,” she added, firmly, nodding her head for emphasis. “If you do.”
God, I wanted to. I wanted her skin against mine, I wanted her hair in my face, I wanted her lips against my own, I wanted to taste her, to feel her, to become one with her. I wanted her fingerprints to bruise themselves into my heart, her tongue to stain my lips. I wanted to hear her sighs replay in my mind as I fell asleep, I wanted the shockwaves of her vibrating thighs to pull the avalanche from my body until I became totally and completely hers.
I smiled, brushing my fingers through her tangled waves. “I’ve wanted to for a long time.”
…my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward…
“Yeah, me too,” she breathed, her fingers intertwining with mine. “I’m just…sensory overload. It’s been…awhile. I’m sorry,” she whispered, sheepishly.
“Don’t apologize. Uh, how long has it been?” I smiled.
Her eyes widened as she shook her head. “I..don’t even remember. A long, long time.”
“You’re not nervous are you?” I asked, stepping in closer, my fingers dusting across her face. “We can take a breather if you want.”
“Will you just kiss me awhile?” she asked, shyly.
“Course, darlin’,” I whispered. I pulled my hand away from hers and pointed to the center of the bed. “Meet you there?”
…I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow…
Once my lips began to slowly move against hers, every time I touched her, she jumped, and I could see her heart pulsing in her neck. I dropped my lips to that spot, to the spot that contained her beating heart, and kissed it, softly, gently. I left my lips there, left them to feel the beats, to feel her nervousness, to feel her anxiety. “You’re calling the shots tonight,” I whispered, pressing my lips to her cheek. “Whatever you want, okay?”
I kissed her again, smiling as I tasted her strawberry lip balm, and dared to bring my hands to her waist. She jumped at my contact, but she relaxed moments later, melting into the warmth of my hands to her skin.
…I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals…
My head was swimming from her lips, my fingers and toes numb from her tongue. Every sigh she exhaled into my mouth tasted like heaven, every time her hips rolled against mine felt like hell. I grew dizzier every time she moved her hands against my skin, not knowing where to touch, and when she, finally, pulled away and said, “Touch me,” I thought I’d collapse inside.
If her heart hadn’t been pounding before, it was now. I sat up on my knees and slipped my fingers past the hem of her shirt, watching as her back arched slowly before her shoulders left the pillows, giving me ample room to pull away the fabric from her body. I pulled her jeans open and she lifted her hips without a request and helped me pull the denim down her long legs. I sat up on my knees to look at her, to look at my wife, my beautiful, flawless, pristine wife.
…I vow to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you…
Her chest was flushed a rosy pink and it heaved as she sucked in a deep breath. Her torso was long and smooth, rounded hips and long legs. She erupted in head to toe goose bumps as I skimmed my fingertip along her stomach, her eyes squeezing shut. With her eyes still closed, she reached out and unbuttoned my jeans, her fingers slowly undoing my zipper. I stood and removed the rest of my clothes before I laid back down beside her. “You’re okay, right?” I whispered.
She nodded, exhaling slowly, turning her head and opening her eyes. “Yeah.”
I rolled back over her, tracing my fingertips along the fabric of her bra, hearing the hitch in her breathing. “Can I?” She nodded, biting down on her bottom lip as I brought my hand to her back and pulled the clasp. I threw her bra across the floor, dropping my lips to the center of her chest, leaving a soft, gentle kiss to the skin. I kissed down and across her stomach, stopping at her belly button. “Can I?” I asked again, slipping one finger past the hem of her panties. She nodded and lifted her hips again, so I pulled the fabric away.
…I vow to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.
I kissed the inside of her knee as she opened her trembling legs for me, sighing, her eyes fluttering shut as I pressed my bare chest against hers. I could feel her knees shaking against my hips. I ran my hands against her legs, giving her a small smile. “Calm down,” I whispered, kissing her jaw.
She nodded, blinking slowly. I pulled myself forward, resting on my elbows, my nose brushing against hers. She gave me a soft smile, but her eyes showed some panic. “Hey, talk to me,” I coaxed. “Tell me what you need me to do.”
She sighed, her fingernails digging into my forearms. “I just…I’ve never wanted anyone like I want you.”
I smiled, giving her a quick kiss. “Then what’s with the shaky knees?”
She shrugged, grinning. “I’m just so nervous because…you’re you! And I’m—“
I cut her off, pressing my lips to hers. If I’ve learned one thing about Lily, it’s that she can talk herself out of what she wants. Her trembling knees extended and wrapped around my waist, her fingers burying into my hair as her lips moved against mine. Her mouth was warm and quick, though tender and sweet. I pushed my hips forward, and she moaned into my mouth, her fingers tugging my hair.
I pulled away from her lips and pulled my hips back, lining myself up with her, waiting for her to say something, to say anything. She didn’t speak, but she relaxed into the pillow, exhaling a long, slow breath before she looked me in the eye and gave me one nod.
I bit down on my bottom lip in preparation, but my jaw fell slack, my eyelids shut, and my head lolled forward as I pushed myself into her. I moaned loudly, my breath already labored, my toes curling into the sheets. “Christ,” I breathed as her fingernails dug into my shoulders.
I pulled my eyes open and looked at her, eyes closed, biting down on her bottom lip.
“Hey,” I whispered, brushing my lips across her jaw. “Look at me.”
She opened her eyes, flashing blue, and stared back into mine.
“You good?”
Her mouth fell open, but she didn’t inhale, just stared up at me for a few moments. Finally, she nodded, vigorously. “Oh my God,” she choked out, smiling, eyes rolling slightly into the back of her head, her legs tightening around my waist.
I spit out a laugh, burying my head in her neck. “Yeah?” I laughed, pulling back up to look at her. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” she breathed, wrapping her arms around my neck, pulling her lips to mine. “Yeah.”
I rolled my hips against her, humming my appreciation as her eyes rolled back into her head again, her pink lips parting. I kissed her then, the taste of her mouth sparking a wildfire in my veins. I couldn’t get enough of her after that, I needed to touch every inch of her skin, taste every part of her body. Her moans grew louder the faster my hips rocked, and she arched her back to meet me, her fingernails clawing against my shoulders.
She trembled beneath me, her whole body shaking, her breath coming out in quick gasps. “Beautiful, Lily,” I whispered, grinding my hips down onto her. I slipped a hand between us, pressing the pads of my fingers to her clit. She yelped against my lips as I turned my fingers in tight, firm circles, her hips rising higher and higher. “So perfect, Lily, so beautiful,” I coaxed, squeezing my eyes tight. “Christ,” I groaned. She was so tight around me, clenching tighter and tighter and with every passing second, I was brought closer and closer to my breaking point.
With my free hand, I cupped the back of her neck and waited for her to open her eyes. Her pupils were nearly invisible, all I was met with were deep blue, shimmering lights. I stilled, pushing myself into her fully, bringing my hands up to rest at her cheeks, brushing my thumbs against her skin. “Jesus, you’re so beautiful,” I whispered. “How did I convince you to be with me?”
She exhaled slowly, her breath warm against my face. She blinked slowly, her eyes looking back into mine before she parted her lips. “I love you,” she whispered, simply, like she’d said it a million times before.
It took a moment for her words to register, but once they did, they stabbed me right in the heart, like a red hot dagger straight into my gut. I didn’t speak for a few moments, stunned, but the second her eyes widened in rejected fear, I moved, pressing my lips to hers. “I love you,” I spit out, rushing my words to erase the worry, the fear on her face. “God, I love you so much.”
I pushed my hips further against her, grinding against her as her hips rocked against mine, her back arching at my touch. I kissed her then, soft and slow, tasting her lips, her tongue. The lights grew brighter and brighter, and she grew even tighter around me until…it was over.
It was like floating, falling into an endless space. It emptied me, exhausted me, but I kept falling, wrapping my body further into Lily, my hips moving relentlessly against hers as I continued to kiss her lips. She kissed me back with the same fire, her moans resonating in my ears. She consumed me, and I let her take all I had.
We stopped falling, slowly coming back down to earth, and I used what strength I had to roll over, pulling her on top of me. I spread my arms, my chest heaving, numb, my fingers and toes prickling as the blood rushed back. She crawled over me, spreading a thick layer of kisses across my face, my neck, my chest, before she settled her head into the crook of my neck, her fingers sifting through the patch of hair on my chest. I wrapped an arm around her waist and sat up, briefly, pulling the blankets over her back.
“Goodnight,” she whispered, sleepily, lazily.
I grunted, and she giggled, but as I closed my eyes and started to feel absolute exhaustion kick in, I had an unfamiliar flutter in my chest. It started in my heart and spread its warmth down through my chest, taking over my entire body, warming me from the inside out. I peeled my eyes back open and stared up at the ceiling, watching the fan make it’s rotation. Her warm breath fanned across my chest, her strawberry scented hair lay tangled across her back. I ran my fingertips over her skin, knowing she was asleep, and looked back up at the ceiling.
Whole. Completion. Fullness. I was over flowing with happiness, with love. I was absolutely spilling over, and the girl in my bed was to blame.
I woke up the next morning, alone, the sink in the bathroom running. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, readjusting the pillows as I waited for Lily. She emerged a few moments later, sporting a red mark on her collarbone and one of my tshirts.
“Hey,” I smiled, patting the bed beside me. “Come back.”
She gave me a weak smile, running a hand through her hair. “No, that’s okay.”
I shrugged. “Alright. Hey, I thought that we’d go to a jeweler today.”
“Why?” she asked, whipping her head around to look at me. She twisted her hands nervously, and tugged on the hemline of her shirt.
“To get you a ring,” I laughed. “We got married in such a hurry, I didn’t have time to-“
“I don’t want a ring,” she blurted, picking up her jeans from the floor. “Let’s not do that.”
I watched as she hurriedly pulled her jeans over her legs, her fingers quickly zipping and butting herself in before she picked up her bra and shirt from the floor. She looked up at me just before tugging my shirt over her head, but she stopped, gathering her clothes and turning toward the bathroom.
She’s never been shy to take her clothes off in front of me.
I jumped out of bed and ran for the door. She slammed it in my face, and the latch locked before I had a chance to fight my way in. “Lily? Is something wrong?”
“No,” she said, too quickly. “It’s fine.”
I braced my hand against the door frame and rested my weight against it, exhaling a deep breath slowly. I decided to wait her out, she couldn’t stay locked in my bathroom forever.
“Where are you going?” I asked, turning toward my dresser for a clean pair of boxers.
“School,” she yelled.
I frowned at my reflection in the mirror, shaking my head. “It’s Sunday,” I called back. I pulled on my boxers and hit the floor, peering underneath the door frame. She wasn’t even getting ready, she was sitting in the bathroom floor.
I stood up, sighing, and pulled open the top drawer of my dresser. I took out a pocket knife and flipped the blade open, testing the tip of the blade on my fingertip. Perfect.
It only took a gentle flick of my wrist for the bathroom door to swing open. Her head flew up, bumping against the wall, but she didn’t flinch until I crouched down in front of her, bringing my hand to her cheek. “What’s the matter with you?” I whispered, brushing a tear from her skin.
“We made a mistake,” she whispered, plainly. “We shouldn’t have done this.”
The air in my lungs froze and I fell back on my butt, sitting in front of her, holding myself up with my hands. “What?” I choked out.
She looked away, clenching her jaw.
“Lillian,” I whispered, but she never looked back. Her eyes remained fixed to the wall.
My stomach fell to my feet, my heart pounded in my chest. “I thought you wanted to,” I whispered.
She sniffled, wiping her cheek. “That’s not the point.”
I leaned forward. “You were so happy last night…We were so happy last night.” I was practically begging her to feel that way again.
“Today is a new day, Niall,” she muttered, rolling her eyes.
“That doesn’t change last night, Lily!” I spat, angrily. “That doesn’t change how we felt, or what we did, or what we said!”
“It does!” she yelled back, her eyes wide. “It changes everything!”
“Why?” I whispered, defeated.
She laughed, rolling her eyes. “Because we’re adults, Niall, and we acted like sex-crazed children. We got married, Niall! Do you even know my last name?”
“Horan,” I spit out. “Your last name is Horan, now. And you were thrilled to take my last name less than twelve hours ago! Whatever our reasons were, this is where we are now-“
“There isn’t an us, Niall! There isn’t a we!”
“We signed a marriage license that says differently!” I spat back. “I meant my vows when I said them, and I know you did, too!”
“Are we even sure it was legit, Niall?” she retorted. “It was an all-night wedding chapel, for God’s sakes! We ran off like two drunk kids in Vegas, and we got married in a drive-thru wedding chapel, as casual as a trip to McDonalds!”
“It was your idea!” I yelled. “You suggested that! That was your idea!”
She sat back, silenced. Her jaw clenched again as she shook her head. “It was a bad idea.”
I wasn’t really angry with her, not really. Frustrated, maybe, but not angry. This wasn’t how I envisioned the morning after my wedding night. We were supposed to wake up together and whisper across pillows, holding onto one another. We were supposed to make slow, sweet love all day long. If she was going to cry, they were supposed to be happy tears that I could kiss away. We weren’t supposed to be screaming at each other as we sat on the bathroom floor, fighting over getting married in the first place.
“Last night,” I whispered, looking up at her. “You told me you loved me.”
She swallowed, closing her eyes as she rested her head against the wall. “Niall-“
“Did you mean that? Or was that just another mistake? Another bad idea?”
I already knew. I could feel it in my gut, and the warmth I felt last night had already begun to sink out of my body.
She sighed, opening her eyes. “We hardly know one another, Niall.”
“Did you mean it?” I wanted to hear her say it.
“Niall, we met a few weeks-“
“Did you mean it?” I interrupted, forcefully, fingers shaking.
She sighed, shaking her head slowly. “No.”
I laughed, shaking my head, feeling my heart sink and tear. “Did you mean anything you said last night? Anything?”
She nodded. “At the time, yes, I did. But today, no. It was childish and immature and wrong and-“
“It felt right to me!” I butt in. “It still feels right, Lily. Dammit, Lily, I meant everything I said last night!”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, another tear slipping down her cheek. “I’m so sorry.”
We sat quietly, staring at anything besides one another, until she cleared her throat. I shifted my eyes toward her face, raising my brows, waiting for her to speak.
“Do you know how to get a divorce?” she asked, quietly.
I scoffed, rolling my eyes. “No,” I glared. “I don’t fucking know how to end a marriage that hasn’t even been in place for twenty-four fucking hours yet!”
She looked down at her fingers, picking at her pink polish.
“Do you?” I pushed. “It was your idea to run down to a wedding chapel. Do they have a fucking drive thru divorce service there, as well? Can we just go in, fork over a little cash, sign some papers and call it a day? A fun experience? Something to tell our grandkids some day? Do you-”
“Please stop yelling at me,” she whispered, her voice cracking, bottom lip trembling. “I’m sorry, Niall, I am!”
I laid back against the tile floor, my chest heaving. I was being mean, I knew that, but I didn’t know what else to do.
“I’m sorry,” I spit. “I’ve never been asked for a fucking divorce before from a girl I married last night.”
She sniffled loudly, pulling in a deep breath, but the flood gates had burst. She leaned forward, sobbing into her own lap, her shoulders shaking with every breath. “My dad is going to kill me,” she sobbed, her voice muffled.
And I realized how selfish I was being.
I sat up and reached for her wrists, giving her a gentle tug. She didn’t hesitate, crawling into my lap and burying her face into my neck, loud cries pressing into my skin. I rubbed her back and shushed her until she calmed down, her breathing less violent. Her fingers were fisted against my chest, her body pressed tightly against mine as she sniffled quietly.
“I’m sorry,” I said, pulling back to look at her. “I’ve been an ass, and I’m sorry.”
She nodded, her bottom lip quivering.
I kissed her forehead and rocked her side to side for a few moments. “Lily? Do you really want a divorce?”
She shrugged. “I don’t want to not be yours anymore, I just don’t know if I want to be your wife. I don’t even know your favorite color, Niall.”
“I like green,” I whispered, trying to lighten the mood.
“Noted,” she mumbled, smiling. “Niall, I’m so sorry.”
I shook my head. “Don’t. If you want a divorce, I’ll give you whatever you want.”
She nodded, slowly. “And…after?”
I took a deep breath. “I don’t know. All I want to be your husband, I don’t know if I can be less.”
She bit her bottom lip, her eyes watering as her chin began to tremble again. “Okay,” she whispered.
“Lily,” I started. “I…I know this isn’t the fairy tale you probably wanted but…Dammit, Lily, I’ll do whatever you want, whatever you need, to make you happy, even if I don’t want to do it.”
She sighed, closing her eyes. “You really don’t want a divorce, do you?”
I shook my head. “No. I meant it when I asked you to marry me, I meant my vows, and I meant it when I told you I loved you. You’re so important to me.”
She nodded, another tear slipping down her cheek. I brushed it away. “Why are you crying, pretty Lily?”
She shrugged, a weak smile playing on her lips from my pet name. “I’m just scared, I guess,” she whispered, pathetically.
“Scared of what?” I asked, nudging her chin up so she’d look me in the eye.
She blinked rapidly, pulling in a deep breath, trying to remain in control. “I’m so scared you’ll leave me,” she said, her voice cracking. “You’ll leave because I don’t want to be your wife, and-“
“No, no, no,” I soothed her, shaking my head. “I won’t just leave you, I promise, I-“
“But you said so! You said you couldn’t be less and-“
“Okay, I shouldn’t have said that, I’m sorry!” I smiled. “I didn’t mean that, I promise. It’ll hurt to be less, but I won’t leave you.”
“You promise?” she asked, her voice thin and tight.
“Swear it,” I said, firmly.
She sighed, resting her head on my shoulder. “Oh, Niall.”
I laughed lowly, cradling her closer. “I know.”
“How did we get ourselves into this mess?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know,” I lied, for her sake. But I knew. I knew I couldn’t be without her, so I did what felt right. I made it permanent.
And she’s backing out.
“Hey, let’s go back to bed,” I suggested, pushing her from my lap.
She nodded, standing to her feet. I followed her back to bed and laid down beside her, but our relationship now felt awkward, the space between our bodies seemed wide as an ocean.
“Can I still hold you?” I whispered. My fingers were itching to touch her skin.
Instead of answering, she scooted closer, nudging her head into the crook between my neck and my shoulder, her arm resting on my chest, and her leg hitching over my waist. For a few seconds, it felt like home.
I laid awake and listened as her breaths grew quiet and deep, her body relaxing into mine. Last night, as we laid in this exact position, I had smiled up at the ceiling. I smiled because I was happy, full of love and warmth and comfort. But today, I bit my lip and felt no pain. Hollow, numb, and sadness. And the girl in my bed was the cause of it.
I missed her, already.
She was right, though. We didn’t know one another, not at all. I didn’t know her former last name, her birthday. I tried to convince myself that it was a mistake, but my gut instinct told me otherwise. I had to fight like hell for this, or she’d walk out of my life.
“We have to wait a full twenty-four hours,” I mumbled, later, leafing through the stack of papers we’d left the chapel with. “At that point, we can apply for annulment.”
“Do you have plans tomorrow afternoon?” she asked, stirring her cereal around with her spoon.
I wanted to lie and tell her yes, so that I’d get one more day to be her husband, to convince her to stay, but I found myself telling her the truth. “No. How about after your exam, I meet you at the chapel?”
“Yeah,” she said. “That sounds okay. Um…How much does that cost?”
I looked up at her, over the tops of the papers. “I got it, Lily.”
“You paid for the marriage license,” she whispered, not looking at me. “And you don’t even want the annulment.”
If I were cruel, I could have waited for her to have the funds ready, make her pay for the divorce she so badly wanted. With her bills and her wage, maybe I’d get two weeks out of her. But I’m not cruel, and I hated to see her unhappy.
“I feel like I talked you into it,” I muttered. “So, I’ll pay for it.”
She looked up, frowning. “Don’t think like that, Niall.”
I shrugged. “Whatever. Anyway, yeah, after your exam I’ll meet you there. We probably just have to sign a few papers, and you’ll be free.”
She sighed, dropping her spoon. “Don’t say it like that. It’s not like that, it’s-”
“Isn’t that what it is?” I asked, harshly. “You’re running away before I even have a fair shot!”
She didn’t flinch, minus her eyes. Her bright, innocent eyes darkened and turned cold. “I think I’m going to go now,” she said, standing up.
“Yeah, run away, you’re getting pretty good at that,” I muttered as she walked out of the room. I leaned up against the counter and angrily twisted the cap off of my water bottle, steaming. I listened to the sounds of her; getting dressed, pulling her shoes on, gathering her bag. I waited for her to enter the kitchen to bid me farewell, but instead, all I heard was the slamming of the front door.
“Fuck!” I yelled, throwing my empty bottle across the room. “Dammit!”
I wanted to chase after her, stop her from leaving, but what was I going to say? So I just let her go, listened as her car started and drove away. My house had never felt so empty.
I paced the house for a few hours, the hole in my gut growing deeper and deeper. For awhile, I told myself that she’d come back, and we’d have a good fight in the front foyer, and everything would be okay. The hours ticked by, and she didn’t come back.
As the sun began to go down, I gave up. I got dressed and drove across town and knocked on her door, uninvited. She must have been expecting me, she didn’t have any form of emotion on her face when she opened the door. Just a blank expression, staring back at me, waiting for me to speak.
“I’m…” I sighed. “God dammit. Lily, I’m sorry. I’m just—I’m angry, Lily! And I’m sad and I just…I don’t want to fight with you.”
Instead of saying anything, she gave the door a gentle push and I watched as it opened widely. I stepped in and kicked off my shoes as she locked the door behind her. I wanted to hug her, I wanted to kiss her lips, but I didn’t know if I was allowed to do that anymore. On the kitchen counter was a half-peeled cantaloupe. She crossed the room and went back to it, peeling away the textured rind and dropping it into the trashcan at her feet. I leaned against the counter, watching as she sliced the orange fruit into wedges, first, and then as she chopped them into chunks, letting them fall into a large container to be placed in the fridge. She left a small handful of chunked fruit on the cutting board, spearing right in the middle with the tip of the knife. She bit off a corner and chewed delicately before holding it out to me. I bit off the other end and smiled. “I’ve never had a girl pull a knife on me before.”
She smirked, but never said a word as we finished off our snack. She rinsed off the knife and left it in the sink, and then she wiped off the counter and spread out the dish towel to dry. I followed her to the couch and she sat down, propping her bare feet up into my lap as she pulled a textbook from the table. I rubbed circles into the balls of her feet with my knuckles, watching as her eyes skimmed across her highlighted notes, chewing on the end of her pencil. We sat in silence for almost an hour, the only sound in the room the occasional flip of her pages. I wasn’t really trying to rub her feet, I just wanted to touch her, and this was the only way that felt safe. She didn’t seem to mind, though, her toes curling as I ran my thumb up the arch of her foot. She pulled back with a giggle as I pinched her pinkie toe between my fingers, the only real sound she’d made ever since I arrived.
“Are you nervous for your exam?” I whispered as she shut her book. My voice sounded loud, like an interruption.
She shrugged, frowning. “Not really,” she mumbled. “I was, but she emailed us a list of what we needed to know, and I know all of that stuff, so I’ll be okay.”
She tossed her textbook onto the table, wincing as it landed with a thud. The wind it drew blew a few loose papers to the floor. From where I sat, I could easily reach, so I picked them up, studying her neat, precise writing, her name scrawled into the upper right corner.
“Lillian Abbott,” I mumbled, leafing through her notes. “What’s your middle name?”
“Rose,” she smiled, pushing her feet underneath my thighs for warmth. “After my grandmother, Lilliana Rose.”
“Were you close?”
She shook her head. “She died before I was born.”
I nodded, rubbing a fold of my jeans between my fingers. “When’s your birthday?”
“Next Friday.”
I grinned, nodding my head. “I’ll remember that. Maybe I can take you out for dinner.”
She shrugged. “I don’t think we can go anywhere, Niall. Not unless we want chaos to ensue.”
I bit my lip and gave her a weak smile. “Chaos is already brewing.”
She looked at me, her eyes widening. “What?”
I nodded, wincing. “Last night, at the chapel, when you went to the toilet? I went outside for a smoke, I was nervous. I saw a photo online this afternoon. As of now, I haven’t heard anything, but…”
“Sooner rather than later, everyone will know,” she mumbled.
I nodded. “If they don’t figure it out tonight, they’ll know by tomorrow afternoon.”
“Why tomorrow afternoon?”
I smiled, shaking my head. “You didn’t read the fine print when you signed your name no the dotted line, did you?” I smirked as she shook her head. Clearing my throat, I repeated from memory: “If a marriage occurs on a Friday evening, Saturday, or Sunday, the marriage will be reported to The Times by Monday morning, and will run in that days publishing.”
She groaned, her head falling back onto the sofa. “It’s gonna be front page news on Tuesday.”
I nodded. “Yeah, it’d be safe to make all of your social media accounts private.”
I picked up her phone from the table and handed it to her, pushing her to protect her accounts. She sighed as she entered her passcode. “So this is my last day of anonymity?”
I laughed. “Yeah. I wish someone had told me that on my last day.”
“What would you have done?” she asked, tossing her phone back onto the table.
I shrugged. “I dunno, really. Maybe just normal stuff. Go to shops without getting stopped, eat dinner without signing autographs with my mouth full of food.”
She smiled. “It’s a shame that we spent most of today arguing,” she whispered.
I shrugged. “It happens. We don’t have to argue tonight, though.”
“I don’t want to,” she agreed, wiggling her toes beneath my thighs.
I draped my arm over the back of the couch and stretched. “Okay, Lillian Rose, how do you want to spend your last night as a nobody?”
She laughed, shrugging her shoulders. “Let me think about it for a few minutes.”
“Take your time,” I smiled, laying my head back against the cushions. “Let me know if I can be of service.”
“I should be a good student and study tonight,” she mumbled. “I have a couple exams this week.”
I nodded, understanding, though I had hoped she’d want to be with me. “You want me to go?”
Unbelievably, she shook her head. “No.”
“I don’t want to distract you,” I smiled.
“I don’t want to study,” she said, simply. “How do you feel about making love to me again? We’re married, after all.”
I looked down at my lap, fidgeting with the hem of my shirt. I cleared my throat before I spoke. “I didn’t know if I was allowed to touch you anymore,” I admitted, sheepishly. “I thought that was…like, a one time thing, since…You know, the…divorce, and all.”
“Oh, Niall,” she crooned. She pulled her feet from beneath my legs and crawled into my lap, straddling my legs. “No,” she whispered, her hands framing my face. “No, that’s not what I want at all.” She brushed her thumbs against the scruff on my cheeks, a weak smile on her lips. “Still yours?”
I nodded, smiling. “Yeah,” I whispered. “As long as you want to be.”
She sighed, smiling softly. “I still want a forever with you, Horany Toad. Someday, we’ll get a forever.”