Obsidian Crosses
My Black Heart Army
The disciples reluctantly gathered around me as I explained to them that we desperately needed to find Jesus before he started drinking his own blood and eating his own body or something. No one looked happy at my proposal. The disciples were livin' la vida loca ever since I gave them oodles of money and all the hooch they could ever want. Hell, I even used the presidential watch to transport a few flat screen TVs so they could watch the Superbowl one day. They fucking worshiped me. Well, all of that was unfortunately about to change. Billie Joe was kind enough to supply some hard-ass beer from his secret stash, so the disciples were nice and drunk when I told them about my plan, while Billie Joe awkwardly strummed his guitar in the corner. "Look, I know J-Christ went off the deep end and slashed wounds all over his body, but he's depressed. That's what people do to vent their pain. Now, of course, we have Bands like Green Day and Hollywood Undead who adquately convey the darkness of the human heart with their beautiful songs, so that people no longer need to cut so much. However, JC hasn't heard Green Day yet, so he's not saved. He's trapped inside his mind." I explained proudly. The disciples scratched their heads in confusion. THEY had been saved, and they wore the badge of salvation in their newly black hair, eyeliner and skinny jeans. They were in this world, but not of it, as John would say.
"Look, I know Jesus is mentally ill, but he's the fucking messiah! He's gonna slit the throats of the Roman army and make you guys immortal if we find him. And then, Green Day will exist forever! Don't you guys want that?" I asked. The disciples cheered in unison. I had recently gotten them hooked on Dookie and American Idiot, so their eyes lit whenever I mentioned the word "Green" or "Day"! I was so proud of my little proteges and wanted them to fuck each other and multiply. Free love, motherfuckers! Billie Joe started to smash his guitar out of happiness too. It almost made me sob out of happiness.
With everyone happy with our plan of world domination, I herded the disciples and Billie Sexy Joe into the tour bus, and we rolled out. Mary Magdalene was sitting next to me, and damn did she look mighty fine. She had fluffy blonde emo scene hair with black streaks and a pink checkered bow on top. On her legs were black ripped skinny jeans and she had gray vans on. She was wearing a long sleeved MCR shirt and a a pinstriped vest. Billie Joe was on my left, smoking a cigarette and flipping off the Roman soldiers as we drove by. I wanted him to burn his lovely cigarette on my pale cheek so hard that it left a scorch mark. Battle scars are always in style. Before we left, I had passed out hot topic clothes and make-up to the poorer neighborhoods of Jerusalem, and even the lepers seemed grateful. It felt awesome doing menial charity work.
It was only Judas who seemed extremely pissed off about all of this. I had to force his tight ass into ripped jeans and a Green Day shirt because at first, he had the audacity to refuse me. he looked suave with his brown hair now a sick shade of blue with silver and black highlights. Deep down, he had to be pleased with his transformation, he was now a true nonconformist after all! "What the fuck is the point of all of this?!" Judas snarled. I smacked him with one of Billie Joe's playboy magazines. He didn't even flinch.
"Judas, I AM GOD!" I shouted in his face while yanking on his hair. Judas still didn't move.
"Yeah, well, there's only one Jesus for me. Fuck you 'God'" He snapped. I smacked him across the face again. I had had enough of his childish antics! So, I picked him up and chucked him out the door bus window while laughing evilly. Mary Magdalene breathed a sigh of relief and stole Billie Joe's cigarette, sucking it in deeply.
"Thank you sista, Jude Dude has always been such a letdown." She giggled. Billie Joe fell over trying to get his cigarette back. He pulled me down and started tickling me as I laughed and squirmed, trying to escape his soft embrace. Then, out of nowhere, he kissed me on the cheek. I was about to protest, but then I got lost in his deep green eyes. Hmm, it was nice having such a close friendship with him, it could stay like that forever for all I cared. But, still, he had to learn some boundaries. You can't just kiss your friends like that for no reason. I pushed him off of me and retreated into the bathroom so I could think properly. As I left, I noticed a sad look on Billie Joe's face.
After a while of searching for the elusive J-Christ, we finally found him, sitting on the edge of a cliff. I almost felt bad for him, since he had nothing to live for, but pushed those awful feelings aside. He turned when he saw us running towards him and a smile lit up his face. But, he also seemed really confused with our kick-ass attire. When he saw me, he held out his arms for an embrace. I gave him an awkward hug and then pushed him away. "Look, we know you're the messiah, so let's go kick some Roman butt!" I said enthusiastically. Jesus looked at me strangely. I grabbed his arm and hauling him towards the buss when I heard an awful shriek. Bille Joe had just found Tre. And he was dead.
Tre's rotting carcass was being munched on by several hoards of hamsters and was filled for some reason with silly string. It looked emaciated, as if he had starved to death or something else that was utterly lame. Billie Joe was desperately sobbing over him while performing CPR. It looked like the start of a great porno. Thankfully,, Billie Joe was the only important part of Green Day, so we could live on without the obnoxious presence of Tre. I tried to tug Billie Joe away from the body but Jesus gently brushed me aside. He was crying softly. Dammit, Jesus, this is NOT the time to vent your inner pain.
Jesus bent down, and placed his hand gently on Tre's chest. Oh no... By now, a crowd of people had circled us, watching Jesus' every move as if waiting for him to mess up. I rolled my eyes. "You know how this story ends, he's just going to raise fucking Tre from the dead, move along now. I'm not kickin' it old school with you losers." I snapped. Right when I said that, Tre's eyes snapped open and his ears started bleeding marshmallow fluff. I kicked him profusely. Like a vampire, he rose straight up with his mouth gaping open. Jesus embraced him and kissed him on the forehead. Tre said nothing, he just stared adoringly at J-Christ. The crowd was cheering.
While the crowd fawned over their dumb messiah like idiots, I retreated back into the bus and sulked. I was god, they should adore ME and not some cheap knock-off.
...
"Look, I know Jesus is mentally ill, but he's the fucking messiah! He's gonna slit the throats of the Roman army and make you guys immortal if we find him. And then, Green Day will exist forever! Don't you guys want that?" I asked. The disciples cheered in unison. I had recently gotten them hooked on Dookie and American Idiot, so their eyes lit whenever I mentioned the word "Green" or "Day"! I was so proud of my little proteges and wanted them to fuck each other and multiply. Free love, motherfuckers! Billie Joe started to smash his guitar out of happiness too. It almost made me sob out of happiness.
With everyone happy with our plan of world domination, I herded the disciples and Billie Sexy Joe into the tour bus, and we rolled out. Mary Magdalene was sitting next to me, and damn did she look mighty fine. She had fluffy blonde emo scene hair with black streaks and a pink checkered bow on top. On her legs were black ripped skinny jeans and she had gray vans on. She was wearing a long sleeved MCR shirt and a a pinstriped vest. Billie Joe was on my left, smoking a cigarette and flipping off the Roman soldiers as we drove by. I wanted him to burn his lovely cigarette on my pale cheek so hard that it left a scorch mark. Battle scars are always in style. Before we left, I had passed out hot topic clothes and make-up to the poorer neighborhoods of Jerusalem, and even the lepers seemed grateful. It felt awesome doing menial charity work.
It was only Judas who seemed extremely pissed off about all of this. I had to force his tight ass into ripped jeans and a Green Day shirt because at first, he had the audacity to refuse me. he looked suave with his brown hair now a sick shade of blue with silver and black highlights. Deep down, he had to be pleased with his transformation, he was now a true nonconformist after all! "What the fuck is the point of all of this?!" Judas snarled. I smacked him with one of Billie Joe's playboy magazines. He didn't even flinch.
"Judas, I AM GOD!" I shouted in his face while yanking on his hair. Judas still didn't move.
"Yeah, well, there's only one Jesus for me. Fuck you 'God'" He snapped. I smacked him across the face again. I had had enough of his childish antics! So, I picked him up and chucked him out the door bus window while laughing evilly. Mary Magdalene breathed a sigh of relief and stole Billie Joe's cigarette, sucking it in deeply.
"Thank you sista, Jude Dude has always been such a letdown." She giggled. Billie Joe fell over trying to get his cigarette back. He pulled me down and started tickling me as I laughed and squirmed, trying to escape his soft embrace. Then, out of nowhere, he kissed me on the cheek. I was about to protest, but then I got lost in his deep green eyes. Hmm, it was nice having such a close friendship with him, it could stay like that forever for all I cared. But, still, he had to learn some boundaries. You can't just kiss your friends like that for no reason. I pushed him off of me and retreated into the bathroom so I could think properly. As I left, I noticed a sad look on Billie Joe's face.
After a while of searching for the elusive J-Christ, we finally found him, sitting on the edge of a cliff. I almost felt bad for him, since he had nothing to live for, but pushed those awful feelings aside. He turned when he saw us running towards him and a smile lit up his face. But, he also seemed really confused with our kick-ass attire. When he saw me, he held out his arms for an embrace. I gave him an awkward hug and then pushed him away. "Look, we know you're the messiah, so let's go kick some Roman butt!" I said enthusiastically. Jesus looked at me strangely. I grabbed his arm and hauling him towards the buss when I heard an awful shriek. Bille Joe had just found Tre. And he was dead.
Tre's rotting carcass was being munched on by several hoards of hamsters and was filled for some reason with silly string. It looked emaciated, as if he had starved to death or something else that was utterly lame. Billie Joe was desperately sobbing over him while performing CPR. It looked like the start of a great porno. Thankfully,, Billie Joe was the only important part of Green Day, so we could live on without the obnoxious presence of Tre. I tried to tug Billie Joe away from the body but Jesus gently brushed me aside. He was crying softly. Dammit, Jesus, this is NOT the time to vent your inner pain.
Jesus bent down, and placed his hand gently on Tre's chest. Oh no... By now, a crowd of people had circled us, watching Jesus' every move as if waiting for him to mess up. I rolled my eyes. "You know how this story ends, he's just going to raise fucking Tre from the dead, move along now. I'm not kickin' it old school with you losers." I snapped. Right when I said that, Tre's eyes snapped open and his ears started bleeding marshmallow fluff. I kicked him profusely. Like a vampire, he rose straight up with his mouth gaping open. Jesus embraced him and kissed him on the forehead. Tre said nothing, he just stared adoringly at J-Christ. The crowd was cheering.
While the crowd fawned over their dumb messiah like idiots, I retreated back into the bus and sulked. I was god, they should adore ME and not some cheap knock-off.
...