North Star
dix.
I sat curled up in my desk chair in the growing darkness. I had all of my homework spread before me, my open laptop pushed to the back of the desk. I hated this time of day - dusk. It wasn't the total blackness of night but the sun was gone. I lost track of time as darkness fell. Eventually I reached forward and turned on the light. I fell into a rhythm of homework in the silence. I worked hard and methodically, taking my time.
When I finished it was nearly two in the morning. I was sore from sitting in the same position so long and when I stood up my joints creaked. I cracked my neck and shuffled to the couch. I grabbed the blanket I'd laid over the top and curled up in a ball. I hadn't slept in the bed since my first night in the apartment. The nightmares weren't as bad when I was on the couch as when I was in the bedroom. I didn't know if I was still screaming in the middle of the night but Leo hadn't come to my door so I hoped that I hadn't been.
A gentle knock on the door startled me. I wasn't quite asleep yet. I tiptoed to the door and looked through the peephole. Spencer stood outside looking slightly disheveled. I debated leaving him out there but I knew I had to face him eventually. I let him in. He reeked of alcohol and couldn't walk a straight line to my couch. I turned on a light and he winced.
"Avery," he slurred. "Avery, I'm sorry. It's my fault what happened to you." I froze behind him.
"What?" I whispered.
"I should have been with you," he continued. "I never should have let you walk out with him."
"Spencer, you were a little busy," I snapped. He shook his head as if he didn't want to remember that detail. I felt anger well up within me. "You were fucking some little slut at that party. I wouldn't have gone with him if you weren't a cheating bastard." My voice was quiet but he still seemed to shrink away from them. "What are you doing here?" I asked.
"I know that it was my fault. You're right. If I hadn't been with that girl...I'm sorry. Do you think you'll ever be able to forgive me?" Spencer's voice broke and I realized that was why he had come. He couldn't get rid of his guilt. He didn't really care about what had happened to me except as it related to him.
"No. I won't. Now I think you should go," I said abruptly. He stood and swayed. I marched to the front door and threw it open. "Get out."
"I can't leave baby," he pleaded. "I need you to forgive me." I crossed my arms as he stumbled closer to me. "I can't stand it."
"Spencer. Get out of my apartment," I ordered. He shuffled outside and turned to look at me but I just closed and locked the door quietly. I sank to the ground and laid on my side.
When I finished it was nearly two in the morning. I was sore from sitting in the same position so long and when I stood up my joints creaked. I cracked my neck and shuffled to the couch. I grabbed the blanket I'd laid over the top and curled up in a ball. I hadn't slept in the bed since my first night in the apartment. The nightmares weren't as bad when I was on the couch as when I was in the bedroom. I didn't know if I was still screaming in the middle of the night but Leo hadn't come to my door so I hoped that I hadn't been.
A gentle knock on the door startled me. I wasn't quite asleep yet. I tiptoed to the door and looked through the peephole. Spencer stood outside looking slightly disheveled. I debated leaving him out there but I knew I had to face him eventually. I let him in. He reeked of alcohol and couldn't walk a straight line to my couch. I turned on a light and he winced.
"Avery," he slurred. "Avery, I'm sorry. It's my fault what happened to you." I froze behind him.
"What?" I whispered.
"I should have been with you," he continued. "I never should have let you walk out with him."
"Spencer, you were a little busy," I snapped. He shook his head as if he didn't want to remember that detail. I felt anger well up within me. "You were fucking some little slut at that party. I wouldn't have gone with him if you weren't a cheating bastard." My voice was quiet but he still seemed to shrink away from them. "What are you doing here?" I asked.
"I know that it was my fault. You're right. If I hadn't been with that girl...I'm sorry. Do you think you'll ever be able to forgive me?" Spencer's voice broke and I realized that was why he had come. He couldn't get rid of his guilt. He didn't really care about what had happened to me except as it related to him.
"No. I won't. Now I think you should go," I said abruptly. He stood and swayed. I marched to the front door and threw it open. "Get out."
"I can't leave baby," he pleaded. "I need you to forgive me." I crossed my arms as he stumbled closer to me. "I can't stand it."
"Spencer. Get out of my apartment," I ordered. He shuffled outside and turned to look at me but I just closed and locked the door quietly. I sank to the ground and laid on my side.