Just One Yesterday

I didn’t know why he was here, standing on my front porch. And why of all nights he had chosen this one. There were so many questions running through my head but there was something in me that couldn’t bring them to life.

He had been drinking-the smell of alcohol that lingered on his breath had been a death giveaway, but his bloodshot eyes told me something else, he had been drinking to numb.

“I’m sorry,” his voice was merely a whisper.

“For what?”

“Everything.”

He looked at me with sad eyes, something deep in him was torturing him. I wanted to tell him that it was okay, everything would be forgiven but I couldn’t, because I couldn’t bring myself to forgive him. Not after everything he put me through.

“Please say something,”

“If that’s all you had to say then you can leave.”

“Liz I’m sorry for everything. For the things I said, for the things I didn’t say, for everything.” His
voice was desperate.

“Why now?”

“Why does that matter?”

“Why wouldn’t it Patrick? I have always been an afterthought in your life.”

He looked at me with pain in his eyes as if I was trying to hurt him on purpose.

“Go home Patrick.”

“Not until you forgive me.”

“Why does it even matter? We haven’t spoken in two years, and you show up expecting for all to be forgiven? Well I’m sorry Patrick, but it isn’t that easy.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“By starters how about telling me the truth.”

“About?”

“Where you sleeping with her?”

He didn’t have to answer. His silence betrayed him.

“I loved you and you threw it all away.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“But you did and you didn’t care.”

“I did, I do care.”

“Don’t make me laugh.”

“I know it might be a lite hard to believe but I loved you and I regret hurting you like that.”

“And by that do you mean cheating on me and marrying her only months after we broke up?” I asked furious.

I wished I hadn’t opened the door, I wished I hadn’t let him talk. I wished that looking at him didn’t hurt so much. I wished that looking at him hadn’t triggered so many memories- so many emotions.

“If I say that I forgive you will you leave?”

“I need you to mean it.”

“That’s never going to happen.”

“Just go back to your wife.” I say unable to stop the tears from pouring. Who knew such a word had the power to completely destroy me. I was supposed to be his wife not her.

I had held on for so long, it had just been a matter of time before I finally cracked, and how I wished it wasn’t in front of him.

“Liz,” that’s all he can say, just my name and nothing else.

“Patrick,” I cry out his name.

Love, what a fucking joke.

I look at him through teary eyes wishing he would just go away. Why was my forgiveness so important to him? Why especially now?

I let out a small gasp as I feel his hands on my face, his touch was so familiar it was as if he had never left.

“Liz,” he says my name again causing my stomach to go in knots.

“Please leave,” my voice is barely a whisper.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers into my ear.

I can feel his warm breath and I can’t take it any longer, I bury my face in the crook of his neck and let out desperate sobs. I can feel his arms around my body, oh how much I craved for them.

“Why now?” I cry out desperately

“Because I love you.”

“You’re not allowed to say that.”

He steps back and brings his hands to my face. “I do love you Liz, and I can’t take it anymore. All I can think about is you, even after two god damned years.”

I shake my head, this wasn’t fair for neither of us.

“Please forgive me,” and for the first time tonight I realized he was missing his wedding band.

I can’t seem to let the words out so instead I kiss him and he reacts instantly