Tangled Web

The cool water of the swimming pool felt refreshing against my warm skin as I floated lazily on my back. Even with my eyes closed I could feel his bearing down on me, looking into my soul.

"Are you gonna stare at me all day or get in the pool?" I asked off-hand, opening my eyes. A moment later my body was rocking gently with the waves as he stepped into the water. I righted myself, shaking the water out of my ears as I came face to face with him. He was beautiful and tanned; his chest broad and toned from hours upon hours of working out in the gym.

"Mila, I shouldn't be here but I couldn't help myself." He whispers against my neck as he places soft, gentle kisses along my collarbone. His lips like fire, my body like ice.

"We can't Duane Lee…" I say as he slides a hand beneath the back of my bikini to cup my bottom, pulling my legs around his waist a moment later.

"No one has to know."

"Leland…" I blurt out, suddenly thinking of my husband.

"Fuck Leland."

I awoke with a jerk to find my husband's hands roaming my body.

"Did I scare you? The way you were moaning I thought you wanted this..." He says barely above a whisper as his right hand seizes my breast. He looks at me with expectant eyes.

My shaky voice says, "I do ... I do want this Leland."

There was an agonizing ache in my heart as a hand inched down to part my thighs. Why did I feel so guilty about a dream... it was just a dream after all. Then there was the incident at the pool...But it had felt so right and so wrong all at once. I opened my mouth to stop my husband; I wanted desperately to tell him what I had done; that I'd put his own brother's hands on my breasts.

But I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to say the words, knowing how hurt and disappointed he would be. So I kept it to myself.

A month later there was a hard knock at my front door. I pulled a shirt over my head and threw the bath towel down and rushed out of my room. It was unusual to get a knock in the middle of the day when the kids were at school and my husband at work.

"Duane Lee... what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in Colorado with everyone else?" I asked, surprised to see him standing in my doorway.

"Oh no..." he says, faking a cough. "I'm much too sick to travel."

I looked on suspiciously at his little act. "Um hmm... I'm sure. Come in." I tell him as I open the door wider so that he can walk past me. "So, if you're sick, shouldn't you be at home, in bed?"

He sighs, "If only I have someone to take care of me."

"Don't give me the sad blue eyes. I'm immune!" I say swatting him on the leg as he sits down next to me on the sofa. I turned to face him, drawing my legs up and onto the sofa and propped my chin on my knees.

His eyes travel the length of my body making me slightly uncomfortable. "So what are you doing today?" he asks quietly. "Cleaning, working out, being sexy?"

"Yep...you got it; I'm just sitting around being sexy until your brother comes back in a few days. Stick around and I might even put my lingerie on." I whisper back, before becoming fully aware of the words that flew out of my mouth. "I shouldn't have said that." I tell him, clasping my hand over my mouth.

In two seconds he was leaning over me, pushing my back against the sofa. "You meant every word of it, Mila. Just admit it."

I couldn't find my voice as he stared down at me, licking his lips. The phone started to ring and he began to press his weight against me. I was able to manage the words, "The phone." just as the answering machine picked up and Leland's voice floated through the house.

"Hey babe just wanted to tell you I landed and I will call you later tonight. Love you and miss you already!"

All of my senses came rushing back to me as Leland told me he loved me; I pushed Duane Lee off of me and stood up, "I am your brother's wife. Have some respect!"

"Were you respecting him when you let me feel you up at the pool?" he asks his voice cold.

"That was a mistake. One I don't care to repeat."

"Bullshit." he screams, making me jump. "I see the way you look at me, the way you flirt with me when he's not around."

My breath was coming hard and fast. I was pissed. How dare he insinuate that I wanted to be with him? "Do I want to be with him?" I asked myself.

"No, no, no...you're wrong Duane Lee. So very wrong." I say defensively. "I only do it to torture you, which is why you do it to me. For fun!" I scream as I walk past him and into the laundry room. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have laundry to do before I pick up the kids from school."

I pulled some of Leland's clothes out of the washer, bending over to pull the last pair of jeans out and he was pressing his body against me; leaning in to whisper in my ear, "Just know, this isn't over."

After a busy Saturday morning I had finally gotten the girls to their sleepover and taken Kaiden to a birthday party. When I pulled back into the driveway Duane Lee was waiting on me.

"Great." I mumbled to myself as I got out of the car. "What are you doing here?" I asked, becoming more irritated the closer he got to me. I knew that Leland was due back tonight so the last thing I wanted was to be in a bad mood when he got home. Duane Lee followed me into the house without saying a word. I was a little unnerved to say the least.

"Stop for a minute." He says quietly, grabbing my arm as I walked past him. I was trying my best to ignore him by straightening up the kitchen. "Sit down with me…" he says seriously. I sat down next to him as he rubs a trembling hand across his forehead; whatever he wanted to say was weighing heavily on his mind.

"Before I say anything I wanted to apologize for what happened earlier this week. I shouldn't have tried to force myself on you. It was wrong and I'm sorry…so sorry."

I could only nod my head; I wasn't sure what to say.

"It's just that lately…" he continues a moment later, "I've been thinking a lot about the past, about what happened between us and a lot about the things that never happened between us. Don't you ever wonder how it might have been? How different your life would have been?"

"I …" I start to say, but stop myself. The truth was I couldn't think about it; if anything I had put the entire past out of my mind; praying that it wouldn't come back to haunt me.

I could see the pain on his face, the hurt in his eyes as he looked to me for a confirmation of my feelings for him.

"Duane Lee, I love Leland, he's my husband."

"I know." He whispers sadly, looking down at his hands. "I'm not questioning your love for him. I'm asking if you ever think about us."

"I can't think about us or what might have been, I have a family to think about."

"We have a family Mila, or did you forget to think about that too!" He yells, as he stands up and starts pacing the room.

"How dare you throw that back in my face? You swore to me that no one would ever find out." I remind him. "I was a child Duane Lee… a fucking child when it happened."

"You were sixteen."

"And you were almost twenty. You should have known better and I shouldn't have gotten involved with you. But I wanted that attention, I needed it and you were more than happy to give it to me!" Tears were welling up in my eyes, threatening to spill over the more I said to him.

My past had indeed come back to haunt me some fifteen years later courtesy of the first person I had ever loved. The man who had taken my virginity and fathered my first child; Dylan…sweet Dylan who was now fifteen and only knew me as Aunt Mila. All these years later I still wasn't sure how I had gotten away without anyone finding out. Of course things hadn't gone exactly as we'd planned.

Fifteen years ago:
My hands were trembling as I held the pregnancy test in my hand. "Positive." I whispered to my reflection in the mirror. Dropping the test on the bathroom counter I started to cry. "This can't be happening. Please God; don't let this happen to me." I begged, looking skyward toward heaven.

More than an hour later I finally convinced myself to stand up and face the facts. I was sixteen and pregnant.

I sat down on my bed and picked up the phone; shaky fingers made quick work of dialing the familiar number of my next door neighbor, Duane Lee. I'd been neighbors with him since I was ten years old and moved in with my grandmother a week after my parents died in a car wreck. He had a younger brother, Leland who was my age; he lived with his father in Hawaii but visited his mother often. I considered both brothers to be my best friends.

As I stared at the floor, I felt my bed shift as Duane Lee sat down next to me; leaning in to kiss me on the cheek.

"What's wrong? You sounded upset on the phone." He asks me as I look up at him.

"I'm pregnant." I cry through a fresh batch of tears. "What are we going to do? I'm only sixteen, I can't have a baby."

Eight months later:

Duane Lee wiped the sweat from my forehead as I started into my thirteenth hour of labor. I tried my best to smile at him as another contraction started. A moment later I started to cry, knowing this would be the best and worst day of my life; giving birth to my son only to turn around and give him up for adoption. It was the hardest decision I had made and probably would ever make in my life, but it was a decision we made together as parents. We had chosen a married couple who were unable to have children of their own. We would give the baby to them today, hours after he was born.

"Don't cry." Duane Lee says sweetly, wiping a stray tear off my cheek with his thumb. "It's going to be hard, but we made the right decision, right?" he asks, looking down at me.

"Right." I say, pulling myself away from my depressing thoughts. "I still can't believe that no one found out about this. Especially your mom or my grandmother." I say with a nervous laugh.

Three hours later the doctor placed the newborn in my arms as Duane Lee looked on. I rubbed my fingertip across his soft cheek; glancing up at Duane. "He's perfect."

An hour after that our baby was given to his new parents, who named him Dylan.

Present Day:

"I've never felt emptier than I did that day, laying there in the hospital room; both of us staring at each other, not knowing what to think." I say as he sits back down on the sofa with me.

"I felt like I was dying inside." He tells me. A few tears slide down his cheek as I reach over and put my hand on his arm.

"That was the last time I saw you until my wedding day."

Seven Years ago:

I stared at my reflection in the large mirror. I couldn't believe I was getting married today. After everything I'd been through in my life I had finally found a man who loved me for everything that I was; a man who was sweet, loving, affectionate and full of life

Leland had been in and out of my life since I moved in with my grandmother. Two years ago we reconnected as adults when I happened to stop by to visit with his mother one summer day. It was love at first sight and we hadn't been apart more than a few hours since that day.

Leland's mother stuck her head in my dressing room, a huge smile stretched across her face. "You look beautiful honey; Leland won't know what hit him." She says happily.

"Thank you. I'm so nervous."

She laughs with me and says, "You have a visitor…" as the door opens wider and Duane Lee walks in.

"Duane." I gasp, not expecting him to come walking through the door. It had been eight years since we last spoke. His mother closes the door, giving us some privacy.

"Wow. I always knew you'd be a beautiful bride…can't believe it's my brothers bride; but you're beautiful nonetheless." He tells me, stepping a little closer to me. "I would ask what you've been up to but you're the only thing my brother talks about when he calls me. "

I smiled nervously. "It's been a long time since I've seen you. You left for college a few days after…after…that day."

He bit his lip; I could tell he wanted to tell me something. "I wanted to talk to you before the wedding." He says quietly.

A knock on the door interrupts our conversation. I opened the door to find my maid of honor standing there. I knew it was time to start the ceremony.

I turned back to Duane Lee; "I have to go."

Present day:

"I wish I had a chance to talk to you that day. I should have talked to you earlier I guess, but I didn't know how you would react." He tells me.

I shook my head, if I had only known that my sons adoptive parents had given up custody of him I might not have married Leland. But I did marry Leland and on the night of my wedding I saw my eight year old son for the first time since his birth. He was tall like his father; he had his hair and my eyes. He was the perfect mix of both of us.

"My knees were about to buckle as I introduced Dylan to you as his Aunt Mila. I wish someone would have just shot me and put me out of my misery; I think it would have been easier." He says, putting his hand on top of mine.

It was comforting to have that connection with him; that was until I heard a car door shut outside. I knew my husband was home.

"Leland's home." I say quickly wiping a lonely tear off my face. I couldn't show my husband any sign of being upset. "We'll talk later."