Tangled Web

"Hi" I say quietly, looking down at my feet; "I need to see Leland." I tell Amy as she opens the door to their apartment.

She opens the door wider and allows me to step inside.

"The kids are down for a nap. We were at the beach most of the day." She says almost uneasily.

I knew that once she and I met it would be awkward, but this was beyond what I imagined. I bit the inside of my lip to keep from crying or saying something I would regret. "I have to be strong", I reminded myself over and over in my head.

Amy disappeared into their shared bedroom and came back a moment later with Leland following behind her. He smiled briefly, as did I. But it quickly faded…

"Is there somewhere we could talk, alone?" I asked him, holding up the envelope with our divorce papers inside.

Without saying a word to Amy he motioned for me to follow him outside. We walked silently, slowly to the small playground behind their apartment.

"Are those the divorce papers?" he asked as he picked up the envelope.

I nodded as my heart beat sped up. This was harder than I had imagined. Once again, I bit the inside of my lip as he read through the small stack of paper. The coppery tang of blood covered my tongue as I bit harder, I would rather bleed than let him see me cry.

"I guess it's all in order… I don't really know." He says sadly, handing me the paper back after he signed his name several times.

"I don't know either Leland."

"You know, we don't have to do this right now…we could wait."

"Wait for what?"

"I don't know." He whispers, looking away from me. "It just seems so final."

"That's usually what divorce means…trust me, this wasn't what I wanted."

He places his hand on top of mine, "I'll always love you Mila… please know that."

The days following my visit with Leland, my soon to be ex-husband; had put me into a deep depression. I couldn't even leave my bed. A fresh batch of tears flowed freely as I my thoughts wandered from Leland to Dylan, who had also been on my mind as I wallowed in my thoughts.

How could I have given my own child away? It wasn't his fault, he hadn't asked for me as his mother. I cried harder, almost to that stage of hyperventilating. Picking up the phone I dialed the number quickly.

"Duane Lee…" I said, taken as much breath as I could. "Can you come to my house?" I say bawling.

Thankfully he was there in about fifteen minutes. He walked into my bedroom with a bottle of water in his hand; handing it to me he sat down next to me and pulled me into his arms.

"I'm sorry for everything." I say quietly, trying to calm myself down. Taking a drink of the cold water I sat up and looked into his eyes. They were sad, and almost gray, not their usual bright blue. I knew that I had hurt him; I had hurt so many people in my life. I felt like all I had done was tell lie after lie to each of them.

"I have to tell Dylan that I'm his mother." I state as he takes the bottle of water from me, sitting it down lightly on my nightstand. His eyes went wide as I told him; he definitely wasn't expecting me to say that.

"Mila, he knows."

"You told him!" I scream, louder than I had intended. "When?"

He sighs, looking down at his hands. "Years ago…he might have been ten, I guess." He tells me with a shrug of his shoulders.

"I'm an awful person. I've told so many lies and hidden so many truths. I don't know when I became this person."

"When you were sixteen and pregnant." He replies, looking up, finally meeting my eyes. "Mila, Dylan understands the situation we were in at the time. I've explained it to him; he and I have talked about it daily."

"But I just gave our son away to strangers Duane Lee, I gave him away!"

"You have to calm down" he says as he hands me the water again. "You're going to make yourself sick and that won't help anything."

"I'm already sick; I'm a sick person…a liar! I don't deserve to live. All it would take is…"

"We're not gonna start this suicide bullshit Mila, I won't even let you talk like that! So just stop. You have far too much to live for." He says angrily, pulling me to my feet. "Get the fuck out of this bed and take a shower, your hair is nasty."

He pushes me into the bathroom, turning the shower on. I stood silently by as he turned around and pulled my t-shirt over my head then reached down and pulled my panties off before practically shoving me into the hot shower and slamming the glass door shut.

I jumped as it rattled to a close, then stood there staring at the glass door as the scalding hot water washed over my body.

A moment later, I could see his forehead pressing again the glass, "Mila" he says, his voice raw with emotion, "I've been in love with you since you were sixteen years old and never once have I been more scared that I might lose you than I am right now."

Tears were mixing with the water as he continued to pour his heart out.

"Don't ever blame yourself for what happened with Dylan. We both chose that path for him. You were only a child at the time and you were right, I did know better than to sleep with a sixteen year old. I was stupid…but when I met you it was like opening my eyes for the first time. You made me happy again."

I wiped the steam from the shower door and pressed my own forehead against the glass and looked up at him. "I love you too"

The next day Duane Lee and I decided to sit down with Dylan and have a talk, as a family for the first time.

"Son, before I let Mila talk, I want to tell you how proud I am of the young man that you've become."

Dylan looks at his father strangely. "Thanks Dad."

I sat down next to my son, taking a deep breath. "Dylan…I know that your dad already told you that I'm your mother and that you've known for years. I just wanted to talk to you about it myself and tell you how good it feels to finally be able to say it to you myself."

He smiles and nods his head, encouraging me to continue.

"There are a few things I want you to know about why we chose to give you up for a adoption…I was not much older than you when I got pregnant and I was terrified, I had no parents of my own to help me out. My grandmother was old and couldn't help me, so we did what we thought was best for you."

"We both thought it was best at the time." Duane Lee interjects.

"I want you to know that I understand if you might hate me for what happened. And I understand if you can't ever forgive me for pretending to be your Aunt all these years. But I was trying to raise my other children and worrying every day that someone might find out my secret and tell you before I had a chance to."

"I was your child too!"

"I know baby…" I whisper, looking to Duane for some help as my panic set in.

He clears his throat, "Dylan, when you came back to live with me when you were a little boy, Mila didn't know you were coming back and she already had her other life in progress so it wasn't that she didn't want to raise you, she just couldn't at the time."

Dylan thinks for a moment before speaking, "So you're saying that since you're getting divorced from Uncle Leland that you magically have time to be my mother now?"

"I…"

"Dylan, it's not like that." Duane Lee says reassuringly. "Mila always wanted to be your mother, that isn't what she's saying. She saying that she loves you and she wants to be part of your life and she understands if you can't accept that right now, but she hopes that one day you can."

"I just need a little time to process all of this." Dylan says with a sad smile. "It's not like its new information or anything; I just don't know right now…"

"I thought you said he was okay with this." I ask Duane Lee as I fall back against the couch. I couldn't really say that I blamed Dylan for being mad at me…I couldn't even blame him if he hated me for the rest of his life. I hated me.

"He's just a kid. Give him some time." He says encouragingly, pulling me against him.

I nodded my head and leaned into his embrace.

Leland's POV:

I rolled over in bed, coming face to face with Amy. She was already awake and smiling at me. "Good morning beautiful." I whisper, leaning in to kiss her softly.

"Morning." She says quietly.

I knew something was on her mind; it wasn't often that she was awake before I was. I stared into her eyes, trying to figure out what it might be. "Is something bothering you?"

She closes her eyes briefly and lets out a long breath. "I'm fine." She lies, trying to give me a fake smile.

With a laugh I reply, "You're a bad liar baby."

"I think I'm pregnant."

"Say what?"

"Yeah…the last few mornings I've been getting up at about 5:00 feeling nauseous."

I felt like I had been hit with a ton of bricks; this was too much to think about so early in the morning. I was technically still married to Mila and now Amy might be pregnant… this would never go over well.

She continued to stare at me, her eyes piercing my soul. I knew she wanted me to be overjoyed at the news and in a way I was. But I was more scared than excited. So I lied to make her feel better. It wasn't something I enjoyed doing, but in this situation a lie was the best I could do.

Pulling her into my arms, I held her tightly, "I'm so happy right now… we're going to be parents." I whisper in her ear.

Duane Lee's POV:

"You sure are in a good mood today" I tell Mila as I find her dancing around the kitchen as she's cooking. I had just come in from a very long, rough day at work and to see her so happy made the bad part of my day disappear.

She jumped slightly when she heard my voice and turned around toward me. "I'm in a great mood." She replies, throwing her arms around my neck.

"So tell me what's made you so happy on this Tuesday afternoon?" I ask, sitting down in a kitchen chair and pulling her onto my lap.

"I overheard Dylan talking to one of his friends on the phone and he said, 'Let me ask my mom if I can go with you.' Isn't that wonderful"?

I smiled broadly, "That is wonderful babe."

"I'm so happy." She says kissing me on the cheek before standing up and getting back to dinner.

It had been about two months since we talked with Dylan about our situation; and shortly after she moved in with us. Things had been progressing nicely since that day.

I smiled to myself as I watched her moving around the kitchen, humming a random song that was playing on the radio as she cooked. It was something so simple that made me fall completely in love with her all over again.

"I'm happy too." I say out loud.

"What baby?" she asks turning around, a wooden spoon covered in sauce still in her hand as she looked at me with raised eyebrows.

"Nothing…just talking to myself."

"You know they say that's not healthy…talking to yourself." She says with a wink before turning back around.

I snuck up behind her, grabbing her around the waist, causing her to drop the spoon into the pot and threw her over my shoulder.

Laughing hysterically, she swatted me on the ass, trying to make me put her back down. "You're gonna throw your back out, old man!" she says, hitting me again.

"Old man? Who are you calling an old man?" I say, throwing her down on the couch and climbing on top of her, tickling her.

"You heard me." She says almost breathless. "Whatcha gonna do about it?" she taunts me, sliding a hand under my shirt.

"Mmm." I moan, biting my lip as her soft hand caresses my chest.

"That's what I thought." She says moving her hand to my side, before trying to tickle me.

I shook my head as she tried her best to make me laugh. "That doesn't work on me." I say, trying my best to be serious as she pouted.

"What does?" she questions, a very innocent look coming over her face.

I unbuckle my pants, "Let me show you." I grunt, taking her hand.