The Written Word

I unlocked the door to the apartment as quietly as possible. Was it just me, or was everything 100 times louder when you were trying to keep quiet? I held my breath as the door creaked loudly when it swung open. I glared up at the rusty hinges and made a mental note to ask Mr Jennings in apartment 2A to oil it up.

I shut it behind me and made my way over to the couch. I smiled widely as I saw Sarah and Nate curled up together, her arms around his middle. They were both facing the TV and the cartoons they had been watching were still running. I smiled again as I took a moment to watch Bugs Bunny make fun of Donald Duck, and I remembered how I used to own a huge disc set of these shows, but I had lost that along with everything else. I sighed and pushed the big red button on the remote. The screen faded to black and I took my bag and guitar case off of my shoulder, carefully placing them on the table.

I knelt before my siblings, gazing at their peaceful faces as they slept. After a few minutes I realised how creepy I was being and promptly snapped out of it. I reached out and shook Sarah’s shoulder gently, a second later her lashes fluttered open and she stared up at me with her dark blue eyes, so much like our mothers.

“Hey sweetie,” I smiled at her, keeping my voice low. Her lips twitched tiredly and she brought a hand up to wave at me slowly. “It’s late, I’m so sorry I’ve been gone for so long, there was an emergency at work.”

“It’s okay Belle,” she shrugged, sluggishly unwrapping her arms from around Nate to manoeuvre herself to sit up properly.

“You did a very good job looking after Nathan,” I praised her, brushing some of her blonde hair from her face. She shrugged sheepishly and smiled again.

“He was really good tonight,” she admitted.

I nodded contently, glancing at Nate. He was still dead to the world. “You should get to bed. I know it’s Friday night, but unless you want to be crabby when you go to the movies with Selena and Kyle tomorrow, you’ll be needing the sleep.”

Her eyes widened in shock as she sat up even straighter. “What? You’re letting me go? I thought we didn’t have the money?”

I gave her an easy grin, “Turns out Woolworths was having a major sale this morning, so I have enough left over for you to take.”

Her grin nearly split her face and she rushed forward to wrap her arms around me in a tight hug. “Oh thank you sis,” she laughed loudly. “Thank you, I’ll go text Selena and let her know.” She jumped up and headed for her room, but stopped to look at me at the doorway, “You’re the best sister ever Belle, you know that right?”

I swallowed against the lump in my throat and gave her a small smile. She beamed again and headed inside. “She’s going to the movies?”

I glanced down at Nate in surprise as he sat up slowly, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Yep,” I told him. “But I don’t have to work until 3:00, so you and I will do something fun, I promise.”

“Okay,” he smiled perkily though his eyes were still hanging out with tiredness.

“Well, you’re going to need the energy for what we’ll do.”

“Alright, I’ll get to bed,” he waved a hand at me and standing, understanding my unspoken prompt to get some sleep. He kissed my cheek sweetly and made his way into his room.

“I’ll be there to tuck you in soon!” I called. He gave lazy thumbs up and disappeared into the room. I smiled after him and stood with a small groan as the already worn muscles in my back protested. With a sigh I made my way over to the fridge and pulled open the door. The light inside had been broken for as long as I could remember, so I had to squint against the darkness as I looked into it’s questionable depths.

After lots of searching, I found a piece of left over apple pie from the one Mrs Frederick made us last week. That woman really was a God send. Speaking of God sends…

I spun on my heel to glance at my bag. I had been so busy today I had almost completely forgotten about the newest letter. A rush of excitement filled me and I quickly pulled a small fork from the draw to my right and then wandered to our tiny dining table. I set the pie in front of me and took a big bite, smiling as it hit my near empty stomach.

It had been 6 months since I first started writing him. There were almost weekly letters exchanged, and that was mainly because the mail took that long to be sent through. Well, mine did. The school sent them standard, while Alex actually had the money to send it express which I definitely appreciated.

I would definitely call us friends, I had told him so much already, and he had told me a fair amount too. It was strange really, I wasn’t the type of person to blurt out all my deepest, darkest secrets to someone I had only just met. Actually, we hadn’t even ever really met before. It was against the rules of the assignment, and we were both far too busy, not to mention we were on the opposite sides of the world.

Something about Alex made me want to just tell him everything; I couldn’t help but tell him. I suppose I even felt good, getting it all off of my chest. Alex had gone through a lot too, though it’s not as though I got as many details as I gave. I understood, if that sort of information leaked, it could be disastrous.

Pushing the thoughts from my mind, I momentarily put the fork down and pulled my satchel closer to me, rifling through it for the small envelope I was so used to seeing. I grinned as my hand clasped the smooth red paper and I pulled it from the confines of the bag. To my relief it wasn’t wrinkled, and I all but threw my bag to the ground beside me.

I practically ripped the envelope open, and I was shocked when not only my letter fell out, but something else along with it. Frowning curiously I picked up the tiny white plectrum that had been put in with it. I read the front side; in black writing it said S.W.A.G. I tilted my head in confusion, why would Alex send me this?

I knew it would most likely be in the letter, so after another piece of the heavenly pie, I put down the pick and picked up the paper. I noticed a stain on the side and furrowed my brow as I began to read.

Hey Belle,

I’m sorry. About all that stuff you said. It really, seriously sucks ass. I feel kind of bad for just reading all about you, and you get nothing in return. You have to absolutely swear to take this to your grave.

The lump in my throat reappeared. I read on and on as Alex began to talk about his own family tragedy; his brother’s suicide. By the end of the explanation, a single tear had made it’s way to my jaw. The pure emotion poured on to the paper was almost too much to bear. He hadn't gone into any details at all, of course I didn't expect him to. It was only a few lines really, but it was more than enough. It was almost too much.

Can I be totally honest? I don’t have a single clue why I’m telling you this. Something in me says I can trust you. I really, really hope that something is right.

It's also because I'm pretty drunk right now

Thanks for listening, or reading I guess.

Your friend,

Alex 

P.S. Ignore the stain. I chickened out of sending the letter and tossed it in the bin, then changed my mind just as Jack tossed a jar of hot sauce in it because it burnt his tongue. Sorry.

P.P.S. Hope you like the pick, it's the one I used last night at the concert, so think of it as good luck.

Curiously, I picked up the small white pick again. Unexpectedly my fingers found some small bumps on the opposite side. With a furrowed brow I turned it around and read the other side, only to burst into laughter at what it said.

Sex With Alex Gaskarth

That was just too good. I knew without a doubt this would be worth a lot, but maybe that's why he sent it? No, I thought. I refused to sell something given to me by my 2nd friend.

I gave a shaky laugh as I re-read the last paragraph. I knew what I had to do. I pushed his letter to the side, rifling through my bag for a pen and paper. I took another bite of pie, even though my appetite was pretty much gone.

Dearest Alex,

My parents are dead. When I say I know how you feel about Tom, and that I empathise, I’m not just being awkwardly, annoyingly kind or pitying. I don’t think I could ever speak any of this out loud, and the fact I’m about to tell you is so incredibly surreal, I’m wondering if the pressure’s finally gotten to me and I have snapped.

I probably have.

I was a bad kid. I’m not talking pranks, late nights and detentions either. I’m talking sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll. All three by the age of 15, although I won’t say the first was exactly voluntary at that stage.

Another tear fell from my eye, splashing onto the blue lined paper before me. I had never admitted that to anyone, ever. Not even the police.

I hated authority figures, still do in fact. I was selfish, rude and stupid. That was when I got my first tattoo. Hell, I was even 16 and pregnant. My boyfriend, Drake, and I at the time were convinced that we would make fantastic parents, even amongst all the cocaine and vodka. Unfortunately, one night I forgot that drinking while with child wasn’t exactly healthy. I was hit by a car while stripping on the road for Drake and his three cousins. I lost the baby.

My parents thought that might have snapped me out of things, and it did for a while. I didn’t drink or smoke, I stayed home, I was in bed by night. That only lasted a week, then I went on a binge. I stopped going to school, I got arrested 7 times. Hell, the guys at the police station even know me by name.

I took a painful, stuttered breath as I reached the climax of the story.

One particularly stupid night I was out with my ‘friend’ Miranda. We were drunk and high and dumb as fuck. The party was at the local swimming pool, the guy who worked there let us in around 9. At 4:30am I was only just starting to wind down. I was in a quiet alley making out with this star cricket player, Chris Morgan. I remember feeling so proud I was going to bang such a popular guy. My phone rang and I thought it was Miranda and I was kind of worried about her. I thought she might have been being raped or something, God knows I knew what it was like.

I answered and it was the hospital. They “regretfully informed me that my mother had passed away in a car crash about 4 hours ago”. As they couldn’t get a hold of my father, I was the next emergency contact.

Wanna know the worst thing? I thought it was some jackass playing a playing a prank on me. So I hung up, and I had sex with Chris in that alley way. When I got home the next day, my family was crying and yelling and screaming, and it was all directed at me.

Dad said mum had been worried and went looking for me at about 11. I had wondered off with Chris, so Miranda had decided to teach me a lesson and take my car home herself, while completely smashed. She crashed head on into my mother.

They both died pretty quickly after that.

I continued to party and binge, but not as much. It wasn’t until my Dad committed suicide a month later that I really snapped out of it. I found him on his bed one night, with his wrists slit. He left a note, telling me how disappointed and angry he was with me, but that he would always love me and never blamed me for mum’s death, and to give his love to my siblings.

Social services never came to take my siblings away, I don’t know why. I suppose we were lost in the system. So I moved us to a tiny apartment on the edge of the city near our schools, I got two jobs and I stopped partying.

I currently have approximately 1 friend, and I only drink in the house when I’m stressed. Once I turned 18, I was a legal adult over here, and I could drink, drive, get into clubs. But I didn’t, because my brother and sister needed me.

Sarah’s not too bad, she’s nothing like me. She’s only bratty and rude, not pregnant and doing illegal shit every other day.

Some days I wake up and wonder if Nathan will know who I am, or how to spell his own name. It kills me a little more inside every time he confusedly asks where our parents are.

I decided I had poured my heart out enough for one day, as tear spots littered the paper. I decided to lighten the mood slightly by finally telling him about my tattoo’s since he had asked a while ago.

My first tattoo is a blue and red Chinese lantern on my right bicep, don’t ask me why. I was so hammered, but at least it looks pretty badass. My second and third I got after my parents died. One is the Egyptian Eye of Ra, which is on my left thumb. My mother was an Egyptologist, I suppose it’s kind of a tribute to her. The other is the word crescendo on my lower back, because I love music and I suppose it sort of describes me.

I’m loud, and I’m fun and I’m stupid and I’m immature and I tell the best ‘yo momma and Chuck Norris jokes on the planet. I have no outlet other than music. My jobs are boring and quiet, I’m barely home, and if I am it’s only to sleep, and school is school. It sucks ass.

I hate to whine, really I do. I guess you poured your heart out to me; the absolute least I could do was return the favour. Would it be totally fucking creepy if I told you how much I love ‘talking’ to you. Sometimes I forget how famous you are, you’re not how I would expect a rock star to be. I like that.

Thanks for being my second friend Alex.

Your friend,

Belle 

As a spur of the moment thing, I quickly pulled out my red gloss. It was a gift from Brooke, who insisted it would add to my appearance. I only used it because I couldn’t afford actual Chap Stick, and the winter wind always stung my lips.

I coated them in a thick layer of the cherry gloss, then pressed them below my name instead of the usual funky drawings we added. I figured it'll get him to smile after probably frowning for 10 minutes after reading my depressing letter. I smiled and brushed away the last of my salty tears, setting the paper aside to be mailed tomorrow at school.

With one last sad smile I stood and made my way to my siblings room, whom I could hear bickering quietly about whether or not a night light would be used.

And such is my life.