Psychotic craze
Apology
He looked really angry but there was something new that I noticed in his expression, seeping through his veins and clouding the sudden hurt that appeared to radiate off his face. Now I was a little confused, I slowly backed away from his hand and his fist relaxed.
"I wasn't going to -" He began but I was too busy trying to work out the rest of the pieces to the puzzle.
"So you hate dad?" I asked trying to search his face for answers.
"He just let me go! He preferred you - he didn't want me!" Daniel spat and I shook my head vigorously - he had it way wrong.
"Dad didn't do anything; it was mom who got bored of England! It was I who chose dad; you can probably remember I was always a daddy's girl! You didn't care though, you just said goodbye and went with mom!" I tried to explain.
"He let me go; he didn't care enough to want to keep me!"
"He sent you birthday and Christmas presents every year! He called you loads until you started avoiding his calls! He tried to fly out for your games! He made the effort!"
"He didn't want me!" Daniel retorted once more and I closed my eyes for a second in slight frustration.
"You! Daddy's little girl and then you come here and mom is all over you." He spat angrily glaring down at me whilst his finger shook in my face.
I was beginning to get a little angrier now, Daniel was being a baby. A spoilt, rotten baby who couldn't see the light, it's as if he had this dirt bubble around his brain and he couldn't think clearly. My hand twitched a little but I restrained myself from yanking it up and making it collide with his face to smack some sense into him. Instead I let out a huge sigh and paused for a few seconds to think; Daniel was sticking to the same line He didn't want me.
"Daniel." I said patiently leaning back on the counter, I was sure he wouldn't run away from me, now that I had obtained a reaction from him and now that the rage in his eyes would only subside once this argument was finished.
"You see it one way while I see it another way, do you think Dad loved me more than you?" I asked, before he could answer I dove in again.
"It was you who lost contact with him! It was you who made him think you didn't want to know him anymore!" I raised my voice a little.
"And it was him who made me think he didn't want to know me anymore!" He replied just as fast.
"What makes you think that?" I shouted as he faced away from me.
He sighed furiously punching the side of the counter lightly with his fist which was curled on its side, his mouth opened once or twice but always in hesitation.
"Summer of 03, remember that summer?" He asked angrily facing me once more.
"I packed my bags and everything and then came his call telling me I couldn't come." He shook his head irritated.
"He landed a temporary contract in Berlin, he had to go! The whole trip was for you to spend time with dad and me, and we had to leave - there was no other way!" I tried.
"You see, his stupid contract was more important then me!" He scoffed.
"No that contact was important - very important, but for a different reason! It paid for our bills, it paid for our food, it paid for our clothes, it paid for my training and it paid for your presents he sent you! Do you know how expensive it is to live in Britain compared to living in America?" I stressed.
"I don't care about all that! The main thing is he made me feel unwanted!" He pressed on, his anger turning into another emotion now.
"It wasn't that way and deep down you know that! You don't want to see it any other way because to you it seems easier just to think he didn't want you, that way the fact that he's dead won't hurt so much!" I babbled not stopping to check what I was actually saying as words continued to flow out of my mouth.
"I don't want him to be dead either - heck I haven't even cried for him yet, this all seems surreal, he was brilliant he really was and those little things that upset you were mere mistakes! He wouldn't do anything to hurt you on purpose just like mum wouldn't. When you stopped answering his calls, when you stopped all form of contact with him we both assumed that you didn't want to know him." I paused for a short breath.
"Do you think he loved me more than he loved you? Well you wouldn't think that if you stuck around after the funeral!" I spat as he looked at me with confusion in his eyes.
"His will!" I carried on.
"He left us both the exact amount of money each! He even gave mom a little bit!" I smacked my hand on the counter to show him I was angry but regretted it as a small throbbing pain erupted.
"He wasn't the one who lost contact with you. It was you who tore yourself away when you started thinking stupid things; it was you who could have known him better and it's you who's taking it out on me!" I yelled now finished, I felt better, I felt empty and lifted because I had said everything that I needed to. I glanced at him briefly for another moment or so and then my shoulders sunk slightly, I walked past him slowly and up the stairs as silence crept through the whole house.
I fell backwards onto my bed and yawned - today had been a very long day so I let my eyes close and I drifted off to sleep.
* * *
I awoke quickly startling myself as I sat up and instantly feeling dizzy from the abrupt motion I closed my eyes to let it pass and then swung my legs over the side of the bed and looked at the clock. I had fallen asleep for an hour and 15 minutes but it seemed like a whole night. I yawned once more and walked towards the bathroom to wash my face. I could faintly hear cupboards closing and plates being put down in the kitchen downstairs but the rest of the house seemed completely silent.
"Hey mom." I said quietly as I wandered into the kitchen to see her putting out our dinner.
"Hey - gosh you two are awfully quiet today, not heard a peep since I got in, what happened?" She asked sceptically pausing with her oven gloves in mid air.
"I fell asleep." I muttered sitting at the table as Daniel came walking in; he wasn't doing his normal cool guy strut but a less confident slouched walk. I took a small glance at his face, his eyes looked tired and his expression wary as he propped himself to sit opposite me. My mom narrowed her eyes as we began to eat and started off the conversation.
"Alison, how was school?"
"Great - well no; tiring and immensely boring and I'm hoping the stares and whispers will stop by the end of the week." I spoke quickly.
"Just the excitement of the new girl." She chuckled.
"There's another new girl too." I replied.
"Oh yeah? How is she?"
I paused trying to find the right words.
"Put it this way, she skipped class today so she could go get a tattoo." I blurted out.
"Oh so she's that type, well you steer clear of her kind I sense she's trouble."
"She wants to behave though and that's why she's kind of hanging out with me." I said even quieter.
We ate in silence after that, none of us feeling up to talking much after our long day, I scanned my mom's expression after we had eaten; she looked very tired so I offered to clean up.
"Thank you darling." She whispered before lying on the couch.
"I'll dry." I heard Daniel say loudly and that really got my mom's attention.
"Are you feeling okay?" She asked dubiously.
"Terrific."
She raised her eyebrows at me before turning to face the television.
We washed and dried in silence, I could feel the tension between us getting heavier and heavier, I wanted someone to break it before it suffocated one of us.
"Look." He whispered finally as I washed the final plate.
"I'm - I'm, well what I'm trying to say is that - I'm sorry." He finally let it out; I turned to look at him, his blue eyes matching mine.
"There was no need for me to behave that way towards you, I realise now - I don't even know why I did it, I guess one thing led to another and all that confusion and anger mounted up and some of it was let out on you. I'm sorry it was stupid of me."
I swallowed hard narrowing my eyes trying to see through him, was this really Daniel?
"I know you probably think I'm a jerk and everything but -" He began.
"Yeah I did. But thanks for saying this, it means a lot."
"So are we okay?" He asked.
"I guess so." I replied.
Another slice of silence filled the air when he nudged me a few minutes later.
"So exactly how much money has our old man left us?" He grinned wildly and I couldn't help but grin back.
Looks likes things were going to be okay between us.
"I wasn't going to -" He began but I was too busy trying to work out the rest of the pieces to the puzzle.
"So you hate dad?" I asked trying to search his face for answers.
"He just let me go! He preferred you - he didn't want me!" Daniel spat and I shook my head vigorously - he had it way wrong.
"Dad didn't do anything; it was mom who got bored of England! It was I who chose dad; you can probably remember I was always a daddy's girl! You didn't care though, you just said goodbye and went with mom!" I tried to explain.
"He let me go; he didn't care enough to want to keep me!"
"He sent you birthday and Christmas presents every year! He called you loads until you started avoiding his calls! He tried to fly out for your games! He made the effort!"
"He didn't want me!" Daniel retorted once more and I closed my eyes for a second in slight frustration.
"You! Daddy's little girl and then you come here and mom is all over you." He spat angrily glaring down at me whilst his finger shook in my face.
I was beginning to get a little angrier now, Daniel was being a baby. A spoilt, rotten baby who couldn't see the light, it's as if he had this dirt bubble around his brain and he couldn't think clearly. My hand twitched a little but I restrained myself from yanking it up and making it collide with his face to smack some sense into him. Instead I let out a huge sigh and paused for a few seconds to think; Daniel was sticking to the same line He didn't want me.
"Daniel." I said patiently leaning back on the counter, I was sure he wouldn't run away from me, now that I had obtained a reaction from him and now that the rage in his eyes would only subside once this argument was finished.
"You see it one way while I see it another way, do you think Dad loved me more than you?" I asked, before he could answer I dove in again.
"It was you who lost contact with him! It was you who made him think you didn't want to know him anymore!" I raised my voice a little.
"And it was him who made me think he didn't want to know me anymore!" He replied just as fast.
"What makes you think that?" I shouted as he faced away from me.
He sighed furiously punching the side of the counter lightly with his fist which was curled on its side, his mouth opened once or twice but always in hesitation.
"Summer of 03, remember that summer?" He asked angrily facing me once more.
"I packed my bags and everything and then came his call telling me I couldn't come." He shook his head irritated.
"He landed a temporary contract in Berlin, he had to go! The whole trip was for you to spend time with dad and me, and we had to leave - there was no other way!" I tried.
"You see, his stupid contract was more important then me!" He scoffed.
"No that contact was important - very important, but for a different reason! It paid for our bills, it paid for our food, it paid for our clothes, it paid for my training and it paid for your presents he sent you! Do you know how expensive it is to live in Britain compared to living in America?" I stressed.
"I don't care about all that! The main thing is he made me feel unwanted!" He pressed on, his anger turning into another emotion now.
"It wasn't that way and deep down you know that! You don't want to see it any other way because to you it seems easier just to think he didn't want you, that way the fact that he's dead won't hurt so much!" I babbled not stopping to check what I was actually saying as words continued to flow out of my mouth.
"I don't want him to be dead either - heck I haven't even cried for him yet, this all seems surreal, he was brilliant he really was and those little things that upset you were mere mistakes! He wouldn't do anything to hurt you on purpose just like mum wouldn't. When you stopped answering his calls, when you stopped all form of contact with him we both assumed that you didn't want to know him." I paused for a short breath.
"Do you think he loved me more than he loved you? Well you wouldn't think that if you stuck around after the funeral!" I spat as he looked at me with confusion in his eyes.
"His will!" I carried on.
"He left us both the exact amount of money each! He even gave mom a little bit!" I smacked my hand on the counter to show him I was angry but regretted it as a small throbbing pain erupted.
"He wasn't the one who lost contact with you. It was you who tore yourself away when you started thinking stupid things; it was you who could have known him better and it's you who's taking it out on me!" I yelled now finished, I felt better, I felt empty and lifted because I had said everything that I needed to. I glanced at him briefly for another moment or so and then my shoulders sunk slightly, I walked past him slowly and up the stairs as silence crept through the whole house.
I fell backwards onto my bed and yawned - today had been a very long day so I let my eyes close and I drifted off to sleep.
* * *
I awoke quickly startling myself as I sat up and instantly feeling dizzy from the abrupt motion I closed my eyes to let it pass and then swung my legs over the side of the bed and looked at the clock. I had fallen asleep for an hour and 15 minutes but it seemed like a whole night. I yawned once more and walked towards the bathroom to wash my face. I could faintly hear cupboards closing and plates being put down in the kitchen downstairs but the rest of the house seemed completely silent.
"Hey mom." I said quietly as I wandered into the kitchen to see her putting out our dinner.
"Hey - gosh you two are awfully quiet today, not heard a peep since I got in, what happened?" She asked sceptically pausing with her oven gloves in mid air.
"I fell asleep." I muttered sitting at the table as Daniel came walking in; he wasn't doing his normal cool guy strut but a less confident slouched walk. I took a small glance at his face, his eyes looked tired and his expression wary as he propped himself to sit opposite me. My mom narrowed her eyes as we began to eat and started off the conversation.
"Alison, how was school?"
"Great - well no; tiring and immensely boring and I'm hoping the stares and whispers will stop by the end of the week." I spoke quickly.
"Just the excitement of the new girl." She chuckled.
"There's another new girl too." I replied.
"Oh yeah? How is she?"
I paused trying to find the right words.
"Put it this way, she skipped class today so she could go get a tattoo." I blurted out.
"Oh so she's that type, well you steer clear of her kind I sense she's trouble."
"She wants to behave though and that's why she's kind of hanging out with me." I said even quieter.
We ate in silence after that, none of us feeling up to talking much after our long day, I scanned my mom's expression after we had eaten; she looked very tired so I offered to clean up.
"Thank you darling." She whispered before lying on the couch.
"I'll dry." I heard Daniel say loudly and that really got my mom's attention.
"Are you feeling okay?" She asked dubiously.
"Terrific."
She raised her eyebrows at me before turning to face the television.
We washed and dried in silence, I could feel the tension between us getting heavier and heavier, I wanted someone to break it before it suffocated one of us.
"Look." He whispered finally as I washed the final plate.
"I'm - I'm, well what I'm trying to say is that - I'm sorry." He finally let it out; I turned to look at him, his blue eyes matching mine.
"There was no need for me to behave that way towards you, I realise now - I don't even know why I did it, I guess one thing led to another and all that confusion and anger mounted up and some of it was let out on you. I'm sorry it was stupid of me."
I swallowed hard narrowing my eyes trying to see through him, was this really Daniel?
"I know you probably think I'm a jerk and everything but -" He began.
"Yeah I did. But thanks for saying this, it means a lot."
"So are we okay?" He asked.
"I guess so." I replied.
Another slice of silence filled the air when he nudged me a few minutes later.
"So exactly how much money has our old man left us?" He grinned wildly and I couldn't help but grin back.
Looks likes things were going to be okay between us.