Painkiller.

The sound of glass shattering against the floor was nothing new to me. The vibration of voices clashing, frustration, was not unfamiliar to me either. In reality, it had become to routine to me; the violence, the rage, the urge. The urge of wanting the craving to be sustained, have the feeling of euphoria coursing through my veins had become customary. The rage part, was wanting to rip him to shreds.

The arrogant smirk on his face constantly made my stomach bubble, the sadistic smile he displayed only to me drove me mad. Especially since I knew deep down, deep down, who he really was. He was not the nice guy you saw on the street, he was my disaster...and relief.

It was the same scenario every night. We would find something to clash over, we would yell, things would break. The same thing that brought us together was the same thing that would tear us apart, temporarily.

"I fucking hate you!" I screamed, tears beginning to burn at the edges of my eyes. My fists clenched and beating on his muscled chest. I knew it wouldn't cause that much damage, which only further pissed me off. His fingers immediately wrapped around my slender wrists, squeezing them in an effort to subdue my hitting.

"Yeah? Good, I fucking hate you too!" his deep voice roared back, his body shoving me backwards against the wall. I winced at the impact, using the opportunity of his hands temporarily easing off my wrists to connect my fist to his jaw. His face tensed up, irritation evident in his eyes as no moment later his hand collided right back on my cheek, causing me to whimper. Sometimes, I was almost afraid we'd take it too far. My cheek began to pulse in pain resulting in me making one last attempt to strike him back, succeeding in watching his lip split and begin to bleed.

It was awful, I know it. I know it wasn't right of us to act like this, but I knew nothing better. I knew nothing other than pain, it had become all I had left. If I was honest, it was my life, and I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.

"You ruined me!" I lamented, tears freely falling by this point just as they always had, the burning sensation now at my stomach once more. My once innocence had been tainted by his hands, his words, his love. It had trapped me in a place I could not break free no matter how I tried, but in the end...in the end, I still chose not to. It was a vicious cycle that had brewed to the point of no return.

Then it started again. Instead of his hands inflicting more pain, they softened up the grip on me. The hands that previously bruised me, were now the hands that touched me less harshly. Still pinned to the wall, his face had now hovered in front of mine. Both pairs of brown eyes locked on one another for just a moment before his lips had reached out and slammed against mine. The taste of metallic had tainted my lips, a slight protest by me, but it was useless. His lips pressed harder on mine, resulting in me pressing back. It scared me how the instant touch of him when calm, could control me so.

His hands had now pinned my arms above my head, lips still smashing against mine with his body pushed firmly to mine. The feeling of rage yet contempt had now washed over me, confusing me. Our lips remained tangled for sometime and when it finally ended, his head emerged back over me. His hands let my arms ago, instead wrapping his arms around my waist and hoisting me up in the air while my arms wrapped around his neck. He carried me out of the living room and walked down the small hallway, stopping at our sanctuary. He walked a couple more steps before placing me on the bed gently, our bed.

I watched him turn his body to the dresser, knowing very well what would take place next. He opened the first drawer and pulled out the magic black box, closing the drawer after and bringing it over to the bed. He set it down and looked me in the eyes briefly before opening the lid. I braced myself with inevitable excitement, knowing this was the moment that made it all worth it. His fingers delicately picked up the necessary items and quickly cleaned it before he letting a small breath out. He reached out to grab my arm next, turning it over to expose the contour of my inner bicep. He expertly tied the small rubber around it, finishing in a neat and tight knot. My eyes hypnotically watched him grab the syringe and filling it up before carefully finding my vein and tapping it with his finger.

I inhaled a breath when he pushed the needle through it, piercing the skin as it hurt just a little. He injected the liquid and I sat patiently, smiling when it began to work it's effect on me. Caden had next repeated the steps over, only this time injecting himself. When he finished he nimbly sat next to me on the bed, both of us lost in the moment. I smiled bigger when I fully felt alive, all my emotions dissipated somewhere else. I knew Caden had felt the same when his hand touched my knee, squeezing it affectionately.

I turned my head to look at him fully, his eyes glossy and content. I smiled lovingly and my face instinctively moved towards his, our lips meeting once again. His hands wasted no time pulling me into his lap as he laid down straight on the bed. It was where we had once again finished our cycle. We'd yell, we'd shoot up, we'd make love. It was when it was all over, I would lay there beside him, eyes fixated on the ceiling as his fingers nimbly stroked hair. I would trace invisible patterns on his skin.

"This is all I'll ever know" I whisper into the darkness, the only light coming through the window was the reflection of a street light, the sound of rain tapped against it. I feel him shuffle and embrace me tighter a deep sigh escaping his lips.

"This is all I'll ever know too, with you."

"It's a mess, one big ugly mess."

"It might, but you're all I have left." he whispered back to me. I nodded lightly, agreeing with him because I knew it was the truth. Even if we were dysfunctional, we were still each others. I couldn't tell you why we were the way we were, it was just something our life had turned out to be. A life of misery, chaos, and yet love...it was something we'd created after both us living an even bigger mess of a life.

His hand lovingly stroked my bruised cheek, a mixture of confusion filled his eyes. I was no different by touching his lip which the blood had now dried.

"One day we're gonna go too far." I warned him. This chaotic thing we called love, I knew would one day be the death of us. He nodded, not saying anything else but holding me tighter, knowing I was right.

But in the end when it was all said and done, we were never going to escape...

I, I can be your painkiller, killer, killer
You'll love me 'til it's all over, over
'Cause I'm the shoulder you cry on
The dose that you die on
I, I can be your painkiller, killer, killer