I'm Leaving
I'm Leaving.
"I'm leaving." It was all too easy to say those words. A part of me was excited to hear them, they were like sweet relief. That part of me had been waiting for this day for a while now. Another part of me, though, was not excited. She was scared. She was praying, hoping that those words weren't true. That I wouldn't actually do it.
"You should have done this long ago, I don't know why you waited so long. You know nobody ever wanted you around. You're a mess up."
"You're unique. Your family and friends love you. They'd miss you if you left... You can't do this. Please, don't do this."
"Don't feed her those bullshit lies. She needs to hear the truth, that's she's not anything and never will be anything."
"They aren't lies! I'm trying to save her, I'm trying to help her realize that she is beautiful and doesn't need to do this."
"What an actress, making it seem like you actually care."
The two sides fought constantly. They hated each other. I knew one of the many reasons I would be happy when I was finally gone was not having to put up with those voices in my head anymore... They were so loud... It took so much energy to try and ignore them, but it's like they were right there with me in person.
I had been staring into the mirror for about 30 minutes. I didn't recognize myself anymore. I had practically been starving myself, my hair was a mess, my eyes didn't show any feeling, I had forgotten how to smile...
The part of me that was worried now could always pick out things she liked about herself. But, then the part of me that wanted things to just be over with would point out that nothing about me is likable, because it all makes me... me. And I'm a mistake. I am the scum of the Earth, and that part of me knows it.
I took out my blade. The two parts of me were fighting for control. Every time I did this, every time I cut, the hopeful part of me would take control and would stop me before I went to far. Every time up until now. I didn't want to be saved this time.
I kept taking the blade to my body, I didn't plan on stopping. I wanted to cover myself from head to toe in the cuts I deserved. I wanted to leave this Earth and never come back. I wanted to die... And this time, it worked....
"You should have done this long ago, I don't know why you waited so long. You know nobody ever wanted you around. You're a mess up."
"You're unique. Your family and friends love you. They'd miss you if you left... You can't do this. Please, don't do this."
"Don't feed her those bullshit lies. She needs to hear the truth, that's she's not anything and never will be anything."
"They aren't lies! I'm trying to save her, I'm trying to help her realize that she is beautiful and doesn't need to do this."
"What an actress, making it seem like you actually care."
The two sides fought constantly. They hated each other. I knew one of the many reasons I would be happy when I was finally gone was not having to put up with those voices in my head anymore... They were so loud... It took so much energy to try and ignore them, but it's like they were right there with me in person.
I had been staring into the mirror for about 30 minutes. I didn't recognize myself anymore. I had practically been starving myself, my hair was a mess, my eyes didn't show any feeling, I had forgotten how to smile...
The part of me that was worried now could always pick out things she liked about herself. But, then the part of me that wanted things to just be over with would point out that nothing about me is likable, because it all makes me... me. And I'm a mistake. I am the scum of the Earth, and that part of me knows it.
I took out my blade. The two parts of me were fighting for control. Every time I did this, every time I cut, the hopeful part of me would take control and would stop me before I went to far. Every time up until now. I didn't want to be saved this time.
I kept taking the blade to my body, I didn't plan on stopping. I wanted to cover myself from head to toe in the cuts I deserved. I wanted to leave this Earth and never come back. I wanted to die... And this time, it worked....