Alive With You

Storms.

They’ve always been beautiful yet dangerous. A sweet attraction to some and a strike of fear to others. It always starts with the calm before the storm, when the sky looks utterly perfect with that crystal blue sky and the cottony clouds floating across. In a matter of seconds everything turns gloomy and the rain comes pouring in full of sadness and relief—the clouds taking a fresh breath and releasing all that built up tension. Then comes the shock of brilliant light that illuminates the dark that has taken over, followed closely by the trained thunder that knows its place. A boom that can shake a house and scare the poor soul who descends down the stairs at the wrong time.

But after the storm clouds roll away, bewildered eyes peek through curtains to see the night sky, seeking the familiar presence of the view that can take anyone’s breath away. The stars shine brighter than ever, splayed out across the sky waiting to be traced by fingers for new constellations.

Storms hold a beauty to them, the power that can settle deep into someone’s bones and the reassurance of stars that tell a person that everything is normal, intact.

And perhaps, that’s why Juliet came to love storms.

In the middle of nowhere, along cornfields and trees, she’d pulled herself over in her small car and turned off the engine as the storm hit the peak and thunder shook the metal frame of her shelter. A small voice told her it probably wasn’t safe, but Juliet was practiced at ignoring that tiny voice in her head.

Pushing up the middle console, she laid across the front seats after balling up her sweater and using it as a makeshift pillow. It was comfortable enough and all Juliet cared about was watching the storm outside the windows. Her heart raced at every crash of thunder, eyes widening at the bright strikes of lightning, and goosebumps raised up on her skin at the sound of the brash rain.

Soon enough her eyes slowly fluttered closed, far too exhausted to sleep but she could at least just relax back with the storm playing in the background. The danger of falling into that comfortable state was the mind taking control and running through all the thoughts that had been pushed off for the day.

Her little brother was probably sleeping through the night, hugging tight the turtle he’d won at the county fair a few days ago and had told her about so excitedly. She knew he’d wake up in the morning as if nothing happened, much like herself and not afraid of the storms that came rolling through. Juliet had taught him the beauty of storms just like her grandfather had taught her when she’d been young. For a moment, she wondered if her grandparents were looking down on her and keeping an eye out on her like they always said they would when their time came.

Her mother was back at home with her brother, probably worried and sitting in that old chair in the living room with the space heater kicked on. Juliet could easily picture her mother with the long knitting needles and the worrisome look on her face as she fought the urge to call the police. Her mother would constantly reach out to the phone but set her hands back to work and like she did sometimes, she’d glance over to the armchair that had been empty for as long as Juliet could remember. Her mother would wonder if things would have been different if he was still around… not just a picture on the mantle and a gravestone.

Storms brought the memories of her father, the few that Juliet had. She could remember little things like when he’d taught her to ride a bike, when he’d read her bedtime stories, and the day that he left. Juliet hadn’t known just what was going on, she just remembered him holding her crying pregnant mother tight and coming to her after, kneeling down with a sad smile. In uniform and freshly trained, he was ready to deploy but not ready to leave his family.

“I love you, baby girl. I promise I’ll be back soon, okay?”

That was the only promise he’d broken. Unintentionally.

Ever since then, Juliet had been taking care of her mother and her brother once he had been born. She became quiet, reserved, and kept to herself even at school. In her mind, she didn’t have time for friends or fun things, not when her mother was always in bed and her brother needed to be taken care of when her grandparents went home. It didn’t get better when they passed away, one after another.

Now it was years later, Juliet on her way home from college. She’d been one of the lucky few in her quiet Kentucky town, making it out to get an education and have a future for herself. Her last year was coming to a close and Juliet was pushing away the decision she had to make, whether or not to go back home or go somewhere else. She’d always wanted her escape but every time she came back home for a visit there was another reason to stay.

A particularly loud boom of thunder forced Juliet’s eyes open, blinking to readjust her vision. Blindly, she reached for her phone and turned the volume back on, noticing that she had four missed calls and three text messages from her mother. Not much of a surprise, but Juliet felt terrible for having turned her phone off to avoid the contact. Going home was just so bittersweet.

Tapping at the bright screen, she pulled up her voicemail and brought the phone to her ear so she could listen to the message that was left only an hour ago.

“Jules… I’m worried about you. Usually you call or let me know when you’re coming… I hope you’re not lost or hurt. Maybe I should send Barkley out to look for you…No, no, you’ll be home soon I’m sure. I love and miss you Juliet, so does Jake. Call me back… please?”

Sitting up, Juliet sighed and set her phone back in the passenger seat where it had been. Despite wanting to stay right where she was, her hands were already in the process of starting the car again and on her way to get back home.

Her mother was always spacey, talking to herself, and forgetting things. The voicemail only reminded Juliet of all these things, but it also reminded her that no one cared about her as much as her mother. When Juliet graduated high school, the woman had picked herself up as best as she could to be a parent again. She’d been there when Juliet got her scholarship, her acceptance letter to her college, freshmen move-in day, and everything that had been important to Juliet from that day on.

Seeing the person her mother had been before her father died had given Juliet hope. Hope of being the woman her mother was on the good days who made pancakes in the morning singing loudly and off-key, who took her children on adventures on random days just to have fun, and who sat bravely with her children through storms despite being scared of them just so she could see her kids smile.

Some days, Juliet forgot about that side of her mother.

It was a long while before she hit the dirt road and headed for her house just as the sun was pulling up over the horizon and the storm was passing away. Juliet missed the stars because the storm had lasted so long, but she knew she’d sit up on the roof that night with her brother and her mother, making their own constellations and wondering when the next storm would come rolling in to greet them.

On the back roads, she felt safer picking up her phone from where she’d let it sit and opening up snapchat. What she wanted to say to her mother felt like it wouldn’t suffice in just a text message and even if she’d only just taught her mother how to work the app with countless laughs over the experience, Juliet was sure her mother would see what she was sending.

Taking the first picture out the window, her fingers typed the first part of the message across the screen before she took a second picture and finished out the message. Sending it to her mother, Juliet felt like it would at least cease some of the worry her mother had while also letting her mother know what she couldn’t say aloud.

Because Juliet was so lucky to be alive at the same time as her mother.

The one thing they shared that they both wished they didn’t, was the times they’d been closed to death. And they built each other back up, alive today together despite their shared depression.

Juliet knew they made each other stronger against it.

The rain let up just as she turned down the driveway and pulled up to her old house. There was still so much to do and unpack but all she wanted was to see her mother and her brother, to be with her family.

Stepping out of the car, her boots sunk into the mud with the threat of stealing the shoes the moment she tried to walk. From up ahead, she heard the sound of boots on the porch where her mother had come running out. It was easy to tell she hadn’t slept at all that night, Juliet wondering how she’d managed to keep awake for so long.

There was no yelling, no upset words, and no scolding. Instead, her mother came down and reached out for a hug that Juliet returned.

“Got lost in the storm, I bet.”

“Wouldn’t be who I am if I didn’t.”

There was a moment of silence, Juliet hugging her mother tightly and smiling into the woman’s shoulder until her mother whispered in her ear.

“We’re here because of each other.”

Juliet knew her mother had gotten the message and her words warmed Juliet’s heart as she relaxed for the first time since she’d left college for the summer.

No matter what had happened in the past, her home was always going to be her home. It didn’t matter if she was a three hundred miles away in the future or right in the next room in their house, she knew her mother and her brother were always going to be her world. The back roads and corn fields, the familiar faces in town and at the local farmers market, and the memories of her family would always be a comfort to her whenever she came back home.

She’d just forgotten for a little while, but the storm brought her back.

Just like it always did.