Status: I'm trying, don't hate me
Let Me Be Free.
But He Loves Him... Her?
Inside the boys room, Alex is on the floor, hugging his dress tight to his chest while he cries heavily, sobs tearing through his throat , he can't do this anymore.
He can't.
Why can't he just be who he wants to be?
He wants to be free.
Alex screams into the dress, causing Jack to jump outside their bedroom before he frantically starts trying to break the lock.
He can't stand Alex's pain.
Because he loves him.
Jack just wants to know what is wrong with Alex, he's never seen his boyfriend so upset. The only thing he can think is 'holy shit someones died'. He just wants to hold the love of his life and make sure he knows everything will be okay.
Eventually Jack breaks the surprisingly fragile lock and the bedroom door swings open, Alex is sat in the middle of the room, clutching something black to his chest as he cries,
'Baby, I need you to talk to me.' he begs, dropping to his knees next to Alex, he's a mess. Sobbing and spluttering into a black piece of clothing, shaking violently with every cry, the sight pains Jack,
'I can't do it anymore!' Alex screams, throwing the dress at his boyfriend, who holds it up and looks at it, completely confused,
'Alex, please, please talk to me baby, I love you, I can't stand seeing you like this, whatever it is I can try and fix it, you just need to talk to me.' Jack whimpers, clutching Alex's hand, the older takes a deep, shaking breath before shutting his eyes, is he really about to do this?
'Ever since I was little I knew. I knew I wasn't normal. I didn't belong in my body. I still don't. I'm not a boy. I'm not supposed to be a man, I'm not supposed to be Alex. I'm meant to be a girl Jack. I belong in a girl's body. But they didn't like it. They wouldn't let me. They kept me trapped. Forced me to be a boy. But I'm not a boy Jacky. I'm a girl and I can't do it anymore.' Alex explains through sobs and Jack nods slowly, his eyes blown wide as he watches his boyfriend cry, everything slowly sinking together in his mind,
'Okay. Okay Alex, it's okay, I still love you, you hear? You can be whatever you need to be baby, I won't stop you. I want you to be happy Alex.' Jack whispers, putting his hand on his boyfriends (Girlfriends...?) cheek.
Because he loves him... her?
Jack and Alex sit in silence for a few minutes while Jack collects his thoughts and Alex tries to calm himself down, 'Can you go put the dress on for me?' Jack asks and Alex's face lights up, his eyes going wide, he did not expect that. 'Can you do that for me? Have you got any makeup?' Jack whispers and Alex nods,
'Put some make up on darling, make yourself feel as pretty as you can and then come out here and show me.' Jack says softy and Alex nods excitedly, grabbing the dress off Jack and then his tiny makeup collection out from the bottom of his drawer and rushing to the bathroom.
Jack watches after him. This is not the news he expected. The love of his life was trapped and he didn't even realise.
But he'll set her free.
Because he loves her.
Alex comes out about ten minutes later and does a rather excited 360 turn, showing Jack his little black dress and pink lips and rosy cheeks, he's brushed his hair out so his bangs falls flat, swept across his forehead, Jack gasps and watches in awe,
'You're beautiful. Oh my god, you're beautiful, come here.' He whispers and Alex walks over and sits in Jack's lap,
'You're the prettiest girl alive Alex. So, so fucking beautiful. I've never seen such a beautiful girl. Now, we need to have a serious talk, okay? Is that okay?' Jack says, stroking Alex's hair, who nods and moves off the youngers lap, sitting cross legged in front of him,
'So you want to be a girl, yes?' Jack asks and Alex nods,
'I am a girl Jack. I always have been.' the older whispers and Jack nods,
'Okay, are you staying as Alex or what? What do you want me to call you baby?' The younger continues,
'I-I've, um... I've always loved it when you call me Lexy.' Alex says, blushing,
'Lexy. You're my little Lexy, okay? Lexy Gaskarth, the prettiest girl alive.' Jack says happily and hugs the elder tightly, nuzzling into the material of the black dress,
'I love you.' Lexy whispers, stroking Jack's back,
'Last question. Will you be my girlfriend Lexy?' the skunk haired boy asks seriously and Lexy giggles,
'Yes.' she whispers and Jack smiles,
'I love you, okay? I love you so much.' he whispers, 'Tomorrow we'll go out and get you an entire new wardrobe and we'll get you make up and jewellery and everything girly, okay baby?' He tells her happily and the elder nods excitedly, giggling, 'Why weren't you allowed to be you Lex?' Jack asks,
'Mum and Dad didn't like it. Only Lisa knew about it, we used to have sleepovers and she'd do my make up and let me wear her clothes, that's the only time where I felt like me. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I wanted to as soon as I moved in with you but I was scared you wouldn't love me because-'
Jack cuts off Lexy's explanation with a chuckle, 'Because I'm gay?' he asks and Lexy nods, making Jack smile sympathetically, 'yeah, I'm gay, but I'm in love with you and I have been since the first time I ever saw you honey, I'm not going to stop loving you because you're a girl.' he whispers and Lexy smiles,
'Thank you Jack.' She whispers before kissing Jack passionately,
'Anything for you baby. I'm really glad you have Lisa. It sounds like she helped you a lot.' he whispers and Alex nods,
'She didn't care that I'm actually a guy and have a dick and all that, she let me do her makeup and wear her clothes... She's just wonderful Jack.' Lexy says softly,
'I love you... Wait a second!' Jack then gasps, suddenly thinking of something,
'What?' Lexy asks,
'Close your eyes.' Jack whispers before standing up and walking over to their shared cupboard, when Jack was in college, his brother gave him a ladies lingerie set as a joke graduation present, now he's glad he kept them. He rummages through boxes until he finds the lacy black and white bra, he decides against the little panties because, as a male, Lexy is quite gifted in the downstairs area, so they won't fit and he doesn't want to disappoint his girlfriend. Jack walks over and checks the label of Lexy's dress and looks at the chest measurements, he smiles triumphantly before pulling his girlfriends dress over her head and puts the bra on, she giggles, knowing what Jack is doing,
'Where'd this come from?' She asks,
'Joe gave me it when we graduated.' Jack chuckles, doing the bra up, 'God, you look so beautiful.' Jack whispers, guiding Lexy to their floor length mirror, 'Okay, open your eyes.' he whispers and Lexy opens her eyes and gasps,
'Thank you!' she whispers,
'I love you.' Jack smiles and hugs her from behind.
Later that night, Jack and Lexy are lying in bed, the elder curled into Jack's side, her head on her boyfriends chest as she sleeps soundly, Jack is on his phone, looking at different sites explaining transgender people, how to help them, how to make them feel accepted, the steps they need to take, he wants to know all he can for Lexy. He wants her to be happy.
Jack researched how much it would cost to give Lexy the change she wants. A lot. A real fucking lot. But he's gonna try.
Because he loves her.
He can't.
Why can't he just be who he wants to be?
He wants to be free.
Alex screams into the dress, causing Jack to jump outside their bedroom before he frantically starts trying to break the lock.
He can't stand Alex's pain.
Because he loves him.
Jack just wants to know what is wrong with Alex, he's never seen his boyfriend so upset. The only thing he can think is 'holy shit someones died'. He just wants to hold the love of his life and make sure he knows everything will be okay.
Eventually Jack breaks the surprisingly fragile lock and the bedroom door swings open, Alex is sat in the middle of the room, clutching something black to his chest as he cries,
'Baby, I need you to talk to me.' he begs, dropping to his knees next to Alex, he's a mess. Sobbing and spluttering into a black piece of clothing, shaking violently with every cry, the sight pains Jack,
'I can't do it anymore!' Alex screams, throwing the dress at his boyfriend, who holds it up and looks at it, completely confused,
'Alex, please, please talk to me baby, I love you, I can't stand seeing you like this, whatever it is I can try and fix it, you just need to talk to me.' Jack whimpers, clutching Alex's hand, the older takes a deep, shaking breath before shutting his eyes, is he really about to do this?
'Ever since I was little I knew. I knew I wasn't normal. I didn't belong in my body. I still don't. I'm not a boy. I'm not supposed to be a man, I'm not supposed to be Alex. I'm meant to be a girl Jack. I belong in a girl's body. But they didn't like it. They wouldn't let me. They kept me trapped. Forced me to be a boy. But I'm not a boy Jacky. I'm a girl and I can't do it anymore.' Alex explains through sobs and Jack nods slowly, his eyes blown wide as he watches his boyfriend cry, everything slowly sinking together in his mind,
'Okay. Okay Alex, it's okay, I still love you, you hear? You can be whatever you need to be baby, I won't stop you. I want you to be happy Alex.' Jack whispers, putting his hand on his boyfriends (Girlfriends...?) cheek.
Because he loves him... her?
Jack and Alex sit in silence for a few minutes while Jack collects his thoughts and Alex tries to calm himself down, 'Can you go put the dress on for me?' Jack asks and Alex's face lights up, his eyes going wide, he did not expect that. 'Can you do that for me? Have you got any makeup?' Jack whispers and Alex nods,
'Put some make up on darling, make yourself feel as pretty as you can and then come out here and show me.' Jack says softy and Alex nods excitedly, grabbing the dress off Jack and then his tiny makeup collection out from the bottom of his drawer and rushing to the bathroom.
Jack watches after him. This is not the news he expected. The love of his life was trapped and he didn't even realise.
But he'll set her free.
Because he loves her.
Alex comes out about ten minutes later and does a rather excited 360 turn, showing Jack his little black dress and pink lips and rosy cheeks, he's brushed his hair out so his bangs falls flat, swept across his forehead, Jack gasps and watches in awe,
'You're beautiful. Oh my god, you're beautiful, come here.' He whispers and Alex walks over and sits in Jack's lap,
'You're the prettiest girl alive Alex. So, so fucking beautiful. I've never seen such a beautiful girl. Now, we need to have a serious talk, okay? Is that okay?' Jack says, stroking Alex's hair, who nods and moves off the youngers lap, sitting cross legged in front of him,
'So you want to be a girl, yes?' Jack asks and Alex nods,
'I am a girl Jack. I always have been.' the older whispers and Jack nods,
'Okay, are you staying as Alex or what? What do you want me to call you baby?' The younger continues,
'I-I've, um... I've always loved it when you call me Lexy.' Alex says, blushing,
'Lexy. You're my little Lexy, okay? Lexy Gaskarth, the prettiest girl alive.' Jack says happily and hugs the elder tightly, nuzzling into the material of the black dress,
'I love you.' Lexy whispers, stroking Jack's back,
'Last question. Will you be my girlfriend Lexy?' the skunk haired boy asks seriously and Lexy giggles,
'Yes.' she whispers and Jack smiles,
'I love you, okay? I love you so much.' he whispers, 'Tomorrow we'll go out and get you an entire new wardrobe and we'll get you make up and jewellery and everything girly, okay baby?' He tells her happily and the elder nods excitedly, giggling, 'Why weren't you allowed to be you Lex?' Jack asks,
'Mum and Dad didn't like it. Only Lisa knew about it, we used to have sleepovers and she'd do my make up and let me wear her clothes, that's the only time where I felt like me. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I wanted to as soon as I moved in with you but I was scared you wouldn't love me because-'
Jack cuts off Lexy's explanation with a chuckle, 'Because I'm gay?' he asks and Lexy nods, making Jack smile sympathetically, 'yeah, I'm gay, but I'm in love with you and I have been since the first time I ever saw you honey, I'm not going to stop loving you because you're a girl.' he whispers and Lexy smiles,
'Thank you Jack.' She whispers before kissing Jack passionately,
'Anything for you baby. I'm really glad you have Lisa. It sounds like she helped you a lot.' he whispers and Alex nods,
'She didn't care that I'm actually a guy and have a dick and all that, she let me do her makeup and wear her clothes... She's just wonderful Jack.' Lexy says softly,
'I love you... Wait a second!' Jack then gasps, suddenly thinking of something,
'What?' Lexy asks,
'Close your eyes.' Jack whispers before standing up and walking over to their shared cupboard, when Jack was in college, his brother gave him a ladies lingerie set as a joke graduation present, now he's glad he kept them. He rummages through boxes until he finds the lacy black and white bra, he decides against the little panties because, as a male, Lexy is quite gifted in the downstairs area, so they won't fit and he doesn't want to disappoint his girlfriend. Jack walks over and checks the label of Lexy's dress and looks at the chest measurements, he smiles triumphantly before pulling his girlfriends dress over her head and puts the bra on, she giggles, knowing what Jack is doing,
'Where'd this come from?' She asks,
'Joe gave me it when we graduated.' Jack chuckles, doing the bra up, 'God, you look so beautiful.' Jack whispers, guiding Lexy to their floor length mirror, 'Okay, open your eyes.' he whispers and Lexy opens her eyes and gasps,
'Thank you!' she whispers,
'I love you.' Jack smiles and hugs her from behind.
Later that night, Jack and Lexy are lying in bed, the elder curled into Jack's side, her head on her boyfriends chest as she sleeps soundly, Jack is on his phone, looking at different sites explaining transgender people, how to help them, how to make them feel accepted, the steps they need to take, he wants to know all he can for Lexy. He wants her to be happy.
Jack researched how much it would cost to give Lexy the change she wants. A lot. A real fucking lot. But he's gonna try.
Because he loves her.