Earth to Me

You know how horrible it feels when someone posts a picture of you online that is just so horribly unflattering that you can’t even bear to look at it? And you can’t do anything or take it down, because it’s not technically “your” picture?

Well, I know the feeling. It has happened to me a few times at family reunions that end up plastered all over Facenook, and a few weeks into my fall 2013 semester, it happened on one of the biggest online music magazines, Alternative Sound.

Heck, I completely forgot that it happened until Tegan told me about it one morning before class. As soon as it let out, I raced back to my dorm to see how dumb I looked, how inarticulate I was for the interview that I’d forgotten about, and when I opened up the link, it all came rushing back.

The article was titled, “You’re in Good Hands – and so Are Put’emup, Put’emup.” It was in bold letters above a photo of me, Chuck, Riley, and Tegan, arranged in descending order of height out near the back entrance of the venue Put’emup, Put’emup was playing that night in Reno.

I distinctly remember having pit stains on my Ren & Stimpy t-shirt that day…they probably edited it out. I didn’t know whether or not to feel good about that, but I tried not to dwell on it.

“It’s been a knockout-crazy summer for Chicago’s most successful pop-punks since Fall Out Boy,” the intro paragraph read. “They’ve been sharing a stage with riot grrrl legends-in-the-making, Violence Ladies, and at the end of this summer they announced the release of a new album in November, not to mention the premier of Andy Allen’s cartoon creation, Johnny Cool and the Dudes, on Cartoonigans. However, we can’t forget their skyrocket into fame after the 2011 release, ‘Cooler Than Cool,’ and we certainly can’t disregard the elemental powers they seemed to unveil two days into the year 2012.”

God, just reading that from my laptop screen sent me on a trip down memory lane.

“For big followers of the band, you may recognize a few of the people who seem to have joined their crew out of nowhere. But if you don’t, we’re here to refresh your memory and get to know a little more about the four teens who participated in this incredible tour. Chuck Botts, Riley Johnston, Oshie Olayos, and Tegan Thompson were the same four people who won a local radio contest in 2011 that allowed them to participate in Put’emup, Put’emup’s ‘world-saving’ stunt, and they’re back with the band, despite their suburban roots. How about a little introduction, guys?” the article continued.

“RILEY JOHNSTON: Hey, I’m Riley, and I’m awesome. I’m a roadie.
TEGAN THOMPSON: Hi everyone! I’m one of the merch people.
OSHIE OLAYOS: Uh, hi, my name’s Oshie. I’m the other merch person.
CHUCK BOTTS: Hello. I’m a roadie too.”

Boy, I could’ve sworn Chuck sounded a lot peppier when we were actually doing the interview. I guess it just didn’t translate into text.

“So, for our first question, everybody is dying to know how the members of Put’emup, Put’emup are behind-the-scenes. What are they like? How different are they from their onstage personas?”

“RILEY: They’re the most boring motherfuckers I’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting. [laughs]
TEGAN: No, they’re not. Riley’s just saying that because they don’t spend the night hooking up or getting wasted all the time. Not that that’s a bad thing, I mean. They just don’t do it.
CHUCK: They like getting drunk, though. That’s about it.
OSHIE: They’re just really nice dudes. I don’t think they’re really different from the people they are onstage, they’re just as cool when we’re hanging out with them.
TEGAN: Yeah, like Andy’s just as animated on the bus, Anthony’s hilarious –
RILEY: Chance always acts like he’s baked.
TEGAN: And Mick is still super kind.
CHUCK: Nobody is stuck-up or anything like that, either. They’re pretty down-to-earth.”

“That’s great to know. You never hear about them being mean to fans and a lot of people were wondering if it just was an act. So, next question – what’s it like as your first time on tour?”

“TEGAN: It’s totally awesome! I’ve met a bunch of great people and it never hurts to hear amazing music every night.
RILEY: Yeah, I work as a bartender down in Gainesville [Florida] so every so often I get to hear live music, but it’s never this incredible. I’m not even into this kind of music and I still think it’s cool to be a part of it.
OSHIE: It’s definitely a new experience. I always thought it would be hard to be on tour, having to be away from home for so long, and it was a little weird to get used to, but it’s still great.
TEGAN: Yeah, that was the hardest part, getting used to being on the road so often.
CHUCK: It especially sucks if you get carsick easily. Not that I do, or anything.”

“Well, you have to get broken-in somehow! What’s the best tour moment you’ve experienced so far?”

“TEGAN: Um, well, the night they bought a stripper pole and put it in the front lounge of the bus was certainly interesting. I dunno if that counts, since it wasn’t a part of the concert, but it was…um…memorable.
RILEY: I’m still not over the fact that [sound tech] Charlie broke it. I was expecting Anthony to, the way he was swingin’ all over the place.
TEGAN: Don’t remind me. Please. [laughs]
OSHIE: There are some things you just…can’t forget.
RILEY: Like the way Chance stripped all the way down. I will never get that image out of my mind. That wiener changed me, man.
TEGAN: I didn’t even think it was possible to have one like that. Shows how much I know about penises, that’s for sure. [laughs]
CHUCK: I like the nights where the crowd sings back and they’re almost as loud as the band is. It’s just really amazing to see so many people affected by music.
TEGAN: Thank you for cleaning up this conversation.
CHUCK: No problem.
OSHIE: Yeah, a few nights ago, Brianna [Violence Ladies’ vocalist] crowd surfed the whole time she was singing one of their songs, and it was incredible to watch.
RILEY: So we’re just gonna not mention Chance’s penis ever again? Cool.”

“That’s a little TMI for us, but I’m sure someone might appreciate it. Tell us – what else do you have planned later in the year?”

“TEGAN: Well, me and Oshie are going back to college for our sophomore year. We’re both studying visual arts and hopefully we’ll be able to do this again, because it’s such a great experience.
OSHIE: Yeah, I can truthfully say that this is the best summer job in the world.
RILEY: After this tour, me and Chuck are goin’ back to Gainesville, and I’m gonna try to figure out what the hell I’m gonna do with my life.
CHUCK: I go to a community college, but eventually I want to transfer to a university and study journalism, preferably music journalism. I’m glad this summer has given me a lot of experience with this sort of stuff.
TEGAN: Oh yeah, definitely. As a merch girl I always see the designs that other artists come up with and it inspires me to try to come up with my own stuff.
OSHIE: Same here. It’s really cool.”

“Alright, well, thank you for your answers, guys! Have fun on the rest of the tour! – Annette Asbury”

And that was the end of it. Our only interview was online for everyone to see, and I’m sure some of my high school peers would get a hold of it eventually and either envy me or make fun of me for it. It could’ve been way worse – they could’ve used an even less flattering photo, or I could’ve opened my mouth more – but the way it was, after I read through all of it, it didn’t seem as bad as I anticipated.

I even bookmarked the page. Maybe someday I’d reread it and think back on everything I said and how it made me feel at the time, how great it was to stand alongside giants.

The door to my dorm room opened after a distinct jingling of keys, and before I could wipe the dumb look from my face, Murray had entered, throwing his backpack onto his bed. He flashed a smile at me and said hello.

“Hey, Murray,” I said back, stretching. “How was class?”

He responded by faking a loud snore. Throwing off his shoes and ripping off his socks, he climbed up onto his bed and flopped down, quiet for a second.

“It was that boring?” I smirked.

“Well, the material isn’t boring,” he replied, “it’s just, the teacher is so frickin’ monotone. I nearly fall asleep every day in it.”

“That sucks,” I tried to empathize. He was on his stomach up in his nest; I didn’t want to bother him too much, so I went back to surfing the Web.

I heard shuffling from the other side of the room, and when Murray said, “Osh,” I turned back and saw him laying on his side, his hair tangled and pushed back. “I keep forgetting to ask you about this, but how was your weekend when I went home?”

I didn’t catch what he was implying at first, so I just shrugged. “It was alright. Same old, same old.”

“Tegan slept over, right?” He bit his fingernail.

I nodded. “She didn’t sleep in your bed, though, so don’t worry.”

“If she did, I sure as hell don’t mind, she’s cleaner than I am. Did you have any, um…nightmares?” he said quietly, like the world would explode if he said it one octave higher.

When he said it, my heart dropped into my stomach and sloshed around for a bit before I could come up with an intelligent response. Tegan told me to be honest, after all…so I just dipped one of my toes in. “Uh, not exactly. I had a weird dream, but it wasn’t really a nightmare.”

“Really?” he said, his voice chipper. “What happened in it?”

I cleared my throat and stared at my hands; I couldn’t look him in the eye. “My mom was in it, and, like, we were in space and stuff. I dunno, it was weird.”

Murray cocked his head and pursed his lips. “That sounds cool.” I thought he was going to leave it at that, so I sighed inwardly in relief, but nothing I predict ever comes true. “Y’know, I’ve never actually met your mom. How is she?”

I could feel my eyes shoot wide open, reflecting the shock shooting through my limbs. Okay, honesty is the best policy, right? Murray wouldn’t be weird about this, I told myself. I pulled some skin off the inside of my cheek with my teeth, and then I bit the bullet. “Well, uh, she’s…erm, not alive. She passed away in ’98.”

“Oh, shit, God,” Murray scrambled, sitting up like a rocket, “Oshie, I’m so sorry. Shit, I’m sorry I asked about that.” The freckles all over his face popped out against the redness of his face, and he covered his mouth in an attempt to catch the words he had already said.

And meanwhile, I couldn’t keep a smile from surfacing. It wasn’t funny – it was probably the furthest thing from it – and yet something about jumping a hurdle was entertaining to me. “No, don’t worry,” I comforted, holding one of my calloused hands up.

He brushed his hair back and sighed, his eyes sympathetic. “Well, I just fucked up. Overstepped a boundary.”

“Seriously, don’t worry.” (One reason I avoided telling most people about it was because of that particular reaction – people always apologized for whatever reason. I know I haven’t had a mom since I was four, you don’t have to say sorry for bringing up something I could never forget.) “You were bound to find out anyway at some point.”

With a crooked, wounded smile, he crossed one leg under the other so that one was dangling over the side of the bed. “I still feel bad about it. Probably should’ve thought about what I was asking before I said anything.”

“Like I said, you were gonna find out eventually, especially if you ever visit my house,” I reassured him. (We have at least three portraits of her hanging up in the living room.) “It was just weird, ‘cause it was the first real dream I’ve had in months.”

He looked at me for what felt like forever before he said, “The rest have either been nightmares or nothing at all, right?”

“Yup.” It was all I could say about it. He knew everything else that I could afford to tell him.

“And you’re sure you’re alright?” he insisted, tilting his head in that “you can talk to me whenever” fashion he was so good at doing.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I told him straight to his face. “Mostly ‘cause of you waking me up all the time.”

He smiled softly, biting his lip. “At least you finally had a good dream, though. That’s something.”

I still didn’t know whether or not it was “good,” but he was right. It was something. It was so much better than waking up in cold sweats, shaking with fear. I don’t know if waking up crying like I had a hole in my chest was any better, though, but he didn’t have to know how badly it hurt. Like he told me, it was something.