Earth to Me

“hELL” had officially changed to “hELP.”

No longer did I see my flipped-over alarm clock telling me where I thought I was in my nightmares. No, instead, it was replaced with probably the weirdest plea on the planet.

Who needed help? Were my dreams saying that I needed help? Well, yeah, no kidding. Frequent nightmares usually signified that something was up, but I never knew what it was or how to solve it.

The only thing I did know was that the outcomes were always the same – me waking up in a sweat with Murray’s hands on my shoulders, his eyes rich with concern, and then I’d drift awake and tell him I was fine. He’d try to pry but I wouldn’t know how to budge, and then we’d leave each other alone for the night while I slept in darkness.

Well, traditions were made to be broken, as I was soon finding out.

A little while after “hELL” changed to “hELP” for good, Murray had shaken me awake from my erratic sleep, and all seemed to be well. I blinked myself conscious and saw his tired face hovering above mine, whispering my name, and it was just so normal.

Then I felt it. My fingers felt like they had fallen asleep, my legs were itchy and sensitive, the slightest movement a blood rush. Tingling, snowy-TV-reception in my extremities – this wasn’t normal.

I sat up quicker than I ever did in gym class, immediately scooting away from Murray. “Don’t touch me!”

He jumped back, eyes wide and arms out. “What?! What’s wrong?”

My hands were shooting sparks. Oh, God, I was doing the thing I had trouble with when I first found out I had lightning in my body, the thing I had so much trouble keeping under wraps. Shit. That was all I could think about. An endless stream of swear words that my dad would wash my mouth out for.

Little baby hairs of lightning flashed right in front of me as I kept my eyes glued to my hands.

Needless to say, Murray was absolutely floored. “What the hell is happening? Are you being electrocuted?! How the fuck are you even alive right now?!” His mouth was moving at a million miles a minute, hands pulling at his hair. He reached out to touch me again, but he kept his distance.

“I – I don’t know! I dunno what’s going on!” I gasped, desperately trying to catch my breath and calm down before the sparks turned to lightning. “Just stay away, I don’t wanna hurt you!”

He looked broken when I said that, bent over my bed while still maintaining a foot between us. He stammered over sentence fragments to try and make sense of everything while I did my best to pull the sparks back inside of my veins, back where they belonged. After a few minutes, both of our lungs had stopped working so much; I could breathe through my nose and I couldn’t even hear him.

I stared at my hands for a long time, clenching and unclenching my fists. They had been stained with charcoal, blistered and calloused from holding pencils and pens over the years and trying to teach myself guitar in junior high, and just now they held the same sparks I dreaded having to control. I had almost forgotten how hard it was to keep lightning under wraps. It just goes wherever it pleases.

Murray reached out; I flinched. The last thing I wanted was to shock him.

“Are you really okay, Oshie? Because this is really weird,” he whimpered, his voice wavering like mine. “Like, there have already been power surges while you sleep and I just…it’s really weird, and I don’t know if you’re safe or not!”

“I’m okay, Murray,” I spoke the clearest I could. “It’s probably…just some weird freak thing. I dunno what it is.”

He opened his mouth to say something else, and for a split second, a look of frustration flashed across his face. Again, I flinched – it was too much to take in.

“I fucking care about you a lot, Osh,” he finally said, his voice dark. “You can tell me what’s going on whenever you’re ready, okay? I know something’s up, but I don’t want you to feel like you have to tell me what’s going on.”

With every word, my blood got thicker and colder, until I was a shaking pile of gelatin in my bed, gawking at Murray like he was threatening me with a knife. Of course he knew something was up. Who looks at their roommate throwing sparks in the middle of the night and doesn’t think something’s fishy? He was nowhere near dumb enough to play it off.

He reached up and touched my face, smoothing his thumb over my icy cheek. I kept my lightning bottled up inside me even more than I ever had; the gesture had brought heat back to my face and I didn’t want to lose control again. “I don’t care if you’re Thor or Pikachu or some other weird electric thing. I don’t care. I just want to make sure you’re alive when you wake up, good God. If you ever wanna tell me more, I’m all ears. I’m fine with it as it is, but I’m letting you know just in case.”

I was still too stunned to speak, so I just gave him one simple nod, pressing my lips together. Even if I told him everything, he wouldn’t believe me. He could turn on a dime and shut me out of his life forever, and there was nothing I could do about it.

He pulled me close and I fell apart only slightly, digging my face into his chest. In a calm voice, he said, “You are so goddamn important to me. If anything ever happens to you, I wouldn’t let it go.”

I’m proud to say that I didn’t cry that night. I probably cut off his breathing from how hard I was squeezing him around his waist, and for a while we just sat there like that on my bed. His head leaned against my shoulder, he breathed softly enough to lull me to sleep again, and I certainly would have if he didn’t pull away.

Murray looked me in the eye again, his hands on mine, and said, “I’ll be here, right across the room. Don’t forget it.”

Again, I couldn’t say anything; I just nodded. I knew what I had to do. I fell asleep that night and woke up with a plan, the final straw long cut – or zapped, if we’re being literal.

-----

Tegan was the first person I told that morning as we walked to class together. I guess there was an urgency in my voice that made her automatically pay attention, but when I dropped the bomb that I had thrown sparks in my sleep, that’s when she got serious.

“We’re calling the band,” she stated firmly.

I didn’t object.

As it turned out, nobody except Mick was free that day, considering how it was a Tuesday; Andy and Anthony were off doing something in the city, while Chance was hanging out with his family because it was his sister’s birthday or something. Mick was alone at the apartment and said he’d be at UChicago as soon as he could.

A half hour after that, we met up with him in one of the parking lots and guided him back up to my dorm. Murray had class so there wasn’t a huge risk of him walking in, and even if he did, it wasn’t a huge concern to me at the moment.

As soon as the door closed behind the three of us, Mick got right down to business. “Okay. Tell me everything, Oshie.”

I did. I detailed my nightmares and how they were shifting, how I had woken up to actual physical sparks instead of just random power surges, and the further I continued, the more panicked he looked. When I finished, I ended with, “So, uh…yeah.”

Almost half a head shorter than me, he just gaped up at me and stammered. “Oh, God. That’s…that’s definitely unsettling.”

“No shit,” Tegan deadpanned, her arms crossed in exhaustion.

“Like, I’m not asking for help or anything,” I covered, hoping I didn’t sound like I was fishing. “I’m just telling you guys what happened, just in case, like, it…turns serious.”

I was half-expecting someone to tell me to learn to control my stupid powers or stay awake all night to keep it from happening, but neither of them said any such thing. In fact, they didn’t say a word.

And they couldn’t, because someone had walked in the room at the worst possible time.

Of course, that someone was Murray, my roommate and one of the only people who didn’t think I was a complete and utter nutjob, his backpack slung over one shoulder. He looked at me and said hello in his usual cheery tone, but then his eyes fell on the person standing next to me and Tegan.

Mick Magellan, AKA the drummer for Put’emup, Put’emup, our mutual favorite band.

First, his mouth just totally dropped while his eyes mutated to the size of tennis balls. Then, his backpack just casually fell off as he raised one finger. And finally, he desperately searched for just the right thing to say. “What – you’re – are you…you’re freakin’ Mick Magellan, what the hell?!”

With the smile on his face, the three of us dropped our guards. Maybe things would be okay, even though he was definitely back from class fifteen minutes early. Mick flashed him the same sweet smile he always had around good company, and for a few seconds Murray just blurted out how excited he was for “Epitome of Hyperbole.”

Then the eagerness melted away.

The smile fell from Murray’s bright-red face, right in the middle of a cheery conversation with pop-punk’s friendliest drummer, and ever so slowly, he turned to face me with the dirtiest look he’d ever given anybody in his entire life. It was like slow-motion, but the speed at which my heart started racing was anything but.

“I know what’s going on,” he hissed, facing me with his body. The sharpness in his voice completely contrasted the softness of everything else he had shown me thus far.

“W-what?” I croaked, my voice breaking. A bead of sweat rolled down my back.

“I see it now! I know what you’re doing!” he said, eyes wide again but still flashing with an emotion I’d never seen him show before. “This is your fucking publicity stunt! You’re still in on it, aren’t you?!”

I instinctively jumped back, terrified that he would hit me (or worse), but he didn’t advance. “What do you mean, ‘you’re still in on it’?”

“The New Years thing with the band! With Mick here, talking to you guys about I don’t fucking know what, but I can sure as hell guess,” Murray continued, speaking with his hands. “I remember you were a part of it but I couldn’t remember what the stupid gimmick was for you, but now it all makes sense – you were lightning, and of course you guys are still milking it, and of course you’re dragging everyone else back in it too!”

I was at a loss for words, absolutely stunned. Seeing Murray truly angry was a new experience in itself, but to hear him go off about something that just wasn’t true at all was completely different. “I…I’m sorry, but -”

“I was fucking worried sick about you, Oshie. I picked my classes this year just so I could stay up and make sure you were okay when you got your fake ‘nightmares,’ and the fact that it’s all just because of the band and your made-up powers is just…it’s fucking horrible. I can’t believe you would do this,” he spat, breathless and crimson, his hair a mess. “I don’t fucking care if you wanna keep up the illusion and make other people think it’s real, but when you do it to me – your roommate – it pisses me off.”

Suddenly – I don’t know what it was – something flared up inside me and came up through my throat, and I could speak without my voice giving in to pressure.

“You actually think I’m faking it? You really think I wanna do this? You think I wanna wake up every night and freak out and wonder if I hurt you with my lightning?!” I fired back, feeling my voice rise the loudest it had been in months.

“Well, you can quit bullshitting around, for Christ’s sake – I’m your goddamn roommate. I’ve been your roommate for a year now, and now that I know it’s all for show, I’m sick of it, okay?!” he growled. He was usually the furthest thing from scary, but in that moment, I wanted to turn and run.

I didn’t, though. “You’re an awesome roommate, Murray! You don’t steal my crap and we get along – hell, you’re the best roommate I could’ve ever possibly imagined, and then some! I sleep in my boxers around you, for cryin’ out loud, and that’s saying something! Why would I willingly choose to throw sparks in my sleep?!”

His eyebrows still hunched in a defensive position, he licked his lips and still stared me down like I was defending a lie. “I dunno, maybe ‘cause you’re getting paid to do it? Getting paid to lead me on and scare the shit outta me every night?”

I had to take a deep breath and make sure that I didn’t say or do anything I’d regret. To keep my mind under control, I spoke slowly. “I hate controlling lightning. I have never found a use for it outside of the bug we killed last New Years. If I could, I would’ve gotten rid of it a long time ago – I even forgot I had it, since I haven’t had to use it since then.”

He narrowed his eyes at me. “So you’ve just been lying to me all this time to make me think you had superpowers or something? I don’t get it.”

“You think it’s an act, but it’s so much realer than you know!” I shouted, losing any bit of calmness for a second.

I finally realized what I was saying. After Murray jumped back at my words and reflected the same expression of shock that I’m sure I did at first, I glanced over at Mick and Tegan, and they were looking at me like I was an alien that had invaded Earth with plans of world destruction.

I had just spilled all the beans to an outsider.

I knew I would probably have to tell the truth eventually, but my mouth was faster than my brain…

Murray had a lot of emotions going through his face right when I said that, and surprisingly, none of them was anger. Instead, his hard edges softened once again, and the way he looked at me reminded me of the way he held me just last night.

“Oshie,” he whispered, “are you serious right now? Tell me the truth. Don’t lie to me. If it’s as outrageous as what you just told me, I won’t be mad, okay? Just…tell me everything that’s going on.”

My throat had tightened up; all I could do was nod. I felt like I would spew vomit everywhere if I opened my mouth.

Mick stepped between us and put a hand on my shoulder, sympathy in his eyes. “He’s telling the truth. In fact, that’s all why I’m standing here right now – we’re all guardians. The band, Tegan, Oshie, and these two guys down in Florida. Last New Year, well, it…it wasn’t just for show. It was all real.”

Murray’s muscles tightened at Mick’s easy words. “What do you mean?”

The three of us shared a look with each other, and we knew we would have to tell him just what Mick meant.

So, we did. We started with that time in 2011 when Put’emup, Put’emup was struck with lightning and had visions of saving the world, when they woke up to find a universal monitor in their apartment to keep track of danger, the concert where me and Tegan were struck and pulled into it all, when Riley and Chuck were struck, and how it all went down. How the band played it off as theatrics and just rolled with the success, how we’d all been keeping our powers on the down-low since then.

It took an entire hour.

By the time we were finished, Murray sat on my bed with his shoulders slumped, looking like he’d just heard every kind of bad news in the book.

“And, uh…that’s it,” I wrapped it up, recounting the events in my head. (I didn’t know how I’d managed to stretch it all into a hundred thousand words.)

My roommate just paused and rubbed his face, mussing his hair and leaning back on my bed. With a loud groan, he finally said, “Jesus Christ, dude. That’s…that’s completely insane.”

I was terrified that he had officially written me off as a nutcase, but the way he smiled at me when his hands left his face let me know that something had finally gone right that day.

“I dunno if it’s, y’know, true,” he said calmly, “but I’m willing to open up to it. I mean, I know where you guys are coming from. You wouldn’t want to broadcast it, but since you had to once, you were stuck with it. I get it.”

Tegan nonchalantly lifted his backpack up to his bed, casually using her telekinesis like it was the most normal thing in the world. (Compared to other things I’d seen, it was nothing.) “Well, I don’t know how we’re gonna convince you any better, but…yeah. That’s our life now.”

“And the last thing we would want is for the younger guardians to feel like they had to keep up with the ‘image,’” Mick added. “That’s part of the reason why we don’t have them onstage with us every night. We caused them enough stress as it was, preparing for the initial incident. We’re all just people who happen to control different elements.”

Murray pursed his lips and nodded, and then he glanced up at me. “And Oshie’s lightning is acting up, so that’s why you’re here.”

Mick and I both nodded, but he took the reins. “We don’t know what’s going on. We’re just trying to keep it under control.”

“Yeah, that’s cool, that’s cool,” Murray sort of mumbled.

My hands tightly folded in front of me, I just jumped right in. “Look, Murray, I mean, if you don’t wanna – I mean, if you wanna, like, get a room change or something -”

“Why would I want a room change?” he asked, standing up with a genuine wonder in his eyes. “There’s no way I’m bailing. Not after hearing all that. Sounds like you’ve got something a little more serious going on, and I gotta be there for that. I don’t even care if you’re all bullshitting me, something is up. Nobody can just grow trees out of their arms.” (Mick showed him his power in person, and needless to say, Murray was absolutely baffled.)

“That’s my boy’s boy,” Tegan smirked. I shot her a look and she just stuck her tongue out at me.

“I may not be a superhero like you guys basically are,” Murray said quietly, “but I’ve been kind of involved for this long. I can’t just stop. I care too much about you, Oshie.”

Mick whistled and patted my back; my face flushed a deep red.

Murray stared me down, this time with the same smile I was so used to, and after a few seconds of floundering around as usual, I mirrored it back. In an instant, he had me in another embrace, warm and reassuring, and I don’t know if he heard or felt it, but I breathed a gigantic sigh of relief.

“I’m so waiting for them to kiss,” Tegan “whispered” to Mick, which I heard perfectly.

My roommate just snorted and did something I couldn’t see, but I felt one of his hands lift from my back. When he let go, he mussed my hair.

“It’s a team effort, right?” Murray grinned at the three of us. “Well, I’ll do my best to do my part.”