Earth to Me

Eventually, the Epitome of Hyperbole tour ended despite the album being far from the end of its cycle. The Put’emup, Put’emup guys made their way back to our hometown of Chicago to get some well-deserved rest just in time for Christmas, and like last year, they sent the rest of us guardians a few bucks for food and books when we were out on our own.

And again, I had to keep my hopes down, knowing that they likely wouldn’t pay off my horrible student debt.

In the week between Christmas and New Year, though, the band did something that all of us were used to them doing – they invited us to their apartment to have a little get-together before we rang in 2014 and went back to school. Shira would fly up with Chuck and Riley, and we’d be an eight-person unit with an extra alien on the side. The usual.

I was used to it, but whenever I thought about the band and our ties, I was forced to think about my dreams with my mom and how strange they had always been. I never wanted to imagine myself in the same situation I was in just two years before.

But I had to face it eventually, even if it ended up raining on my good day. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and grow up.

God, growing up sucks.

Still, a party was a party, and you can bet your butt that me and Tegan were excited to see our comrades, especially since we never got to see them very often anymore. I threw on some blue jeans and my favorite plaid red jacket over a Front Bottoms shirt, while Tegan wore a polka-dotted dress and criticized me for being too casual, something that happened more often than I’d like to admit. Regardless, we headed downtown in my dinky car and told our parents we’d be back by midnight.

It was déjà vu all over again when we knocked on their door and then settled back into their flat. Countless questions about college and Christmas, hugs aplenty, offers of alcoholic beverages before I told them I was driving home. There wasn’t a single mention about the things my mom told me, not even from Mick, who was the first of the band to know.

And then Chuck, Riley, and Shira showed up, all smiles, even Shira, who usually only looked like she was smelling something horrible. Riley accepted all of the beers he was offered and it wasn’t long before he was slurring his words and getting uncomfortably in my bubble, at least until he found something else to do.

I sat within the couch pit and listened to everybody else talk about everything and nothing, kicking back one of the root beers that they always seemed to keep handy just in case I showed up at their home. I felt nice. For a moment I even forgot about all of the things zooming around in my head, thoughts about starting my fourth semester and the weird gut feelings about Murray that I tended to tune out.

Mick and Chuck were talking about ska, about the rise and fall of Reel Big Fish or something, and Chance was off in his own little world next to Mick, even though he was holding an orange soda rather than anything alcoholic. Riley was sitting at the counter and holding a conversation with Tegan about Chicago in general and how it’d be if he moved up here, while Shira was eating pizza and looking like she was trying to hide the fact that she liked it.

Andy and Anthony were standing by the window joking around with each other about God knows what, and neither of them looked drunk for a change. They were smiling like their lives depended on it, Andy’s arm around Anthony’s shoulders, and even if I wasn’t one of those creepy fans of the band who wrote stories about them doing unspeakable things, part of me wanted them to just come out and be role models.

So I kept to myself, a fly on the wall like I always was, and I drifted through daydreams and worries. I traced lines in the condensation on my can of pop, thinking about the texts I sent Murray that held no trace of our sleepover, wondering how different my life would’ve been if I actually did have a stupid crush on him. Then I laughed inwardly and dismissed it all as nonsense. It was impossible.

And I would’ve kept doing that, if somebody hadn’t bounced down on the couch next to me and mussed my hair, setting his arm behind my head like we had been talking the whole time. It was Andy, a permanent smile on his swarthy face.

“Hey, Mosh!” he greeted, reverting back to my spotty nickname. “How’re you doin’? I haven’t seen you say a peep to anybody tonight.”

Mick, across the circle, jumped in. “Andy, don’t bother him if he doesn’t wanna be bothered.”

“No, I’m fine,” I assured, still appreciating the thought.

Andy shrugged. “I’m just sayin’, you can just bounce right into anybody’s conversation if you feel like it. We don’t care. I just feel like talking to you.”

“Well, there’s not a lot to talk about,” I said, squeezing the can in my idle hands.

He shot me a look. “There’s one thing that I do kinda wanna know more about.”

As if on cue, Anthony walked over and stepped into the couch circle, sitting on the other side of me with an expression of distaste. “Andy, c’mon, don’t bog him down. He’s gotta relax.”

I figured it out, even though it was so vague. “Oh, the thing my mom told me?”

I don’t know if it was just the way I said it, but everybody in the apartment just shut up and looked at me. Did I trigger some elephant in the room or something?

Even Andy stuttered to confirm it. “Y-yeah, actually.”

Anthony sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose.

I shrugged for the millionth time that night. “Well,” I coughed, “there’s not a lot to really…um, talk about. And I guess you guys won’t really see it until you meet my mom in your dreams.”

Boy, when I said it out loud, it certainly sounded a thousand times dumber.

“When’s that supposed to happen again?” Riley mumbled, rubbing his eyes. His baseball cap was turned backwards.

“There’s…I don’t think there’s a specific time that it has to happen,” I answered to the best of my ability. “I just know it’s gonna happen when we’re all asleep at the same time one of these days.”

Andy made a face that said, “Okay, that’s not so bad,” and then he really said, “Alright, that’s cool. It’ll all happen eventually, then.”

Anthony smiled, but I’m not sure if it was aimed at me or Andy.

“Yeah, I’m just kinda getting a little anxious about it,” I laughed, trying to play it cool as a cucumber. I wasn’t lying, but I wasn’t telling the whole truth. It was a happy medium.

But Mick’s face reeked of concern, and he leaned forward. “Why’re you nervous? It’s not a big deal.”

“Yeah, you got us, dude,” Anthony added, the coolest person to ever control fire.

Chance nodded, but didn’t say anything beyond, “Yeah.”

“We’re a team, bud,” Andy narrated, completely oblivious to the corny words that were spilling from his mouth. “We’ve got your back.”

And I smiled back at all of them, taking it all to heart and trying to believe that they really believed it. After all, why wouldn’t they? Why would I have any reason to think that they were just leading me on? They were the first friends I made besides Tegan, and even if I could still be awkward around them sometimes, they were in it for life.

We didn’t have a clue what was in store for us. And even though I was the one who technically knew the most, I felt like I was losing my grip on the whole situation. I didn’t know the first thing about being on my own, and the thought of having nobody to catch me was the thing that kept me up at night.

The get-together buzzed on despite me being stagnant and quiet, off on my own planet. To me, Earth was where I was born to be, and Chicago was my home. But sometimes I could drown in my thoughts and suffocate myself with worries. For some reason, I felt comfortable doing such a thing – it was familiar, and I had been doing it for years.

Only time would tell…I could distract myself until then.