Write Myself Out Of The History Books

“Will you please tell me what’s going on?” Travis asked as I sat shaking in the front seat of his car as he drove me back to my house.
“I get need to go back to home. But I don’t want to go home.”
“Then why are you making me take you home?” Travis asked.
The poor boy, he must be so confused and wondering how I, a psychotic and unstable girl, made her way into his life.
“Because I have to go home and because I’ve always run away from things that I’m afraid of. I’m tired of being such a chicken.”
“Maria, you’re starting to scare me.” He said looking at me out of the corner of his eye.
I tried to ignore him and looked out the window and watch the houses fly by. I can’t believe I’m doing this. It’s so stupid. I’m so stupid! Why am I doing this? I can’t see Alex. That boy fucking ruined my life. What if he wants to go out with me? What if he tells me he loves me again? God, I can’t deal with this right now. I really can’t. God I feel sick.
“Travis, pull over.” I said suddenly.
“What?” He said looking even more worried.
“Just pull over.” I said putting my hand over my mouth.
He pulled the car over to the side of the road. I opened my door and proceeded to puke my guts out all over the side of the road.
“Oh my God! Maria!” Travis said and starting rubbing my back.
I puked for a minute or two, coughed and sat back up again.
“Are you okay?” He asked looking worried.
“No,” I said truthfully.
My whole body is shaking, I feel like I’m going to faint any second, and tears were coming to my eyes. I was having a panic attack.
Keep it down Maria. Don’t freak Travis out anymore then he already is.
“What do you want me to do Maria?” He asked looking me in the eyes.
“Take me home.” I said quietly.
“Okay.” Travis said and started the car again.

“Now, are you sure you’ll be fine?” Trav asked as we sat outside of the house.
“Yeah, I just need to get inside.” I sighed.
“Call me later okay?”
“Okay.” I said and tried to smile.
I gave him a quick hug, grabbed my stuff, and walked up the walk way. When I reached the doorway I turned around and saw him still sitting in his car watching me. I really don’t want to go inside; I know that he won’t leave until I do. I put on a fake smile, waved to him, opened the door, and slipped inside the house.
Quietly, I put down my bag and kicked off my shoes. Maybe if I’m quiet enough I can just sneak upstairs and nobody will know that I’m home. No. I have to do this. I have to confront my fears. I can’t run away again. It would be so easy to. Just slip out the door and disappear.
“Maria?”
I let out a sharp gasp of surprise. I know that voice.
“Maria?” Alex’s voice said again. He sounded so sad.
“What?!” I said turning around suddenly. My voice was sharper then I had intended it to be and he looked taken aback.
“Can we go into the living room?” He asked not making eye contact with me.
“I’m not going anywhere.” I said crossing my arms over my chest.
“Okay…um. Look, I know I’m the last person you probably want to talk to right now–”
“You’ve got that right.”
“But, please can’t I just explain?” He said looking me in the eyes for the first time.
Oh how I’ve missed those blue/grey eyes of his. No. I can’t give into him.
“No you can’t explain Alex! You have no idea how much you’ve hurt me do you? I’ve been so miserable that words can’t even describe it! I cried for a week solid and there are still nights that I cry myself to sleep! And it’s all your fault. It’s your fault that I left home because I can’t deal with it anymore. I knew that if I stayed I would see you everywhere I go! But being hundreds of miles away doesn’t help at all! I still see you everywhere or things that remind me of you! I’m still in so much pain! I thought you were my friend, but friends don’t say things like that to friends and then expect things to be all better by just saying ‘sorry!’ That’s not good enough!” I yelled, my entire body shaking with rage.
“Well what do you want me to do Maria?” Alex asked quietly. I could tell that I was scaring him.
God it felt good to chew him up and then spit him out.
“I want you to get out of my life forever! I don’t want to ever see you again because you’ve ruined my life.” I said simply.
“Maria, can’t we just go back to the way things were before? You can be the show girl and I’ll be the rock star. We can have the American dream.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I asked angrily.
“I don’t really know anymore. But can’t you come home? Or we can go somewhere. Because if you’re going somewhere new, count me in. I’ll always have a picture of you in my head and I’m coming with you wherever you go.” He said looking me dead in the eyes now.
“I thought I made it clear that I don’t want you in my life anymore.”
“Fine, go back to your bottle. I’m sure it’ll comfort you.”
“Go write a fucking song about it.” I growled, my teeth clenched.
“Okay, I’ll go. I’ve said all that I need to say.” He said, walked around me and closed the front door.
I walked over to the window and saw him walking up the sidewalk and out of view.
There he goes.
The boy I’ve always loved.
He’s gone forever.
Maybe now I can move on with my life...