Write Myself Out Of The History Books

April 2005:

Alex:

1 Day Later:

Man was I pissed. Not just kind-of pissed. I am really pissed.
Pissed at myself.
I never ever thought that I would say that to Maria. She was one of my oldest and best friends.
How could I call her a whore to her face.
Now Jack was mad at me and yelling at me.
“How could you do that to her, Alex!” Jack said to me.
“I don’t know, man! I was just caught up in the moment!”
“You sure as hell got caught up in the moment!” Zack sighed and plopped on the couch.
“I’m sorry! I wish it didn’t happen!” I yelled putting my face in my hands.
“So do we, man.” Rian said and slapped me on the back.
“I’m going to see her.” I said and stood up.
“Alex! I don’t think she wants to see you!” Rian yelled but I was already running to my car.
I realized, once I got in the car that I don’t know where she is, who she’s with, where she works, or when she works.
Then my phone rang.
“Hey man.” Jack’s voice said.
“Hi.”
“Need a little help?”
“Maybe…”
“Well, she works tonight. Till 2 am.” Jack said.
“Okay. Wait-! You knew she was a stripper?!” I said shocked.
“Yeah, I kind of stumbled upon her one night…”
“Jack! Why didn’t you tell me?!” I said angry.
“She made my promise not to tell anyone!” Jack said and I could tell he was sorry.
“Alright, alright.” I sighed trying to calm down.
“Sorry, dude.”
“It’s okay.”
“It Deva on 3rd street.” He sighed.
“Thanks.” And I hung up.
Now or never.

There she was.
Maria was walking up to the pole just as I walked in the door.
I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
It was so simple.
All I have to do is walk. Who doesn’t walk?
Well, I guess people in wheel chairs and really little kids.
Okay, stop. Now I’m rambling and that doesn’t help.
One foot.
Now the next foot.
Wow, this isn’t so hard.
“Damn it.” I swore once I realized I had, not towards Maria, but back out to my car.
“Alright, Alex.” I said to myself as I walked back in. “You can do it.”
And I did.
I walked over to the stage just as the lights came up and Maria was standing there.
All the guys around started whistling and drooling.
Sometimes at the same time.

When the lights go up
I wanna watch the way you take the stage by storm
The way you wrap those boys around your finger
Go on and play the leader
Cause you know it’s what your good at

The words ran through my head.
I can’t do this. I can’t be here.
Before I knew it I was back in the car driving back to my house.

Maria:
3 Days Later:

“So, you’re leaving today?” Jena said in a soft voice.
“Yeah.” I said and pulled my knees up onto the couch and rested my chin on them.
We were sitting on the front porch of my house watching the sunrise.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m staying with my aunt for a week, in Florida. But after that, I don’t know.” I groaned burying my face in my knees.
“You know I don’t want you to leave.” Jena sighed.
“I know. But I need to just get out and away for a while, Jen. You understand that right?” I said looking into her eyes just praying that she would understand.
“I do. But, I want to come with you.”
“I don’t know when I’m coming back, though. Or if I’m ever coming back. My worst nightmare was always that I would never get out of this town. That I would die here and I would never see the world like I’ve always wanted to.”
“Don’t you dare say you’re never coming back. Don’t fucking say that, Maria.” Jena said looking me in the eyes. “I know you’re going through a rough time, but don’t say that.”
“But it might be true, Jena.” I sighed.
“I know it might be true, but let me have a little hope.” She said and rested her head on my shoulder.
“I’ll call you everyday. I promise and you can come and visit me anytime you want.” I smiled leaning into her.
“I’m going to miss you so much.” Jena said and I could hear the tears in her voice.
“Don’t you cry, Jen. Because if you cry, I’m going to cry and I can’t cry anymore.” I sighed.
“Okay, happy thoughts. Penguins, rainbows, gummy bears.” She said and I laughed.
“Man, I don’t think I’ve seen a sunrise in a long time.” I said gazing at the rising sun.
“This is a good memory.” Jena said as she looked at the sky.
This was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Leaving like this. Leaving all my friends and thinking that I might never come back.
It’s ridiculous to think I might never come back. But I don’t honestly know.
I couldn’t bring myself to tell Jack or anyone but Jena that I was leaving.
One person was bad enough.
So here I am, on a train to Florida, running away from my troubles like a baby.
Hopefully the sun and the sea will help me forget all the things I’ve done wrong in my life.
But it will never make me forget the friends that have always been, and will always be there.