The L Word.
Him.
5 years ago
I stepped into the classroom and looked around the class. The class was filled with more than thirty thirteen-year-olds. They were going to be my classmates for the next two years.
“ Hi, I am Kathy.” I nervously introduced myself.
I looked around for an empty seat and saw one beside an attractive looking boy. He looked like an angel sent down from heaven. His black hair, coal black eyes and athletic body cast a bewitching spell on me. A spell that would cage me for years to come. I could barely tear my gaze away from him. I reckoned that I did not deserve to sit beside him. I smoothed out my long skirt and sat down on the opposite side of the class instead.
Over the next few months, I observed him from afar. It was not hard to tell that nearly all of the girls in my class were fawning over him but he appeared to be oblivious to all the attention on him. He received countless boxes of chocolates and hearts on Valentine’s. I didn’t give him anything. I did not deserve to give anything to him. I was just a wallflower. Someone who was sentenced to watching the beautiful people; not mingling with them. He went out briefly with a girl from another class. She bought him a bag that he treasured for two weeks. He threw the bag out together with the girl after that.
He was an athlete. I was not. I could barely run 500m without going red in the face or tripping over my big clown shoes. He was the star of the soccer team. He was even featured in a two-page spread on a national paper. I cut up the clipping and kept it.
4 years ago
One more year to go and I thought we had to go our separate ways. I had to make full use of the remaining year left to get to know him. That was one of my New Year resolutions but I chickened out. I could only stare at him as he juggled the soccer ball with his knees. I could only cry myself to sleep as he went out with another girl. She was a popular one too.
Even though I had spent one year in the same class as him, we had barely talked. People said he had an attitude problem. But I begged to differ. I supposed it was just his personality.
There was just no chance to get to know him. He loved sports while I detested it. He was in a world of his own and I was not invited inside. I knew my place and it was far away from him. Most of the girls had stopped fawning over him and had found other guys to talk about. There was even a rumor going around that he had a mental problem. I suppose some of the girls came up with the rumor as he would not pay any attention to them.
He broke up with his girlfriend after a few months. His girlfriend found him too “boring”. Truth to be told, I was jealous of her. Unlike her, I had never even come close to really finding out more about him.
3 years ago
I stepped into my new class and saw fourteen to fifteen year olds sitting in different cliques around the class. I scanned around for my close friends but I spotted him instead. It turns out he and I were going to classmates for two more years then. No words could describe the delight and dread that seeped through me. Maybe I was finally going to find out more about him; but on the other hand, I doubt he would want to get to know me.
Blessing or curse, I do not know but the teacher made me sit beside him, at the back of the class. This was a perfect opportunity to be friends with him but I saw his eyes locking on the girl on the other side of him. They went out a couple of weeks later.
We did not talk for the first couple of months. But gradually, we did. He asked me questions regarding school work which was then followed by asking me how well I did on tests. And sometimes, we would even talk about music. I was happy with this improvement.
They broke up a few months later and he moved to the seat on the other side of me to avoid her. He was smart and I occasionally asked him for help in my schoolwork too.
The teacher changed the seats in the second semester and we went back to the relationship of years past; barely talking to each other.
2 years ago
I was finally graduating. It was my last year in school. It was the last year in which I was going to see him. He was busy with his final project for the last few months and I did not get to see him as much as I wanted to. I was busy preparing for my final literature essay.
He was performing that night at the prom. He was the bassist and as he strum the chords, I sang along to the all too familiar lyrics of the songs I loved. We had the same taste in music.
Tears welled up in my eyes as I looked at him performing on stage.
This was the one person that would never notice me.
He was never going to hold my hand.
He and I would never be a we.
I had all the chances and yet I never did anything.
This was something that I would never get.
All these thoughts rushed through my mind and the tears threatened to spill out. Under the dim lights, he looked so perfect. He looked so natural on stage and I just knew he was going to be famous some day. He looked down and for a second, I thought he was looking at me. The pair of coal black eyes that I had fallen in love with on the very first day. But no, he could not be looking at me. As far as I could tell, I was invincible to him.
That was the last time I saw him in person. I graduated from the school I first met him and I never got to tell him my feelings. Nor did I tell him goodbye. For the rest of our lives, he would never know the torch I carried for him; the tears I cried for him and the presents that I had never gave to him.
Present day
I had just turned 18. I was finally an adult but nothing had changed. I was living by myself and this was just another one of those Mondays. I flicked through the channels and stopped at MTV. They were just playing music videos back to back. A low chord boomed out of the television and I saw him. He was on TV. He was playing the bass with the rest of his band from high school. He had not changed at all. The same coal black eyes were concentrating on the instrument at his hands. The black hair flicked through the air as he did one of those high energy jumps. His music was amazing.
Oh, I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t
I didn’t have the courage to tell you
Oh I just couldn’t I couldn’t I couldn’t
I didn’t want me to look like a fool
What would you do now?
If I finally told you that I love you
Oh Kathy,
Please don’t hate me.
For not telling you all these years.
Rejection, I could not bear.
Ohhh…
And the song ended. That little square box popped up and it showed that the song’s name was “ Kathy.”
My tears run down like razorblades
And no, I'm not the one to blame
It's you ' or is it me?
And all the words we never say
Come out and now we're all ashamed
And there's no sense in playing games
When you've done all you can do
But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back
But it's over
I stepped into the classroom and looked around the class. The class was filled with more than thirty thirteen-year-olds. They were going to be my classmates for the next two years.
“ Hi, I am Kathy.” I nervously introduced myself.
I looked around for an empty seat and saw one beside an attractive looking boy. He looked like an angel sent down from heaven. His black hair, coal black eyes and athletic body cast a bewitching spell on me. A spell that would cage me for years to come. I could barely tear my gaze away from him. I reckoned that I did not deserve to sit beside him. I smoothed out my long skirt and sat down on the opposite side of the class instead.
Over the next few months, I observed him from afar. It was not hard to tell that nearly all of the girls in my class were fawning over him but he appeared to be oblivious to all the attention on him. He received countless boxes of chocolates and hearts on Valentine’s. I didn’t give him anything. I did not deserve to give anything to him. I was just a wallflower. Someone who was sentenced to watching the beautiful people; not mingling with them. He went out briefly with a girl from another class. She bought him a bag that he treasured for two weeks. He threw the bag out together with the girl after that.
He was an athlete. I was not. I could barely run 500m without going red in the face or tripping over my big clown shoes. He was the star of the soccer team. He was even featured in a two-page spread on a national paper. I cut up the clipping and kept it.
4 years ago
One more year to go and I thought we had to go our separate ways. I had to make full use of the remaining year left to get to know him. That was one of my New Year resolutions but I chickened out. I could only stare at him as he juggled the soccer ball with his knees. I could only cry myself to sleep as he went out with another girl. She was a popular one too.
Even though I had spent one year in the same class as him, we had barely talked. People said he had an attitude problem. But I begged to differ. I supposed it was just his personality.
There was just no chance to get to know him. He loved sports while I detested it. He was in a world of his own and I was not invited inside. I knew my place and it was far away from him. Most of the girls had stopped fawning over him and had found other guys to talk about. There was even a rumor going around that he had a mental problem. I suppose some of the girls came up with the rumor as he would not pay any attention to them.
He broke up with his girlfriend after a few months. His girlfriend found him too “boring”. Truth to be told, I was jealous of her. Unlike her, I had never even come close to really finding out more about him.
3 years ago
I stepped into my new class and saw fourteen to fifteen year olds sitting in different cliques around the class. I scanned around for my close friends but I spotted him instead. It turns out he and I were going to classmates for two more years then. No words could describe the delight and dread that seeped through me. Maybe I was finally going to find out more about him; but on the other hand, I doubt he would want to get to know me.
Blessing or curse, I do not know but the teacher made me sit beside him, at the back of the class. This was a perfect opportunity to be friends with him but I saw his eyes locking on the girl on the other side of him. They went out a couple of weeks later.
We did not talk for the first couple of months. But gradually, we did. He asked me questions regarding school work which was then followed by asking me how well I did on tests. And sometimes, we would even talk about music. I was happy with this improvement.
They broke up a few months later and he moved to the seat on the other side of me to avoid her. He was smart and I occasionally asked him for help in my schoolwork too.
The teacher changed the seats in the second semester and we went back to the relationship of years past; barely talking to each other.
2 years ago
I was finally graduating. It was my last year in school. It was the last year in which I was going to see him. He was busy with his final project for the last few months and I did not get to see him as much as I wanted to. I was busy preparing for my final literature essay.
He was performing that night at the prom. He was the bassist and as he strum the chords, I sang along to the all too familiar lyrics of the songs I loved. We had the same taste in music.
Tears welled up in my eyes as I looked at him performing on stage.
This was the one person that would never notice me.
He was never going to hold my hand.
He and I would never be a we.
I had all the chances and yet I never did anything.
This was something that I would never get.
All these thoughts rushed through my mind and the tears threatened to spill out. Under the dim lights, he looked so perfect. He looked so natural on stage and I just knew he was going to be famous some day. He looked down and for a second, I thought he was looking at me. The pair of coal black eyes that I had fallen in love with on the very first day. But no, he could not be looking at me. As far as I could tell, I was invincible to him.
That was the last time I saw him in person. I graduated from the school I first met him and I never got to tell him my feelings. Nor did I tell him goodbye. For the rest of our lives, he would never know the torch I carried for him; the tears I cried for him and the presents that I had never gave to him.
Present day
I had just turned 18. I was finally an adult but nothing had changed. I was living by myself and this was just another one of those Mondays. I flicked through the channels and stopped at MTV. They were just playing music videos back to back. A low chord boomed out of the television and I saw him. He was on TV. He was playing the bass with the rest of his band from high school. He had not changed at all. The same coal black eyes were concentrating on the instrument at his hands. The black hair flicked through the air as he did one of those high energy jumps. His music was amazing.
Oh, I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t
I didn’t have the courage to tell you
Oh I just couldn’t I couldn’t I couldn’t
I didn’t want me to look like a fool
What would you do now?
If I finally told you that I love you
Oh Kathy,
Please don’t hate me.
For not telling you all these years.
Rejection, I could not bear.
Ohhh…
And the song ended. That little square box popped up and it showed that the song’s name was “ Kathy.”
My tears run down like razorblades
And no, I'm not the one to blame
It's you ' or is it me?
And all the words we never say
Come out and now we're all ashamed
And there's no sense in playing games
When you've done all you can do
But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back
But it's over
♠ ♠ ♠
so.. how was it? the paragraph of lyrics at the end was from the song " it's not over " by secondhand serenade. it's a very pretty song. :D