It's Simply Complicated

“So how’s senior year treating you?” Evan piped up.

“It’s fine,” Aliza breathed out, shortly. He obviously didn’t want the walk back to her house to be awkward, but she was never good with small talk.

“Have you thought about where you’re going to go for college?” He asked.

Aliza listed the schools she had applied to and were thinking about attending in the fall. Evan nodded his head, signing off her choices. They were good schools. In fact, he had applied to go to some of them the previous year. They were all good schools, none Ivy League, but definitely top tier.

“You don’t have to this—pretend to care about me and where I go to school, you know? I know you’re just trying to talk so the walk isn’t awkward,” Aliza said as she continued looking at the ground in front of her, placing one foot in the other.

“This is awkward for you?” Evan countered.

“Yes,” Aliza sighed as she looked up. The night sky was star-less from the streetlights that illuminated the sidewalk they walked on. “We don’t talk like this. We don’t even like each other.”

“That’s not true actually,” he started softly. He sounded defeated as he stared off into space. He held each pointer finger up and moved from one place to another to help make his point. He was never one to talk with his hands unless he was passionate about something. “I don’t dislike you. I never hated you.” He continued.

“What are you talking about? We fought all the time when you were here.” She countered.

“I don’t really remember us fighting a lot,” Evan shrugged.

Aliza stopped walking and looked at him. “You’re kidding, right? We never stopped.”

Evan didn’t realize at first that she had stopped walking and ended up being a couple feet in front of her.

“C’mon,” he looked back at her and motioned for her to catch up. “Regardless, I don’t hate you.”

“I never said I hated you,” Aliza said matter-of-factly, adding additional emphasis on the second word.

“What are you talking?” Evan started. His voice started to rise ever so slightly. “Jeremy told me what you said—that you think I’m a douchebag!”

“I do!” Aliza confirmed matching her voice volume with his.

“I never said anything like that about you! Why would you do that to me?”

“Because Jeremy and I were talking and I said my opinion! What? You can’t handle that someone doesn’t like you—that to someone you’re not the greatest thing since slice bread!” She screamed at him as they made the turn onto her street.

“I just want to know why you hate me so much. What did I do to you? You’re the only person except for Rose and I know why she hates me! I just want to know why,” He shouted back.

The two were at it again. It hadn’t even been five minutes and they were shouting in the middle of the street at each other. It had to be at least midnight and they were bickering like a cat and a dog—but more accurately like two pit bulls fighting to the death.

“Why does it matter?” She crossed her arms. “You’re not going to change. This is you! You’ve been this way since the day I met you!”

“I want to know when people are talking bad at me!” He countered.

“FINE! I WON’T TALK ABOUT YOU EVER AGAIN. DOES THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY?”

“WHAT DID I DO TO YOU? TO MAKE YOU DISLIKE ME? TO MAKE YOU HATE ME SO MUCH?”

“I’M DONE. I’M NOT TALKING TO YOU ABOUT THIS.” Aliza continued walking towards the house. They were only one house away but on the opposite side of the street. She glanced both ways and began to cross the street.

“SHOCKER. YOU’RE GOING TO WALK AWAY—THAT’S ALL YOU EVER DO!” Evan screamed after her.

Aliza cringed at the sound of that and nearly blew a gasket. She spun around on her heels and sped towards him. “YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY THAT!”

“BUT, YOU CAN SAY BAD THINGS ABOUT ME TO JEREMY WHEN I’M NOT AROUND!” He accused.

“THAT’S DIFFERENT! I SAID THAT BASED ON THINGS THAT I KNOW ABOUT YOU!” Aliza screamed.

A middle-aged woman turned around the corner and began walking towards them. She appeared to be just a pedestrian on her way home, roughly fifty years old. She had grocery bags hanging from each arm and a purse across her body. Evan noticed her but she was behind Aliza, on the opposite of the street and a couple houses down.

“Stop screaming,” Evan said softly and breathed in. He looked over Aliza’s head, which brought Aliza’s attention to the woman.

“What? You don’t want someone to hear? You don’t want anyone to hear that St. Evan just may not be as perfect as everyone thinks!” Aliza said loudly.

“Stop, come here,” Evan repeated as he walked towards Aliza. He put his arms out and reached to give her a hug.

She put her arms out to block him, but he was too strong. He was taller, more muscular, and easily encompassed her in the hug. She turned her head away from him and tried to use her forearms to push him away.

“Shh, shh, shh,” he tried.

“Don’t shush me, Evan. Get off of me now. Don’t touch me,” Aliza commanded.

Evan ignored her and just rubbed his hand up and down her back to console her.

“Get off,” she gritted her teeth. “I’ll scream ‘Rape,’” she threatened.

“No, you won’t and you know it,” Evan said with exhaustion in his low, deep voice. He gave her one more squeeze for good measure before letting her go.

Aliza just shot him a death glare and muttered, “I hate you.” She stormed past him and crossed the street to get to her house.

“What did I do now?” He followed.

“Gee, I don’t know, Evan!” She started sarcastically. “But you’re smart, surely you’ll figure it out!”

“God, you are so frustrating!” He brought his hand up to his face and pinched his nose.

“Yeah, and you’re no walk in the park, either,” she spat out.

“Just talk to me, please!” He begged.

“WHAT DO YOU THINK WE’RE DOING?” Aliza shouted. Her jaw dropped and she just stood aghast looking at him. At this point, they were in front of her house.

“I’M DONE WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT I DON’T CARE ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE SAY ABOUT ME. I JUST DO WHAT I DO AND IF PEOPLE LIKE ME, THEY LIKE ME. I’M NOT GOING TO JUST SIT HERE AND TRY TO FIGURE OUT WHAT’S WRONG AND WALK AROUND LIKE I CARE ABOUT EACH INDIVIDUAL OPINION ABOUT ME. BECAUSE GUESS WHAT? TOMORROW, I’M GOING TO GET IN THAT TRUCK AND GO BACK TO SCHOOL AND KEEP ON LIVING MY LIFE. DURING MY FIRST WEEK OF COLLEGE, MY MOM DIED AND I JUST HAD TO KEEP GOING. KEEP GOING TO CLASS AND KEEP WORKING. I COULDN’T SHUT DOWN AND A WEEK LATER, I FOUND OUT MY DAD DIED! I CAN’T KEEP LIVING, GETTNG CAUGHT UP IN EVERY SINGLE DETAIL AND WHAT PEOPLE THINK ABOUT ME. I DON’T CARE; I CAN’T CARE!” He screamed.

“Then, Evan,” Aliza said exhaled calmly, “why are you still here?” She shrugged. “You don’t care—you just said it yourself, so leave. Go ahead. I was fine before you came and I will be fine long after you leave, so go.” She calmly challenged him. He had said what he needed to say and what she knew he was going to say and what she knew he was feeling. That’s what Evan does: he wants to get people to care about him, while he doesn’t develop any form of attachment at all, and then he leaves. That’s the way he operates and Aliza was just smart enough to pick up on it quickly and not chase him around like a little puppy.

A car pulled into the driveway and Aliza’s sister, Nicole, walked over to them.

“Hey!” She greeted Evan and pulled him into a hug.

The two chatted briefly. He asked her how school was going for her and how she was doing. She answered and proceeded to see how his first year of college was treating him. Nicole eventually divulged some of the problem she had been having in school before Evan decided to offer some advice. Meanwhile, Aliza just silently scoffed and rolled her eyes. Nicole eventually left them and it was just Aliza and Evan again.

“I need to head back, “ Evan started.

“Yeah, I probably need to go inside too,” Aliza conceded.

“I--,” Evan started.

“Hey!” Aliza interrupted as a car pulled up. A friend of Nicole’s was getting out. They probably had made plans to meet up at their house, given how the timing panned out.

“How’s it going?” Nicole’s friend said as she looked between Aliza and Evan. “Leftovers from dinner?” She was implying that Evan and Aliza just returned from a date and was motioning towards the bag Aliza was carrying back—the same bag she was supposed to have dropped off initially.

“Oh no!,” Aliza piped up, explaining what the bag contained before delving into a further explanation. “We were just catching up. Evan was telling me about what to expect for college. The door should be open. I’ll be in in a sec.” Aliza said motioning towards the front door.

Nicole’s friend left them and the car she had just exited slowly pulled away from the curb. Their street had a lot of potholes so the driver had to be going at most five miles an hour.

Evan walked towards Aliza with his hand outstretched again.

“Not yet,” Aliza replied as she took a step back.

She was looking at the car and raised her eyebrows. It had just made a right turn but was still going slow because of the conditions of the road. The two waited until the car was halfway down the street before Evan tried again. He took a step towards her, but the car was still with view and Aliza took another step back. The car finally made the last turn and was out of sight.

“Come here,” Evan whispered as he pinched the loose fabric of Aliza’s shirt behind his thumb and forefinger, pulling her into him. He wrapped his arms around her into a hug and held onto her.

“Wait,” Aliza mumbled in his ear as she repositioned her body. She put both of her arms around his neck and he wrapped his arms around her waist.

“You’re going to be Ok,” he whispered in her ear as he held her. “If I can get through it, you can too. Ok?”

She just clutched him as she felt her face get hot and radiate with heat. Her eyes began to feel glassy as she felt the tears gather at her bottom eyelids. She never cried, but she was broken. However; she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t bring herself to cry in front of him. She felt his grip on her loosen a bit. She held him tighter, clenching her eyes shut, and burying her face in his shoulder. She shook her head and sighed. Aliza knew if Evan saw her now, she would break.

He tightened his grip one last time, stroked her back once more, and gave her a squeeze for reassurance. “Ok?”

She nodded and backed away from the hug, ran her fingers through her bangs, and put on a smile.

“Ok, good night,” Evan said as he watched her walk to the door.

As she put her hand on the door, Aliza turned around, “Thanks for walking me home. You’re really a good guy, definitely not a douchebag.”

Evan chuckled softly and began to walk away.

“Evan?” She called out.

He only turned around halfway.

“Seriously,” she tried again. “Thank you.” She gave a soft smile.

He smiled slightly at her, nodded, and walked away.