Feed the Fire

Toby informed everyone that Sabrina's jet would be waiting at the airport in the morning to take everyone to Oakland, since she took it to go home to New York that night. Arrangements were made for hotel rooms for the night so the musicians could get a good night's sleep.

The next morning Mike woke up and got his stuff around for the flight home. After getting everything packed, he embarked for a coffee run. He hit the jackpot in the hotel lobby and grabbed coffee along with a cup of hot water and a tea bag. He then spied a basket full of sweets and shoved two wrapped up muffins into his jacket pocket before heading back upstairs with his treasures. He walked down the hallway and stopped at a door that was not his own. He rapped on the door and waited patiently until the person inside answered. He smiled as he heard grumbling and muttering coming closer to the door and then heard the dull thud as hands were pressed to the door to view out the peephole. Suddenly the locks were undone and the door opened to reveal a grumpy and half awake Beth, complete with bed head.

"Somebody better be fucking dead for you to be fucking waking me up this early," she muttered as she turned around and walked back into the room leaving the door open for the lean bassist to enter. When he chuckled at her comment, a middle finger promptly was stuck upwards towards him; which then elicited a full blown laugh from Mike.

"I brought you gifts; to appease the morning gods," he said as he pulled out the muffins and placed her cup of hot water and tea bag on the table next to where she had sat down. She smiled a little at his thoughtfulness and proceeded to make her morning tea. He sat down in the other chair and pushed the muffins closer to her so she could pick out the one she wanted. She grabbed the banana nut muffin and pushed the chocolate chip one back to him. With a smile he grabbed his favorite flavor of muffin. He unwrapped it and then held it up in his hand to view it in all of its glory. "Coffee and chocolate, food of the gods," he sighed.

Beth looked at the man fawning over his muffin and grumbled half to herself and half to him, "I don't drink coffee. And last time I checked, I am god. And God's not happy."

After Mike felt Beth had enough tea in her to somewhat wake up he brought up the reason why he was there. "I actually just wanted to make sure that you were still gonna come to Oakland for Christmas with me," he said, proud with himself that he sounded like an adult and not that gawky teenager.

Beth looked over her cup of tea at the man who had such an expectant look on his face. She mused to herself that he actually looked excited with the prospect of her going to California with him to spend the holidays out there. She almost halfheartedly reneged on her agreement to go but realized that she had already told her family not to expect her for Christmas and to change that now would throw her mother into such a tizzy that it would ruin the holidays for everyone, herself included. She blinked at the silence of the room and quickly filled the air with her voice, "Yea, what the hell... count me in."

A couple of hours later Green Day, along with Beth and Toby were on their way to Oakland to relax for Christmas break. Beth looked out the window of the jet wondering why again she agreed to this. Even though Adie made a point to talk to her, Beth still didn't feel like she fit in with this group and she wished Sabrina was there in order to balance out things a bit. The young woman glanced over to the reason that Sabrina wasn't there. Jill and Tre were sitting next to each other and had their heads close together whispering about something or another.

Beth thought back to the phone conversation Mike and Sabrina had right before they left the hotel to go to the airport. She watched Mike shake his head at what the older woman was telling him and getting red in the face. What he said back to her wasn't pleasant and resulted with Sabrina hanging up on Mike and then Mike throwing this cell phone across the room. "Dumb fucking bitch," he muttered as he stalked into the bathroom slamming the door behind him.

Beth raised her eyebrows at what Mike had done and calmly walked over to retrieve the discarded cell phone and placed it on her table. She walked over to the bathroom and knocked lightly, "I'm gonna meet you downstairs. I got everything here from my room so just close the door behind you." A muffled response was heard through the door as Beth turned and grabbed her suitcase and left the room to meet everyone in the lobby.

On the ride in the limo Mike kept giving dirty looks to Tre and Jill until finally Jill had enough. "What the fuck is your problem?"

Mike rolled his eyes and snorted, "Trying to figure out what Sabrina sees in you two to sacrifice her own happiness for yours."

Tre looked puzzled as he cocked his head at the older man, "Come again?"

"The reason why Sabrina isn't here is to give you two some breathing room and so Jill wouldn't feel so uncomfortable over the holidays. Why Sabrina felt the need to accommodate you two is beyond me."

The drummer had the state of mind to appear stunned but Jill couldn't hide the smug look on her face before she could disguise it with a look of thanks. Mike just snorted again and turned away from the two. Beth observed Mike's reaction to what was going on and a small kernel of doubt logged itself firmly in her brain.

When the plane finally landed and everyone disembarked Mike walked over to his black BMW that was sitting in the parking lot for the private planes. With his car key he clicked open the trunk and placed his bag inside and walked back to where Beth was standing seemingly rooted to her stop. He smiled at her as he gently pried her bag away from her tightly closed fingers and soon placed it next to his own. He opened up the passenger side door and beckoned to Beth.

The woman stood there as Mike waited for her to go over to his car; 'A freaking BMW. A typical rock star car no less,' she thought to herself. She glanced over to see Billie and Adie who were greeting their boys who were brought by Ollie, Billie's mom to pick up her son and daughter in law. She turned her gaze over to Toby who was getting into a car that was driven by some unknown man; a person that he had begun to see only recently. Finally she glanced at Tre and Jill who were climbing into a limo that was waiting to whisk them away to some unknown destination. Sighing to herself she squared her shoulders and began to walk toward Mike feeling for all the world as though she was on that final walk before execution.

The drive to the Mike's house was silent as Beth stared out the window and trying not to acknowledge the man beside her. When he pulled into his driveway and keyed open the gate her breath caught in her throat. His house was huge but not overtly screaming 'rock star'. It was an example of a good sized house that you might find in Anytown, USA, but with a large amount of grounds and secured by a tall wall and gate.

He pulled the car into the waiting garage and killed the engine with a flick of his wrist. He popped the trunk before getting out and walked over to her side of the car to open her door for her while extending a hand to help her out. When she was standing he moved to get their suitcases and soon walked through a door and into the house. Beth followed at a discreet distance not knowing what to expect. Mike walked through the living and up a set of stairs that dominated the space. At the second floor he turned right and stopped in front of a few doors, "These are the guest rooms; I don't know which one you would prefer so just pick one."

Beth let out the breath she didn't know she was holding at his words and smiled for the first time since landing. He didn't expect her to sleep with him in his bedroom and she suddenly felt a wave of relief followed by a slight tinge of disappointment. She shrugged off that annoying feeling and walked over to check out the two rooms. One was a more modern looking. Clean sharp lines and dark colors filled the room, while the second room had a much homier feel to it. Floral patterns reigned the decorating style which made the room look like something out of a quaint bed and breakfast. With a sigh Beth walked into the room and fell back onto the bed.

Mike chuckled at the sight of the woman settling into the room. He placed her suitcase on the table near the bed, "Mi casa es su casa," he said with a smile. "Settle in explore the place, in the basement I have a home studio so feel free to use it if you want to, cause you never know when inspiration hits." He moved back to the doorway checking his watch, "Its early yet; would like to go out or stay in for dinner or sight see or whatever you want; you're the guest."

Beth looked over to the man standing there wondering what she ever did to deserve such a thoughtful man to invite her out for the holidays. "Well," she began shyly "I've always wanted to sightsee San Francisco."

The next day was spent playing tourist. Mike gave Beth the grand tour of the City by the Bay. They went to the Pier 39, took a boat tour of the bay and rode a cable car to Chinatown where they had dinner in some little out of the way restaurant. When dinner was over Mike suggest they walk along The Haight and catch some live music. Beth felt secure as Mike tucked her hand on his arm as they walked along the road that defined an entire generation. Mike was humming some song that made Beth give him a strange look and nudge him while raising a question eyebrow at him.

Mike quietly began to sing what he was humming as so not to draw attention to himself.
Mr. Whirly had a catastrophic incident
He fell into the city by the bay
He liquidated his estate
Now he sleeps upon The Haight
Panhandling misery

The woman's laughter floated with the breeze as she tightened her grip on his hand and leaned into him a little bit more.

When the day was over and they returned to his home, Mike walked Beth up to her doorway and gently brushed a kiss across her lips before moving away and going to his own bedroom which was down the hallway from hers. She saw him enter his room and ducked her head when he glanced at her one more time before retiring for the night.

Sabrina woke up Christmas Eve on her familiar spot on the couch in the den. She got up and stretched and tried to work the kinks out of her back. She didn't bother changing her clothes since she was alone in the house. Being the holidays, Jim was gone and the farm was sparsely staffed for those days. She went to the bathroom and did the minimal of grooming before going to grab some food.

As she waited for her oatmeal to cook Sabrina realized with a start that she was almost at the beginning of her second trimester of pregnancy. She felt her belly and sighed at the fact that she was alone. Her shoulders slumped as the feeling overwhelmed her. 'This is worse than when I was pregnant with Matthew; I was alone then because no one knew and now everyone knows and I'm still alone,' she thought to herself as she absentmindedly rubbed her growing abdomen.

The woman went about her day sticking close to the house rather than working in the barns. At one time she went to call Chris but realized that he took the family to the in-laws again for the holidays. As dinner time approached, she became more and more depressed. A hand snaked up to reach for the wedding bands that were in their customary place around her neck. Instead of feeling her mother's presence, she felt another. Memories came flooding into her head as she closed her eyes to the onslaught of thoughts threatening to overwhelm her.

When she finally got control of herself again, she decided that she would go to church for Christmas Eve service, just so she wouldn't go crazy being alone. As she drove down the short distance to Montour Falls Methodist Church she saw she was being followed. Sabrina shook her head at the paparazzi that had to work during the holidays. Before she got to into Watkins, she changed her mind about going to service; she didn't want to deal with the reporters and cameras and certainly didn't want them to disturb the services. When a break in the divided highway came up she quickly slowed down and hung a u-turn and went back the way she came.

In Oakland at the same time Sabrina was becoming a prisoner in her own home, Mike and Beth were enjoying a day of watching cheesy holiday movies. They had ordered Chinese take out and were sitting in the living room sprawled out on the couches enjoying each other's company. When 'A Christmas Story" began to play, they fell into a comfortable silence as they munched on their food. After watching for an hour or so, a commercial started selling some fool thing and Mike stole a look at Beth who was leaning with her head back against the couch. He bit his lip as he thought about what he had been wanting to ask her all day. Finally with a small sigh he gave into himself and spoke what was banging about in his head. "Why were you so sad that day I asked you out here for Christmas?"

Beth jerked her head at his question and looked somewhat scared. She took a deep breath and deflected his question with one of her own, "Why did you ask me out here anyways?"

"I wanted you here for several reasons. One of which is no one should be alone on the holidays."

"Who said I was gonna be alone?" she asked puzzled by his seemingly blanket statement.

Mike looked at her with his heart on his sleeve, "Not you... Me," he admitted quietly.

Silence again filled the room as his words hung in the air. Beth glanced down at her hands and waged a war in her mind about what she was going to say or rather IF she was going to say it. Within moments it was settled as she answered his earlier question. "I lost someone very sweet and dear to my heart on December 12th...a precious thing...irreplaceable..." she trailed off, as she ducked her head again.

Mike glanced at her and saw she tried to become as small as possible on the couch. She had once again tucked her legs in underneath her not unlike that day which was the topic of conversation. He heart went out to her as she looked so small and fragile all of a sudden. "Who?" he asked softly of her.

Beth was silent as she moved to take a sip from the glass of wine she held in her hand. Right before her lips touched glass she mumbled out a barely audible answer, "My daughter."

Mike stopped what he was doing and focused on Beth. He mulled over what she had said and waited patiently for her to continue. He knew not to push her for information but rather let her offer it on her own free will. She never once brought her gaze up from the wine glass that was now being twirled between her fingers. Her whole body expanded as she sighed and then swallowed hard as if to rouse up the courage to continue her tale.

"When I was almost 23, I was dating this guy," she paused as she snorted; "a musician no less. He got an offer to tour with Pearl Jam the summer of 1998. Right before he left we had a really bad breakup and than I found out I was pregnant." She paused again as she took another sip of her wine. "I finally found out how to get a hold of him and told him about the baby. That asshole told me to shove it where the sun don't shine and said that he couldn't be the father... fucking rock stars," she muttered.

Mike just nodded his head as she bared her secret to him. He was shocked about the baby information but now had a little more insight on her thing against 'rock stars'. "You remember Maia right?" she asked him. He once again dipped his head as she began to speak again. "Maia is my cousin and my best friend. I went down to Albany and stayed with her while I was pregnant, I didn't want my family to know 'cause they would have killed me. Three months after my 23rd birthday I went into labor on December 12th. Maia was by my side the entire time, and something happened during the labor... they lost the heartbeat on the monitors. After a few tests they found out my baby had died, something about maybe the cord being wrapped around... " she trailed off again getting lost within her memories of that time of her life.

Mike got up and moved over to where Beth was curled up on the couch. He slid down next to her and opened up his arms to her and she gladly went into the strong circle of touch. "Ouida Xue-li Pritchard is buried in some out of the way place in Albany... Maia paid for the coffin and funeral and the plot. 'Oh-wee-da' means morning star and 'Zoo-lee' means pure as snow. Nobody to this day knows about my Morning Star but Maia... and now you... "

Mike hugged her and held her close as he felt tears start to wet his shirt. "It's why I wear a patch at all times...even if I'm planning on being with a guy or not. I can't go through losing another child like that. I'm not meant to bring a life into this world." She buried her face into his chest, inhaling his scent and muffling her final words, "Everyone leaves me... "

"Hmmm?" Mike said unable to hear what she had said.

"Nothing... " she trailed off

Later that night after he once again walked her to the guest bedroom, Mike was relaxing in his own bedroom. He had lit a few candles and had turned on a CD of jazz inspired Christmas songs and stretched out on his bed, mulling over what had happened earlier that night. He was just about asleep when a tentative knock came at his door. He shook himself awake a bit before climbing out of bed and shuffled over to answer the knock.

He opened the door to find Beth standing there looking like a angel who found her way to earth from heaven in a long white lacy robe that was translucent to reveal a white bra and lacy underwear set. The woman wasn't meeting his gaze but was enthralled with her toe which was digging into the plush carpet of the hallway. "I... I was just..." she began rather lamely.

Mike never said a word but brought her into him and picked her up bringing her into his room and gently set her down back on her feet. He closed the door and turned back to face the woman who was looking rather lost standing in the middle of his bedroom. The thoughts of what she said earlier flooded his brain again and he felt something in the pit of his stomach, "Beth...I really like you."

Beth looked puzzled for a moment before finding her voice, "Well, I like you, too, Mike."

"No, I mean...I really like you."

Beth just stared at the man in front of her. She felt her heartbeat quicken just a little until the devil on her one shoulder began to whisper his sweet nothings in her ear 'He's just fucking rock star...willing to say anything to bed you again." The angel on the other side appeared to place a different spin on the man's actions and words, 'He means it; he might be in love with you...'

Beth thought about what both were saying but when it came right down to it; it was the holidays...no one wants to be alone. So she walked up to Mike and hugged him tightly, almost clinging and then looked up at him to kiss him and murmur, "Take me to bed, please."

Mike smiled into her neck as he bent his knees in one fluid motion swoop her up and carried her to his bed. He gently placed her down in the middle of the soft mattress and looked at her as though she was the most precious thing in the world to him. As he leaned into her to kiss her lips she realized that they would not be having sex, but rather be making love for the first time. She smiled as she rose to meet his lips and bring him down on top of her to begin their dance of the flesh.

The next morning Beth awoke to find herself still in Mike's bed. She bit her lip at the sight of him sleeping on his stomach next to her. She turned over onto her side and snuggled down next to him, lifting him up slightly to be encircled by his warmth.

Mike stirred as he felt Beth move him and once she was settled he wrapped his arms around her and moved his body so he was stretched out on his side; his chest to hers. He nuzzled her ear and whispered, "Merry Christmas." They spent the next hour re-exploring each other's body in the pale sunlight of Christmas morning.

Later that day, Mike and Beth arrived at The Armstrong residence for the traditional feast. When they walked in, the various children including Stella, who had arrived earlier with her mother; came running at them to show of some of their new gifts. Beth frowned as Ramona hung back a little from the other kids. The young woman could see something was bothering the drummer's daughter made a vow to herself to ease that child's unhappiness.

"Hey Mona, why don't you show me some or your new stuff in the other room." Beth said as she threw an arm around the young girls' shoulders. "I have something I want to show you too."

Ramona look puzzled but allowed Beth to maneuver her into kid's play room only to have her quickly shut the door and then leaning against it. Beth whipped out her cell phone, "I don't know how long we'll have so make it quick," she said as she dialed a number and then handed the phone to girl.

It was early evening on Christmas night when Sabrina's cell phone rang with 'Landslide' which signaled Beth was calling. She flipped open the phone, "Merry Christmas."

"MomBee?" a small voice sounded through the phone.

Sabrina was stunned for exactly two point two seconds before silently thanking Beth for taking matters into her own hands. "Mona? Hi Chicklet, Merry Christmas baby girl," the older woman said.

The two spoke for a few minutes until Sabrina heard Beth's voice, "Hurry Mona, someone's coming... "

"I have to go MomBee, but before I do... I love you," the little girl said in a tone that broke Sabrina's heart. The older woman damned Tre for not being strong enough and stand up to Jill. She blinked back her tears and steadied her voice before saying goodbye.

"I know Chicklet, I love you too... the daughter of my heart... " Sabrina heard the rustling around of the phone and Beth's voice telling Ramona to move over to the other side of the room. "Thanks, Beth." Sabrina said into the phone before clicking the button that would end the call. She let the phone drop into her lap and she couldn't hold back the tears as she cried for being alone, for being torn away from those she loved, and for lost love.

During dinner Beth kept feeling more and more out of place at a dinner where all of Green Day along with current wife/girlfriends and ex-wives were in attendance, all but one. The fact that Sabrina was missing made her a little more than angry and she tired not to let it spill out and ruin the dinner. After dinner Beth stepped out onto the living room for a breather and glanced uninterestedly at the TV. She was so lost in her thoughts that she never heard Mike come up beside until his breath grazed her ear, "Penny for you thoughts?"

She shrugged and shook her head, "It's nothing, Mike... just drop it."

He gently turned her around to face him, "No, something is bothering you... I can't help you until I know what the problem is."

It was like a dam inside her broke as her words came tumbling out in a rush, "No one really wants me here, Mike. Sab was invited because she's apart of all this, whether anyone wants to admit it out loud or not. And I wouldn't even slightly be in this fold if it weren't for her, but she's not here, so why the fuck am I?!"

Mike took a step backwards since this was not what he was expecting from Beth. "What the fuck do you mean you don't belong here? I invited you," he exclaimed to the angry woman standing before him.

"WHY did you invite me? Pity? Sab wouldn't come so you needed a runner up?"

"No, because I lo---wanted to." Mike stepped closer to Beth and placed a hand on each of her shoulders, "You think last night was about me needing a runner up? About pity? I took you into my bed and I made love to you for the beautiful woman you are...despite the spiteful bitch you can be; because I WANTED to."

"I--what? Beth stumbled around for a coherent thought. She raised her hand at Mike, stopping him. "Never mind, don't answer. Please just take me home to your house. Or I'll just call a cab..." she said as she began to walk away from the man and reached for her jacket and purse. Before Mike realized what was going on Beth had pulled out her cell phone and was calling a cab as she walked out the front door of Billie's house.

Mike stood there shocked in the middle of the living room trying to figure out for the life of him where this all came from. He thought that after yesterday that he and Beth were moving to a different place but with a few words she had managed to shatter it into a million and one pieces. He didn't know how long he stood there because it seemed like a second later a horn was sounded announcing the arrival of the cab. That noise spurred Mike into action and he ran out of the room and through the front door just in time to see the cab drive off with Beth inside.

Mike stomped back into the house and went to find the rest of his friends. When he walked into the middle of the room where everyone was enjoying an after dinner drink he was over come with disgust towards Tre and Jill, the two main reasons why the night ended up blowing donkey dick. "You... " he said pointing to the two offending people, "She left because of you two... with your snide remarks and hurtful looks. It's your fault Sab isn't here and your fault Beth left." He grabbed his own jacket and spun around to face the front man and his wife, "Billie, Adie... wonderful dinner, thanks for inviting me but I need to go home to see if I can find Beth. Good night." Upon saying that he stalked out of the room and sound of the slamming of the front door spoke volumes on how Mike really felt.

Tre and Jill got home that night a few hours after Mike had left. Jill went up to their bedroom as Tre went to a cabinet and pulled out a half full bottle of tequila. He sat down on the floor with his back to the couch and clicked on the TV. As he drank, he lazily surfed the channels not really interested in finding something but rather just as something to keep his hands occupied. When the bottle was empty a short time later, he gained the courage to do something that in a non-alcoholic state he never would have done.

Sabrina awoke from a fitfull sleep to the sound of a phone ringing. As she rubbed her eyes she focused on the bedside clock to read the time of 3:09am. She stretched out her arm and grabbed the phone as she wondered who would be calling the land line of the Farm at that time in the morning. "Ummm hello," she said sleepily into the receiver.

"Sab? It's me... " a voice sounded from the other line. When the owner of the voice registered in Sabrina's brain did she become fully conscious. Tre sounded more than a little drunk and she wondered why he would call her until she realized what day it was... it was what would have been their first anniversary as man and wife.

"Tre? Why are you calling me? It's fucking after 3am here. Besides you better get back to your girlfriend before she wonders where you disappeared too."

She heard a sigh come from the man, "I know... I'm sorry... I just... "

"What Tre? Got drunk and decided to drink and dial me?"

"No... Sab... ummm... I miss you... " he said so softly that she almost missed it.

"That's nice Tre, so glad that you woke me up to tell me... " she was interrupted as she heard a voice in the background speaking.

"Tre hunny... who are you talking too?"

"Just Billie... just talking about Mike... "

"Oh, okay... hurry to bed baby."

Sabrina swallowed back lump in her throat at the sound of Jill's voice. The all too familiar feeling of tears again overwhelmed her as they fell like rain from her eyes. "You better get going before she won't ever give you your ball back again."

"Yea... I guess so... Sorry about waking you... " Tre paused as though he had something else to say.

Sabrina picked up on that, "You wanted to say something else Tre?"

"Ummm... yea... Happy Anniversary, I love you." Then the sound of a dial tone resounded through Sabrina's world as Tre hung up on her after he spoke those words that she knew would devastate her.

The woman just sat there in her bed all alone. As the sun came up and rose in the sky the woman still sat there, glued to her spot, with the tears that now had dried against her face, unable to fall back to sleep. She glanced at the clock and digested the time. Sabrina grabbed the discarded phone and quickly dialed a number from memory. After a short conversation she hung up, crawled out of bed and went to pack an overnight bag in readiness of what was to come.