Feed the Fire

The loud sound of a cell phone ringing filled the previously quiet room. A hand slapped around on the bed side table looking for the annoying piece of technology that was interrupting what was once a sound sleep. Just as the hand clicked the button to talk; another larger hand swooped in, grabbing the phone from the other's grasp.

Feeling Tre's hand grab his phone from her own hand brought Sabrina into a fully conscious state. She felt the bed shift as Tre got up and started speaking in hushed tones into the phone. She rolled over and watched him slip on a pair of sweat pants and a tee shirt and then walk out onto the balcony; not totally shutting the door after himself. She knew who was on the phone and also knew that Tre would have been busted had she answered his cell phone.

Sabrina rolled out of bed and went into the bathroom, pausing to look at her reflection in the mirror. For the first time in her life; she didn't like what she saw. She saw a weak woman who somehow got so wrapped up in one man that she had lost herself in the process. She sighed to herself as she picked up the tube of toothpaste from the countertop. Once finished she went into the bathroom to get cleaned up for the day.

She went back into the bedroom to find that he was still talking to her on the phone. As she went to her bag to grab clothes for the day she could hear the sweet nothings he was piling on to the woman on the phone who was stuck still in the states. Sabrina shook her head at his line of bull and wondered why she kept allowing herself to be used. When she finished dressing she grabbed her small thin bodied acoustic guitar along with her notebook and taking her jacket from the hanger she left the room.

When Tre finally finished up on the phone with Jill he was wide awake. Stretching his arms over his head he yawned and then scratched an itch that was just over his belly button. Walking back inside he suddenly noticed that the room was empty. He frowned at the fact and wondered where Sabrina would have gone. His eyes glanced at the clock on the bedside table and saw that although it was really early for him, the 9:45am hour was normal to others. He smacked his lips and went to use the bathroom before climbing back in bed for a nap. Something caught his eye as he walked past the mirror. Stopping, he backtracked to see what was there. He quickly read what caught his eye and he suddenly felt like a heel again. He shook his head as if to shake off that feeling and then continued into the bathroom. He finished and walked past the mirror again. Only this time he tried to block out what was written in toothpaste on the mirror.

'Last night- I may hate myself in the morning but I'm going to love you tonight. Right now- I hate myself.'

Sabrina left the hotel room and slung the guitar over her shoulder as she walked down the hallway to the elevators. She went down to the lobby, crossing it and walking out the main door to the street. She gave the doorman a look and he led her to the edge of the sidewalk and hailed a cab, opening the door for her when it pulled up. When she settled into the seat she gave her destination to the driver and with a quick call to Toby, Sabrina settled in to watch the sights of London go by the window.

After not really seeing the city go by; they came to the Thames and the cab pulled over to where a rather large uniformed security guard was waiting. Sabrina paid the cabbie and exited the vehicle and followed the imposing man towards her final destination; the London Eye.

The man led Sabrina past the crowds and right up to the loading area of the famous London landmark. The crowd took notice of the woman who was being escorted to the front of the line and then being shown into a glass capsule by herself and the doors being shut behind her.

Sabrina took a few minutes to look around the cabin and admire the view of London. Within minutes the graceful flight slowly went higher and higher. The woman sat down on the bench and pulled out the guitar, sitting it on her disappearing lap and opened up her notebook and began jotting down words that seemed to tumble out of her brain, tripping over each other in the rush to be placed onto the paper. Within 10 minutes the flow of words ebbed and finally stopped, only to have the next part of the puzzle being laid down.

Sabrina strummed her guitar and slowly picked her way through the melody that wound its way around the words; bringing to life the thoughts that she was feeling. The baleful guitar part rang out through the cabin adding to Sabrina's already somber mood. The thoughts she had since seeing herself in the mirror kept swirling around her head bringing her down. As she placed the guitar parts down the lyrics just popped from the page. As the flight was nearing the end of its first go around, Sabrina was finishing up the song; a fitting end to a somber moment in time.

When she arrived back at the hotel she found herself in an empty room devoid of any trace of the man that was there during the night. Something drew her to the mirror where she found an answer to her writing from earlier. Written in black eyeliner was the reply and Sabrina smiled as she thought that maybe she might find some sort of peace.

I'm sorry...

The tour continued at such a hectic pace that it left Sabrina getting sicker and sicker as time went on. The woman was not getting enough sleep and dark circles were forming under her eyes and she started to lose weight. It was to the point that Toby canceled almost all of her scheduled press and only left a select few for her to do.

The tour made its way through England, Ireland; moving to the mainland to Finland, Russia, Poland, and Germany. Soon Italy, France, Spain, Japan and China fell by the way side along with almost all of the final dates in Australia. By the time the tour pulled into Brisbane which was the final stop of the tour; Sabrina was a ghost of her former self. She wasn't as bad off as she was during the recording of Rebirth but it wasn't that far off. It was as though she was a wild mustang who finally had been forcibly broken to the saddle and was just a shell of it's former self.

By now, Sabrina had ended up with her own dressing room which was done for the purpose that she might be able to get some extra rest and not be disturbed by others coming in and out. A radio in the background was softly playing metal songs from the 80's and 90's while Sabrina rested, stretched out on a couch with pillows tucked under various parts of her body. Suddenly a song began to play and the woman took some interest in it. As the song played on, the words sunk into her thoughts and began to clear the fog that had formed in her head. When the song ended Sabrina seemed to have a calm that filled her body and it had left a smile on her face.

The crowd was screaming and cheering the woman and her band as they lined up for a bow. The other members of the band left the stage but Sabrina stayed behind at her mic. The crowd quieted down as the woman began to speak. "Anyone mind if I play you one more song?" The crowd roared its response to the question. "Okay then," she said turning to the side of the stage. "Can someone bring me out my acoustic please?"

Within a minute Spyder walked onstage with a bar stool and the guitar; setting up the stool and mic stand as the woman slung the guitar over her shoulder. With a smile of thanks Sabrina strummed a few chords before looking back up at the crowd. A feeling of peace in washed over her as she thought about what she was going to say. "Folks, this is the final stop of the tour and let me tell you; I'm ready to go home. This tour has been both the best and worse time of my life. I heard a song on the radio today that really hit home for me. It really summed up my life as it is now and actually gave me some peace for the first in months. I have been messed up over a man and along the way I lost myself, and this afternoon I think I might have found me again."

The crowd was murmuring at what she was saying, no one really having any idea what she was getting at. The people standing backstage all looked at Toby who shrugged his shoulders since even he had no idea what was about to happen. They all turned back to the stage when they heard her speak up again. "I made a decision earlier today... I decided that I am retiring from the music business and this is my last performance. All I want to do is go home and have my child and raise him or her out of the spotlight. This song is my goodbye to you, the fans. I won't forget you baby." Sabrina started to strum of the chords of the old Poison song and began to sing her swan song.

Late at night I close my eyes
And think of how things could have been
And when I look back
I remember some words you had said to me

It's better to have lost at love
Then never to have loved at all

I won't forget you baby
(I won't forget you)
Even though I could
I won't forget you baby
(I won't forget you)
Even though I should, yeah

Sometimes in my head
I can still see pictures of you
And I laugh to myself
When I think of all those crazy things that we used to do

Although miles come between us
Just between you and me

I won't forget you baby
(I won't forget you)
Even though I could
I won't forget you baby
(I won't forget you)
Even though I should, yeah

I should let you fade away
But that just wouldn't be me
Oh, baby

Although miles come between us
Just between you and me

I won't forget you baby
(I won't forget you)
Even though I could
I won't forget you baby
(I won't forget you)
Even though I should, yeah

I won't forget you baby
(I won't forget you)
Memories slowly fade
I won't forget you baby
(I won't forget you)
And all the plans we made

I won't forget you baby

The final chord rang out as the crowd stood and cheered for Sabrina. She pulled off her guitar and bowed slightly and with a last wave to the audience she left the stage and left behind a part of her life for good.

She walked off the stage and handed the guitar to a waiting Spyder, ignoring the people standing there in shock over her last words and song. She left the backstage area and went to her dressing room where she grabbed her bag and her luggage. Toby had arranged for a personal jet to take Sabrina to Oakland immediately after the show. She followed Toby who finally seemed to spring into action as he led her through the venue and outside to where a car waited to take her to the airport to catch her jet. A quick kiss goodbye was given and he placed her bags in the truck of the car as she settled into the backseat. He shut the trunk and the car took off leaving the loading area of the venue and off towards the airport.

Sabrina pulled out her phone and made a call and leaving a message when the voice mail came on. It seemed that within moments the car was pulling up to the airport and she was grabbing her things and climbing aboard the private jet for her long flight to Oakland where she planned on staying until after the birth of her child. Again time seemed to slip past quickly as the flight attendant came back to ask Sabrina to get her seat belt on since takeoff was happening in a minute or two.

The plane was taxied off to the runway and was airborne shortly thereafter. As the plane rose in altitude, Sabrina felt a weigh being lifted off her shoulders since the tour was now officially over. She smiled as she thought about the upcoming month or so before the baby's birth. Adie had been busy getting the nursery painted so that when Beth and Sabrina returned from tour, the three women would be able to go out and find the furniture need to outfit the nursery and house, along with gender neutral clothes. Sabrina closed her eyes and soon found herself drifting to sleep.

When Sabrina finally walked into her Oakland home, the smell of fresh paint wafted through the house. She trudged up the stairs and dropped her suitcases at the door of the master suite before walking back to the door of the room which was becoming the nursery. Turning the door handle Sabrina opened up the door and walked into the room taking in the sight. She decided that she wanted the walls to be painted in murals of her favorite pictures of the band and of her horses. As she walked in, the wall that faced the door had a huge mural of a large black horse in a full gallop with a figure crouched up over the horse's withers with long blonde hair streaming behind her.

Sabrina walked over to that mural and picked up the picture from the floor that the artist was painting the mural from. She thought back to when it was taken, when she was barely 15 years old. Henry had allowed Sabrina to ride The Black without his saddle or bridle and just ride as one with the big beast. She never saw the camera but Henry had taken a number of shots with Black in a full gallop. The mural captured every muscle under the horse's smooth black coat and it looked as though he was going to thunder off of the wall; the detail was so great. Dropping the picture back to the floor, the woman turned around to look at the other walls. Various murals of Green Day and herself from different concert shots were on the other walls, along with some varied candid poses. She smiled at how much of a busy beaver 'Aunt Adie' had been.

Leaving the room behind her, Sabrina went back into the hallway and grabbed her bags and entered the master suite. She then just dropped her bags in the middle of the floor and flipped off her shoes. She peeled off her clothes and climbed under the covers of the bed snuggling down into their warmth. She thought about how good her friends were as she drifted off to sleep and finally get the recharging of her batteries that she had been needing but unable to get before this.