When Does the Pretending End?

Lucy’s Pov

“My sister” I whisper as he’s hands still on my arms. He pulls me towards him leaving my head on his chest while his hand rubbed my back. The feeling of comfort is too hard and I start to cry and cry and cry. “It’s ok” he says as his hand moves over my hair. He holds me for what seems like hours but in reality was only a few minutes. I raise my head to look up at him.

“Feel better” he says as he wipes the tears from my face. “I got you all wet” I say. “Just as well I’m not wearing a shirt then” he says with a small smile before placing a kiss on my forehead. “Lacey was my sister” I say my breath shaking. “Lucy you don’t have to talk to me” he says and I lay my head on his chest. “She died ten years ago. She was only fifteen” I say as his hand traces head whilst the other is wrapped tightly around my waist. “I’m so sorry” he says. I take a long deep breath.

“Her anniversary is on Thursday” I say and he kisses the top of my head. “Explains why you can’t sleep” he says. Everytime I close my eyes I see Lacey” I say.

“It’s hard to lose someone you love” he says and I turn to face him the pain of losing his dad on his face. “She was too young” I whisper. “What was she like?” he asks. “Fun, sweet and crazy” I say remembering Lacey. “She was my annoying older sister who I fought with all the time but we were still best friends” I say. “I know the feeling” he says. “I don’t normally talk about this” I say sitting up pulling my knees up to my chin and he moves closer to me.

“Lucy I mean it you don’t have to talk to me” he says pulling me against his shoulder. “My Dad is an attorney back in New York. He works in Company law now but back then he was a district attorney. He was working on a case. He was trying to get some drug gang leader sent to jail. Lacey and I were cooking in the kitchen with Dad” I say tears forming again in my eyes. “It’s ok. You don’t have to continue” he says. “Mam decided she wanted to have dinner in the dining room. We never ate there only for occasions. But Dad agreed so Lacey and I went to lay the table” I say pulling away from Cris.

“Mam thought she heard something outside so she asked Dad to look out the window. He pulled back the curtains and saw nothing” I say shaking. “Lucy” Cris starts to say. “No let me finish” I say and he nods. “The next thing I knew there was a loud bang and the window glass was everywhere. I crunched down by the table. The noise and the screams, oh that’s all I hear and see in my dreams” I say.

“I looked up and Dad and Lacey were on the floor. Mam was screaming down the phone. Dad was trying to talk but Lacey just laid there. Still and not moving. I could see blood all around her where she was” I say and the tears falls heavier down my face. Cris pulls me to him holding me tight.

“Everything happened so fast. Mam was screaming on her knees next to Lacey. I kept thinking why isn’t she waking up. Some cops appeared and pulled me out of the way. The medics were by her side and at Dads. I could see them talking to Mam. She kept shouting don’t stop, don’t stop” I say gasping for air. “Sssh take a deep breath. You don’t have to talk anymore” Cristiano says.
I lay in his arms crying. “I can see her there in her black dress. She was going to a friend’s birthday party later on that night” I say.

“That’s a lot to deal with when you are ten years old” he says. “Everything that happened is a blank after that. I barely remember the funeral or the months after that” I say. “Grief makes you block things out” he says.

“I can hear the shots and the glass breaking and Lacey’s screams. But Mum says they were my screams. Lacey would have died suddenly so she couldn’t have screamed. The bullet hit her straight in the heart. She never stood a chance” I say.

“Did they catch who did it?” he asks. “No” I say shaking my head. “That’s awful” he says. “You know that’s not the worst thing. The worse thing is all that happened afterwards. Mum blamed Dad. Said it was someone after him because of his job. They stopped talking. Dad got shot in is shoulder. Took him weeks to recover physically. Mum couldn’t stop blaming him. One day I came home from school some time the following May and Mum had all my bags packed. She said we were moving to London. When I asked if Dad was coming she told me that he wasn’t. That they were getting a divorce. Just like that” I say.

“That was cold” Cris say. “That’s my mother. She was never the affectionate parent. Dad was a mess after Lacey died but was always there for me. She moved us to London and I hated it. I missed Dad and I missed Lacey. Been around places she loved” I say. “I can understand that” he says.

“I missed her so much. Mum kept blaming Dad. She barely spoke to him after the divorce. She used to put me on a plane for the summers to go to New York. I loved spending time with him” I say.

“It wasn’t your Dad’s fault” Cris says. “No it was my mother’s” I say. “It wasn’t her either Lucy” he says.

“No it was. It’s her fault Lacey is dead” I say.