When Does the Pretending End?

Lucy’s Pov

Note to one’s self. Three year olds and baths equals a mess I think as I walk to the bedroom. “Hey” I say surprised to find Cris sitting on the couch as I open the door. I undo a couple of buttons on my blouse and shake it to stop the blouse from sticking to my skin. “Your nephew thought it would be funny to see how wet he could get me” I say kicking of my boots and begin to take of my tights. “Thankfully he didn’t soak me too much” I say to him leaning one hand against the dresser to stop me from falling. I turn and look at Cris when he doesn’t say anything. “Why so glum?” I ask noticing the look on his face. He looks so lost in thought. He had being in a happy mood when I left him in the games room.

“It’s…” “Don’t say nothing” I say interrupting him. I fix my hair into a bun. “I was just thinking” he says watching as I tie my hair into a bun. “Hey that’s my line” I say and a small smile appears on his face. “What were you thinking about?” I ask. He rubs his forehead. “Just something Hugo and Zé said” he says. “Cris” I say.

“I’m sorry” he says. “What are you sorry for?” I ask. He grunts. “Hugo is right. I am selfish. I only think of myself” he says. “Cris we have already discussed this” I say. “Come on Luce. Who was I thinking about when I tried to get you to sleep with so I’d drop the charges against Tina? Cos it wasn’t you or her. It was all about me that day. I didn’t care” he says.

Why is he bringing this up now? “You were right to slap me that day. I was wrong. What kind of man takes advantage of someone like that? I was only thinking about myself. No wonder you hated me. I’m sorry. If I could go back and change it all I would. I saw how desperate you were. I should never had pushed you. If my Papi was here he would be so ashamed of me” he says and my heart breaks listening to him talk about his dad.

“Cris that’s all in the past” I say walking over to him. I don’t know what to say to him. “Hugo’s right” he mumbles. “Hey if there’s one thing I don’t want to hear coming from your mouth then its Hugo’s right ok?” I say sitting in his lap.

He looks up in surprise to find me in his lap, but he moves his arm around my waist holding me as his other hand rests on my knee.

“What happened that day happened. I’d change a lot about that day. But I can’t and neither can you” I say. “Wanting a different outcome for Tina is not the same as using you for my own benefit” he says. “Ya as you have told me so many times, I shouldn’t blame myself for Tina’s trouble. And you shouldn’t blame yourself for what happened afterwards” I say. “I was a jerk” he says. “Yes you were. You were a jerk and an asshole and I couldn’t wait to get away from you the whole time you spoke while I tried to calm Tina down” I say. He looks away.

“But I was angry and in shock. You were angry and annoyed. And the whole thing was a mess. I would have thought Josh was a jerk if he acted the way you did that day” I say. “Josh would never have asked you to sleep with him to help Tina” he says.

“Well I’m not exactly his type now am i?” I say trying to make him smile but he doesn’t. “Does it matter how you acted then. I have totally different thoughts about you now. And you’ve done nothing but act un selfish the whole time your family has been here” I say. “Seriously Cris stop listening to your brother. Stop beating yourself up about how you acted. I’m here now. Does he matter how?” I ask. “I’m sorry. But you wrong” he mumbles.

I take a deep breath.

“That night I came here” I say. “Look at me” I say tugging his chin towards me so he was looking straight into my eyes. “Yes” he says. “That night I came to this house and we came up here” I say looking back at the bed. I take another deep breath.

“How did your stiches come out?” I ask. It was something that had stuck in my head since that night. His eyes flick away to the door. “How?” I ask. “I’m not letting this go” I say looking him in his hazel eyes.

“I pulled them out” he whispers slowly. I move my head back. Why would he do that? He was going to get what he wanted. I was going to sleep with him. Why would he do that?

“Why?” I ask.

“You were so nervous that night. When you came through the door your looked stunning but your eyes were sad. Over dinner you barley ate or talked. Whenever ever I barely touched you, you flinched” he says sadly. I remember how I had felt that night.

“Your were there because you were trying to help your friend and I was only talking advantage of you. You looked so beautiful. Jezz you were so shy when I took off your dress. You tried to cover up. You were so fucking beautiful and you didn’t realize it” he says.

“Why?” I ask again.

“When we were kissing, I knew you liked it. Your heart was beating fast when we stood in the games room. When we came up here. You were shaking. As I kissed you neck, your shoulder you never looked at me. I could feel you shiver when I touched your stomach. I couldn’t wait. You were too beautiful. When I flipped you onto the bed, I saw that your eyes were closed. And then the smallest of tears fall down your cheek. I just couldn’t force you to do it. I could never force myself on anyone. And certainly not you” he says.

My mind is racing as I process his thoughts. We sit in silence for minutes. “Say something” he whispers resting his head against my shoulder.

I turn to face him. I trail my finger down the side of his face. He looks me into the eyes. I place both palms on either side of his face and I kiss him. A strong long kiss.

When we break apart we are both breathless. He places his lips on mine once more and I move to straddle him. His arms wrap around my waist and pulls me closer to him. He breaks our kiss and runs his fingers along the side of my face. Both of us are breathing hard and fast. His arm slides down my spine slowly over my bum and down my bare thighs.

He leaves his hand on my thigh while the other works on opening the buttons on my blouse. He leans closer and his lips touch the base of my neck. His lips move along my neck, slowly down to my breast stopping at the top of my bra. My breath hitches and I can feel him smile. As he places kisses along the top of both my breasts, his finger gently strokes my thigh.

I flatten my hands onto his chest and move them gently up and down. I tug at his shirt and he breaks our kiss. He leans back to allow me lift the shirt over his head. I wrap my arms around his neck as his lips find mine again. His hand holds the back of my head as the kiss becomes more passionate.

His hand moves down my back and soon both his hands are stroking my thighs. He moves his hands up under my skirt. He grabs my but cheeks and squeezes them. I moan into his mouth as he shifts me closer to him. He moans and moves his hands to my hip never breaking the kiss. He stands taking me with him. He sits at the bottom of the bed. Never breaking our kiss. His hands continue to touch me and when we eventually stop kiss we are both out of breath. He pulls a lock of hair behind my ear and I see lust in his eyes. Lust for me.

I push him back onto the bed and he lets out a laugh in surprise. I straddle more on top of him and I can feel his arousal. I walk my fingers up and down over his abs as his hands rest on my but. I lean over him and place a kiss on his lips. On his chin. On his neck. And I continue to place soft kisses down his chest until I reach the button of his jeans.

He grabs under my arms and pulls me to his mouth before flipping us over so I was on my back. He smiles a kiss a long my neck as his hand cups my left breast. His hand slides down my to my knee. And I shiver. He hitches it up as his lips reach mine. I feel his fingers slide under my skirt and touch my underwear. One finger tugs under my panties. I pull him closer to kiss him harder.

“Hey Cris your wanted” Hugo says as the door opens. I scream in shock. I grab my blouse holding it together. “What the fuck Hugo” Cris shouts grabbing the covers of the bed and pulls them over me.

“Oops sorry. How was I to know you were having fun with your current play thing” he says doing nothing to hide the grin on his face. My breathing is still fast as Cris shifts slightly beside me. “Ever heard of knocking” I say. “Fuck that. What do you want?” Cris shouts. He looks pisses. “Grandma is on the phone. And she wants to talk to her favourite boy” Hugo says. And Cris groans. “I’ll tell her your busy” he says smirking.

“He’s going” I say and Cris looks at me in surprise. Hugo looks between us both and leaves laughing. I sit on my legs with the covers wrapped around me. He begins to say something but I stop him. “You should go” I say. He runs a hand through his hair and stands. I was as he pulls on the shirt I had only moments ago taken off and he walks out the door. Not before he stops to look back at me. He shakes his head and leaves.

As the door closes, I fall back onto the bed and stare at the ceiling. What was that? I throw back the cover and straighten my skirt. I head to the bathroom and as the water flows down the sink, I look at myself in the mirror.

My fingers trace where Cris kissed me. Where he touched me. “What the hell? How?” I mumble and fix my now wild hair. That’s not the first time we’ve gotten close like that. But this was different. Listening to him talk about how sorry he was about the night I had come with the intention of sleeping with him. “He pulled out the stiches” I mumble.

“Urgh” I say and hit my forehead with my hand. It was just lust. Nothing more. “I just got carried away. That’s all” I say out loud as I pace the bathroom floor. “I’m so silly” I say looking into the mirror.

He wouldn’t want me. We both just got carried away. “Fuck” I say. I don’t knock what annoys me so much. The fact that I almost slept with Cristiano or the fact that I hate that Hugo interrupted us.

****************************Thurday***********************************

Cris didn’t come to bed for along time after he left last night. I don’t know what we would have said to each other if I had been awake I think as I fix the dining table’s cutlery. Something had changed. I still can’t get my head around it. The last thing I needed was to talk to Cris about it. Not that I would get a chance. He seemed to be avoiding me since he got back from training. He had spent the afternoon playing with Rodrigo as I helped Dolores and his sisters prepare for dinner tonight. To be fair I think he was avoiding talking to most people. I know today was hard on him. Elma had told me how much fuss the used to make for the Dad’s birthday.

My phone rings and I pick it up to see Tina is calling. I smile. I need to talk to someone. “Hello” I say. “Hey Luce. How are things?” she says sounding happy. “I’m ok” I say trying not to sound like something was bothering me. “Well I can’t chat long as we are having a movie night tonight and I’m going to be dragged away soon. But I just wanted to ask if you’ll come visit me next week” she says. “Of course I will” I say. The only reason I hadn’t visited her was Josh and I had decided not to push her into seeing us. “Super. We can catch up” she says. “You sound giddy. Are you alright?” I ask. “Great. But I’ve had an odd day. You ever meet someone who you just want to strangle with your bare hands one minute and then you can’t imagine them not been around anymore” she says. I pick up a photo frame of Cris with his father. I run my thumb over his face. “Ya I think I have” I say. “Wait have you met someone” I ask placing the frame back down in its rightful place.

“Maybe” she says. “Tina” I say. “Luce I’ve got to go. I’ll to you soon” she says and hangs up. The last thing Tina needs is a distraction. And a new boyfriend will be one.

“Everything ok?” Nuno asks as I walk into the kitchen. “Ya. The table is set” I say. “I should go get changed” Cris says standing up from the table. He walks straight pass me. I sigh and head to the sink where I had left a bunch of flowers.

“You sure you are ok?” Nuno asks standing beside me. “I just hope tonight goes well” I say. “It will” he says. “Can you just keep an eye on Cris. Zé and Hugo have each other. He doesn’t have anyone” I say.

“He has you” Nuno says and I look up from the vase. “Well I won’t be here after Monday. So you’ll have to make sure him and his brother stop acting like idiots” I say. “So you and Cris go back to normal come Monday then” Nuno asks. “That was the deal” I say. “Things change. Who knows you might not want to leave” Nuno says. “But I will be leaving” I say picking up the vase and walk back to the dining room.

Why wouldn’t I leave?