Dark Waters

Sigrid
..::~^~::..
Thunder shook the ground as the rain soaked it. I watched it pour from a small rock alcove, just north of Falkreath. In fact, I was extremely close to the location of the last contract I had killed from my Dark Brotherhood days. If I had to be honest with myself, I would say that the Dark Brotherhood left a heavy weight on my shoulders. They never seemed to go away, whether it was in the form of memories, fond and foul, catching a glimpse of members, or just knowing they existed. There was a large part of me that wanted to go back – to make amends with the ones I loved while I still had the will to live.
After Nevaris died in the village fire, I just wandered around the land. I lost my meaning, and my heart. I couldn’t even bring myself to return to the Guild, much less Brynjolf. My eyes stung as I tried to hold back my emotions. Even alone, it made me feel weak. That was one thing I’d never allow myself to be. After thinking about the brotherhood, my mind wandered to the Dragons. They frequented the sky, constantly reminding me of what I ignored; the fact that I was the Dragonborn. I had been so close to defeating Alduin. I still had the Elder Scroll, and my eyes fell upon it often. However, I had never read it. I wasn’t sure if I was willing to sacrifice my eyesight or my sanity for a piece of paper. Paarthurnax had also told me not to read it until I returned to him at the Throat of the World.
I took my mind off of Dragons as guilt created a lump in my throat, and thought about the Brotherhood once more. I knew I had unfinished business, it was my own peace-making operation. As I watched the rain, I played many scenarios in my head of what could happen the moment I stepped into the Sanctuary. Whether good or bad, I knew I had nothing to lose.
I waited out the rain before I took the small journey to the Sanctuary. I didn’t ride Shadowmere, but instead walked. However, he walked along side me to keep me company. It was not long before I ended up at the hidden cave. They hadn’t changed the password, and I was granted entry. As I headed to the atrium, I noticed I could hear my own movements, meaning the place was too quiet, causing my hairs to stand on end. Once I entered the atrium area, I was stopped as somebody held a knife to my throat from behind. At this moment, I remembered that I was no longer wearing my Dark Brotherhood armor. In fact, I had disposed of them shortly after I had left the guild.
This, of course, was in one of the scenarios I had come up with in my head. I remained calm, doubting they would really hurt me.
“Who are you,” a voice hissed into my ear. The blade was not eased off of my throat. The voice belonged to Astrid.
“Sig-“ I blade was pushing into my airway, obstructing my ability to talk, “Sigrid,” I croaked out. There was a momentary pause, and the blade was off of my skin. I heard it hit the ground as a pair of hands turned me around, and I was looking into Astrid’s face.
“I thought I’d never see you again. I didn’t know what happened to you,” her face looked full of pain and sorrow. This cause a small sliver of guilt to come over me for leaving. Her lies were to protect me, after all.
“Well, here I am,” I couldn’t make much of my voice. I didn’t really know what to say. She pulled me into a brief hug before letting me go.
“You look like a corpse. When was the last time you ate? Or slept?” She sounded concerned. I hadn’t even realized how hungry and tired I was until she had said something.
“I…I don’t remember,” I said, my eyebrows furrowing. Everything had been a blur, lately.
“Please, go eat, and sleep,” she said, and I nodded. I wasn’t going to argue with that, “Just come see me in my study when you’re done,” she said. I nodded once more before turning, and walking into the lofty dining area. Veezara sat here, reading a book. I took the sight of him in. After Nev, Vee was by far the closest to family I had. He was like my older brother. He must have noticed my presence, because he looked up from his book to me.
“Can I help-“ his eyes grew wide before he was able to finish his sentence.
“Food would be nice,” I said, giving him a lazy smile.
“Sigrid, that can’t be you,” he put his book down, and stood up immediately. He hastily made his way over to me and pulled me into my second hug today, “We all thought you were dead. You must tell me everything,” he pulled away from the hug and smile at me.
“After I eat and sleep. I feel like I’m going to slip into death soon,” I said, and he smirked.
“Fair enough, but I’ll be holding that to you,” he said, “Sit down, I put something together for you,” I sat down at the table as Veezara fixed a plate of food for me. I was surprised how welcoming everybody was, but then again, once you were in the Brotherhood, you were always in the Brotherhood. It seems like a facetious thought that a bunch of assassins would be so close, but we were like a family. Our bonds were thicker than blood.
After I ate, I went up the flight of stairs to the line of beds, to find mine was still unoccupied. It was almost as if they contained hope that I would return. I slipped myself under the covers after removing my boots, and fell into a deep sleep.
Nevaris and I ran through Helgen, seeking a building to take cover from the dragon that flew around. Through my screams, I didn’t know he’d left my side. I stopped running, and spun around in a circle, looking for him. He was gone.
“Sigrid! Run!” It was Nev’s voice, screaming at me from above. I looked up and saw him hanging in the mouth of the dragon. A feeling of horror overcame me, and I ran out of Helgen and into the tree line. I tripped against a rock, falling down. I knew I wouldn’t be able to walk, so I crawled towards the nearest tree, and sat up against it. I still didn’t believe the dragon had got Nev.
Suddenly, a head fell at my feet. It did not belong to Nev, but it did belong to Brynjolf. I threw my hand over my mouth to stifle my screams, and looked up at the dragon. It looked as if it were smirking at me, and my horror was clouded by hate for this beast.
Once it had left Helgen, I ran for the Sanctuary, the only place that has ever provided me physical solace, aside from the Cistern. I ran into the cave, and into the Atrium, and ran immediately into Astrid. She stood over two bodies, covered from head to toe in blood. She looked at me, and shrugged.
“Sorry,” she looked back down at the two bodies, who I then realized were my parents. She had just killed my parents. I ran towards here, growling, my hate even more fueled. Once I caught up to her, she disappeared in a fume of smoke, and my ankles were stuck. I looked down to see them being held by my dead parents.
When the Sanctuary burst into flames, I didn’t stifle my screams. I had barely noticed that my voice was that of a ten year olds. I screamed louder.
“Sigrid,” a voice called to me. It didn’t calm me down, and I continued to scream as I was engulfed in flames.
“SIGRID,” I was being shaken as I lay in bed still. I opened my eyes to see Nazir, who worked hard to calm me down. After he was able to do this, I noticed Veezara sitting on the bed next to mine. Nazir sat down next to him, and gave me a moment to catch my breath, and to fully wake up and become aware with my surroundings.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Veezara asked calmly. I knew I couldn’t bottle this in. I nodded my head.
“Then tell us, Sig. What happened? Why did you leave?” Nazir pressed. I gathered my thoughts for a moment, making sure all of my memories were in the right order. I also wanted to summarize this, because there was no way I’d be able to recollect everything with these two in a short amount of time.
“When Nev and I went to Helgen…that’s when the dragon attacked,” I started. I told them about how I thought he was killed. I told them about Astrid’s confession, and my retreat to the Guild. I told them about my Quest as the Dragonborn, and that I was destined to defeat Alduin. The last thing I told them was about Riverwood, and finding Nev, and how the village had gotten burned down. They took a moment to take it all in.
“Astrid had told us you died,” Vee finally said. This drew a lot of confusion in me. Why would Astrid tell them all I had died?
“Maybe she had made that assumption on her own,” Nazir tried to reason, “I think the most important thing here is that you have the ability to stop these dragons, and you’re wandering around Skyrim like a lost cause. That may be a little selfish, Sigrid. I think you need to get back to this dragon in the…the…”
“Throat of the World,” I finished for him.
“Yes, that,” he said.
“I know I have to, I just needed to find that something to keep me going. This must have been it,” I said, “Just…after Nev died, I lost all hope. I lost will,” I said, causing them to look down on the ground, “I need to go talk to Astrid. Then, I’m going to go finish this dragon business.”
“Be safe, Sigrid,” Veezara said.
“I have full confidence in you, Sig,” Nazir said, giving me a smile. They gave me pats on the back before I gathered all of my armor and walked to Astrids office. She was hovering over a large map.
“You told them all I was dead,” I said, interrupting her from whatever she was doing. She looked up at me, and paused before replying. I closed the door during this pause.
“I knew that if they had hope you were still out there…that you would come home…that would distract them to their duties to the Brotherhood. I’m sure they went out on their own personal searches from time to time, but they have responsibilities. Your leaving cause a loss of unity within the Brotherhood for a while,” she replied.
“So this is my fault? You’re the reason why I left, Astrid,” I said. I wanted to make amends, but once the blame was being placed on me, I couldn’t help but feel that Astrid did not want to re-built our bridges.
“You were selfish with your perception. Would it have killed you to understand why I did what I did?”
“You mean like you killed my parents?” I didn’t mean for the words to come out, but I could not help it. The stab obviously caused her pain, “I have things I need to finish. I don’t know if I’ll be coming back, but I’m leaving,” I said, and left the room without any more conversation. I had duties to fulfill, and I was glad that Veezara and Nazir were able to put it in perspective for me.
Now I would start my journey to the Throat of the World, and with the help of Paarthurnax, I would defeat Alduin once and for all. Dragons would no longer terrorize the lands of Tamriel.
©Shannon.