Dark Waters

-vitrin’s pov-

Behind a large crashing waterfall, a small room had been naturally formed, and Aldis and I had set up our fire. It was all we needed. The waterfall was a continuous source of background noise, and I felt it effectively masked Aldis’ and I’s location, as the fire was difficult to see through the water.

Though everything had settled down, I worried about Aldis. He had gone down to the river after we had taken shelter, and washed off all the blood from his time in the dungeon in Solitude. But now he sat with his back nearly facing me, the left half of his face to the dark. He kept his knees up nearly against his chest, and his arms resting on them. He had been quiet since we had left Solitude. We both had been. What I witnessed in that dungeon; the things he went through, and the people I killed there…it was a lot to process for anyone. We didn’t speak, though after we ate, I decided to break the silence. It hurt to see him like he was.

“Aldis,” I put a hand on his shoulder, and he turned slightly towards me.

He raised his eyebrows slightly. “Yes?”

“Are you alright?” The conversation was slow as I let my hand fall back.

He nodded, still sitting almost in front of me with his back to me. “I’m fine.”

“No you’re not.” I countered swiftly, shaking my head. “You were just beaten and tortured for…” I stopped, closing my eyes for a second. “For longer than I’d care to admit. You can’t be okay.”

Aldis didn’t reply for a moment. I could see his lips trembling, though out of anger or sadness, I couldn’t know. “No, I’m not okay.” He finally whispered. “After everything, no man who was short of a god could withstand that and not be a sobbing puddle of a pathetic human being.”

“Don’t say that. You withstood it, and you’re not some sobbing puddle.” I told him, and he scoffed.

“No, I’m much worse.” He laughed slightly, though it sounded upset as he shook his head.

“Don’t say that.” I repeated. “You are no less of who you were when they first started. You’re the same Aldis.”

“Really?” He asked, his voice near sarcastic as he turned towards me a little more. He gritted his teeth then, and brought his face fully into the light, and I couldn’t speak. “Am I really the same, Vitrin?” I tried to mask my shock. It had been the first time I’d seen the burned half of his face after he’d washed the blood off. His skin was pulled taut around his jaw and cheek, the skin looking molten, and gruesome. Like something one would think to be in a child’s nightmare. But I kept my expression straight. After a second his face softened and he drew back into the dark.

I moved closer to him. “You are exactly the same.” I told him, and he shook his head again, resting his arms on his legs that were pulled up to his chest.

“I can’t live like this.” He whispered, staring at the fire. “I caught a glimpse of myself in the river and…” His brows furrowed, his lips pursing into a line for a moment. “I look like a monster.” I couldn’t take it. I hated hearing him say it. After all I’d done for him, after all I’d felt for him…I couldn’t hear him tell himself that.

“No.” I told him sternly, and he looked at me suddenly. “You are no less a man, you are no less a human being than when I first met you. This is exactly what they wanted, Aldis.” I informed. “They wanted you broken and feeling sick for yourself.” I shook my head, not understanding how he could let them win like this. “You are still the same man who…who rescued me from being killed and no one can take that from you.”

“Then what have they done, Vitrin?” He raised his voice slightly, the fire flickering off the burnt side of his face, illuminating the scars. “I look like a monster. Say it.”

“No.” I raised my voice to match his. I didn’t understand why he was so obsessed with the way he looked. He was still himself that was all that mattered.

“They succeeded in breaking me, and there’s nothing you can do. There’s nothing you can say to help me!” He raised his voice more, his eyes watering. “I am nothing more than a mere shadow of the man I was. I have no will any-”

“Damn you, Aldis!” I growled, standing up. I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t listen to him admit they’d broken him. “I saved you as fast as I could, and I’m sorry that I let you get stolen away like that- that I got so caught up that I let that happen, I truly am, but you are still the man I-I knew that would give himself to save an elf, of all people.” I fought, struggling to keep my own emotions from interrupting me. “Just because you don’t look the same as you did doesn’t mean that you’re a different person.” My breathing was getting choppy. All the people I’d lost, and now I felt like I was losing the only person I had left. Aldis simply stared at me silently, his mouth open slightly, his eyes soft. “You can’t give up because of them. You can’t let them beat you.” I turned and walked out of the cave, feeling a mist of water hit me as I went by the waterfall. I could feel my heart pounding hard in my chest.

“He’s weak.” I heard Ondolemar’s voice, and I felt my legs getting fragile. I brought my hand up and wiped the mist of water from my face. My hands came away red. I stared at the blood, being less and less startled by my hallucinations. If anything, I was at a point of accepting them. They were coming on more and more, and though they frightened me, I knew they weren’t real. The voices were in my head, along with the blood. It was all a mental issue. The repercussions from my actions over the last few months were driving me into an early grave.

“Let him quit. Let him go.” Niruin whispered in my head, his voice making me cringe. I couldn’t do that.

“I can’t. I can’t do that.” I whispered, my mind slowly shattering.

“You’ll drag him to his death, just like us.” Ondolemar made my breathing stop. Hearing his voice flooded me with emotions, and I shook my head, wiping my hands on my armor.

“It’s too late.” I whispered, closing my eyes, my face solemn. “I can’t let him go now, it’s too late.” I sighed, knowing it truly was too late for me to be able to let him go.

“You can’t love him now. He’s lost his will to live.” Niruin pushed, and I took a deep breath.

“I can’t stop it, Niruin.” I fell to my knees by the river, and stared at the red water. I hated thinking that I was becoming used to the voices.

“Watch him die then.” Cynric growled at me. “Watch him die like you watched me die.”

“He’s not dying!” I raised my voice finally, anger evident now. “Just leave me alone.” I growled to myself.

“If you love him you’ll take him to the Guild and leave him. That’s the only way.” Ondolemar hit me, and I balled my fists.

“Leave me alone.” I whispered, squeezing my eyes closed. Everything went silent for a few minutes, then I heard footsteps on the grass behind me and the voices didn’t dare say another word as I unballed my fists, and opened my eyes. Aldis sat down next to me with the burned side of his face to me.

He took a deep breath, staring into the water, not looking at me. It was silent for a moment, but I didn’t dare speak, afraid that he’d heard me talking just a few minutes ago. Suddenly, he began speaking with a deep breath. “When I first met you, the first thing I noticed wasn’t the weapon in your hand, or the fury with which you wielded it, but your face. I noticed how soft your features looked, how soft your eyes were.” He looked down at his hands, picking up a pebble from the edge of the river. “Most elves I’d met, their eyes were always so harsh and dark, but I noticed yours were this lovely golden. I noticed how your face wasn’t rigid and pointy, but softer and slightly rounded…” He trailed off for a second. I held my breath, not understanding. “I asked myself later that night why I did that. Why I took notice of how…beautiful you were. This elf, who I’d been told was a killer in every sense of the word, and when I first encountered you, the first thing I noticed was how beautiful you were.” His words took me by surprise.

“Aldis, I…” I wasn’t able to finish.

“Just listen, please.” He told me, and I obliged. “After I saved you, it was hard for me to come to terms with that. It was difficult at first for me to realize why I had saved you. Then when you stood up to Niruin in my defense I was hoping that…” He stopped for a moment, shaking his head, like it was difficult for him to speak. “I suppose I was hoping you felt the same way. Then Tullius got a hold of me, and did all of this,” He gestured to his face shortly. I listened, captivated, my heart breaking. “And what I hate about this isn’t that I look like a monster, but because…” He finally looked at me, his eyes melting into mine. “I felt like you wouldn’t want me anymore.” He diverted his eyes from me then, shaking his head. “Anyways, that’s why I am acting like I am, and I’m sorry for it. I’m sorry about this.” Every word he said had let more and more light flood into me, my mood lightening swiftly.

“Don’t be. Please don’t apologize to me.” I whispered, smiling slightly. I felt like the world had been lifted from my shoulders and I was finally getting a break in all the madness. “Aldis,” I began, and Aldis turned to face me again. “I am never going to not want you.” I told him, and I could see his expression thaw, a smile forming.

“You’ve brought out emotions in me I never thought I had.” Aldis told me, and I took a shaky breath. “But…I admit I can’t see how you can be so accepting of all this.” He whispered, bringing up a hand over the left lower half of his face before letting his hand fall.

“Do you think that this,” I brought my hand up to the scar across my neck, that I’d had on my neck since I met Aldis. “Makes me any less a Bosmer? Any less myself?”

Aldis was quick to shake his head. “No, no of course not, you’re…beautiful.”

“Don’t lie, it does.” I told him quickly, pulling him into my words. “When people see me, it’s the first thing they notice. It’s hideous; terrible.”

“No.” Aldis growled. “No, it’s not. It’s you, and you’re beautiful.” He said, taking my face gently to make me look at him. “Your face could be half gone and you’d still be beautiful.”

I slowly smiled, and it took a second, but his face fell when he realized what I had just done. “I don’t care about this.” I told him, and rested my own hand over the scarred lower half of his face, and his hands fell away from my face. “Because since we met it’s taken me such a long time to come to terms with my feelings for you and it’s going to take more than scars for me to not need you by my side.”

Aldis smiled a little wider. “I love you.”

“Show me.” I told him, letting everything from the moment fade as I smiled. I smiled genuinely for the first time in a while, and Aldis didn’t hesitate before pressing his lips to mine, a grin overcoming his face, and a warmth in his eyes I’d never seen before. I savored every movement he made. The feeling of his lips molding to mine, his hands on my body, and this relaxed feeling he gave me.

I always figured if I let him too close and we ever got intimate, I wouldn't be able to allow it. I couldn't. I wasn't sure if I could truly trust him, if he was okay to be with, but now...now I know. It was nice to be so relaxed and comfortable around him finally, knowing he felt exactly the same. We shed our armor, and in the moonlight, I finally was able to see fully the extent of what Tullius had done to him. Burn scars ran from the top of his knee, up his thigh, over his hip, and abdomen, and up his shoulder and neck to his face. It was the worst on his side, stomach, and on the inside of his left bicep. The least worst was on his face. But I brushed it all aside, my focus solely on him. He wasn’t hesitant in his actions. I could tell he cared more about me than I’d thought, and it was more than I could ever ask.
______

Realizing exactly how much I care about Aldis has changed the way I look at life. Two days ago, my biggest concern was missing Elenwen or Tullius again. Now, as I lay here next to someone I love more than anyone I can remember in recent times, my biggest concern is losing him.

My biggest fear is having to watch him die just like everyone else I’ve cared about.

“Aldis, we have to go back to the Guild.” I told him, taking deep breaths, my heart still beating faster than I’d like. I could feel grass sticking to my back. Aldis lay beside me, turning his head towards me.

“Why?” He asked, his voice telling me he didn’t understand.

I took a deep breath. “Because I love you, and I can’t bear the thought of seeing you die because of me.” I told him bluntly, and he sighed heavily.

“Vitrin, I will be fine. I can handle myself.” He said, and I brought my arms around my chest as I turned over to him.

“Everyone I have brought into this has died. Niruin’s probably dead as well.” I told him softly, but sternly. “I won’t lose you.”

Aldis seemed to think for a second, his breathing and mine slowly regulating with every second. “I don’t like the thought of you going at him alone.”

“Please. It will be a weight off my shoulders if I just know you’re somewhere safe.” I told him finally, and then he nodded.

“The last two times you have intended to leave me at the Guild have ended with the two of us leaving together.” He brought up a valid point at the time.

“This time I intend on leaving you there for your own safety.” I said, and Aldis started getting up.

“Alright, we’ll head out tomorrow.” He agreed, and I started getting up as well. “For now, let’s get back to that fire.” I silently agreed, hoping that tonight we could sleep peacefully.
______

Setting out early in the morning, we started for Riften. We hardly stopped, though our legs ached, and by the morning of the next day, we were nearing Riften, but saw something that stopped up both in our tracks.

At first I drew my sword just to be rid of two more Stormcloaks, but then Aldis saw something and grabbed me, pulling me quickly off to the side of the road.

“What is it?” I asked in a hushed whisper, and Aldis pointed at the two Stormcloaks that were drawing near. I noticed they were walking strangely.

“Look at what they’re dragging.” As they got closer, I took Aldis’ advice, and looked closer at what they were dragging. It was a body.

I stayed silent for a moment, letting them get closer. They grunted occasionally as they dragged the large man behind them. As they got within ten feet, I realized who it was.

“No…” A breathe escaped me and I drew my sword again, lunging from the bushes.

“V, no!” Aldis’ voice was barely heard as I caught the guards in a surprise attack, being able to slit one’s throat, then in a second swipe cut the other cross-body from breast to hip, and he gurgled as his guts spilled out. They both hit the ground at the same time. I dropped my sword, falling quickly to my knees, Aldis running up behind me finally.

“Brynjolf, can you hear me?” I took his head in my hands, patting his cheek harshly. “Brynjolf!” I yelled, tears coming to my eyes. I couldn’t feel my breath as I stared at the man who’d been like a father to me. “Brynjolf!” I finally screamed, and his head rolled over slightly, and he lifted his arm.

“Get off-get off me…” His voice was weak, but there was fight in it. Anger.

“Gods, you’re alive.” I sat back on my legs, and Aldis stood next to me.

“Something’s wrong.” Aldis said, and Brynjolf ceased moving again.

“Bryn? Bryn!” I shook his arm and he jolted up, a hand going around my neck. Aldis had his drawn sword at Brynjolf’s throat quickly. There was nothing but pure hate and anguish in Brynjolf’s eyes. “It-it’s- me.” I managed out.

“Let go of her or I swear to Talos I will slit your throat.” Aldis growled as Brynjolf tightened his hand on my throat. I couldn’t take in anymore breath, my lungs ceasing to work as I saw black spots taking over my vision. “Let go of her!” I could barely hear Aldis, but Brynjolf’s hand let go of me.

The wheeze of a breath that came from me didn’t sound human as I fell to my hands on the dirt. I couldn’t get air into my lungs fast enough.

“By the gods…” Brynjolf’s voice was broken, weak now. “They’re all dead. They’re all dead.” He muttered, and I raised my head to see him bring up a hand to grasp a fistful of his own hair. Aldis sheathed his sword hesitantly, kneeling next to me, a hand on my back.

“Are you alright?” He asked, and I nodded, feeling that if Aldis hadn’t had a sword against his throat, Brynjolf would’ve killed me in that blind state he was in.

“Who’s dead?” I croaked, my voice now rough. “Brynjolf what’s wrong?” I was more concerned with his words than my lungs.

“The Stormcloaks they... I-I’m sorry, I thought you were one, I-” Brynjolf’s growled, shaking his head. “They killed everyone.” He said, and slowly I felt my breath leave me again as something hard grabbed my heart. I sat up, shaking my head.

“Azura’s wrath, it can’t be.” Aldis muttered, shaking his head.

“The Guild is gone.” Brynjolf shook his head, and I felt my heart wrench. The Guild was gone… “They…they brought everyone into the cistern and…executed them all, and I couldn’t do anything to stop them…I couldn’t do anything. I’m sorry, Vitrin, I’m sorry.” Brynjolf’s eyes were hard, but his face looked heartbroken.

“They came for you, and when you weren’t there, they killed everyone else instead.” Niruin teased me in my head and I took a deep breath, shaking my head swiftly.

“No, no, shut up…” I muttered to myself.

“It’s all on you.” Cynric followed up.

“Congratulations, V, you have a body count higher than Ulfric himself. When are you going to learn to not get attached?” Ondolemar was the last straw.

I fought to not scream out, so I just ignored them.

“We only killed a couple of them in the struggle, but they got us all. I would’ve been dead if not for you two.” Brynjolf said, his breathing heavy. “I’m sorry about what happened a moment ago, you startled me, and I’m so…” Brynjolf balled his fists. “I don’t know whether to grieve or fight.”

“You’re going to lose everyone before this is over.” Niruin instigated me more, and I fought.

Brynjolf stood up, and Aldis and I followed.

“Are you sure everyone’s dead?” Aldis asked, like he hoped there was a survivor. “Maybe someone survived, I mean you were distraught-”

“They made me watch, Imperial!” Brynjolf suddenly yelled, and Aldis held his hands up. I was fighting with concentration, but I looked over at Bryn.

“Brynjolf, please, we can’t fight each other now.” I told him, pleading. He shook his head, like he was shaking thoughts from it.

His voice was much calmer when he started talking again. “The whole place is caved in. They set off some kind of rune or something. I remember the whole place collapsed. They slit everyone’s throats, and then made me breathe this powder... I passed out when I saw the smoke billowing up out of our hidden entrance.” He sounded defeated as he closed his eyes. “Gods, they killed everyone…”

“Just think about that. The Stormcloaks came there for you, and when they didn’t find you, they executed your family. Our family.” Hearing Niruin made me flinch slightly, his voice echoing around my head.

Please stop. I thought, now begging with myself, it felt.

“I have to go find someone. Sigrid. I need to tell her. She grew rather attached to the Guild.” Brynjolf opened his eyes, but I could see how they watered.

“I’m going to find Ulfric.” I said, nodding to myself. Brynjolf looked over at me.

“He’ll pay.” Aldis assured.

“I am so sorry, Vitrin.” Brynjolf wrapped his arms around me suddenly, encasing me in a tight hug.

“I’ll find him, don’t worry. I’ll end this.” I whispered, hugging Brynjolf back.

He finally pulled away, and kissed my forehead. “You better kill that son of a bitch.” He smiled slightly, but his eyes were all heartbroken. It killed me to see him like this. All the years I’d known him, and I’d never seen him so distraught.

“I will.”

Niruin’s voice returned, and chilled me to the bone. “You’ve killed so many, and broken so many others…you’re the real monster, Vitrin.”
______

Watching Brynjolf walk on his way down the road hurt.

He and I were the last two remaining members of the Guild. It was gone, and so was everyone who had helped build it.

That blood was on my hands, and the only way to even begin washing it off was to kill Ulfric Stormcloak. He was the reason for everything bad that’s happened to me.

Aldis thought he was a monster because he looked like one.

The voices in my head thought I was the monster because of the blood I’ve spilt.

Ulfric’s the real monster.

But then again, maybe we’re all monsters, and I’m just the only one willing to move up the food chain.