The mo(u)rning and the Misery

A solo figure, stood out among the stars in the otherwise pitch black sky, each one looked like little stage lights, surrounding me and keeping the darkness at bay.
"But that's not what I want." I mumbled to myself, "The night is the only time I'm here." I turned to look back at the pathway that led to the house that I had bought when I was a kid with big dreams, it didn't even feel like it was mine anymore; I hardly lived in it.

My eyes fell to the grass that blew in the light wind, I could hardly see it, but I didn't care to, I just didn't want to look at that house anymore. It always reminded me of when I had to leave it, when I had to leave you again, like I would have to tomorrow. I knew that I had to stop it, I had to stop the pain I caused you every time I had to leave; I couldn't watch you break again, knowing that it would only continue forever.
I hated mornings because I always left you in the morning, watching your eyes fill with tears that would never spill down your beautiful face, because you didn't want me to know. But you couldn't hide how you felt, every time I would have to see that hurt deep in your eyes; drowning in pleas that would never be voiced. You knew I couldn't quit my job, I had to have enough money to bring food to the table and keep it as well; I had to keep my job. I knew right after I closed the door you would try to snap out of it and do work around the house, but you were always drained after that, completely weak; as if I was your air and when I was gone it was only a matter of minutes before you would die...

It was hard on both of us, but this time, this night; I would make it all on me to find out what I could do to stop the vicious cycle. I swallowed hard as a tear rolled down my cheek, making a little trail of emotion, just for you, but the wind would take it all away. My stare burned through the earth, I no longer saw it before me, all I saw was your pleading face; begging me to put an end to it all. I had to do this, for you. I couldn't spend another minute in misery, the only time I ever got to be with you was in misery, and I couldn't take that anymore.

I knew I couldn't leave you altogether, I knew it would get you out of the problem of having little to no money, because then you could start a life with someone new, but the problem being...I knew you wouldn't, you would refuse to start a life with someone new, you would just fade away; and I didn't want your beauty to go to waste, I didn't want that fun beautiful personality of yours to disappear just because of me. I didn't want to be the cause of something so sad...

I couldn't commit suicide, it would be a relief on me, but it would only be more weight on your shoulders; you would have to deal with the house without a job, and deal with living without me. It wouldn't work, you would forever waste away in my shadow, living as only a remnant of me; the residue of what my life had been, yet, you were so beautiful. I wouldn't do that to you, I couldn't.

I couldn't send you back to your parents house, it would be equal to breaking up with you, you would be all alone inside; every day you'd just find a new way to miss me, find a new thing to remind you of the times we had together. You'd torture yourself to death!
My knees became weak and I allowed myself to fall to the ground, I lay on my back and looked up at the deep sky, could there be answers there? I needed to help you, I needed to save you. I felt like something inside of me had snapped way too long ago and all I was to do was fade into atrophy until I rotted away, I didn't understand why I had to be en-caged with no way of getting out, I knew I could make it; if I knew you were safe and happy, but could that ever happen? Not after I met you, I felt like I was some kind of sick drug, your fatal addiction; there would be no way you could be happy knowing me, but I couldn't make you forget me.

Tears filled my eyes and stung as they overflowed, I let out a broken sigh, was I truly cursed? What could I do? If I hurt you I could never forgive myself, I needed a safe place to put you and hide you from pain, a place where you would be happy, a place where you didn't have to think of me...
My gaze focused on the sky, my thoughts raced; random subjects flying through my mind, I could finally feel relief run through my veins...I had the perfect idea, I would save you, I would send you to that safe place and you wouldn't have to worry about me at all; I was the one who cursed you, and now I would save you from myself. A smile came to my face to be forever engraved there, I would save you tonight!

I pulled myself off of the ground, no longer weighed down by your saddened gaze, I felt free for once; I felt like I could fly. I ran to the door as fast as I could, I could actually think of a way to save you and make it happen, and happen all before the sun came up. I opened the door and smiled in at the dark house, only the moonlight guided my way, I wouldn't wake you just yet; I had to prepare.

As I scurried through the house I felt as if every tear that you had ever cried because of me had been forgiven, every pleading stare you had given me when I couldn't help you had been forgotten, the weight of everything I had done to you was lifted from my shoulders.
I picked up my pistol that I had bought for protection and held it in my hands as if it were gold emitting pleasure. I held it to my chest like a child would with it's favorite toy as I walked into our bedroom. You lay there with your silky blond hair spread across the pillow, it's shine so captivating, your bright green eyes were closed lightly in peaceful sleep, your beautiful red lips parted (You looked so relaxed), your hands tucked under your pillow like a sweet child, and the sheets pulled up to your waist. I smiled and spoke as I aimed the pistol for your beautiful face,
"Laura Gweneth Constance...I relieve you of your pains."

Just as your eyes began to open and your brow wrinkled in confusion, a bullet tore through your skin, crashing through your bone and entering your brain; you died instantly...I sobbed into the silence,

"I've broken you for the last time..."

The neighbors were awakened by the first shot early in the morning, and when they heard the second they called the police...