Strangers

It was 2:24 pm. The train was to arrive at 2:38. Sebastian remembered his first train ride. He was a young boy finding adventure on public transportation that everyone hated, including his mother. She’d stare out the window, her usually pallid face turning pink, eyes glued to the window and her pianist fingers folded in the middle of her lap. She’d yell every time Sebby, (as she called him until he turned nine and had undergone his “I’m a big boy” phase), would try to talk to her because whether she admitted it or not to him or not, she feared long train rides. Sebastian never understood her phobia because he loved to travel in buses, airplanes, trollies--you name it. This was a good thing because Sebastian had taken the profession as a musician like his mother, meaning he needed to travel to perform in gigs. Performing was his passion. He’d play guitar, his girlfriend Juliet would sing and his buddies would back them on the drum and bass--it was all perfect. He was lucky to have stumbled upon Juliet, or at least he tried to convince himself.
A tall man sat next to Sebastian, his brown hair shagging in his face. Sean? The way he held himself together (just like Sean), his posture(just like Sean), his mannerisms (the same as Sean), the way he tapped his fingers on his legs (probably to the beat of his music, like Sean did) seemed to remind Sebastian of him. They had been roommates for a bit but then lost touch. It was like his father. They had lost touch. Where was he? The last time he had said he was going back to Italy to visit family. That was ten years ago and he still hadn’t returned and his mother had barely tolerated Sebastian’s pleas for an answer why. His mother was like that, always concealing parts of life that she did not want Sebastian to know, causing him to wonder why he still kept in touch with his own mother. He felt quite hopeless with his family situation, and there had been so many long years of him wanting to know the answers and truths that Sebastian was fed up with it all. He wanted out, like Juliet had when her parents had gotten a divorce. She had blamed it on herself at first, but of course it had absolutely nothing to do with her. Sebastian had tried to convince her of this but no one could convince her of this, not even her therapist. Like Juliet, Sebastian had gotten a therapist because of his problems, the ones that refused to go away no matter how hard he tried. They had appeared when he was a young boy out of abandonment. No, it was no that Sebastian’s mom and dad were bad parents. He was just sick and tired of the same old situation of him being cut out of everything relating to his family.
The man eyed Sebastian. Is he Sean? Sebastian wondered if he should say something but decided against it in fear that the man was not. Sebastian was shy. He did not like to take risks. He did not often stay to chat with his fans after gigs because of his shyness. Like last week he had had decided to head back to the tour bus after his band’s show. He was not a fan of talking. He felt like everytime he talked he messed up, a word or a phrase or some thought...Juliet was good at expressing her feeling in songs and poetry. He yearned to be as good and talented as her at expressing emotions creatively.
There were lots of noises. Unsatisfied babies were crying, their annoyed mothers were shushing them continuously, and overhyped kids were doing their usual job screaming and laughing at nonsense. The only reason Sebastian had taken the train was because his car had broken down. Jimmy had insisted that it was as good as new when Sebastian had bought it, but his instincts told him otherwise. Sebastian often had the problem of not doing what his heart was guiding him to do. His choices were always in the hands of others, especially his opinions. It was like Sebastian was a puppet, and 24/7 somebody else had control of the strings…like his mother. His mother always tried to tell him what was best for him, when in fact Sebastian should be the first judge of that. He was never good enough for his mother, it seemed and he figured that maybe that was the reason that his father had left so abruptly. But Sebastian had never heard them fight, or even exchange a look otherwise. He recalled that they’d only fight over simple things, like what channel to watch on TV or what to eat for dinner. Sebastian wondered what he was going to eat for dinner, but then remembered that he was going to meet Juliet, which was the whole point of the train ride.
The man raked his fingers through his hair, like Sean used to. Maybe it was the fact that Sebastian missed Sean that made him see him in this man. But it was peculiar, because he swore that every feature that made up the man’s face had been perfect like his friend’s. His blue eyes were as pale as the sky had been the first day they had met, at that record store. They had found each other searching for the same Metallica vinyl and this sparked Sebastian’s interest for Sean. Sebastian did not know many people that shared the same music taste as him. His mother loved classical. Being a professional pianist, one as definitely classically trained. She loved Bach, Beethoven, Mozart. Sebastian found this music boring and he had tried to express this to her n the most polite manner possible during his childhood. He had been forced t listen to this when it only made him angrier...He was 16, in his room and his turntable was spinning Motley Crue. He received constant complaints from his mother saying that his music had been too loud, or that there was bad messages but all it did was infuriate Sebastian. Like when he studied really hard for that History final but it still turned out to be hard. He loved history--it had been his favorite subject, but it was his weakness.
Sebastian watched as (Sean?) stood up as the train slowed for the next stop. He remembered that this had been Sebastian’s stop before he moved and wished it was just for the purpose of finding out who this was. But, he sort of did not want to know because if he had missed a chance at connecting with his old friend, he would surely be disappointed himself for being shy and hiding in a box. Juliet encouraged to him to step “out of the box” but he simply could not. His therapist had said the same thing, especially when he realized that he had been having strange attractions to people, especially other men. Sebastian thought that there was nothing wrong with this normally, but he did not want to feel that way. Sebastian wanted to feel devoted to Juliet forever and eventually make bigger commitments, but his feelings were getting in the way.
“Sean? Hey! How are you doing?” I looked up only to see him reconnecting with somebody he seemed to know as he walked by. So, it was in fact Sean, he had realized. Sebastian had been right.