Loaded and Alone

Although there was very little of it due to the overcast sky, St. Elizabeth's main doors were propped open so that the lobby could be lit up by natural lighting. Five minutes remained until these doors would close and the artificial lights would be turn on.

But for now, the smell before the rain comes accompanied the grey hue and filled up my nostrils, and as the crows cawing their song blended with the sound of cars speeding by, I let my eyelids fall and I took in slow even breaths. At this moment, there was nothing else in this world I wanted more than to run out into the middle of the road and go out the same way they did. But I figured I had already caused everyone and myself enough anguish so I willed my legs to resist.

Standing numbly at the entrance of the nave, I watched family, friends, and many unrecognizable faces file in last minute with solemn gazes and sympathetic frowns. Jaxon stood opposite of me, shaking people's hands and accepting their condolences as they passed through and seated themselves in the pews. I, on the other hand, stared unpleasantly within the crowd, daring anyone to try and utter a word to me.

They shouldn't be here. None of us should be. This day should've never came, not under dire circumstances anyway.

"You could at least try to seem welcoming." I looked to my right and found the annoying blond-haired boy staring knowingly at me while adjusting his black tie and the cuffs of his grey suit. "Do it for Jaxon if not for yourself."

Crossing my arms, I glowered at him and snapped in low voice, "Not today, Jesse." Before he could say anything else, I hurriedly turned away and pushed through the crowded chancel until I reached the front row and swiftly took a seat at the edge. Jaxon joined me moments later with Jesse on the other side of him. I avoided their gazes at all costs.

The doors shutting behind us resonated throughout the room and all the quiet chatter gradually subsided. Reverend Matt stepped up to the podium, paused shortly, and then cleared his throat.

"The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. On the evening of October fourth, the world began to shine a little less bright than before. Axel and Arianne Valentine were two charismatic, passionate, brilliant, and warmhearted individuals with their whole lives ahead of them, but the chance to live it to the fullest was cruelly taken away so soon. Today, as we help one another find a way to continue on without them, we will also celebrate the memories they left us with..."

My gaze fell and my mind slowly drifted into unconsciousness, so I don't remember much of what happened after the eulogy. But I clearly remember waking up the next morning in a stranger's bathtub with only my bra and panties on, my make-up smeared, and an empty bottle of Jaeger in my hand.