Sequel: Apathy ›
Oblivion
Chapter One
Hi so before I start this story I just want to point out that this is a Kellic fan fiction and may or may not contain sexual content later on, so be aware :)
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Kellin's POV
For three years, since I was eighteen, I was really embarrassed to speak out about who I really am. I thought, no knew, that people will judge me, possibly be disappointed in me. Especially my mother. Three years from today I realized I wasn't straight, and I don't really know how it happened, it just did. The past few months prior I was obsessed with guys and started to hang out with my friend Jenna more than anyone.
"What's wrong me?" I remembered whispering to her. I felt...different. Like I wasn't myself anymore. It felt like I was going crazy, but yet I was stable in all other ways.
"No, nothing's wrong with you Kells you're just out of it." That right there didn't turn out to be the truth. Sure, I believed it for the moment, but a few weeks later things just started to build up faster, so fast I couldn't comprehend half of my life anymore.
When I was running low on hope, I decided it was time for me to talk to a guardian about this, one who may understand me, my step father. Now don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but she wouldn't understand at all. My dad was the best person for me to talk to.
I remember walking home from Jenna's that evening, scared to death because of what might happen next. When I got home I sat down on the couch and waited until my dad got off work at six. When he made his way home, we ate dinner and then my mom went to do some laundry. Deep breaths, calm down, everything will be okay... Honestly, the only three things I could really think.
"Hey dad, can I uh, talk to you about something...in private." My mom was in a different part of the house, but I still didn't feel comfortable in the living room. He nodded and we walked up to my room, and I sat on the bed, him by the desk.
"Okay so, this is really awkward for me to talk to you about, but I don't think I can ignore it anymore and...and I feel like you're the right person to talk to." I stuttered a bit and took a few deep breaths at that moment. All he did was nod. I sucked it up and got ready to say something I honestly wish I wouldn't have to be saying.
"Okay, so for the past...three months or so, I've really lost interest in my girlfriend Katelynn and I don't know why."
He interrupted me right then. "Well, sometimes relationships don't always end up working out like you planned them to." I shook my head.
"Can I finish? There's so much more." He nodded. "Not only did I lose interest in Katelynn, I was becoming more interested in..." I was so scared to say the last part.
"Interested in what?" My dad persisted. I was on the verge of crying then.
"Guys...I was beginning to be interested in guys. I don't know what came onto me, but it's affected me and I feel like I don't truly know myself anymore. I thought I was straight, but...but I don't know anymore. I have weird thoughts about people, and things. I'm confused dad, I don't know what to do anymore." I broke down at the moment and he walked over and sat next to me.
"C'mon son, don't cry, everything's going to be fine." He rubbed my back lightly and I felt so much better, knowing he wasn't upset with me. "I think you're just sexually confused right now. This is a big turning point in your life. You're going to move soon and things are so stressful for you right now. Just remember though that no matter what, I'm here for you and whether you like guys or not, I'm still going to support you." He smiled lightly and I hugged him, filled with gratitude.
"Thank you, also, would you mind not telling mom...I want to see how this goes and then tell her myself." He nodded and got up to leave. I thanked him again and watched him exit my room. Sometimes it's better to get things off your chest with family.
---
Now, three years later, I'm for certain that I'm gay, but I still haven't told my mom. I guess I don't have the guts to say it to her, it's just going to break her heart. My mother and step father don't support gay rights, but my dad is more open to it in a way, but mother is absolutely not okay with it.
I found out I had to have been gay when a new kid moved to town and he was so fucking hot. I could not help but check him out, he was adorable. His name was Austin. Most of our classes were the same, so we got to know each other fairly fast. And we became friends fast also, but I always had a longing to be more with him. I was always focused more on his pale lips rather than our conversations. I really couldn't help myself. I told Jenna about it and she figured out that Austin was gay and when I heard those words slip from her mouth, I think I went crazy a little......
---
"Hey Austin." I said, sitting down next to him in the cafeteria. Austin is so much taller than me.
"Hey," He said with a cheeky smile. God, I love that smile. He doesn't know I have a crush on him, but that's good I guess because I don't want it to be blatantly obvious. We talked some more, about our day, and every time he talked I became weaker, almost caving in and telling him how I felt about him. But I didn't (Thank god.)
After a few moments of silence, I decided I shouldn't spend my Friday night alone, so I did something pretty risky and straight forward.
"Do you wanna come over this evening, and I don't know, hang out?"
"Sure, sounds like fun." He said and then dumped his tray. I dumped mine shortly after. That afternoon, on my way home I realized he said yes again and that made me really smile.
---
That evening was literally one of the best moments in my twenty-one years of life. Austin was so sweet and careful with me. Fragile, but not easy to break. I remember he came over around six and we played video games in my room for half the night and talked some. I wanted him so bad at that moment.
I put my controller down and turned toward him a little. "Austin," slipped out of my mouth, and I couldn't take it anymore. He turned toward me and before he could manage to ask what, I leaned forward onto him and kissed him. It was small, but it felt amazing. When I pulled away, he stared, kind of shocked, but just as quickly grabbed my hand and pulled me toward him again. Our lips collided again, for a longer period. It was amazing. His arms wrapped around my back, mine around his neck. We kissed for a long time and I was tense the whole time. I wanted to melt into him, but I didn't really know how. When we separated, we smiled and I sat much closer to him.
But then reality hit me.
I just made out with my crush that's a guy while I have a girlfriend.
I think from there I excused myself and called Katelynn. I told her I was so sorry and explained how I was so confused and couldn't be with her anymore. I know, I know, harsh breaking up with your girlfriend on the phone. But I couldn't leave, it was too late and she needed to know at the moment. I know she cried and I felt like such a douche, it really wasn't her fault. It was all mine, like it always is.
"I-I'm so sorry Katelynn, I hope you'll forgive me some day..." I waited a second and I heard her response.
"Fuck you Kellin! Fuck you!" I had a moment of remorse, then quietly ended the call. There was no way in hell she was forgiving me.
And that's how I found out I was gay, I kissed my crush, later to be my first boyfriend, because I had a thing for him and ended the relationship with the girl I thought I loved. Katelynn forgave me later on, but we still aren't technically on a good foot. Austin and I were on top of the world though.
He was the perfect boyfriend, I couldn't have asked for more. He was passionate and didn't just kiss me because he wanted to, he did because he cared about me. I did the same. We kept our relationship down low due to my parents and also his. Our friends knew though. I have to admit, it was pretty fun, sneaking around and stuff. In the hallways, when we'd pass, we'd share the same cheeky grin and cherish that moment the rest of the day. Now I bet some wonder, did we ever...you know. And the answer to that is no, we didn't but I honestly wanted to. I wanted him so fucking much. But graduation came around and I realized he wasn't going to be here anymore. We talked about long distance, but soon agreed it was best that we ended it. I'll admit, it hurt so damn much. The last time I saw him was right before he left. I hugged him, and kissed him one last time and wished him luck. I remember that night I cried all night because I was going to miss his presence, I was going to miss us.
Even though I cared and cherished Austin, I can't say I loved him, because I don't think we were there yet. If he could've stayed, maybe I would've fell in love with him, I don't know. All I know is he meant a lot to me, and I still miss him.
---
Right now, Jenna and I are playing video games, and she's winning.
"Ha ha! Take that bitch." I laughed at her. When she plays game, it's on and she doesn't hold anything back.
"Very funny, but I need a break." I paused the game and left the room. My heart started racing for no reason and I began to worry. Worry about what? No clue. Quickly, I headed to the bathroom and locked myself in it. The rooms compacted, so I worried more and finally covered my ears and closed my eyes. M-Make it stop, please! My head was pounding and I was freaking out. I kicked my feet out, which hit the counter, making a loud thud. Pretty soon, Jenna came to the door.
"Kellin what the hell? Unlock the door." She banged on the door, and I shook my head.
"N-no, g-go away Jenna." She kept banging.
"I'm not gonna leave you alone, open or I'll do it myself." I got up and unlocked the door, then headed to the corner again. "What's wrong?" She sat down with me. I covered my face with my hands.
"I don't know, I freaked out again."
"No shit, you scared me that time Kells, I think you need to see a doctor." I glared at her, so she looked away.
"I'm not gonna see a doctor, I'm just...agitated."
She wiped her eyes "Sure...that's it, I gotta run, bye." She stood up and left.
I don't know what it is, but I have little moments where I freak out about absolutely nothing. It's like I'm paranoid, but of nothing. It happens a couple times a month, and it's getting worse every time. But I don't want to waste my money on going to the doctors.
I went back to my room and cleaned up the mess we made. My parents went out to eat, so it looks like I'm spending my evening alone.
---
The next day, Jenna told my mom about the outbreaks and suggested she takes me to the doctor. And of course, that's what she did. When we arrived I begged not to go in and started to worry frantically.
"Calm down Kellin, let's go." I got out and went inside. We got to the office and waited.
"Kellin Quinn?" I got up and went into the back room, where the doctor was awaiting.
"Hi, I'm Dr. Fisher, your mother tells me you've been having outbursts, somewhat like panic attacks."
I hesitated to respond "Uh...yeah, I guess."
"Take a seat." I sat down on the chair and he started asking me questions.
"How often does this happen to you?"
"Once or twice a month."
"Is it getting worse."
"Yeah, a lot."
He got up and wrote something down on a little slip. He then handed it to me. "There's a new therapist in town, Mr. Fuentes, I want you to go see him, he may help you." I took the paper, annoyed. I didn't want to go to therapy.
"Thanks," I managed to spit out before I left the room. I told my mom what happened and she insisted we go right at the moment. Goody.
The therapist lived about ten minutes away, so it wouldn't take us long before we'd meet my doom. Or at least that's what I call it. My mom played the radio all the way there on country music, which I absolutely hate. By now, you can assume I was pretty pissed off. There's no problem with me, I'm perfectly normal, that's what he's going to see soon.
Ten minutes later, we rolled up the drive of what looks like a fairly nice house. It's two stories, big enough for two, and in good condition. My mom parked and we got out, heading towards the door. I'm honestly scared because I've never had to do anything like this before. I rang the bell and waited until the door opened. There stood a man in a nice shirt and pants, smiling at us.
"Welcome, come right on in."
We walked in and I sat on the couch and just listened to my mom and the man talk.
"Okay well, I'll be back with Mr. Fuentes." I took out my phone and played games for awhile. My mom said stop, but I didn't because I was bored and didn't care if it was rude. Pretty soon there was a thud in the hall, so I put my phone away.
A few seconds later, another man walked in a smiled at us. I assume he's Mr. Fuentes. Damn, he's really hot. No joke though, he was gorgeous. I couldn't help to bite my lip and sit up a little. He sat down in the chair across from us.
"Hello, I'm Mr. Fuentes, Jaime told me you were here due to your son having moments where he kind of freaked out?" She nodded. "Well Mrs. Quinn?"
"Bostwick," She corrected him. I'm the only who goes by Quinn.
"Right well Mrs. Bostwick, if you don't mind, I'd like to have a talk with your son in private. This may be a little bit so if you want you can leave and come back later." She nodded and grabbed her purse. She waved and with that, the door closed. Great.
"Hi," he said, putting the papers down.
"Hi," I replied bluntly.
"How do you feel?"
"I don't want your question bullshit, get to the point." He looked fazed, but quickly snapped out of it.
"From the paperwork and the doctors message, I feel like you may have OCD."
"OCD?" What the hell is that?
"Obsessive-compulsive disorder."
"I think I'm fine than you very much." He shrugged.
"Listen, I'm not gonna give you pep talks here because I know very well you'll ignore me anyways, so I'll break it down for you. I think we should have meetings twice a week, Tuesdays and Thursdays fine?"
Since I knew I wasn't gonna get out this I just nodded. "Fine, what time."
"Seven?" I nodded
The rest of the time was just him asking his nosy questions and me giving him blunt answers. He could tell I wasn't happy and also that this wasn't going to be so easy. Damn right it won't.
When my mom came back, I grabbed my bag as she thanked him. He told her the schedule and she approved or what not, then we turned to leave. Something about this guy made me feel really weird, in a good way. I felt risky today so before we left, I purposely walked near him.
"You're cute," I whispered in his ear. He blushed and looked away, so I just smiled and left.
---
When I got home that evening, I started to think about the past couple days. First, I didn't have enough money for gas, I got ignored for half the day when my older sister was home from college for a little, then of course my freak out and therapy. So basically, this weeks been pretty shitty.
I really wish my mom wouldn't meddle with my life, I'm twenty-one, I can take care of myself. Well...in a way. I take classes at the college in town, but I don't care much about it anymore. I live at home because it's not worth the money to live in a separate house in the same town. And that is why my parents are disappointed in me. I'm literally a failure, which is why I have two friends, have no job, and like to be alone. Yeah, yeah, sounds like a hormonal teenage thing, but it happens to adults too.
---
Thursday strolled up pretty fast, but ended way slower.
I got in my car and headed to the therapist for another meeting. I felt awkward talking to people about my personal life, especially after I called him cute. I regret saying that now.
When I got to the door, I knocked slightly and swayed my arms around. Soon, Mr. Fuentes opened the door and invited me in. I sat on one end of the couch and he sat on the other.
"Hi, nice to see you showed up," He said with a warm smile. I looked away.
"Yeah, hi." He coughed a little before continuing.
"Anything new happening?" I shook my head. It wasn't really a lie either.
"None other than my friend is pissed because I wouldn't see a doctor, but she shouldn't be anymore because looky where I am." I said with a scoff.
"Why do you hate being here so much?" He said shifting his position.
"Because there's nothing wrong with me and I shouldn't have to deal with this shit." I spat. He was taken back a bit at my anger.
"Okay we should establish this instance I don't want to deal with your anger and language, I want to deal with your...problem. But before I do that I have to know about you, so you start and I'll answer as long as you will." He rambled and I chuckled a little. He was kinda cute, tense and all.
"No, see I don't want to talk about anything with you, and I can use any language I want, I'm twenty-one okay and I don't need a-" he interrupted
"Twenty-three" I blinked
"A fucking twenty-three year old telling me how to act, okay?" He nodded.
"Ah, you see, you're at my house and my house has rules, language is not allowed during my meetings." He pointed to a sign by the door.
Mr. Fuentes would appreciate it if you'd follow all the rules listed below, thank you!
• No bad language
• No weapons
• No food/drinks unless it's water
Well shit.
"Oh...well I didn't see that." I looked away, embarrassed by my petty excuse. He just chuckled.
"No need for apologies," He shook it off with a sly smile and I felt a little bit better.
So here's a good example of me. I like to speak before I think and usually end up looking like I have an iota of intelligence. Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like, being different in all. I know, people say you can change yourself if you want, but with me, it's basically impossible. I've dug my hole too deep. Everything I am today is what I'm going to be forever. I'm just a annoying guy that speaks before he thinks basically. Of course though, I could never say this to Mr. Fuentes, I don't want someone to know more about my life than I know about it.
Yet another awkward moment was shared until I spoke again. "How long am I going to be here?"
He shrugged. "As long as it takes." He wiped the smirk off his face, but I still saw it.
I scowled at him. "I don't want to talk about any of my problems." I intensified the word problem.
"Well no one wants to talk about their problems, but the faster you do the quicker you get out of here." I arched my eyebrows. Did he just give me a hint on how to leave faster? I smirked and nodded.
"K, ask," I twisted my bracelet around some.
"How old are you?"
"Twenty-one, how about you?" I decided if he was going to ask questions I might as well ask too. Plus I was inevitably curious.
"Twenty-three," close. He wrote stuff down on some papers.
"What's that for?" He kept writing and didn't look up to speak.
"Files. I gotta get basic information before we can actually talk."
"Oh," I said blandly and waited for him to put the pen down.
"Birthday?"
"April 24th 1993, what's yours?" I crossed my legs and relaxed a little.
"February 10th 1991." He wrote some more.
"Gender?"
"Female." We both laughed.
"Relationship?"
"What...?" The question was confusing me.
"Like, do you have a girlfriend?"
"Oh, no, I'm gay." He looked up. "What? Something wrong with that?"
He shook his head defensively "No, no....I'm gay too." Did that just happen? I arched my eyebrows.
"Wouldn't you know when I called you cute?" Shit. I brought it up again.
"I thought you were joking...." He looked down again. I laughed nervously, this wasn't going good anymore.
"Anyways was that a real question on there?" He shut the file and sat it under a book on the side table.
"Uh, yeah it was...anyways no more questions it's late and I have other things to do. See you soon Kellin." He said standing up and waving as he left the room. He was wan and quiet.
I got up and grabbed my bag and headed towards the door. Before I got there though, I didn't hesitate to grab the folder and open it. I scanned the information. There was still twenty questions left...and none of them were my relationship.
---
Kellin's POV
For three years, since I was eighteen, I was really embarrassed to speak out about who I really am. I thought, no knew, that people will judge me, possibly be disappointed in me. Especially my mother. Three years from today I realized I wasn't straight, and I don't really know how it happened, it just did. The past few months prior I was obsessed with guys and started to hang out with my friend Jenna more than anyone.
"What's wrong me?" I remembered whispering to her. I felt...different. Like I wasn't myself anymore. It felt like I was going crazy, but yet I was stable in all other ways.
"No, nothing's wrong with you Kells you're just out of it." That right there didn't turn out to be the truth. Sure, I believed it for the moment, but a few weeks later things just started to build up faster, so fast I couldn't comprehend half of my life anymore.
When I was running low on hope, I decided it was time for me to talk to a guardian about this, one who may understand me, my step father. Now don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but she wouldn't understand at all. My dad was the best person for me to talk to.
I remember walking home from Jenna's that evening, scared to death because of what might happen next. When I got home I sat down on the couch and waited until my dad got off work at six. When he made his way home, we ate dinner and then my mom went to do some laundry. Deep breaths, calm down, everything will be okay... Honestly, the only three things I could really think.
"Hey dad, can I uh, talk to you about something...in private." My mom was in a different part of the house, but I still didn't feel comfortable in the living room. He nodded and we walked up to my room, and I sat on the bed, him by the desk.
"Okay so, this is really awkward for me to talk to you about, but I don't think I can ignore it anymore and...and I feel like you're the right person to talk to." I stuttered a bit and took a few deep breaths at that moment. All he did was nod. I sucked it up and got ready to say something I honestly wish I wouldn't have to be saying.
"Okay, so for the past...three months or so, I've really lost interest in my girlfriend Katelynn and I don't know why."
He interrupted me right then. "Well, sometimes relationships don't always end up working out like you planned them to." I shook my head.
"Can I finish? There's so much more." He nodded. "Not only did I lose interest in Katelynn, I was becoming more interested in..." I was so scared to say the last part.
"Interested in what?" My dad persisted. I was on the verge of crying then.
"Guys...I was beginning to be interested in guys. I don't know what came onto me, but it's affected me and I feel like I don't truly know myself anymore. I thought I was straight, but...but I don't know anymore. I have weird thoughts about people, and things. I'm confused dad, I don't know what to do anymore." I broke down at the moment and he walked over and sat next to me.
"C'mon son, don't cry, everything's going to be fine." He rubbed my back lightly and I felt so much better, knowing he wasn't upset with me. "I think you're just sexually confused right now. This is a big turning point in your life. You're going to move soon and things are so stressful for you right now. Just remember though that no matter what, I'm here for you and whether you like guys or not, I'm still going to support you." He smiled lightly and I hugged him, filled with gratitude.
"Thank you, also, would you mind not telling mom...I want to see how this goes and then tell her myself." He nodded and got up to leave. I thanked him again and watched him exit my room. Sometimes it's better to get things off your chest with family.
---
Now, three years later, I'm for certain that I'm gay, but I still haven't told my mom. I guess I don't have the guts to say it to her, it's just going to break her heart. My mother and step father don't support gay rights, but my dad is more open to it in a way, but mother is absolutely not okay with it.
I found out I had to have been gay when a new kid moved to town and he was so fucking hot. I could not help but check him out, he was adorable. His name was Austin. Most of our classes were the same, so we got to know each other fairly fast. And we became friends fast also, but I always had a longing to be more with him. I was always focused more on his pale lips rather than our conversations. I really couldn't help myself. I told Jenna about it and she figured out that Austin was gay and when I heard those words slip from her mouth, I think I went crazy a little......
---
"Hey Austin." I said, sitting down next to him in the cafeteria. Austin is so much taller than me.
"Hey," He said with a cheeky smile. God, I love that smile. He doesn't know I have a crush on him, but that's good I guess because I don't want it to be blatantly obvious. We talked some more, about our day, and every time he talked I became weaker, almost caving in and telling him how I felt about him. But I didn't (Thank god.)
After a few moments of silence, I decided I shouldn't spend my Friday night alone, so I did something pretty risky and straight forward.
"Do you wanna come over this evening, and I don't know, hang out?"
"Sure, sounds like fun." He said and then dumped his tray. I dumped mine shortly after. That afternoon, on my way home I realized he said yes again and that made me really smile.
---
That evening was literally one of the best moments in my twenty-one years of life. Austin was so sweet and careful with me. Fragile, but not easy to break. I remember he came over around six and we played video games in my room for half the night and talked some. I wanted him so bad at that moment.
I put my controller down and turned toward him a little. "Austin," slipped out of my mouth, and I couldn't take it anymore. He turned toward me and before he could manage to ask what, I leaned forward onto him and kissed him. It was small, but it felt amazing. When I pulled away, he stared, kind of shocked, but just as quickly grabbed my hand and pulled me toward him again. Our lips collided again, for a longer period. It was amazing. His arms wrapped around my back, mine around his neck. We kissed for a long time and I was tense the whole time. I wanted to melt into him, but I didn't really know how. When we separated, we smiled and I sat much closer to him.
But then reality hit me.
I just made out with my crush that's a guy while I have a girlfriend.
I think from there I excused myself and called Katelynn. I told her I was so sorry and explained how I was so confused and couldn't be with her anymore. I know, I know, harsh breaking up with your girlfriend on the phone. But I couldn't leave, it was too late and she needed to know at the moment. I know she cried and I felt like such a douche, it really wasn't her fault. It was all mine, like it always is.
"I-I'm so sorry Katelynn, I hope you'll forgive me some day..." I waited a second and I heard her response.
"Fuck you Kellin! Fuck you!" I had a moment of remorse, then quietly ended the call. There was no way in hell she was forgiving me.
And that's how I found out I was gay, I kissed my crush, later to be my first boyfriend, because I had a thing for him and ended the relationship with the girl I thought I loved. Katelynn forgave me later on, but we still aren't technically on a good foot. Austin and I were on top of the world though.
He was the perfect boyfriend, I couldn't have asked for more. He was passionate and didn't just kiss me because he wanted to, he did because he cared about me. I did the same. We kept our relationship down low due to my parents and also his. Our friends knew though. I have to admit, it was pretty fun, sneaking around and stuff. In the hallways, when we'd pass, we'd share the same cheeky grin and cherish that moment the rest of the day. Now I bet some wonder, did we ever...you know. And the answer to that is no, we didn't but I honestly wanted to. I wanted him so fucking much. But graduation came around and I realized he wasn't going to be here anymore. We talked about long distance, but soon agreed it was best that we ended it. I'll admit, it hurt so damn much. The last time I saw him was right before he left. I hugged him, and kissed him one last time and wished him luck. I remember that night I cried all night because I was going to miss his presence, I was going to miss us.
Even though I cared and cherished Austin, I can't say I loved him, because I don't think we were there yet. If he could've stayed, maybe I would've fell in love with him, I don't know. All I know is he meant a lot to me, and I still miss him.
---
Right now, Jenna and I are playing video games, and she's winning.
"Ha ha! Take that bitch." I laughed at her. When she plays game, it's on and she doesn't hold anything back.
"Very funny, but I need a break." I paused the game and left the room. My heart started racing for no reason and I began to worry. Worry about what? No clue. Quickly, I headed to the bathroom and locked myself in it. The rooms compacted, so I worried more and finally covered my ears and closed my eyes. M-Make it stop, please! My head was pounding and I was freaking out. I kicked my feet out, which hit the counter, making a loud thud. Pretty soon, Jenna came to the door.
"Kellin what the hell? Unlock the door." She banged on the door, and I shook my head.
"N-no, g-go away Jenna." She kept banging.
"I'm not gonna leave you alone, open or I'll do it myself." I got up and unlocked the door, then headed to the corner again. "What's wrong?" She sat down with me. I covered my face with my hands.
"I don't know, I freaked out again."
"No shit, you scared me that time Kells, I think you need to see a doctor." I glared at her, so she looked away.
"I'm not gonna see a doctor, I'm just...agitated."
She wiped her eyes "Sure...that's it, I gotta run, bye." She stood up and left.
I don't know what it is, but I have little moments where I freak out about absolutely nothing. It's like I'm paranoid, but of nothing. It happens a couple times a month, and it's getting worse every time. But I don't want to waste my money on going to the doctors.
I went back to my room and cleaned up the mess we made. My parents went out to eat, so it looks like I'm spending my evening alone.
---
The next day, Jenna told my mom about the outbreaks and suggested she takes me to the doctor. And of course, that's what she did. When we arrived I begged not to go in and started to worry frantically.
"Calm down Kellin, let's go." I got out and went inside. We got to the office and waited.
"Kellin Quinn?" I got up and went into the back room, where the doctor was awaiting.
"Hi, I'm Dr. Fisher, your mother tells me you've been having outbursts, somewhat like panic attacks."
I hesitated to respond "Uh...yeah, I guess."
"Take a seat." I sat down on the chair and he started asking me questions.
"How often does this happen to you?"
"Once or twice a month."
"Is it getting worse."
"Yeah, a lot."
He got up and wrote something down on a little slip. He then handed it to me. "There's a new therapist in town, Mr. Fuentes, I want you to go see him, he may help you." I took the paper, annoyed. I didn't want to go to therapy.
"Thanks," I managed to spit out before I left the room. I told my mom what happened and she insisted we go right at the moment. Goody.
The therapist lived about ten minutes away, so it wouldn't take us long before we'd meet my doom. Or at least that's what I call it. My mom played the radio all the way there on country music, which I absolutely hate. By now, you can assume I was pretty pissed off. There's no problem with me, I'm perfectly normal, that's what he's going to see soon.
Ten minutes later, we rolled up the drive of what looks like a fairly nice house. It's two stories, big enough for two, and in good condition. My mom parked and we got out, heading towards the door. I'm honestly scared because I've never had to do anything like this before. I rang the bell and waited until the door opened. There stood a man in a nice shirt and pants, smiling at us.
"Welcome, come right on in."
We walked in and I sat on the couch and just listened to my mom and the man talk.
"Okay well, I'll be back with Mr. Fuentes." I took out my phone and played games for awhile. My mom said stop, but I didn't because I was bored and didn't care if it was rude. Pretty soon there was a thud in the hall, so I put my phone away.
A few seconds later, another man walked in a smiled at us. I assume he's Mr. Fuentes. Damn, he's really hot. No joke though, he was gorgeous. I couldn't help to bite my lip and sit up a little. He sat down in the chair across from us.
"Hello, I'm Mr. Fuentes, Jaime told me you were here due to your son having moments where he kind of freaked out?" She nodded. "Well Mrs. Quinn?"
"Bostwick," She corrected him. I'm the only who goes by Quinn.
"Right well Mrs. Bostwick, if you don't mind, I'd like to have a talk with your son in private. This may be a little bit so if you want you can leave and come back later." She nodded and grabbed her purse. She waved and with that, the door closed. Great.
"Hi," he said, putting the papers down.
"Hi," I replied bluntly.
"How do you feel?"
"I don't want your question bullshit, get to the point." He looked fazed, but quickly snapped out of it.
"From the paperwork and the doctors message, I feel like you may have OCD."
"OCD?" What the hell is that?
"Obsessive-compulsive disorder."
"I think I'm fine than you very much." He shrugged.
"Listen, I'm not gonna give you pep talks here because I know very well you'll ignore me anyways, so I'll break it down for you. I think we should have meetings twice a week, Tuesdays and Thursdays fine?"
Since I knew I wasn't gonna get out this I just nodded. "Fine, what time."
"Seven?" I nodded
The rest of the time was just him asking his nosy questions and me giving him blunt answers. He could tell I wasn't happy and also that this wasn't going to be so easy. Damn right it won't.
When my mom came back, I grabbed my bag as she thanked him. He told her the schedule and she approved or what not, then we turned to leave. Something about this guy made me feel really weird, in a good way. I felt risky today so before we left, I purposely walked near him.
"You're cute," I whispered in his ear. He blushed and looked away, so I just smiled and left.
---
When I got home that evening, I started to think about the past couple days. First, I didn't have enough money for gas, I got ignored for half the day when my older sister was home from college for a little, then of course my freak out and therapy. So basically, this weeks been pretty shitty.
I really wish my mom wouldn't meddle with my life, I'm twenty-one, I can take care of myself. Well...in a way. I take classes at the college in town, but I don't care much about it anymore. I live at home because it's not worth the money to live in a separate house in the same town. And that is why my parents are disappointed in me. I'm literally a failure, which is why I have two friends, have no job, and like to be alone. Yeah, yeah, sounds like a hormonal teenage thing, but it happens to adults too.
---
Thursday strolled up pretty fast, but ended way slower.
I got in my car and headed to the therapist for another meeting. I felt awkward talking to people about my personal life, especially after I called him cute. I regret saying that now.
When I got to the door, I knocked slightly and swayed my arms around. Soon, Mr. Fuentes opened the door and invited me in. I sat on one end of the couch and he sat on the other.
"Hi, nice to see you showed up," He said with a warm smile. I looked away.
"Yeah, hi." He coughed a little before continuing.
"Anything new happening?" I shook my head. It wasn't really a lie either.
"None other than my friend is pissed because I wouldn't see a doctor, but she shouldn't be anymore because looky where I am." I said with a scoff.
"Why do you hate being here so much?" He said shifting his position.
"Because there's nothing wrong with me and I shouldn't have to deal with this shit." I spat. He was taken back a bit at my anger.
"Okay we should establish this instance I don't want to deal with your anger and language, I want to deal with your...problem. But before I do that I have to know about you, so you start and I'll answer as long as you will." He rambled and I chuckled a little. He was kinda cute, tense and all.
"No, see I don't want to talk about anything with you, and I can use any language I want, I'm twenty-one okay and I don't need a-" he interrupted
"Twenty-three" I blinked
"A fucking twenty-three year old telling me how to act, okay?" He nodded.
"Ah, you see, you're at my house and my house has rules, language is not allowed during my meetings." He pointed to a sign by the door.
Mr. Fuentes would appreciate it if you'd follow all the rules listed below, thank you!
• No bad language
• No weapons
• No food/drinks unless it's water
Well shit.
"Oh...well I didn't see that." I looked away, embarrassed by my petty excuse. He just chuckled.
"No need for apologies," He shook it off with a sly smile and I felt a little bit better.
So here's a good example of me. I like to speak before I think and usually end up looking like I have an iota of intelligence. Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like, being different in all. I know, people say you can change yourself if you want, but with me, it's basically impossible. I've dug my hole too deep. Everything I am today is what I'm going to be forever. I'm just a annoying guy that speaks before he thinks basically. Of course though, I could never say this to Mr. Fuentes, I don't want someone to know more about my life than I know about it.
Yet another awkward moment was shared until I spoke again. "How long am I going to be here?"
He shrugged. "As long as it takes." He wiped the smirk off his face, but I still saw it.
I scowled at him. "I don't want to talk about any of my problems." I intensified the word problem.
"Well no one wants to talk about their problems, but the faster you do the quicker you get out of here." I arched my eyebrows. Did he just give me a hint on how to leave faster? I smirked and nodded.
"K, ask," I twisted my bracelet around some.
"How old are you?"
"Twenty-one, how about you?" I decided if he was going to ask questions I might as well ask too. Plus I was inevitably curious.
"Twenty-three," close. He wrote stuff down on some papers.
"What's that for?" He kept writing and didn't look up to speak.
"Files. I gotta get basic information before we can actually talk."
"Oh," I said blandly and waited for him to put the pen down.
"Birthday?"
"April 24th 1993, what's yours?" I crossed my legs and relaxed a little.
"February 10th 1991." He wrote some more.
"Gender?"
"Female." We both laughed.
"Relationship?"
"What...?" The question was confusing me.
"Like, do you have a girlfriend?"
"Oh, no, I'm gay." He looked up. "What? Something wrong with that?"
He shook his head defensively "No, no....I'm gay too." Did that just happen? I arched my eyebrows.
"Wouldn't you know when I called you cute?" Shit. I brought it up again.
"I thought you were joking...." He looked down again. I laughed nervously, this wasn't going good anymore.
"Anyways was that a real question on there?" He shut the file and sat it under a book on the side table.
"Uh, yeah it was...anyways no more questions it's late and I have other things to do. See you soon Kellin." He said standing up and waving as he left the room. He was wan and quiet.
I got up and grabbed my bag and headed towards the door. Before I got there though, I didn't hesitate to grab the folder and open it. I scanned the information. There was still twenty questions left...and none of them were my relationship.